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Cancer - Loyola - 11-24-2016
Cancer - Сhapter I
[img float=right]http://i.imgur.com/ZEUwr8E.jpg?1[/img]
It's a four years have passed since Loyola was walking on Maltese streets. Walking alone, without a purpose, just killing time. She was doing it all the time, just walking around and killing time. She just did not find an interesting things to do. Of course, as all people she had quite a bit of daily business, but she ignored them if she could.
Her mother was still around and did not miss at the Barrier, her brother still kept working on his research 'papers'. But still, doing daily business wasn't her way of living, she could explain it somehow, but she never did in public. It was too personal and probably too uncompleted even for herself to word it properly. Maybe time to realize it didn't come yet, maybe she was unprepared. Loyola wasn't sure if she want to know heself, it was fine as it is and why she would be bother with trying to explain it to someone else. It's not their business after all, not all all.
If there was anything that Loyola truly cared about, then it was a right on her own opinion as well as the right on privacy. She never was intend to force her opinion on someone or care about the others. In the same way she wasn't tolerating any attempt to be forcefully influenced by someone. She always was it as a fair agreement and reacted rather heatedly if someone dare to violate it.
For that reason she was losing most of the opportunities in her life. She alwas saw and realized them, but she let them to fade away. It was hard to explain rationally, especially from the outsider point of view. Many people were ready to come and help her, help to because of her in specific. Loyola as the name was still in memory of old families and they would help just to repay some really old 'bills'. She could easily to reclaim a former glory of her family, since her brother was interested even less.
She actually got a lot of complaining about this, from her family and friends, even from the people that she barely knew, but who have learned about her a little bit more. She didn't see a problem with not having a dream of fuck up her life at some point. Maybe there was someone who knew this life better than her and most likely they were right. But this is only one life that she had and she wanted to live it in a way she wants and likes. Of course this is not alwats possible, and Loyola was not actually a rebel kind of person. She just was protecting her small right on not do the things that she doesn't want to do.
Somewhere deep inside she knew, that it won't lead her to anything good, she knew that for sure. Loyola also was terribly scared of this feeling, feeling of a coming disaster in her life. Sometimes she've met those thoughts and feeling with panic, sometimes with a quiet smile. At one point she was defending her freedom to act like she likes, on the other hand she somehow knew for sure that this path will lead to something catastrophic. She wasn't dumb enough to be a fatalist, she wasn't stupid enough to be self-destructive. But, it all made a perfect sense in her head and she had a feeling that everything is going right.
She was thinking about it a lot, thinking for years, but nothing really changed because of it. Because she always felt society pressures and common sense were the opposite to her worldview. Loyola always have lived in a some sort of internal war, where winner and loser was to be only herself. Maybe it was less notiable than the other things, but it played it's huge role in Loyola's life. She was even close to that, that it would be called schizophrenic. It also was draning a lot of energy and time, and was the actual reason why she tried to stay alone for hours. After all, walking alone on the streets was not the worst option.
Her mother was still around and did not miss at the Barrier, her brother still kept working on his research 'papers'. But still, doing daily business wasn't her way of living, she could explain it somehow, but she never did in public. It was too personal and probably too uncompleted even for herself to word it properly. Maybe time to realize it didn't come yet, maybe she was unprepared. Loyola wasn't sure if she want to know heself, it was fine as it is and why she would be bother with trying to explain it to someone else. It's not their business after all, not all all.
If there was anything that Loyola truly cared about, then it was a right on her own opinion as well as the right on privacy. She never was intend to force her opinion on someone or care about the others. In the same way she wasn't tolerating any attempt to be forcefully influenced by someone. She always was it as a fair agreement and reacted rather heatedly if someone dare to violate it.
For that reason she was losing most of the opportunities in her life. She alwas saw and realized them, but she let them to fade away. It was hard to explain rationally, especially from the outsider point of view. Many people were ready to come and help her, help to because of her in specific. Loyola as the name was still in memory of old families and they would help just to repay some really old 'bills'. She could easily to reclaim a former glory of her family, since her brother was interested even less.
She actually got a lot of complaining about this, from her family and friends, even from the people that she barely knew, but who have learned about her a little bit more. She didn't see a problem with not having a dream of fuck up her life at some point. Maybe there was someone who knew this life better than her and most likely they were right. But this is only one life that she had and she wanted to live it in a way she wants and likes. Of course this is not alwats possible, and Loyola was not actually a rebel kind of person. She just was protecting her small right on not do the things that she doesn't want to do.
Somewhere deep inside she knew, that it won't lead her to anything good, she knew that for sure. Loyola also was terribly scared of this feeling, feeling of a coming disaster in her life. Sometimes she've met those thoughts and feeling with panic, sometimes with a quiet smile. At one point she was defending her freedom to act like she likes, on the other hand she somehow knew for sure that this path will lead to something catastrophic. She wasn't dumb enough to be a fatalist, she wasn't stupid enough to be self-destructive. But, it all made a perfect sense in her head and she had a feeling that everything is going right.
She was thinking about it a lot, thinking for years, but nothing really changed because of it. Because she always felt society pressures and common sense were the opposite to her worldview. Loyola always have lived in a some sort of internal war, where winner and loser was to be only herself. Maybe it was less notiable than the other things, but it played it's huge role in Loyola's life. She was even close to that, that it would be called schizophrenic. It also was draning a lot of energy and time, and was the actual reason why she tried to stay alone for hours. After all, walking alone on the streets was not the worst option.
RE: Cancer - Loyola - 11-25-2016
Cancer - Сhapter II
[img float=left]http://i.imgur.com/3EXkZQh.jpg?1[/img]
It was a usual debate between Rafael Saelices and one of his main opponents in one of the most prestigious universities on Malta. One of the dozen debates that Rafael had to pass recently. He really enjoyed any of those, he liked to defeat an enemy with the word. Not because he liked to win generally, of course that too, but it was the secondary pleasure. Rafael was enjoying the fact that some of his theories are unbreakable. Yes, maybe they won't be accepted by academic community today or tomorrow, he wasn't even sure if they will be accepted until his death. But the fact that in the end it will be accepted and history will play in hos favour was extremely motivating.
He was one of those Maltese scientists of the new wave, they didn't have scientific degrees. They did take it seriously and worked a lot, that's why they were invited to some universities to present their works. Just main and the most dirty argument against them was thet they are "amateurs" and generally have no idea how to do scientific work properly. Of course they had some point and for them it was just a very important hobby, unlike for the university personnel. Those people were having fun on parties and were living on the energy drink, two days after they appeard in some university and dare to question some prefessor's work. It looked strange and it was strange, sociologists are still trying to find an exact reason of this phenomenon.
After a debate, he was talking with his firned Mateo Loyola, moments after he saw his sister Enma for the first time. They will become a good friends in time. They have spent many hours talking to each other, exchanging point of views. They had a regular meeting in a restaurant near Loyola's house. Rafael was not that rich, his family was not noble and he was a self-made man. Social lifts isn't something that working too well on this planet. Somewhere in Liberty or Bretonia, with his skills he would make a lot of money, but this system was too corrupt to handle even for him. Generally, Rafael was quite realistic and was prepared for the worst case of him being poor until the end of life.
He was getting some orders from differrent families, but it barely was something major. He was working fast and was efficiet. Maybe, if he was a bit less proud he would reach something greater up to this time. But despite the fact that he wasn't from any noble family, he always had a perfect sense of dignity and self-esteem. Many noble families actually knew that they can hire a perfect analitic for a cheap price. In the case if he would be able to gain a trust with loyal service for any of them. He felt that he was better than that. He still was defending the truth in the first place, not defending some familie's interest. That's the opposite goal, because service for Maltese families is usually accompanied by lies, hypocrisy and intrigues.
He never was interested in politics, it's probably was a good way to make money, but he didn't want to potentially lose his life. It was irrational and rather unwise. He was staying aside when his friend Enma had a lot of troubles, he was just watching his his other friend Mateo Loyola was arrested and killed afterwards. It didn't cause a lot of emotions and never was ever complaining about his reaction. He have continiued his work with Enma once he delt with her rivals on Malta and keep living well today. He even somehow replaced her brother, because he knew him good. It's not like Mateo and Enma were that close, but Mateo's death have improved the relations between Enma and Rafael.
He was one of those Maltese scientists of the new wave, they didn't have scientific degrees. They did take it seriously and worked a lot, that's why they were invited to some universities to present their works. Just main and the most dirty argument against them was thet they are "amateurs" and generally have no idea how to do scientific work properly. Of course they had some point and for them it was just a very important hobby, unlike for the university personnel. Those people were having fun on parties and were living on the energy drink, two days after they appeard in some university and dare to question some prefessor's work. It looked strange and it was strange, sociologists are still trying to find an exact reason of this phenomenon.
After a debate, he was talking with his firned Mateo Loyola, moments after he saw his sister Enma for the first time. They will become a good friends in time. They have spent many hours talking to each other, exchanging point of views. They had a regular meeting in a restaurant near Loyola's house. Rafael was not that rich, his family was not noble and he was a self-made man. Social lifts isn't something that working too well on this planet. Somewhere in Liberty or Bretonia, with his skills he would make a lot of money, but this system was too corrupt to handle even for him. Generally, Rafael was quite realistic and was prepared for the worst case of him being poor until the end of life.
He was getting some orders from differrent families, but it barely was something major. He was working fast and was efficiet. Maybe, if he was a bit less proud he would reach something greater up to this time. But despite the fact that he wasn't from any noble family, he always had a perfect sense of dignity and self-esteem. Many noble families actually knew that they can hire a perfect analitic for a cheap price. In the case if he would be able to gain a trust with loyal service for any of them. He felt that he was better than that. He still was defending the truth in the first place, not defending some familie's interest. That's the opposite goal, because service for Maltese families is usually accompanied by lies, hypocrisy and intrigues.
He never was interested in politics, it's probably was a good way to make money, but he didn't want to potentially lose his life. It was irrational and rather unwise. He was staying aside when his friend Enma had a lot of troubles, he was just watching his his other friend Mateo Loyola was arrested and killed afterwards. It didn't cause a lot of emotions and never was ever complaining about his reaction. He have continiued his work with Enma once he delt with her rivals on Malta and keep living well today. He even somehow replaced her brother, because he knew him good. It's not like Mateo and Enma were that close, but Mateo's death have improved the relations between Enma and Rafael.