I've never fired one before, but you know what? I really like it! It's kind of hard to explain, but it makes me feel completely primal. Not primal in the way it felt in prison...that was different. On the inside, it was fight or flight: knuckles & homemade blades.
This was more like raw, feral 'eff off' power. The smell of the propellant, the kick of inertia...it was completely unlike an energy weapon, that feels freakishly sterile in comparison.
By the way, all that said, so far, I completely suck. I've fired four clips at the range & my average is only between 45-57% on target.
Earlier today, someone from the Gaian Guard sent a reply to a message I sent to them before arriving here, and I plan to set up a meeting as soon as I can.
I need to improve quite a bit before that though.
Reality has a way to prove power false & I refuse to fall into that trap.
I found my way to one of the stations' cafeterias, & I've just had my first real meal in years.
It was some sort of Bretonian bovine with a side of a tuber that I couldn't identify.
I loathe to admit this, but I swear it was the best meal I've ever had & it made me cry like a baby right there at the table.
I'm not really ashamed though...Screw the onlookers. It feels good to know that after all this time, In spite of all I've done, that I'm still somewhat human.
I know for a fact it was justified, but be that as it may, it was...ugly.
Before I was convicted, I was nothing more than a thief. A short-con artist that made a living playing my marks for fools...come to find out though, I wasn't really any good at it because ultimately, I got caught.
On the day of my sentencing, my heart sank lower than bones as the judge said the words, & it was at that specific moment that I felt my soul die...Up until then, I never gave a thought to that type of esoteric BS, but when it gave its death rattle & left me, it rang out in my ears & across the courtroom as an audible moan of defeat...& that sound will stay with me until the moment I die.
I've always been told that in prison, one should be feared in order to survive...well, I've never been a fearsome kind of guy. It makes gaining a marks' trust difficult to say the least in my line of work, so instead, as I was being processed into the block, I made a conscious decision to go insane.
On my 1st day in genpop...at random, I ripped the throat out of a man twice my size with my teeth...and survived.
After being released from solitary a few months later, no one 'effed with me ever since.
I ultimately lived through my sentence because of it, but the most important thing that I learned through it all is that living ain't really living when you're dead inside.
...plus on a side note, I've noticed since then, that I love the feel of rending meat with my teeth.
Don't Judge me. I've already been there & done that, thank you.
I've had some time to think & sleep on it, so whoever you are that might be reading this: I owe you an apology.
I haven't been entirely honest. I recognize now that it wasn't just you that I was lying to, and If I can't tell the truth, then what's the point of me doing this at all?
I did kill someone by ripping out his windpipe...that's the true part, but in all honesty, it wasn't at random, & it wasn't on my first day...I've had the s*** kicked out of me both before & after the "incident" & it never really stopped.
For whatever it's worth, I promise I'll tell you the real story, but it can't be today...I'm just not ready to deal with it again at this point.
I just sent a reply to the Gaian Guard, but I think I botched it...I didn't think it through.
Give me a moment, & I'll tell you everything I know up to now:
When I was released from Sugarland, I boarded the shuttle to Planet Erie. When I arrived, my ID was flagged, and the Dockmaster gave me the flight codes to an old Stargazer he said had been purchased and kept in storage for over a year. Well, I thanked him, accepted the keys, and took off as quickly as I could before he realized he flagged the wrong guy.
Well, once I got into space, I sat there in front of the planet for about half an hour because even though I snagged a way to travel pretty much everywhere, I was stuck with absolutely nowhere to go...so, I eventually decided to plot a course to Planet Manhattan, because...well, you know what they say: "If you can make it there, you can make it anywhere."
Then it got weird.
I set the waypoint and fired up the engine, but the navmap re-plotted a path to Cambridge, Bretonia and the ship locked me out of control & took off on autopilot as an audio file started playing.
The old sounding voice introduced itself as Matthew "Banger" Grim, addressed me by my name, and told me, "Now that you bought the ticket, it's time to take the ride."
I have no f***ing idea who this guy is, & I was more than a little freaked out.
When I arrived on Cambridge, the ship didn't fly to port, but instead set down by a tree in an otherwise empty field. The canopy popped & I crawled out.
What I found was an unmarked grave, and under the painted rock, was a small hole hiding a hemp bag containing a neural-net plug-drive, a spade, some beef jerky and a note that had a password and said when I get thirsty, to eat the fruit off the tree.
Ooo k. Like I said: Weird.
I hopped back up into the cockpit and plugged the drive in. it was encrypted, so I spoke, "Crushed velvet corpsegrinder" and another audio file began to play.
The old voice told me to send a comm and introduce myself to the Gaian Guard and drop his name to them.
Gaians? S***! I've been led by the nose by a goddamn terrorist.
The recording went on to say that my place is with family and to wait for their reply. "In the meantime," the voice continued, "So far, so good. Can you dig it?"
That was pretty much it. before the file deleted itself, it uploaded the coordinates to some station called Torshavn.
I sent the comm message & went to go sit under the tree to gnaw on some of that jerky, staring back & forth between the spade & the grave for a while.
I got the hint. The freak wanted me to start shoveling dirt.
There wasn't a body buried there, but a small pup-tent & sleeping bag instead.
So, that's where I stayed for a few days until Some Gaian named James got back to me.
I packed up & continued to take the ride up to Torshavn, because I figured, what else had I to loose?
Just a little bit ago, I gave one last shot trying to set up a meet with the Gaian Guard, but at this point, I don't expect they can help me.
I'm leaving Torshavn. I've learned that there's a couple of stations I can go to for work, & I've got to get out of here & stretch my legs...the bulkheads are starting to close in on me & it's getting hard to breathe.
To start, I'm off to a place called Sandur. I hear that's the place to go.
I assume that at some point in your life, you've had a moment that either mentally or literally brought you to your knees. Maybe the death of a pet, a friend, a family member...or maybe something else entirely.
Whatever it was for you, in your own way, I'm sure you know the feeling I'm trying to describe. The moment a collection of spoken words said by another, sends you into a state of shock that forces your entire world to melt away.
...& if you happen to be one of those that has yet to experience it yourself, give it time...One day, you will. I promise.
Please trust me on this: When it happens to you,
It.Will.Suck.
For me, this time, it was like being hit in the solar plexus & having the wind knocked out of my lungs. It froze me in place, paralyzed me by fear, while at the same time, filled me with such an intense rage, that I felt almost at peace & surprisingly clear-headed.
It was...uncomfortable.
I was in my rented quarters on Sandur Station, & someone from the Gaian Guard finally got back to me yesterday on the comm I left open, and implied that they know my fathers name...at least, that's how it seemed to me...& that's the moment when I went tharn.
So, there I was, afterwards, in a perfect state of perfect disturbed Zen, that I packed up my things & set my way back to Torshavn.
While traveling in space, two ancient wise sayings kept ringing in my head:
"Be careful what you wish for, lest it be granted" and, "If all of your wishes were granted, many of your dreams would be destroyed"
...And as if on cue, proving that life just likes to f*** with me, I received a comm on the same channel. It was some guy not of the Guard, but claimed to know that guy that originally sent me on this wild goose chase, and he offered to buy me a beer.
I suppose this is what I get for buying the ticket & taking the ride.
& yeah, at this point, I could use a drink or few.
At the moment, it's been a little over two hours since Che arrived at Torshavn and met with Nivek Erieth. It seems they're getting along just fine, judging by the impressive amount of empty pint and shot glasses that litter the table.
It was touch-and-go for about the first half-hour. Come to find out, Mr. Erieth was almost completely ignorant of the Gaian movement and seemed to believe alot of the anti-Gaian propaganda and misinformation that the media likes to spread, so it took about that long for Che to put Mr. Erieth enough at ease to get to the point of questioning, answering, and more importantly: proper drinking.
"No. Gaians are not terrorists. At least, not in the strictest sense." Che would explain, "We are however, very much so, enemies of the Bretonian State. What we really are, are protectors."
"No. we are not all fanatical, militant environmentalists...but yes, we have more than enough of them to completely justify the stereotype."
"No. We do not drink the blood of infants. (Where in the hell did you hear that one??)"
By the third hour, fifth beer, but before the second shot, Che had begun to earn enough trust to talk of the commonalities that brought them both to Torshavn.
By the fourth hour, eighth beer, third shot and second hit of some damn fine Kalisti Gold, Che could imagine Nivek as a potential ally and eventually, maybe even a friend.