Discovery Gaming Community

A Guide To Modern Living

By Alexander du Lac

Bonsoir my petit cheries! We stand at a defining moment in Gallic civilisation ' arrayed before us, the insufferable, the unforgiving, the terrible King! And his most powerful servants, they who stalk our nightmares! The Gallic Royal Police!

In this time of crisis it is important to remember our roots, to remember our purpose and to remember our ways. For this reason, I have written this highly informative guide to life both in and outside Gallia for you brave Council pilots!

Section 1 ' Proper use of 'protection'

Right, you are all familiar with the Agama by now, you have come to love, to caress, to stroke your partner in all the right spots oui! Do not forget! It is a fragile thing ' both love and the Agama -and if you make one wrong move, it will be the end for them both! Always wear a protective sheath of.....nano-botts over your stallion when taking the good fight to the enemy!

Protection also means knowing when ' and where to stick your Agama! You see a trade lane ' it is quiet....no one is around, it is so inviting....so tempting.....''do it...DO IT!'' It whispers....but you must'nt! Non! You may be lucky, or you may fly headlong into a patrol of the dreaded EFL! Stay well away from the bases too! Even if they are waiting, spread wide open and tempting ' you MUST NOT PENETRATE THEM!

The enemy of the Council ' they prowl the systems of Gallia, like the fat girl at the party ' they see you. They want you. You must not make it easy for them! If you fly a large ship into Burgundy, Dauphine or Lorraine ' unescorted and all you alone, you may aswell be strapping a giant cake to your head! The Monarchist love cake. They want your cake. They WILL eat your cake if they catch you alone! PROTECT YOUR CAKE! PROTECT YOURSELF!

So you see, there is more to protection that you might think oui! A Council pilot must always be thinking, must always be monitoring his surroundings ' or a powerful IDF combat wing might be the last thing you ever see!

Section 2 ' WAR! HUH! What is good for? Absolutely everything!

We are at war, this you all know, this, we all accept it ' but remember, it is not enough to simply fight, I do not wish to hear reports of overwhelming victories over the hated GRP which required us to use extra ships! I want reports of glorious victories where we BALANCED our forces and kept our honour! If your ship should explodes then rejoice, you'll get a new one in no time and be able to put the boot to the hide of tyranny once more!

When the inevitable does happen, do not dishonour yourself by complaining about it! Merde happens, this is a fact of life ' so chin up! And train harder for the next one!

Le Sirians are famed for using a technique called 'Le Ganque' ' I do not like it, I do not respect it. We will not tolerate it.
Also on the proscribed list of filthy foreign habits, Planet Diving: You dive, you die. Sun Diving: Want a tan? Visit a nudist beach with me - but not on Council's Franc mon ami!

Section 3 ' Peace. I hate the word

Not all the organisations in Gallia conspire to assault our little slice of paradise in Champagne ' the corporations in particular venture through our sectors and past our patrols ' we do NOT touch them ' treat them as if they have a ghastly venereal disease, that is, politely, with a vague look of disdain and at an arms length!

Sirians too cross out borders daily, looking for new ways to earn money for more battle ships ' these poor benighted individuals should be treated with the same care we would show the mentally challenged. And if something should happen and they end up getting killed, well ' consider it an act of kindness.

We have many neighbours, there are the Zoners from a tribe called TAZ ' these individuals (and zoners in general) are known for their ability to balance, precariously on a wooden border dividing two sides for a considerable amount of time ' how they avoid splinters is beyond me.

A typical Zoner going about his day-to-day business.

There is a clan of dwarves living in the upper Taus, these 'mineurs' molest asteroids so they may play with the precious ores, unlike myself, who prefers to molest Royalty and play with precious whores. A subtle, yet important difference. They seem agreeable ' atleast better than the next group....

A mineur prepare to smite that wicked asteroid!

The 'Outcasts' they deal in drugs and like to kill things. We will fight them as well it seems, unless another solution is found. Of particular note should be that their drug of choice, Cardamine, has been linked to impotence, premature balding and the development of man-boobs - perhaps it is the reason they are always quite angry and fit to bouts of intense rage if they are seen in the presence of several other -non Cardamine using- groups including...

The Effects of Cardamine. Kids, just say NON!

The Colonial Republique - they too enjoy fighting. A lot. Regularly seen airing their differences with the Outcasts. They are rarely seen in Gallia, preoccupied with their best friends from Malta - but they have developed a fine sense of belligerence to the more 'established' presences in Sirius. I approve.

The Bretonians. Les Rosbif's. These people no doubt still butcher cousine ' if encountered it is expected, no, DEMANDED that we play up to our old national rivalries. In the event of the inevitable reference of some ancient battle that we somehow managed to loose against the Barbarians, kindly remind them that the chances are, their Queen is German, tea is an abomination and cricket was never a good sport. Ever.

The average Bretonian. We believe.

The Kusari [Citizens are pronounced as China-men]' a house with a habit of treating strangers badly and whose foreign policy is best summed up as - " Mushi Mushi! I like what you have, here - KARA-TEE CHOP!, let me take it from you. Arrygattauex." They havn't been too concerned with Gallia or tried to annex Languedoc yet. Which is nice. Generally, can be seen as similar to the Gallic Monarchy, only with smaller.......feet. Very touchy about their swords, don't mock them having un petit epee!

A noble warrior of Kusari! We expect.

Junkers...what can be said that hasn't already been said about these notorious vagrants - their affinity for scrap metal and salvage is only eclipsed by their desire for your credits. Bribe them, shoot them, stab, stew them - they breed like flies, so don't be overly concerned. For a more lasting source of entertainment, point one of these vagrants in the direction of your nearest member of the Maquis for hours of fun for you and your family!

An example of a Junker and his wife

There are many, many other groups in Sirius (some with preposterous names) only time will tell how arrogant we will be able to be towards them!
The other two major nations withing Sirius are the Houses of Liberty and Rheinland. Both are currently engaged in a scuffle over something trivial - but both might yet be willing partners with the Council.
I know little of either houses, except that Liberty worship their god king - David Hale, whilst David Hasselhoff is still the spiritual leader of Rheinland.

Another oddity of Sirius is the existence of the Coaltions ideological descendants - le SCRA [Pronounced Redski, Rus or l'Hostile! Engajabug!!11], these communists managed to secrete themselves aboard one of the sleeper ships and have now taken root in the top secret location of Omega 52 - from where they continue their miserable forefathers work of painting the universe red. We have not had any dealings with these left-wing lunatiques, it is probably safer that way. Remember, this is ALL their fault, Ca Va?

This list includes our entire current stock of knowledge of the following groups:

The Blood Dragons: "We samurai, we cut you up long time!"
The Mollys: "Oi! Yer on my ! *Vomits*
The Gaians: "Stop...like..fighting man....yeah...."
The AFA: "You eat my sushi! Or I make you commit seppukku!"
The IND: "Power-Trading? Moi? Silly little man, what else is there worth trading?!"
The GC: "Hewo boys! We Kusari's premier cougars!"

Section 4 ' Allies - Those less inclined to see us die.

We are not without friends! The Council has had a long running relationship with several organisations within Gallia ' firstly, the Maquis, our poor, less enlightened but ever-so useful retarded cousins! They jump at the chance to cause mayhem ' and given the right encouragment will perform a variety of tricks for their mast....er...Allies! They can also be used as a normally willing scape-goat for any tricky situation. Who planted that bomb there?! THE MAQUIS DID! And so on....

A terrorist mastermind prepared for war!

The Brigands, and in particular the Legion have been a long term partner to the Council, going as far as to support us in battle against the Crown and their thugs. I have found it best to treat the Brigands as you would your favourite mistress, whisper the occaisional kind word and failing that bribe them with gifts, like weapons, bombers.....a battle ship....bribery helps smooth out so many problems. So what if they happen to rob Sirians with our weapons......?

Bribery, Ah yes, that brings me on to the Corse. They are the least transparent of all the groups, and while they are listed here, they are NOT our allies, they work the black markets and when our financial interests coincide we'll work together but as far as I can tell, the Civil War is not their concern. There are currently two major Corse group, the Orsini Familie - non, they are NOT inbred, no, not these. Never. And La Brise de la Mar, who I don't know well enough to <strike>insult</strike> describe properly yet.

Section 5 ' Chivalry, Jousting is back, so are good manners!

Indeed, we have already learned not to use filthy foreign habits when fighting, so we must also discuss this important issue. Chivalry. It matters, winning is not enough, one must win with a certain flare, a degree of style and a level of panache that shows the enemy our true skill!

When insulting the foe, try to avoid the clichÃ©, the common and the anticipated ' our enemy alread know these and accept them as gospel, so we must strive beyond all past endeavours to craft new and wonderful insults ' lest we become stale and unimaginitive!

Whilst insulting the foe is to be expected, please hold a modicum of respect for the enemy, pride in yourself, show humility in defeat and furious arrogance in victory! That is the way of the Council!

Section 6 ' The Liberation

This is what it boils down to my pilots, we strive to overthrow the corrupt and cruel Monarchy with a new government, spear headed by men of compassion and vission, men who have in abundance the qualities that make a great leader , a Man who will lead Gallia to a bright new future, a Man with the commitment to democracy! A General of men, who would willingly wear the silly hats of the Kings if it meant serving democracy ' if such a man exists he would no doubt be amongst you already, a natural leader who has climbed the highest peak imaginable, only to grow wings and soar into the sky!
Remember how fragile democracy is mes ame's, remember that it will need a strong, guiding hand to nuture and develop it ' and remember me, your dear, dear, General en Chef!

Signed: [font=Palatino Linotype]A. du Lac

Veyron