Sonja Gustov Kerensky - Printable Version

Sonja Gustov Kerensky - Printable Version

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RE: Sonja Kerensky - Sonja - 04-20-2016

Where do I start with this guy? He was slim, handsome and of pure Coalition heritage. Precisely the kind of guy a girl like me would want to be with. He was a great pilot, a valourous and courageous man and one who, initially, I didn’t get along with at all.

I never liked competition. Okay, that is not true. I never liked losing and I still do not like it. You might ask about my older brother, Gustov, but my upbringing was shared equally and that was fair enough. He did not get more than I did, primarily because we barely had anything by your standards to divide between us. When we might fight over something, he either let me have it, or put it out of my reach I would either get what I wanted, or I would not. Even from an early age, it was easy to see just how scarce everything desirable was.

Now, as an officer in the Revolutionary Army, I had more than I ever thought possible. Not only did I have the basics like plentiful and good quality food, water, and shelter, but I also had luxuries and even freedoms that I never had before. In fact, as long as I was one of the Revolution's most valuable assets, I could do pretty much what I wanted. And unfortunately, that is precisely what I did.

Any self-respecting military force prevents its service personnel from engaging in sexual and romantic relations. Believe me, I had no intention of breaking this rule when I first met Ivan. He came off as overconfident, pretentious and, frankly, in need of being put in his place. I made no secret of that being my opinion, despite the fact that he was my senior by a small margin. Where any normal person would react to this by rebuffing my opinions and attempting to prove their superiority, he simply absorbed whatever I was saying and continued on doing whatever he wanted. This was infuriating, and I did what any normal person would do; I rebuffed his opinions, and attempted to prove my superiority.

RE: Sonja Kerensky - Sonja - 04-20-2016

I dragged him out to late night training, early morning training, training at noon and training at dusk. For hours and hours I would annihilate him in every conceivable combat scenario, berating him for his failures while triumphantly singing my own praises. It is not a very flattering self-critique, but when I was on top of the universe, I just did not care. Everyone else knew how good I was, so why could he not just submit like them? And so it went on and on.

Before I knew it, I was actually relying on him. I did not even know it myself. Sure, we were flying together almost non-stop, but I felt confident that I could do no wrong and that his presence on my starboard side had no relevance compared to any one of my other colleagues in his place. I thought he was expendable, but he turned out to be indispensable instead. I underestimated him, and as a result I was none-the-wiser when he reached the level of skill required to start seriously compensating for my weaknesses.

Reliance is not love, though. The latter started when he decided he was going to put himself in harms way for me. Nothing captures a girl's heart like a knight in shining armour taking a blade for his princess, or, in Coalition terms, taking a laser beam for a comrade. I mentioned earlier that he took a blow while getting me out of harms way after I made a mistake. After we somehow got back to safe harbour and he was seen to, I spent pretty much every waking hour in that hospital room with him while he was recovering. It did not take long, as losing half your arm and the half of your shoulder that it is connected too is not that big of a deal as long as you get seen to quickly, but that was irrelevant. I was swept up in a new emotion that I had never really felt before; guilt.

By the side of that hospital bed is where I first really started taking in what he looked like and what he was like. It was almost as if it was the first time I actually met him, simply because I had never cared about any of that before. For example, it was the first time I noticed just how handsome he was. His well-defined jawline, sharp nose, pale skin, thin lips and mysterious green eyes contorting every so often in pain would usually make me feel happy in a malicious sort of way, but it was different this time.

RE: Sonja Gustov Kerensky - Sonja - 04-21-2016

The guilt trip did not end there. We did not speak much through that episode as he spent the majority of the time asleep, in surgery or in agony, but I wont ever forget the way he squeezed my hands with the one he had left, which was on his right just to be clear. There is something about tactile feedback that simulations just cannot beat, but it only got better from there.

I decided to stay away from him for a day or two after he was back on his feet. You understand, right? A teenager desperately trying to regain control of their emotions. Anyway, at this point I actually screwed my head back on tightly enough to prevent it showing; on my face, through my voice, words and even actions. I got my head back in the game of doing my job, which was killing. A lot.

Then, it what seemed like no time at all, I was back at his bedside after yet another injury. Do not misunderstand, it was not my fault this time. Ivan was quite a clumsy person in the cockpit of a fighter at the time, and frankly he was still prone enough to mistakes. But that is being unfair of me, because this time it was a betrayal by a potential new recruit. Nikolai, Ivan and myself were tasked with assisting this new recruit in his trials, but we were confronted with three times the force we were expecting. Fast-forwards through Nikolai and I blasting a hole the size of a small moon back to the Omega 5 jump hole in Cambridge, and I was right by his bedside again. I simply could not stop myself from caring.

And so began the spiral into oblivion for my career in the Sirius Coalition Revolutionary Army.

(10-13-2007, 03:34 PM)Razr Wrote: Present day....
Ivan awoke in the hospital on Cape Verde in a daze, the room was slowly coming into focus. Ivan could see Nikolai standing by the door and Sonja sitting on the edge of his bed. Sonja was too busy rubbing Ivan's hair back to notice his eyes had opened. Ivan tried his best to recall how he had ended up in a hospital bed, but his memory was just too elusive. Ivan tried sitting up next, but he had almost no control over his body it just trembled and he laid back down flatly on the bed.

Nikolai on the other hand was smiling as he said "Ivan youre finally awake, you were out for three days straight! This whole time Sonja has only been out of your company what? Five hours maybe. at that moment Ivan felt water hitting his forehead, then he looked up and realized it was Sonja crying.

I will be completely honest, I could not contain myself. I had not slept for the three days since the mission, and my sense of reason had flown out of the airlock.

(10-14-2007, 03:18 AM)Sonja Wrote: Sonja continued to organise Ivan's hair even as she looked into Ivan's eyes. His face betrayed a look of shock as he saw Sonja again being nice. She started to talk, as Nikolai stood at the door, almost like a guard.

"So, out for three days. Ivan, you know, i've always wanted to tell you somthing, ever since I met you. I know i've been sucking up..."

*Yeah, you got that right* Nikolai interupted

"Shutup Nikolai! Anyway, I know i've been sucking up, but i've always wanted to tell you somthing Ivan. From the first day I saw you, that height, and those eyes, I loved you. I could never show it, as command hates your guts, but I swear its true."

I blurted out my feelings like an amateur. In front of Nikolai no less.

If there was a red line regarding fraternisation, and the consequences of being tried for treason, sedition or indiscipline, I crossed it without a second thought right there. To spell it out for you, the consequences for those crimes at the time was death, death and death. All by firing squad. I do not know if it is the same there now, but I would think that it is. The Coalition has never been known for mercy.

That night, I slept with him in his bed. Its amazing how quickly things go when you are young. Not that we actually did anything, of course; he was injured and I was almost dead from sleep deprivation. Frankly, I think I fell asleep before my head hit the pillow.

The next day, I had my first taste of him walking away from me, and me being completely powerless to stop him.

(10-22-2007, 01:55 PM)Sonja Wrote: Sonja awoke feeling refreshed; after not sleeping for three and a half straight days, any sleep was welcomed. She rolled over to look at Ivan, but where he had slept the previous night was vacant. Sonja was a bit surprised, as Ivan wasn't supposed to be able to move for another 48 hours. Sonja got out of bed and thought for a second, the only place Ivan could be was on his way to the dungeon. On his way to confront Aralyn.

Sonja, got out of bed, and ran out of the door, and down the long corridor. While running around a corner she bumped something and stumbled backwards, falling to the floor with a dull thud. As she opened her eyes and recovered her senses, a tall figure was standing in front of her with an outstretched hand; she reached out and grabbed it, while she was staring the owner of the hand in the face. "Better watch your step there, could've hurt yourself."

Sonja only caught a brief amount of what Ivan had said, she was too focused on figuring out what to do next.

"Your going to see him, aren't you?" Sonja asked in a nervous tone.

Ivan gave a small nod, and began walking back down the corridor, but Sonja grabbed his hand and said "don't!"

Now Ivan was watching her with a bit of interest. Her expression gave away many missed hours of sleep and above that, fear that she couldn't seem to hold back. She was finding it hard to concentrate, it was a bit unlike Ivan not to argue his point. "Something wrong, Sonja?" Ivan said, snapping Sonja back to reality.

"Ivan, I don't think you should go see Aralyn, I don't want your ego to get you in deep. If you try to fight the guy and slip, you will die. Just let me get Ares to take care of it, okay?" Sonja said with desperate tone to her voice.

Ivan turned around and continued walking towards the dungeon, but as he reached to open the entrance, Sonja's hand closed it back. "Ivan your so selfish! Why can't you let it go? I'm sorry I let you think it was ok to come down here, but now I know it was a bad idea. Just stop, think about the people who care for you. Think about the empty satisfaction you can gain from killing him, it's not worth it!" Sonja was pleading desperately now.

She could see Ivan was unmoved, and felt anger build up like it never had. Before she realized what she was doing her hand rebounded off Ivan's face. He ignored it and continued to his intended destination, Sonja fell on to her hands and knees and she began to cry. Her hand reached out to Ivan in an insignificant attempt to stop him once again, but as Ivan got further away, Sonja collapsed on the floor, tears pouring from her eyes.

I had no idea that was going to become a habit.

To cut a long story short, Ivan made another mistake, I rescued his ass again, killing the traitor in the process and we kissed and made up. I hope that you are still following this as auto-biographies without professional editing can be difficult on the eyes.

RE: Sonja Gustov Kerensky - Sonja - 04-22-2016

By now, I am sure its crystal clear to you that I had lost my mind. But what I have not quite explained yet is that, for a brief period, so did the Revolutionary Army lose its own as well. Not only did they not stop us, they actually facilitated our relationship.

Skipping the preamble this time, things between Ivan and I quickly escalated. The Revolution was not about to pass up a golden public relations opportunity with two of their brightest stars deciding to tie the knot in the name of the Motherland, so they even let Ares officiate the process.

You know, I still pull out these records when I'm having a really bad day. Despite what came after, that moment was really the happiest of my entire life. As you can see, we could not kiss at the appropriate time as the marriage took place in space, but I did not care at all. I was 18, living life in the fast lane, willing to take chances on the back of passion alone. That is exactly what I did.

What happened behind the doors of our quarters and on Gran Canaria is private as you might expect. Unfortunately, our honeymoon away from the blood and stress of war was short lived due to the requirements of the Revolution, and these requirements quickly escalated into something else entirely.

RE: Sonja Gustov Kerensky - Sonja - 04-22-2016

(01-08-2008, 05:26 AM)bluntpencil2001 Wrote: To: Sonja Kerensky
Comm. ID: Ares

Message Begins//

Sonja... I'm sorry to have cut short the honeymoon I had arranged for you and Ivan when those Liberty bastards jumped me with a whole fleet... but now, I have worse news.

Ivan has been detained on charges of serious insubordination and desertion of his post. I myself witnessed it, and I shall testify in his defence should he plea 'Insane'.

You see, he must have taken a knock to the head or something, chica, he's not right in the head. He's forgotten important things that have happened in front of my own eyes and Dieter Zehn's too, replacing those memories with utter fabrications. He speaks utter nonsense, and I worry for his mental wellbeing. For his safety and your own, he is being held in custody by our special forces until his trial. Zehn and I will sue for leniency on the grounds of his current mental state.

Call myself or the Commodore if you need help.

Your friend,

Adrian

//Message Ends

Not for one moment did I believe that Ivan had lost his mind. I could not think of anything else. At that time, I still had complete faith in the Coalition, in my superiors, in the only life I had ever known. However, that faith was unravelling very quickly. I simply could not force the square of Ivan's alleged psychological instability through the circle of the Ivan that I knew. Somebody had to be hiding something, and I could not believe that it would be Ivan. Surely, I would have seen something as obvious as that?

Of course, the coalition passed their condolences on to me. When his suicide was reported, I was stunned again. Surely, there was no way. Marrying somebody, then committing suicide a month later? I might be difficult to live with, but I hope I am not that bad. Jokes aside, it was anything but comical at the time, and the result was a hollowness within myself that simply could not be filled.

A couple of days later, I was assigned to supervise repairs to one of Cape Verde's hangar bays after an impounded Corsair gunboat had battlerazored itself a hole through the docking bay door. I was so out of it that I did not even stop to consider that something was awry. As I was wallowing in my own self-pity, I remember accidentally reading an electronic message that was sent to me, during this period when I was deleting all of them without even looking.

At that moment, my loyalty to the Coalition fell away. They had tried to kill Ivan, they had tried to pull the wool over my eyes while they did it and despite all their efforts, he was still alive. I cannot tell you just how betrayed I felt at that moment. I was fully invested in the Coalition and it all unravelled in the blink of an eye.

RE: Sonja Gustov Kerensky - Sonja - 04-22-2016

I suppose it was their mistake that they did not restrict my movements in any way, but I believe they were betting on keeping me loyal. They wanted to cut out my other half and they could not wait any more, but they wanted to keep me because I had been, up to that point, very very useful. It was an optimistic gamble, and had I actually deleted the message I received instead of accidentally opening it, they may have gotten away with it. As things stood at that time, however, my decision to leave was the easiest choice I have ever had to make. I grabbed what I could and within ten minutes, I was in the cockpit of my Ravens Talon departing the only home I had known, never to return. I have no idea how I managed to navigate my way to Corsair space; I could barely see thanks to the fountains of saline that my eyes had been for the last few days. Nevertheless, I made it to what I hoped was my husband, and safety.

I wonder what my parents thought, when news reached them. I wonder if it ever did, and I wonder if the family I left behind were simply shoved against a wall and shot without a word. At the time, I could not think of anything else beyond the torrent of emotions flailing about in my head.

Do I regret leaving? With all that has happened since, sometimes I am tempted to think that I do. But how can anybody choose to live under such an oppressive and secretive regime? No government is perfect, but at least Liberty does not make a habit of blatantly disregarding justice. Every nation has its moments when they are conspiring, assassinating, and executing their way to more favourable outcomes, but my experience of Liberty is that they do need a bit better of a reason than a simple dislike of somebody before they endorse killing. On the other hand, death was the primary method to solve problems in the Coalition. It is simple, effective and absolute. It is also completely unfair. I do not mind killing as part of being a soldier as that is what the profession is all about, but I cannot live my life looking over my shoulder. Nobody can.

RE: Sonja Gustov Kerensky - Sonja - 04-23-2016

It is not as bad it sounds. The popular perception just about everywhere is that Corsairs are brash, aggressive, needlessly violent and cruel. These are things which you might expect of a nation whose economy only recently graduated from being completely reliant on piracy. In every story there is a bit of truth, so I am not going to dispute everything you hear about them. Nevertheless, there is a certain amount of popular exaggeration.

They did not attempt to kill either of us after we had been cast out, which was a good start. That is actually unfair, as the Corsairs were very accommodating of our plight. We got provided with a spacious and well fortified residence which we would be allowed to keep if we proved beyond doubt that we were done with the Coalition. Ivan and I did that and more, helping the Corsairs with their military operations wherever we could. We were both quite busy in those early days. As Ivan had an especially close relationship with the Brotherhood, he was away more, while I was setting things up at home.

Things were supposed to settle from there, really. I was hoping that the Corsairs would see less of a need for him as time went on, and that we could spend more time together as a result. As it turned out, the Corsairs needed him more and more. I suppose I should not be surprised. I was his condition, and his services was theirs. We were an expensive investment for them especially given the scarcity of their resources. The Brotherhood and the Corsairs needed to get their money's worth, but it was still difficult to accept.

The situation was not ideal, but it was certainly more acceptable than having the proverbial knife pressed against our backs. As I did not have a strong personal connection to the Corsairs when compared to my husband, he was the one doing most of the work, whereas I made sure that all the little things were in place when he returned. I suppose you could say that I was turning into a house-wife.

RE: Sonja Gustov Kerensky - Sonja - 04-23-2016

One of the most unsettling things about being on Crete was the stares I used to get. Compared with their Mediterranean tan and dark eyes, I stuck out like a sore thumb and they knew it. Nobody said anything of course, but they didn’t need to. As I have got quite a thick skin thanks to being a soldier and needing one in order to kill, it didn’t bother me too much. It did get in the way of building a feeling of home, though.

With Ivan away a lot, we came into some conflict about how events were unfolding. I complained about how long he was away and how many times he had to go, but I could not whine that much since it was his efforts that allowed us to enjoy a comfortable lifestyle by both Corsair and Coalition standards. Well, that only applied when he was not getting shot at away from home. We had arguments about many little things, as you might expect from a married couple. However, by far the biggest of these arguments was about having children.

As a woman deeply in love with my husband, it was my desire to consummate our union by having a child. Unfortunately for my child-rearing ambitions, Ivan did not want to have a natural birth. Instead, he wanted to adopt from the vast pool of orphans already present on the planet, rather than create our own. As you can imagine, I was not enthusiastic about this prospect. This was an argument which we had repeatedly, and it did go some way to souring the decreasing amount of time we spent together. Being completely honest, I also wanted a natural child as a way of locking him down and forcing him to spend more time at home. Since coming to Liberty, I have read that this is a common mistake that women tend to make in relationships which they feel are failing. Oh dear.

In the beginning of our stay on Crete, he would return every day after he completed his duties in space. Sometimes I would join him as well, to keep my skills sharp but to also just spend some time with him doing what we did best together. Over a period of about two years, Ivan spent more time away from home. When he did come back, he looked spent and tired. It got to the point that the only thing we were doing together was sleeping, and not the exciting kind. We did not even talk any more.

RE: Sonja Gustov Kerensky - Sonja - 04-24-2016

One day, he just did not come home. He did call from time to time, telling me where he was deployed and why he could not come back. Again, since coming to Liberty, I have read that these excuses can be because your man is cheating on you, but I did not and still do not believe that was the case. We did not have the lives that most people here have; stable, boring and in need of excitement. Eventually, he even stopped calling, and I did not hear from him for months.

I waited what seemed like an eternity, made all the more difficult that I was used to living a life where things happened quickly. Having nothing to do but wait was excruciating, so I tried to integrate more into Corsair society to keep myself busy. This did work for a time and I met some wonderful people along the way, but I never felt at home as I did with my husband or back in the Coalition.

I believed he would come back one day, released from his burden of military duties to start being my husband again, but it was not to be. I am not sure if he was missing in action after the last time we met, if he just decided to leave and start again somewhere else or if something else happened. He just did not come back. In a cruel twist, Ivan slipped into my life briefly only to disappear again without a trace. By now, I was in a pretty bad place. Alone, afraid and convinced I had been abandoned, I decided that it was time to take matters into my own hands.

The Corsairs are good people, having been dealt a bad hand by fate over 800 years ago. Now, they have to fight for everything they need to ensure their survival. Unfortunately, this also makes them dangerous to be around. That is not to say that I needed to look over my shoulder to ensure my safety, but associating with a people that have so many enemies and present a bigger target than the Coalition without being flush with resources to combat those enemies has its own dangers. I prepared my things, more thoroughly this time, said my goodbyes and left without burning bridges. A few in the Brotherhood may still know of me, which could be helpful in the future. Indeed, I know this to be the case, although that information is for a report which will be submitted separately.

My time living on Crete was a regrettable consequence of my choice to leave the Coalition, but it does not feel like I could have made another decision. If I had done, I am almost certain that this Victorious Heroine of the Coalition would be a very deeply buried one, under an unmarked grave. More realistically, I probably would have been shot, incinerated and my remains jettisoned out of an airlock. Using hindsight, I can only say that it is a great shame that my choice to leave led on to a broken heart.

Lets move on before my hands start shaking too much.

RE: Sonja Gustov Kerensky - Sonja - 04-24-2016

So, where does one go to, in those famous words, “begin again”? The irony is not lost on me that Liberty turned out to be my ultimate destination.

On my way out of Corsair space, I resolved that the first priority should be staying out of trouble. It seemed like it was going to be easier said than done, as I had committed many crimes in every single house except the yet-to-be-discovered Gallia. However, as the lions share of these crimes were against Bretonia and Rheinland, the only other accessible choice was Kusari.

Initially I tried to settle there, but the stares were even more obvious. It is not that Kusari is unwelcoming to foreigners, or even that they use the derogatory term “gaijin” to describe us. It is that most people could tell I was different, even from other tourists. If that was all, it would have been okay; not ideal, but beggars cant be choosers. Unfortunately, simply existing started to attract the wrong kind of attention. Three months passed and I received every kind of correspondence from politely worded job offers to death threats and court summons. Before long, I had had enough and decided to try my luck in the sector core.

Liberty was actually very welcoming. Nobody asks questions here, and as the Coalition fought the Hellfire Legion more than it fought the Liberty Navy, the law did not care either. If that was not the case, then my record was probably lost by an administrative oversight in combination with the ravages of a bloated bureaucracy.

It was not too difficult to find a job in private security. Libertonians tend to be a bit more receptive to a pretty face, even if it is one weathered by stress and anxiety. Add my obviously military bearing to that and people liked it a lot. It is easy to believe that a massive male combining a black suit and a shaved head is a bodyguard, but it is a much harder sell to make the same accusation about a slender, barely 5'2” female wearing a low cut dress. I did what I had to do to make ends meet in this aggressively capitalist nation, but thankfully that did not include sleeping with my paymasters.