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+--- Thread: Love's Labour is Flossing (/showthread.php?tid=46038)
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Love's Labour is Flossing - Xoria - 10-28-2010
Announcer : And now, we return to the steps of the Rasmus Tasmus Theatre.
Jib Flibbidy : Mr. Simon! Mr. Simon!
[Jib runs up to Jay Simon.]
Jay Simon : Hhhmmmm?
[The bodyguard at Jay Simon's elbow points his energy weapon at Jib's head.]
Jay Simon : Jean Pierre, decrease the dispersal setting to 2%, and increase the power to maximum. No need to put bystanders at risk.
Jib Flibbidy : I can't believe such a cultured and phenomenally filthy rich individual is here on Pittsburgh! Did you come especially for today's performance of Love's Labour is Flossing?
Jay Simon : Don't depress the activator just yet, Jean Pierre.
Jay Simon : As the richest personage in the known universe it is my obligation to patronize the arts and its reporterettes at every opportunity.
Jib Flibbidy : What did you think of the production?
Jay Simon : I intend to purchase the original manuscript.
Jib Flibbidy : [Aghast] Really? The author must be thrilled!
Jay Simon : I doubt so.
Jib Flibbidy : What? Why not?
Jay Simon : Because I'm going to have a million copies of it made and distributed throughtout Newark's toilet facilities.
Jib Flibbidy : To improve the literary atmosphere?
Jay Simon : It will be cheaper than our current toilet paper supplier.
Jib Flibbidy : What gave you that idea?
Jay Simon : Flatulence of the first order deserves no less. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a stellar body to purchase.
Announcer : Amazing! What's it like to be in Jay Simon's presence, Jib?
Jib Flibbidy : OMGOMGOMG We need to break for commercial!
Love's Labour is Flossing - Xoria - 11-06-2010
A Phateful Interview
Announcer : Welcome back to HSN, And now, back to Jib Flibbidy outside the Rasmus Tasmus Theatre on Planet Pittsburgh.Jib Flibbidy : I'm talking here with Jar Jar Binks, lead literary critic of the No More Blue Goo Times of New London who has just sat through the performance for a fifth time. Jar Jar, what's your professional critical opinion of the performance?
Jar Jar Binks : This is the greatest theatrical malfunction since When Project X Fell in Love with the Tundra and Birthed a Blue Buffoon.
Jib Flibbidy : I loved that show!
Jar Jar Binks : Didn't we all. Now if you'll excuse me, the matinee is about to start and I don't want to lose my prime seat. Last time I scored 3 bananas during the finale.
Jib Flibbidy : Thanks so much Jar Jar! Now, if our viewers will direct their atten...
[Jib stops talking and turns chalk white.]
Announcer : Jib? Jib! What's happening?
Jib Flibbidy : I,uh,bu,ohwhymewhymewhyme
Announcer : Jib! Tell us what you see!
Jib Flibbidy : It's Ph
Jib Flibbidy : Ph
Jib Flibbidy : Pha
Jib Flibbidy : a
Jib Flibbidy : te
Announcer : What?! You see the most notorious pirate in Sirius exiting the theatre?
Jib Flibbidy : Mommy
Announcer : What are you waiting for Jib? Go interview him.
Jib Flibbidy : Mommy. Wait, Whatareyounuts?!?!
Announcer : Man up, Jib! This could make your career!
Jib Flibbidy : Idontwantnocareer!
Announcer : Jib, get over there and interview Phate right now or I'm sending all your pink dolls on a one way spacewalk!
Jib Flibbidy : You wouldn't!
Announcer : One word, Jib : airlock
Jib Flibbidy : [mutters] chimpophile
Jib Flibbidy : Mr. Phate, Mr. Phate can I get an interview?!
[Phate stops and turns towards Jib Flibbidy. A man dressed all in black walking right behind him stops also.]
Jib Flibbidy : Mr. Phate, Sir, Your Highness, how would you characterize the performance?
[Phate smiles but says nothing.]
Man in Black : It's a metaphysical syllogism of a preapocalyptic metaphor cloaked in a comedic dirge.
Jib Flibbidy : Yeeaaahhhh, can you break that down for our viewers?
Man in Black : No.
Jib Flibbidy : And what did you think of it Mr. Phate, Sir?
[Phate reaches his hand inside his coat]
Jib Flibbidy : [swallows and starts sweating, thinks to himself] this is it, the end, i love you pink dolls
[Phate extracts a small device from his coat pocket and holds it out.]
Phate : Can you validate my parking chip? Those thieves are charging entirely too much for valet services these days.
Jib Flibbidy : Um, suuuurrree.
[Jib inserts the device into his Digital Press Credentializer and types in the password, waits a moment, then extracts the device and hands it back.]
Jib Flibbidy : Here you go, courtesy of HSN.
[Phate smiles.]
Phate : No, thank you.
[Phate and the man in black walk off and disappear into the crowd.]
Jib Flibbidy : Back to you in the studio, Paul.
Jib Flibbidy : Paul?
Jib Flibbidy : Has the holofeed gone down?
Jib Flibbidy : Anybody?
Jib Flibbidy : [To himself.] Who was that man in black, anyway?...I wonder if they'll let me into the after-party?