Although my new job at the sisterhood occupied most of my time while making good money out of it, I was eager on finding something else. Given that, it wast a mere coincidence that when I was going shopping in the local hypermarket in Tokyo, the director of a branded clothing store spoke to me. To my suprise, he offered me a workplace as model. On my question, why he wanted to hire me on the spot, he told me that he's urgently needing a rheinland model for his next clothing collections. And since my appearance seemed to be promising to him, he almost begged me. "Whatever the cost!" He said in desperation. I couldn't help smiling mischievously and agreed. Life was never that easy.

"Do not brood over your past mistakes and failures as this will only fill your mind with grief, regret and depression. Do not repeat them in the future." What am I supposed to do now? I feel like there's nothing that can amuse me anymore. Nothing that it is worth to wake up in the morning. Every day - the very same. Eating, working, sleeping. I'm sick of it. I've been working so hard to achieve the changes I was looking forward to - and nothing did happen. Nothing at all. Where's the meaning of all this? I'm desperated. "Depression is the inability to construct a future." I failed in being what I love to be. Shall I call it a 'defeat' and just carry on? Will I ever feel this taste of freedom once again? What is my task in this large universe. Oh I forgot it. The only time when I've found this meaning, was in the Rheinwehr. What did change? Is this really me? Something is pulling me back to the roots. I don't know why, but I feel the urge need to speak to them. Maybe - and if it won't be answered at all - this will be the only thing to satisfy my conscience.

(04-19-2013, 10:47 PM)Narcotic Wrote: "Guten Tag Herr Admiral,

I must admit that I am not quite sure for what exact reason I am contacting you, but I hope that you have got the time to listen to an ex-soldier's words. I'm also unsure, if you've expected me to call you one day again, or if you're honestly suprised about my message.

Whatsoever, since my dismissal I have thought a lot, and meanwhile I have been working here and there, doing this and that - what common Freelancers do. While I have to say that it totally doesn't lie in my taste to have no true aims, it was somehow relaxing to do whatever one wants to. However, it bored me quickly, and I found out that this is not what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. To get to the point: I miss my duty at the Rheinwehr.

I understand, that my issue with the Vize Admiral Sittlingen had its consequences - but besides that and my 'emotional freak out' I am convinced that I did fairly good. Nein? Nun, actually I have just been curious how the Military has been doing lately. Are your numbers still growing? How is Theodor doing? Any sign of Gunther Rall or Joachim Landers? How is the war going? I have heard that it's going to its end...

Of course, all this is strictly confidential information, and I can just give you my word that I am just asking for my own good. And yes, I am even considering to reapply for the Rheinwehr - in case you can forgive my mistakes.

Nun, I hope you will take your time to answer me - and may it just be a short 'Hallo' - I would be a glad ex-military. I'm looking forward to hear from you."

Stop. I have done this for far too long already. Letting myself flow with the time. I always liked the feeling of not having to care about anything, just letting things continue as they please. No influence, no will, not giving a damn. Maybe that was the reason, why my life at the Rheinwehr was like a coming and going. I have no idea what made them bearing me for that long at all. Over two years - cannot believe it. I mean, one day I was all enthusiastic at duty, and the other day, I behaved like a child during its pubertal development. Got to admit, I loved it.

And doors. Especially the old one to my Grandma's farmhouse. Hand-made wood carvings, older than my Grandma herself. "They survived two centuries." she always said filled with proud. I miss her. Today they will not make such doors anymore. Too expensive, and not worth the effort. And you hardly get genetically unmodified wood these days. Same goes for the food. Most people do not know. Or they do not even know - or bother at all. "If their neighbor does, it cannot be that wrong..." The human ignorance will be their extinction once. Whatever. I tried to get to the point, that I made an intriguing discovery six months ago, which I shared immediately with the Landwirtrechtbewegung:

(07-22-2013, 10:58 AM)Narcotic Wrote: "Guten Tag,

me again. I can't believe that you didn't tell me before! I'm waiting tables on Darmstadt since over four months, and yet you didn't tell me? That's insane, why didn't she tell me by herself even? Was she that afraid of me betraying her... that's just indescribably sad.

However, I might start from the beginning. I've been visiting my grandma at the rest home on Stuttgart yesterday. You know - her farm got distrained and a faciliy of Synth Foods was built there years ago.

So, today she didn't felt very well, and she told me some of her deepest secrets... seriously, why did nobody tell me? I mean, 40 years ago! I wasn't even born at that time! Grrr.

Long story short, she admitted to have been part of the Farmers Rights union, known as the WVS. And apparently she still had large influence until Synth Foods took all what she had left. Except for one thing.

And here comes the interesting part. She gave me an adress to a small ghost-farm in the middle of nowhere. And I've found this very special "tractor" in its barn. Fully functional! Now that's the reason why I contacted you. What am I supposed to do with it? Grandma told me that she wanted to leave her inheritance to me. Heidi Korn - does that name sound familiar?

Anyhow, you got to tell me what I shall do with it before anyone else finds it."

(07-22-2013, 12:53 PM)Jansen Wrote:

Now, regarding your grandmothers inheritance...
It is up to you to accept it, but be assured that we would welcome you, should you decide to put this tractor into use. We will try to supply you with everything you need, considering that your grandmother seems to have played a major role within the LWBs history thats the least we can do.

Bring your tractor to Darmstadt if you want to accept this offer.

So yeah. Open doors equals opportunities. However, I was unsure about taking this one. So I kept it open for that long I could possibly endure the Military. Six months after all. I expected much less. I suppose, that my denial of the promotion to Lieutnant and some 'unmentioned issues' caused the yet insanely large barrel to overflow. And there - in a catastrophic flooding - my career as Rheinland Military Officer was... washed away.

(01-04-2014, 08:57 PM)Lobster Wrote: Service: 11/21/818 - 11/24/820

Time served: 2 years, 2 days, 23 hours, 33 minutes.

Code: Dishonorable Discharge.

Reasons for discharge: Disobedience, Lack of Motivation, Repeated Disobedience, Disrespect of Brothers in Arms, Chronic Disobedience, Repeated Disrespect of Brothers in Arms, Insubordination.

Action taken: Verbal Warning. Written Warning, Written Warning, Verbal warning, Verbal Warning, Written warning, Suspension.

Response to corrective action: None. Increased Flight Time. None. None. None. Insubordination. Direct Disobedience of Lawfully Given Orders.

I framed it and put it to my other trophies. So. Speaking of trophies. Of course, as the last door shut with a loud bang, the other opened a bit more. That wide that only a fool could not have noticed. My decision was obviously easy. The day I went for my Grandma's old barn, was probably the most beatiful I've had since two years. The sun was shining that hot as it had never before. I just lied there in the wheat that was still growing wildy here and there and closed my eyes. There is nothing more valuable than pure silence and the smell of wild wheat that waits to be harvested.

So did my most precious trophy. Standing in the barn, waiting for me. Just me. A gift I will appreciate more than any uniform of the universe. An old tractor, surrounded by wild wheat, being my ticket for a whole new life. Go.