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It is entirely up to you and you alone whether the ship you used in combat, that got destroyed ingame by a hostile, got destroyed inRP as well. If you say it didn't, it didn't. If people write in their message dumps that your ship got destroyed, they are wrong. And maybe even dumb. The ingame kill messages usually use a very specific term for a ship that got destroyed: It was put out of action. Keep that in mind when you write your next message dump. You don't destroy stuff, you merely put it out of action, disable it, whatever fits. Because otherwise, how do you explain to yourself that people didn't die and that ships can be back within an hour or a day? It is a compromise between roleplay and gameplay, surely, but imagine the most realistic space combat you can imagine. Giant ships of the length of more than a kilometer don't explode entirely and without any debris. They are not Star Wars Deathstars. In the most realistic settings, giant ships would merely get damaged and disabled. Imagine it being like that (although don't try to impose real life physics in Freelancer, as that would be way different from anything you see in Sci-Fi).

Nobody can take away your ships. Nobody can enter them without your approval. Nobody can track them with a tracking device on the hull if you don't approve that. What happens to your ships is your business. What happens in them as well.