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Protégé's feedback - Printable Version

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Protégé's feedback - Corile - 08-06-2014

Protégé's Feedback

Hello there. This thread is my roleplay links and stories dump as well as a place for you to submit your feedback. Say what you liked and what you didn't like about encounters and/or stories with my characters. Here you can also learn about backgrounds of my characters and how I want to develop them.

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» Name: Tori Kago
» Gender: Male
» Age: 23
» Place of Birth: Planet Kyushu - Kyushu - Kusari

» Affiliation: Lawful
» Faction: Freelancer
» Status: Active

» Short bio:

Zettsu is an independent freelancer, working primarily in Liberty. After Vigilantes were disbanded, he decided to become free-roaming bounty hunter and musician. He is a valorous vigilante, driven mostly by his ideals, which started fading as he noticed the corruption of the world around him.

» Notes:

Zettsu is my main char, that I started developing pretty much as soon as I joined Discovery. Currently, he's allied mostly with Liberty as well as helping out Hogosha. Also he's involved in a vendetta against Junkers, as they were the people that first got him outlawed in Liberty. I was greatly inspired by aerelm's story, and while the story, agendas and other details are completely different, in essence my goal is to create something inspired by ae's work - an independent freelancer with great influence all around. I was thinking of pinning this character under the Bounty Hunters Guild but after a bit of consideration I realised Freelancer gives a lot more freedom - as Zettsu realises that to work for the good he sometimes need to work with the evil.

» Stories and transmissions:

» Taimou - Black Box

The Black Box is basically a dump for all the in-game roleplay ventures Zettsu accomplished.

» Reflection in a Broken Mirror

This was my attempt at a story with Jo Carpenter that was eventually dropped because of the lack of interest from the other side.

» To Zettsu
» Grand Theft Rapier

The story about a theft of the ship from an Outcast with the help of Hogosha Association. As the [HA] assisted Zettsu before with the Junkers in Liberty, he expected them to ask for something in return. After a while the Association asked Zettsu for assistance in theft of a Rapier from Newport Station in Sigma-13 under the cover of a drug deal. The operation was successful, and the Hogosha let him keep the ship so as he could do more jobs for them in the future.

» To: Junkers, Congress, Marauders
» To: Liberty Police Inc. Headquarters
» To: Tori Kago ; From: Liberty Police Incorporated
» To: Chief of LPI Jonas Valent [Encrypted]
» Black Box entry #2

After Zettsu acquired a Recycler SHF via blackmarket, they went hellbent on taking it back. They forwarded their complaints to the LPI which resulted in Zettsu being outlawed in Liberty for a couple of months. After a while of keeping a low-profile on only corporate bases, Zettsu asked Jonas Valent for a private meeting to regain his access to Liberty bases.

» Black Box Entry #3
» To: Sunny

After stealing the Rapier with the help of Hogosha, Zettsu reaches out to the AFC in order to fix some flaws with Taimou - paintjob and power core.

» Liberty Bounty Board - Claim #1141
» Black Box Entry #5
» To: Liberty Navy High Command [Encrypted]
» Defenders of Justice

Taking a pack of Liquid Cardamine from a destroyed Outcast ship opened an avenue for Zettsu to contact the Liberty Navy and perhaps lead to a more fruitful cooperation. Zettsu managed to secure a meeting with the Navy officer James Lambert aboard the Battleship Minneapolis.

» Better Days

This is a slice of life story between two of my characters - Seraph and Zettsu, the two sides of the same coin. While in essence they're both the same - lawful bounty hunters, in detail they're quite different, which doesn't stop them from being great friends. They're both smart people, ready to exchange various philosophical discussions and they know there is no place for love between them. This story is mostly for my personal satisfaction as a writing exercise and a thought experiment, without completing any agendas of either character.

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» Name: Jillian Goldin
» Gender: Female
» Age: 42
» Place of Birth: Planet Denver - Colorado - Liberty

» Affiliation: Quasi-lawful
» Faction: -
» Status: Active

» Short bio:

Jillian's past is generic and completely uninteresting. After working for a while in Ageira she pawned off the transport she was using and told the corporate establishment that it was destroyed in an encounter with pirates, soon after that she left the company. With enough funds from faking records in Ageira and her transport sale she bribed a Samura worker into selling her a Ryuujin and doing her paperwork like an employee of the company. In fact, she supplies various groups around Sirius with any bulk deliveries they may need, for the right price.

» Notes:

Want a lot of something? Call Jillian. It really is as simple as that. To trick the system a bit I use a few Ryuujins on different IDs to make deliveries to anybody possible. There's one rule though: all of them must keep the full five thousand of cargo. It's been going really well for now and I hope to continue that.

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» Name: "Curse"
» Gender: Unknown
» Age: Unknown
» Place of Birth: Unknown

» Affiliation: Unlawful
» Faction: Zenith - Kusari Exiles
» Status: Inactive

» Short bio:

The origins of Curse aren't entirely known. The general consensus is that they were here since Zenith was formed and right now are the true gray eminence behind the first Colonel - Silence. Never revealing their face, almost everything about Curse remains unknown - even to such a basic thing as their gender. Curse is violent and cruel, often playing with their prey before slashing their throat or leaving them to die in a drifting escape pod in a faraway nebula nobody will hear their scream. Anyone outside Zenith sees Curse as a harmless eccentric, but inside they're a true psycho. Despite that, they would never sacrifice the life of Zenith's own agents, but most of them don't know this and they would rather avoid any encounter with the wicked Zenith officer.

» Notes:

"Am I a psycho?" is probably the first question I ask myself every time I create an unlawful character. While Exiles aren't technically unlawful, being in a secret service makes a great field for unusual characters, and Curse is no different.

» Stories and transmissions:

» To: [C] - Council Command || From: Zenith
» To: 5000GT || From: Zenith
» To Zenith
» TO: "Zenith"

Curse was the main overseer of the construction of Shangri-La, an experimental Kusari Destroyer that currently, along with Fubuki, serves as the Zenith flagship.

» To: Zenith [Encrypted]
» To: Concerned Parties
» Four Winds of Heaven

During a reckless operation in Gallia, 343rd Admiral Sakuma Hitomi was captured and Zenith must assist with rescuing her. Curse is one of the agents meant for the job.

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» Name: Morgan Syd
» Gender: Male
» Age: 68
» Place of Birth: Planet Leeds - Leeds - Bretonia

» Affiliation: Unlawful
» Faction: Padua Liberty Rogues
» Status: Inactive

» Short bio:

Cerulean used to be a noble in service to Her Royal Majesty Carina I, however in an unfortunate incident he was framed into an assassination attempt on the queen and had to flee Bretonia, leaving his wife and his daughter after being dishonored in the court. He left for Liberty and soon joined Rogues. His experience on the Bretonian court soon secured him the position in a group called State Colours - a bunch of highly trained Rogue agents in service only to Lord Moka. That's where he got the name Cerulean. After a longer period of time, the Colours disbanded and he joined the PLR. There he met Jo Carpenter, a crazed pilot of a captured Bison transport that reminded him very much of the daughter he lost in Bretonia he felt almost obligated to protect her, even though if she realised, she'd probably cut his head off.

» Notes:

Cerulean is a veteran, who once lost everything and regained nothing. When joining PLR he met Jo Carpenter which reminded him of the daughter, and now he's trying to protect the 'miss' at all cost, as she's the only thing in his life of any worth to him.

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» Name: Catherine Ranes
» Gender: Female
» Age: 26
» Place of Birth: Planet Manhattan - New York - Liberty

» Affiliation: Lawful
» Faction: Blue Blaze - Bounty Hunters Guild
» Status: Inactive

» Short bio:

Seraph is a Bounty Hunter originating from Liberty. She had very rich parents which makes her pay no attention to money or wealth, as the credits on her account would last for a couple of lifetimes. She works for whoever needs it the most, just for fun and enjoyment coming from good shooting more than anything else. Under her pretty face hides a very analytical and logical mind. Seraph tries as best as she can not to act recklessly, but sometimes her spiteful mind takes over. She is very compassionate and kind to her friends, but to become her friend is no easy task.

» Notes:

Similarly to Zettsu, Seraph is the character I've been developing since the beginning of my career on Disco. First, the founder of Vigilantes, now the backbone of Blue Blaze, she is definitely my favourite characters to RP as. A beautiful, smart and spiteful combination, though without any long-term goals and almost absolute freedom.

» Stories and transmissions:

» Biography

I guess the title is descriptive enough of what this story contains.

» Tinkers Haven
» Tinkers Haven #2
» To: The owners of Adirondack Station
» To: Owners of Blackpool Production Facility and International Trade Hub
» To: Jack Henderson - Independent Miners Guild

As one of the leaders of Blue Blaze, Seraph needs to do much of the formal stuff, which does not please her greatly, but someone has to do it, and she is the most valid person around.

» Better Days

This is a story between two of my characters - Seraph and Zettsu, the two sides of the same coin. While in essence they're both the same - lawful bounty hunters, in detail they're quite different, which doesn't stop them from being great friends. They're both smart people, ready to exchange various philosophical discussions and they know there is no place for love between them. This story is mostly for my personal satisfaction as a writing exercise and a thought experiment, without completing any agendas of either character.

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» Name: Death Waltz
» Gender: Male
» Age: Unknown
» Place of Birth: Planet New Tokyo - New Tokyo - Kusari

» Affiliation: Unlawful
» Faction: Task Force Gladius - Hellfire Legion
» Status: Deceased

» Short bio:

Waltz was born on Planet New Tokyo. He doesn't want to talk about his past, but what is known is that he once spilled an important information about Hogosha, was caught and tortured. Because of that his tongue was ripped off. He was found later in Kepler by Gladius' Admiral Desmond Noble, who saved his life when escaping from Hogosha. He joined the Hellfire Legion, trying to repay his debt to Noble by unquestionable obedience to the Legion. Waltz was killed in action during one of the Gladius' patrols when the entire Spatha squadron was mowed down by a group of Liberty Navy.

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» Name: Jacques Letourneau
» Gender: Male
» Age: 62
» Place of Birth: Planet Manhattan - New York - Liberty

» Affiliation: Quasi-lawful
» Faction: Freelancer
» Status: Inactive

» Short bio:

In his youth Jacques was a freelancer and a bounty hunter. Just after the Reunion he slipped through and served as Council's agent in Gallia. After some major mess up he had to flee Gallia and went back to his home - Liberty. He managed to acquire a Gallic 'Lucullus' liner in the process. Now he's trying to regain his influence and write a book about his life in Gallia. After a long time in his trade, he finally decided to retire and rented a house on Gran Canaria where he plans to spend the rest of his life.

» Stories and transmissions:

» House of Cards
» To: FynnMcScrap || From: House of Cards

One of the greatest friends of Jacques became FynnMcScrap, of the Tinker and Transport community. A rather loose group of traders, Junkers and tinkers, with whom he liked spending his time. Along with Fynn they embarked on a journey to Jacques' old home - Champagne, where Fynn managed to get a bit of understanding on the world view of the author.

» To: Liberty Navy From: House of Cards

A side story I did with the 5th fleet, concerning an assault on my ship over one artifact in my cargo that evolved into something interesting.

» Departure

The last story I intend to have for Jacques, it's a description of him giving away the House of Cards to the Tinker and Transport and going to live his life on Gran Canaria.

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» Name: Gerrard Capashen
» Gender: Male
» Age: 38
» Place of Birth: Planet New Berlin - New Berlin - Rheinland

» Affiliation: Lawful
» Faction: Independent Miners Guild
» Status: Active (in game only)



RE: Protégé's feedback - Corile - 11-22-2014

I'm bumping this since there were some major updates.


RE: Protégé's feedback - FynnMcScrap - 11-23-2014

Very fine graphics :-)


I like Seraph and Zettsu , the two ex - Vigilante characters I got to know well.
Look forward to meeting Kade Lane from time to time, and Im not sure I want to meet Waltz.
This thread is very well made. No specific feedback on any single story so far, but I will if something itches me.

Im missing a character though, somebody I gt to know with Fynn...



RE: Protégé's feedback - Corile - 11-23-2014

Quote:Im missing a character though, somebody I gt to know with Fynn...
I know who you're talking about, but I haven't finished the writeup yet Wink
He's going to be here soon enough.


RE: Protégé's feedback - Corile - 05-03-2015

Bumping the thread again as I listed most of my characters that I care about here, also spent like 2 hours working on this thread being less of a spaghetti mess.


RE: Protégé's feedback - FynnMcScrap - 05-04-2015

Feedback :
looks great ;-)

good job done


RE: Protégé's feedback - SpaceTime - 05-04-2015

The presentation is, well, exemplary. Haven't you forgotten to include your Samura indie?


RE: Protégé's feedback - Corile - 05-04-2015

Quote:The presentation is, well, exemplary. Haven't you forgotten to include your Samura indie?
I don't have enough in-game presence with it. On top of that, as I said, I included the characters I mostly care(d) about. That Samura indie is just for powertrading secondary. Though I might do it soon.


RE: Protégé's feedback - DragonRider - 05-04-2015

Too bad I haven't encountered any of your characters yet.
They all look interesting and deep, personality wise.
It shows that you put effort into making them all unique.

Also, I really like how you presented all this.
The graphics and layout are nicely done.


RE: Protégé's feedback - Chuba - 05-04-2015

You are such a nerd













Write ups are good