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+--- Thread: Pedantic Pensioners Pursue Philosophy and Politics (/showthread.php?tid=14362)
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Pedantic Pensioners Pursue Philosophy and Politics - jammi - 12-09-2008
The curtains were drawn, the fire lit. The chilly Cambridge winter pressed up against the frosted glass windows, contrasting with the snug warmth from the roaring fire. The room was filled with tasteful furnishings, sourced from all over Bretonia and in some cases Rhienland. Fine art ordained the walls, ranging from oil paintings depicting Cambridges many rolling plains, to a bronze statuette of the Queen crafted by one of New Londons greatest artists.
This was a room in the luxuriant manor of Gerald Threepwood, an elderly Lord of the Realm and influential land owner. He had spent his life wandering planet Cambridge, and during that time had become acquainted with a retired university lecturer called Richard pound, who had amassed a fortune through private school wages and several astute investments.
Gerald reclined further into his plush chair and relit his pipe, filling the room with foul smelling smoke. Richard made a face, squinting through the fumes. As a sort of counter attack, he lit a cigar, allowing the two pillars of smoke to intertwine and choke the attending servants.
Summoning one of the servants to his side, Richard poured himself a measure of port and stared into the flames philosophically. He took a puff of cigar, ego and breath before exhaling and starting the war in earnest.
Pedantic Pensioners Pursue Philosophy and Politics - swift - 12-09-2008
Richard had a talent for jabbing into the center of the matter, and he couldn't help himself to have a go at word-poking Gerald a bit..
He took one more long sip of port from his glass, savoring the taste of it in his mouth, and put it back on the coaster on the table, something the petty old man always insisted on, to Richard's displeasure.
Something felt off for old Richard though, and he had to, no couldn't wait to, express it..
He started saying, in a sarcastic largo of his:
"Do tell me Threep, do you feel just a pinch of...bitterness in this port?
I can't express what, but something feels a speck....odd about it. It seems to lack quality.."
He leaned forward again, to pick the heavily detailed glass of the table again, and took one more, very careful, sip.
He then proceeded to prod at Gerald's pride a bit..
"Listen, old man, the feeling fails to escape me, that you're saving your money with this, just a tiny bit.
I can't help but wonder, why in the hells are you being a cheapskate with this, with all that money you have?
And not just this mind you..
I mean yer old servants have raggy clothes man! Their clothes look worse than the queen's grandmother's dirty underwear, which is a sight you'd wish to avoid, if the dearly departed general Castlereigh's word is to be trusted."
Richard laughs, and then coughs when a swallow of port goes down the wrong tube while he smirked at Gerald's offended face... He felt a foul wind on the horizon, and it wasn't only Gerald's faulty "exhaust system", it was something more...sinister.
"Old Threepy won't take this lying down", he thought to himself..And hoped for a little word fight, hoped to lure Threep into playing out of his domain..
He eagerly awaited his comeback, with a malicious smirk constant on his face..
Pedantic Pensioners Pursue Philosophy and Politics - jammi - 12-09-2008
Gerald looked irked for a moment, before leaning forward and pinching the glass of port from the table.
"Well, Pound old boy, if you don't appreciate my hospitality, I suppose you won't mind if I take your glass then, eh? This rather boils down to the ancient philosophy of not biting the hand that feeds you, doncha think? Or in this case, the friend that keeps you in drinks.
"As for your claims of cheapness old bean, you can hardly talk on the topic of providing quality beverages or being a cheap miser!
Why, the last time I paid your estate a visit, I do rather recall being served tap water! Not to mention the food - little better than lumps of Cheese imported directly from that blight Leeds!
"Your problem is you don't appreciate what others do for you, man!"
Gerald paused to sip on the stolen drink, a puff from his pipe and awaited Richard's enraged response. He watched him ruffle up like an enraged pigeon and mused at the curlings of smoke that were floating throughout the room.
Pedantic Pensioners Pursue Philosophy and Politics - swift - 12-09-2008
Richard was indeed enraged and offended, but also a little impressed at Threep's comeback.
But alas he realized Threepwood's tactic. He was expecting an angry response, and for Richard to lose himself in anger..
Richard started saying, in a falsely calm voice:
"I'll have you know, that that was an expensive brand of water. Not any of that space mined urine-water. That was spring water from the finest sources on Cambridge! You sir do not know your water, you are experienced only in your tireless port drinking, and wallowing in your boredom here, with only the occasional comment from the dumb servant that brings it to you.."
He wondered if he overreacted a bit, just irking Gerald even more, but then thought to himself that this was actually a good thing.. A boring night seemed to promise to become all but uneventful.
"And how dare you comment on my food, your stew tastes like the oil scraps off a clydesdale!! No pun intended, I value our friendship, but my god man, what is that?
I know it's not your fault, but what is it with that blasted servant of yours, what's his name anyway? I wager that he uses some unknown ingredients in his food.. And is quite a simpleton as well, although he does make me laugh, albeit at his immense degree of simple-mindedness..
And his hygiene is at an all time low, even for a common man like him.."
Richard puffs some more smoke, and is hypnotized at the shapes the smoke forms in the dusty warm living room..
He thinks about the offense Gerald will take, but somehow fails to care..
Pedantic Pensioners Pursue Philosophy and Politics - Xing - 12-09-2008
As the smoke rose to the ceiling, the fire alarm began blaring loudly, surprising everyone in the household as servants panicked and rushed for the exits.
"Fire! Help!" an elderly female butler screamed, as she rushed downstairs.
"Sir, you need to get out of here, now!" a young and strong boy yelled, and taken by the bretonian sense of pride and honour, took the two elderly men, one in each arm like bags of potatoes, and ran down the stairs!
Pedantic Pensioners Pursue Philosophy and Politics - jammi - 12-09-2008
"I say you bloody loon! Put me down! You're ruining the suit! Oh the indignity...
"And damn, there goes my pipe. I say you scouderal, put me down or I shall demand you go back for it, you hear me!
"Damn whippersnappers, do you see fire anywhere?! Put me down!"
Pedantic Pensioners Pursue Philosophy and Politics - Xing - 12-09-2008
The boy, suddenly seized by great patriotism, did as ordered, stopped, turned around, put both men down on their feet, then, saluted just like any decent cadet loyal to the Crown,
"Sir, I salute your noble sacrifice to save this building! I shall call in reinforcement as soon as possible! For the Queen!"
He then proceeded to continue running, and by then, no one was in the mansion but the two astounded elderly aristocrats...
"uh..."
Pedantic Pensioners Pursue Philosophy and Politics - swift - 12-09-2008
"Damn boy! Come back here you damn fool and I'll give you a taste of my walking stick! And bring me another port! You knocked my other one over!"
"Oh Threep! Please oh please, do tell me this IS NOT your blasted servant!"
Pedantic Pensioners Pursue Philosophy and Politics - jammi - 12-09-2008
"One of many old chap... Perhaps an ex-servant now, although I must admit he is rather addled in the brain. Loud noises tend tp upset him. I do believe he was training for the BAF, when an unexploded ship mine was dropped on his head.
Poor lad. I've kept Baldrick because of a promise to his mother. And will someone shut of that blasted alarm! I want to go back to smoking my pipe in peace for goodness sake!"
Pedantic Pensioners Pursue Philosophy and Politics - Xing - 12-09-2008
Instead of seeing the boy coming back, the voice of the boy was heard...
Two stories below, already in the garden;
"Hey sir! I think the firemen are coming, just a few more minutes and this building will be saved! Hey sir, you did a good job we don't see a smoke coming out yet!"
And just as he said that, the firemen' craft passed overhead, crashed a tower of the beautiful mansion - which, no need to mention, was completely ruined by the collision, and as it stabilized right in front of the windows where the two men stood, firemen stormed in...
"Sir, where's the fire?!"
And then, after a small pause, widening his eye, the heroic fireman yelled in panick,
"What are you two still doing inside?! Get them out!"
And again were they taken like bags of potatoes down to the garden...