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SBN: Controversial Comrade Keller's Marvelous Matrimonial Miracle - Printable Version

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SBN: Controversial Comrade Keller's Marvelous Matrimonial Miracle - jammi - 03-15-2020

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Controversial Comrade Keller's Marvelous Matrimonial Miracle
PLANET SPRAGUE - BREAKING STORY! Sirius Business News can confirm an exclusive scoop about controversial interstellar man-of-mystery Lukas Keller! Thanks to our eagle-eyed contributors, we now have eyewitness accounts confirming that the cool killer will be tying the knot and marrying fiancee Kira Bom-Sol on Planet Sprague at the end of this month.
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It is known that the ceremony will take place at the St Havencroft's Church of Our Merciful Father on the 21st March. It is believed that the private service will have a restricted guest list, so we'll be sure to beam you eager fans up-to-the-minute photos as soon as we can get over the Church wall! When asked for comment on the impending nuptials, presiding god-botherer Rev Megan Gardner asked us to leave.

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While Keller is a divisive figure thanks to his past with the Sirius Coalition Revolutionary Army, he has also picked up a devout fanbase in the Leeds refugee population on Planet Exeter. This fan club first formed after Keller led an intervention during the infamous 'Glassing of Leeds', helping many get off the doomed planet who would otherwise have been blown to smithereens.

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Completely trustworthy sources tell us that Miss Bom-Sol recently secured Bretonian citizenship, potentially opening the doors for Lucky Lukas to do the same once he's hitched. His Bretonian Neddit fanclub n/Kegels4Keller reacted with joy at the rumours, starting a petition pleading for the Bretonian government not to intervene and block any marital application under the Bretonian Nationality Act 781. As of time of publishing, the petition already had 13,000 signatures, meaning the government have to give it a look and let us know what they think.

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SBN owns whatever you post here and will do whatever it wants with it, capisce? We don't have a personal data policy and we're probably gonna sell this on, ngl. Why do you care anyway? This is social media lol. You honestly think anyone cares about what you're browsing on the neural net? Hahah, as if. Well. Maybe if you're John White - if you are DM us, we've got some questions. For everyone else you you can watch this instead if you want to.

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RE: SBN: Controversial Comrade Keller's Marvelous Matrimonial Miracle - Groshyr - 03-15-2020

001. TraderWho
15 Mar 827 10:59

What?
↑ 12312 ↓ 2451


RE: SBN: Controversial Comrade Keller's Marvelous Matrimonial Miracle - Kaze - 03-15-2020

002. TotallyNotHeinrich
15 Mar 827 11:00

I LOVE YOU LUKAS! LEAVE THAT CORSAIR SKANK!
↑7615↓8694


RE: SBN: Controversial Comrade Keller's Marvelous Matrimonial Miracle - Capt. Henry Morgan - 03-15-2020

003. John1564627894120
15 Mar 827 09:47

I made 20,000 credits last month by working part time from home. My friend made 25,000 last month, but I was skeptical until I checked it out. Unlike other work-from-home jobs, this one totally isn't a scam! Click here, and start your journey down easy street today!
↑ 1 ↓ 829,336,287


RE: SBN: Controversial Comrade Keller's Marvelous Matrimonial Miracle - LaWey - 03-15-2020

004. NNetSquadron
15 Mar 827 11:15

Boobs over bros

#NotMyComrade
↑19238 ↓17390


RE: SBN: Controversial Comrade Keller's Marvelous Matrimonial Miracle - Groshyr - 03-15-2020

005. a-seven-two-dash-one-dash-six
15 Mar 827 11:16

No beard - no man

#NotMyComrade
↑ 123142 ↓ 55221


RE: SBN: Controversial Comrade Keller's Marvelous Matrimonial Miracle - Thunderer - 03-15-2020

001. Elizabeth_Hall@exeter.br
15 Mar 827 11:29

I am Commodore Elizabeth Hall, Governor-General of Exeter (I really am) and I hereby announce that I will grant Mr Lukas Keller citizenship on Planet Exeter. May it be known that your governor-general cares about your happiness as much as about your safety. May the couple live happily ever after.
↑ 43754 ↓ 423


RE: SBN: Controversial Comrade Keller's Marvelous Matrimonial Miracle - Lucas - 03-15-2020

007. C.Müller
15 Mar 827 11:31

Handsome young man, a shame that he's taken now.
↑ 8823 ↓ 12


RE: SBN: Controversial Comrade Keller's Marvelous Matrimonial Miracle - Commandantt - 03-15-2020

008. MechanicWithBigWrench
15 Mar 827 12:07

Well, I am an old worker who worked on different ships for many years, and I had the opportunity to fix the personal ship of our beloved Keller, who is no longer on our favorite list.

Inside the fighter cabin where he forbade me look, I saw bunches of suspended cut-off human hair with colored ribbons yes I violated his order but he awful man with awful fetishes.

#NotMyComrade

↑ 214501 ↓ 125612


RE: SBN: Controversial Comrade Keller's Marvelous Matrimonial Miracle - Commandantt - 03-15-2020

009. LeaderOfWarMothersClub
15 Mar 827 12:19

He used our sons as meat shield!
When he leads pilots to fight against enemy its miracle if someone from his squad will return alive!

#NotOurComrade
↑ 4637 ↓ 1367