Sankt Pauli, Planet Hamburg. 807. Most probably in April.

Sky more lit than usual. Still a smile on my face from first love. On my way home. Through the Park of Rocks, yes, there. Unexpectedly, under the porch of the guardian's house, Dietmar's worried face, but always worried for nothing.

"Volker the Young's dead. Cops are looking for you. They've already arrested everyone. You're in big big big trouble Lothar." Jaw clenching much worse than from cold, me telling to myself 'Sounds like he enjoys it', but in a more violent way. Didn't respond and quickly got home. Wanting it to be over the-sooner-the-better.

Vati, Mutti, Zita – horrified. 'Come on, stop playing role model poor-yet-honestly-struggling family, stop playing dead'. Volker ain't dead, anyway. Policeman standing in the entrance-kitchen-living-room facing me on the doorstep, what might he be doing now? Compiling reports on rogue political activists, thinking of his retirement? Can't picture him this way. These days, I'm upholding what he taught me.

Sankt Pauli, Planet Hamburg. 807. The day after, again probably in April.

"Karlsohn, Lothar, male, 15. Accused of drug trafficking". Me thinking: 'And? Homicide, murder? No? So, manslaughter...? Not familiar with legal jargon anyway. No? Poisoning, even?' The officer made no mention of Volker being dead. Because he wasn't, as my attorney told me right after. Still, "not a minor offense, young man."

Painkillers + alcohol, to be heated and inhalated. "Plain stupid, but not deliberately dangerous", jurors roughly concluded. Volker was still in coma, but only out of bad luck. Pre-existing condition. The judge was "lenient", "case dismissed". I did not feel consciously sorry, at least not right away, rather ashamed. Hence the smile, which I believe Volker's mother misinterpreted.

Then Officer Kahn. Walking me home every day from school. Forcing me away from the rest of the gang, the "bad guys". "Simple, but true". Some of them are dead today, "martyrs of the modern age, victims of boredom", as a local guy sang. Not entirely true. "You have the choice, Lothar". The virtue of "delayed rewards". What would Officer Kahn be telling me today? Am I true to my word?

— We did our bit. Not the most dangerous of tasks since I'm in this, but the one that matters to most so far. Flown off-tracks; not really what I was used to as a Kapitän before... A smile on my face, like I could feel the breeze. (Fun has to be taken in any form available now.) Benevolent complicity upon arrival, on both ends. Spending the night here. Nice accomodation, guess we have to thank locals, a lot. Finally some rest. We'll take off again when instructed to. —

Inevitably 800. Remember when they told us school was out undefinitely. Sure, give the teacher a clap! We're on holidays. Delightful for 8-year-olds, not so much for grown-ups. Adults watching news all day long. "Escalation", "On the verge of war", "Boorman Treaty"... Phew, let kids be kids, let them enjoy their own cruelty. Then war onscreen, and warblinds around. Preaching enthusiastically, like always. Support your mad Kanzler. "How does this qualify as patriotism?"

We Rheinlanders always end up regretting.