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+--- Thread: If only (/showthread.php?tid=184336)
RE: If only - Reeves - 11-03-2020
Initially he shrugged, giving the question a bit of thought before trying to clarify his own impression on things. "Not really, no? Well, she was certainly a confidant. I just wouldn't relegate something that was occasionally intimate to simple friendship. Although, I wouldn't know if I could describe it as much of anything else either. She was complicated, I think part of me liked that.." It appeared as if he dwelt on the thought for a good few moments, revisiting pieces of time that had her in it, no doubt.
"If you're wondering why I keep referencing her in the past-tense, which I'm sure you picked up on by now. It's because she left. I don't know where to, I don't know why. Only things I do know are the things she decided to talk about in this.." For a man of his nature, it was surprising to see him pull out a fairly worn, creased sheet of paper from a pocket in the flight suit he was wearing, it had all the implications of being sentimental to him. The handwriting that spanned the length of the note was clearly feminine, if a little scuffed, as if written in a hurry. With an outstretched hand, Morreti simply offered the note for inspection. And if he hadn't done a good job of elaborating on the nature of their relationship by now, the note certainly would.
"If you're wondering why I keep referencing her in the past-tense, which I'm sure you picked up on by now. It's because she left. I don't know where to, I don't know why. Only things I do know are the things she decided to talk about in this.." For a man of his nature, it was surprising to see him pull out a fairly worn, creased sheet of paper from a pocket in the flight suit he was wearing, it had all the implications of being sentimental to him. The handwriting that spanned the length of the note was clearly feminine, if a little scuffed, as if written in a hurry. With an outstretched hand, Morreti simply offered the note for inspection. And if he hadn't done a good job of elaborating on the nature of their relationship by now, the note certainly would.
RE: If only - Toaster - 11-03-2020
Olivia studied the note carefully. It struck a chord with her. Leaving behind those close to her for the sake of pursuing her past was something she was unpleasantly accustomed to. Luckily, her past's days of haunting her were over. At least for the time being.
A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth as she finished reading. Someone had actually managed to see something desirable in Morreti. Interesting taste, she thought to herself, glancing up at the man seated across from her. And clearly the desire had been reciprocated. That, she assumed, was what this meeting was about.
Damian Morreti. Fearless leader of the Xeno Alliance. Heartbroken. How poetic.
Carefully, Olivia laid the sheet of paper down on the tabletop, smoothing out a few creases with her hand.
"She wrote she'd be back. How long has it been?"
A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth as she finished reading. Someone had actually managed to see something desirable in Morreti. Interesting taste, she thought to herself, glancing up at the man seated across from her. And clearly the desire had been reciprocated. That, she assumed, was what this meeting was about.
Damian Morreti. Fearless leader of the Xeno Alliance. Heartbroken. How poetic.
Carefully, Olivia laid the sheet of paper down on the tabletop, smoothing out a few creases with her hand.
"She wrote she'd be back. How long has it been?"
RE: If only - Reeves - 11-03-2020
He watched what she did with the paper keenly, as if mildly concerned by the fact that she might spoil it or otherwise damage it in a way that could not be undone. For whatever reason, despite his frustrations over the situation, he still valued that note as much as he did. The last vestige of somebody he cared for? Did he even care? "Months now, a year, more? I've not allowed myself to really keep track. It didn't help. She's been gone long enough that people in the Alliance just write her off as dead. Well, it's either that or assumptions that she bailed on life here for something cozier, maybe on some far flung frontier." For a moment his brows furrowed into a frown, and he would express what was on his mind at that moment.
"It's just not fair." That sounded like a grumble, a step up from his typically detached tone, or otherwise goal oriented frustrations. "She can't just say that and vanish, without even speaking to me in person before bailing." His sentences seemed increasingly rushed, as if the weight of anxiety was forcing them out under the significant leverage of discomfort. The added strain behind the words did also suggest that a knot was forming in his gut, the type which caused the throat to ache, seize up and stop words. To force yourself to speak further under that kind of duress would only break ones emotional composure. Perhaps most unfortunate though was the fact that Morreti very much viewed open displays of emotion a sign of weakness, neglecting that tears were instead a sign of being strong for too long.
He suffered through that feeling in silence, waiting for it to pass so that he wouldn't risk revealing how he might have felt, or any sign that he was hurt. It might have been obvious enough by now, but it didn't need to be explicit. With a gesture, he motioned for Olivia to return the note to him, not wanting to leave it in somebody else's hands for too long.
"It's just not fair." That sounded like a grumble, a step up from his typically detached tone, or otherwise goal oriented frustrations. "She can't just say that and vanish, without even speaking to me in person before bailing." His sentences seemed increasingly rushed, as if the weight of anxiety was forcing them out under the significant leverage of discomfort. The added strain behind the words did also suggest that a knot was forming in his gut, the type which caused the throat to ache, seize up and stop words. To force yourself to speak further under that kind of duress would only break ones emotional composure. Perhaps most unfortunate though was the fact that Morreti very much viewed open displays of emotion a sign of weakness, neglecting that tears were instead a sign of being strong for too long.
He suffered through that feeling in silence, waiting for it to pass so that he wouldn't risk revealing how he might have felt, or any sign that he was hurt. It might have been obvious enough by now, but it didn't need to be explicit. With a gesture, he motioned for Olivia to return the note to him, not wanting to leave it in somebody else's hands for too long.
RE: If only - Toaster - 11-03-2020
She gently slid the paper across the table and leaned back against the wall, crossing her arms over her chest. The smile that had played at Olivia's lips widened ever so slightly. To think she'd ever get to witness Morreti like this. Emoting. She wanted to savor every second of it but knew that it would be cruel to tease out more than was necessary for him to show. After all, he had come to her to share, not to be mocked.
She could not, however, agree with his perception of what was fair and what wasn't.
"She can. And she did," Olivia remarked bluntly. "And, assuming she really cared about you, she must have had no other choice."
Experience seemed to lend her words confidence.
Then she leaned forward again, watching Morreti writhe from the agony that was emotion. The smile vanished from Olivia's face and she continued matter-of-factly.
"Do you believe in her promise?"
She could not, however, agree with his perception of what was fair and what wasn't.
"She can. And she did," Olivia remarked bluntly. "And, assuming she really cared about you, she must have had no other choice."
Experience seemed to lend her words confidence.
Then she leaned forward again, watching Morreti writhe from the agony that was emotion. The smile vanished from Olivia's face and she continued matter-of-factly.
"Do you believe in her promise?"
RE: If only - Reeves - 11-04-2020
Taking a long exhale, he reflected inwards to try and work out if he actually believed that promise or not. His confidant had previously been the sort of person to do as they said, and to only say things they were truly capable of doing. But ever since she'd left, time had only continued to whirl by, and this cast no small degree of doubt on an otherwise infallible promise. "I think she had every intention of keeping her word when she wrote it down on this piece of paper. But between then and now, maybe things have changed. Maybe she's dead, maybe she just doesn't want to come back. Whatever the situation, I don't think I'll see her again." Angelina's absence had caused other issues, namely that her oversight over a certain sector the Alliance operated in had now defaulted back to Morreti, putting more strain on him. Though he'd managed, quite well even, he was nowhere near his best and it was starting to show.
With an elbow resting on the table, he would keep his chin atop the palm of his hand, partially obfuscating the features of his jawline and mouth. His eyes spoke of a growing sense of frustration like there was something he couldn't fully explain or quite understand, and that fact got to him more than anything else. Despite his state, the Alliance continued to fare well at least relatively speaking, but that appeared to come at Morreti's absolute expense. "I don't feel like myself anymore. Like the largest part of me is missing and even if I scoured the House, the worlds that surround it, I'd be no closer to finding anything than I am now. I'd rather feel nothing than feel all of this." More than anything else he'd said to Olivia since they first met, that revealed the most about his nature and inner machinations. It wasn't that there was some brooding sense of sadism and sick delight in the fight he'd adopted and the crimes he committed, feeling nothing at all just felt safe to him.
His coping mechanism hadn't done him any favors either, trying to neglect things and belittle their importance to him so the feelings would pass had only further agitated them. And while he was now getting a grip on his personal life, more so just strangling it until the pain went away, there were no real solutions available to him either.
With an elbow resting on the table, he would keep his chin atop the palm of his hand, partially obfuscating the features of his jawline and mouth. His eyes spoke of a growing sense of frustration like there was something he couldn't fully explain or quite understand, and that fact got to him more than anything else. Despite his state, the Alliance continued to fare well at least relatively speaking, but that appeared to come at Morreti's absolute expense. "I don't feel like myself anymore. Like the largest part of me is missing and even if I scoured the House, the worlds that surround it, I'd be no closer to finding anything than I am now. I'd rather feel nothing than feel all of this." More than anything else he'd said to Olivia since they first met, that revealed the most about his nature and inner machinations. It wasn't that there was some brooding sense of sadism and sick delight in the fight he'd adopted and the crimes he committed, feeling nothing at all just felt safe to him.
His coping mechanism hadn't done him any favors either, trying to neglect things and belittle their importance to him so the feelings would pass had only further agitated them. And while he was now getting a grip on his personal life, more so just strangling it until the pain went away, there were no real solutions available to him either.
RE: If only - Toaster - 11-04-2020
"You can't go through life without feeling. All that accomplishes is turning you into an empty husk of a man," Olivia replied.
She could certainly feel for the man. For months after Robert's death, she had wished for her own emotions to just vanish into the void of space instead of torturing her with pangs of guilt and regret. Of course, that wish never came true, and so Olivia had instead learned to cope with the feelings. Admittedly, bundling them all up and suppressing them deep within her, only to let them all out once a year in a fit of frustration and alcoholic excess wasn't what a therapist would have considered a healthy way to cope, but it had worked thus far.
Olivia doubted alcohol would do Morreti much good.
"You're right," she continued. "She might be dead. In which case, all I can suggest is to find closure and move on."
The hypocrisy tugged at her mind but she swatted the feeling away. The inability to follow ones own advice didn't render the advice invalid.
She could certainly feel for the man. For months after Robert's death, she had wished for her own emotions to just vanish into the void of space instead of torturing her with pangs of guilt and regret. Of course, that wish never came true, and so Olivia had instead learned to cope with the feelings. Admittedly, bundling them all up and suppressing them deep within her, only to let them all out once a year in a fit of frustration and alcoholic excess wasn't what a therapist would have considered a healthy way to cope, but it had worked thus far.
Olivia doubted alcohol would do Morreti much good.
"You're right," she continued. "She might be dead. In which case, all I can suggest is to find closure and move on."
The hypocrisy tugged at her mind but she swatted the feeling away. The inability to follow ones own advice didn't render the advice invalid.
RE: If only - Reeves - 11-04-2020
For a moment it seemed like he might weep as he forced himself to confront the facts. He had no idea how much significance he'd allowed this person to garner, at least not until they were gone and he found himself searching for them. There wasn't a day where she didn't confront him over something she had reservations about, where she wouldn't barge into his office uninvited. Simultaneously somebody who pushed all his buttons, and yet offered support and insight, helping not only him but the people of the cause. All this was, was just a delayed reaction to having a band-aid on the inside ripped away.
"I hate not having a choice." He admitted, and though his resolve had broken to the point where he was visibly grieving, he forced himself to do so silently. The remorse was something he wanted to get out of him, but he didn't want to hear it, that would prove infuriating, and make him seem pathetic in his own eyes.
"I hate not having a choice." He admitted, and though his resolve had broken to the point where he was visibly grieving, he forced himself to do so silently. The remorse was something he wanted to get out of him, but he didn't want to hear it, that would prove infuriating, and make him seem pathetic in his own eyes.
RE: If only - Toaster - 11-04-2020
Olivia sat in silence, watching Morreti for a few minutes. There was another choice, but she was relatively certain that the Xeno commander would not seriously consider it, not with his vast slew of responsibilities in the Alliance.
"You could...," Olivia started but paused. Maybe the serpent would be better off in the belief that whoever this special person was was indeed dead, that there was no point tearing himself apart over the possibility of her return any longer. Of course, if she did turn out to be alive and did come back to him, it would only lead to all kinds of uncomfortable complications.
"You could look for her."
"You could...," Olivia started but paused. Maybe the serpent would be better off in the belief that whoever this special person was was indeed dead, that there was no point tearing himself apart over the possibility of her return any longer. Of course, if she did turn out to be alive and did come back to him, it would only lead to all kinds of uncomfortable complications.
"You could look for her."
RE: If only - Reeves - 11-04-2020
He refused with a shake of the head immediately, not for lack of desire, but for lack of choice again. "She told me one of the few things that would keep this Alliance united was me. Knowing she believed that, knowing how much there is that I need to do here, I can't just leave to look for her. I don't even know where she might have gone." There was nothing to suggest that he was upset by her proposal, in fact the way he answered seemed to very much indicate that he'd already considered this course of action, but naturally came to the conclusion he just expressed. "If she were still alive she'd have tried to reach out to me. If she felt there was a need that somebody might need to find her if she didn't come back, then she would have told me where she was going. She's gone, and might even not want to be found." That was definitely a different spin on things, the note she left him didn't provide much in the way of details. With things being left as vague as they were, he didn't even have a lead to go on, nothing to guarantee that time wouldn't be wasted running in the wrong directions.
RE: If only - Toaster - 11-04-2020
Olivia nodded her understanding. Morreti was right.
"Then dead she is."
It was a brutal truth, but simple and therefore easy to believe.
The mercenary got to her feet and leaned against the tabletop, looking down at the man still seated in the old, nearly rusted-through chair she had provided. There wasn't much left for her to do or say to him; the matter seemed resolved as far as deciding on how to feel was concerned. Now it was a matter of him accepting the facts and getting over the loss of the person he cared for so much.
For a moment, Olivia considered remarking something vapid along the lines of there being someone else out there for him, but decided not to. At this stage, it would be borderline insulting, not to mention probably untrue. So instead, she decided to wait and see what Morreti would choose to do next.
"Then dead she is."
It was a brutal truth, but simple and therefore easy to believe.
The mercenary got to her feet and leaned against the tabletop, looking down at the man still seated in the old, nearly rusted-through chair she had provided. There wasn't much left for her to do or say to him; the matter seemed resolved as far as deciding on how to feel was concerned. Now it was a matter of him accepting the facts and getting over the loss of the person he cared for so much.
For a moment, Olivia considered remarking something vapid along the lines of there being someone else out there for him, but decided not to. At this stage, it would be borderline insulting, not to mention probably untrue. So instead, she decided to wait and see what Morreti would choose to do next.