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Fallen Angel of Malta - RavenBlade1980 - 12-13-2020
![[Image: KzJI7FE.png]](https://i.imgur.com/KzJI7FE.png)
Fallen Angel of MaltaMy name is Catalina Anna Fernández,. I am the daughter of the late Gunship Capt.Jesus Juan Fernández and his wife Selena Anna Fernández. My mother died the day I was born, so I was raised by my father. He later passed when I was 8 years old. I was left to the streets of Malta, until an old family friend found me and raised me till I was 15. He taught me everything I know about how to pilot a gunboat through virtual reality. An obscure tech that was almost lost on the exodus onboard the Hispania. On my 15th birthday my adopted father gave me my fathers gunship RM-3C Mrk3"Tridente" named DeathKnight that I renamed to Kurohana and I been on many raids in Liberty, Kusari as well as outer systems and its been 3 years since that day. I have done much and now I fit well in my fathers seat that still has his smell of cigars and cardamine. I have been through a lot in those 3 years, seen more then most girls my age, but yet, I was weary of my Outcast Brothers and Sisters. They don't fight for a cause I believe in, and many of the Outcast men wanted me to be theirs like I was some kind of property.
In my own exodus to leave all that I know behind and to join one that I would believe in. I found the Golden Chrysanthemums Gen'an Cell, Only to fail to join them I was left alone and venerable I am still part of the regular GC but many in their ranks don't see me as someone worth working with. I been surviving on rations and minimal cardamine supplied to me by a former lover on Malta. After failing to go back to my old life by begging for forgiveness from my adopted father I only ended up with being backhanded to the ground and staring down the barrel of a gun being told to never come back. I now wonder aimlessly around Siris finding work when I can all the way down to being a waitress in the Blood Dragons bars. When I don't work I try to find space ports where I can park my ship in and just sleep on the seat that still smells of my father and I wonder every day was it worth it, was it worth leaving everything behind, becoming shunned from everything I knew and loved, for my life to end up being lost in the pages of time, a shadow of who I once was. Now I fight to survive and try to find my way maybe I will be granted a second chance by the Gen'an. But who knows. I harbor no ill-will towards them I just now know I have much to learn, and need to find my way to being worthy to them maybe this is a trial not to them but for myself. Only time will tell. My story has not ended but I have only myself to write it till I find my way.
RE: Fallen Angel of Malta - RavenBlade1980 - 12-13-2020
Log 12/13/827
I was out getting my supplies from John my former lover and noticed on my deep scanner that some of the Gen'an where out in Omicron Lost and sense I lost all of my communication with them I went out to speak to them. And I asked them if there was still a chance to join them and to my surprise they may give me that chance I simply need to reapply. I will do so in time once I can see in my own eyes that I am worthy to join them. I need only to find it in my heart to learn and work on my study's and learn more about the writings and philosophies of Tuyu Matsuda and start my way into embracing it into my every day life. But everything come in dew time. I am still trying to find true enlightenment, maybe through to heat of combat.
Today I did my normal hunting of the annoying Bounty Hunters and other enemy total of 43 then I took them to Malta for them to give them the proper punishment. Plans for tomorrow is to hunt and attack Kusari military and other factions the stand in the way of the Gen'an. So gonna try and get some rest and prepare for the battles ahead of me. For now this log is short but I am so tired after the long flight to Omicron Lost and back.
End of Log
RE: Fallen Angel of Malta - RavenBlade1980 - 12-19-2020
Log 12/18/827
I was wondering around the Kusari systems and found a wreck of a small Kusari Naval ship and found a Minified Spyglass scanner. I quickly salvaged it and took it to the Hacker base Mactan in Magellan where they fixed it and installed it for a very good price. I only had to work as a waitress for 3 days and pay 20,000 credits which was a good deal. At least they where very nice to me and not harassing me. Now my ship has a working scanner that I don't have to constantly work on after I took a direct hit from a Liberty Navel gunboat when I was still part of the Outcast. That dam thing was so annoying. To my surprise they even fixed the FCS, a nice Lane Hacker maintenance worker named Bob Haskie worked on it for me for free and didn't ask for a thing in return. I did thank him and gave him a big hug and told him he reminded me of my father. My father was a very sweet man and was a wonder with tools and programming.
After a long flight to Okinawa I stopped at Sendai Research Complex for some long needed rest and maybe do some work for the Blood Dragons. After reaching Okinawa I had to stop and pause, this is a very beautiful system the star is one I haven't seen before, this is my first time being here. In my search for enlightenment I finally found the place I can reflect on the teachings of Yuyu Matsuda. I am trying to find my way to chose how I want to live my life I left everything behind, but I still struggle with it do I truly want to give my life and even sacrifice my life by the teachings of Yuyu Matsuda. I truly don't know right now. I still need to meditate but I cant get past the smell of my father in my ship. My father once told me when you are lost and are all alone you need only listen to your heart and follow it. Right now my heart says to read and learn and bear witness to all that it stands for. I do believe in it and accept it and am willing to die if that is needed to be.
End of Log
RE: Fallen Angel of Malta - RavenBlade1980 - 12-19-2020
Log 12/19/827
I managed to get some good sleep last night which is rare for me now. While I was working at Sendai Research Complex's bar, I had a conversation with one of the Blood Dragons named Kenichi. He wanted to know some of my history because my last name was familiar to his family and I told him about my father and the fact I can trace my roots as a pure descendant all the way back to the Hispania. He was amazed being that children born with a heritage like mine is almost unheard of if not almost impossible. Then he asked why I left the Outcast and joined the GC I simply told him it was because of my heritage that being a girl of my age with the linage I have I was a prize that was wanted by every man on Malta. That my adopted father had arranged a marriage for me to be wedded with a 100year old man. Which is something I wouldn't tolerate and I ran into a Gen'an who told me about the teachings of Yuyu Matsuda and in my own search for freedom I found my way and I tried and failed to join them but it wasn't a total shutdown to join them but merely I needed to understand fully what Yuyu teachings where and what I must do and that right now I am searching for enlightenment to find my way. He then told me about how my father helped him when his ship was nearly destroyed by Kusari Navel fighters. How he gave him nano bots to fix his ship and fallowed him to the nearest Blood Dragon base. My father gave him a necklace and told him that one day his daughter Catalina would need help perhaps guidance one day as if my father knew that I would be in this situation I am in.
He handed me the necklace and told me that it is time he repaid his debt to my father. He simply told me that I was looking in all the wrong places for enlightenment that instead of flying system to system. I need only to sit still and to search in my heart what is it that seek, what is it that I want, what is it that draws me to what ever future that is right for me. You walked away from all you knew, all you loved, and now trapped in this half life, a life with no home but the ship you sleep in that was once the ship that belong to your father. The last bit of your past that no one could claim from you. That I am sure still smells of your father still has the picture of you, and him together when you where still a little girl and one of your mother. Then he said, I am sure you are sacred but once you find yourself your path will be clear and you will walk it unafraid and find that you are no little girl but a woman that even the most fiercest man will fear. It is in you a daughter of Malta the blood that runs through your veins that has never left just because you support a different faction only when your past present and future a line will you know what it is you want. The only place you need to search is your heart. And with that he left me a tip of 900 credits and bowed and left.
I sat for a long time after I finished with the bar and thought to myself, what the hell did he mean, holding the necklace that was given to me I recognized the insignia. Its was my mothers family crest. I knew he wasn't lying I then bought me some food went back to my ship then I put it on. It was as if I could feel my mothers spirit was near she was a fierce woman which attracted my fathers eye as he always told me. It seems that my future though uncertain will continue on I think I might do what he told me to sit in one place.
End of Log
RE: Fallen Angel of Malta - RavenBlade1980 - 12-24-2020
Log 12/23/827
Today was an interesting one. I been sitting in Sendai Research Complex listening to the com chat and eating some sushi and drinking Saki. Then I heard the Gen'an preparing to combat Kusari Navel and police forces. I decided to join them. I quickly send a long range message to them asking if I could assist and they gave me the go-a-head. The Blood Dragons that was outside my ship was shocked seeing a petite girl wolfing down food like there was no tomorrow. I was just ready to go and maybe show that I am worthy of them at least in a fight, maybe more of the shear need to see some action of some kind. I have for weeks just been flying around systems exploring Sirius as well as my soul, with only a few moments of adrenaline by being jumped by Bounty Hunters or house police.
So I rendezvous with them on Ainu and then the battle was set we headed to the New Tokyo jump gate in Kyushu. It was a fierce battle was going well but I found my turrets were not good enough to hit a super heavy let alone anything smaller then a gunboat so I have sense changed from Outcast gunboat turrets to Solaris gunboat turrets. We did some major damage to a Kusari destroyer but a second one showed up and we had to pull back, to live to fight another day.
On my way to Malta to get my cardamine, it suddenly hit me everything I read everything I did my past,my exodus from Malta and the arranged marriage, the leaving all I knew to live the life of my own choosing it came full circle with this one battle and the trip to Malta I found what I was seeking the enlightenment I was searching for. These women who are ready to die to free Kusari from the corporations corruption, I now understand what they are fighting for I was always the outsider looking in. I was never fully able to grasp it till now. Now that I have seen how gracefully they fly and how fiercely they fought. My cause is their cause I am not so different from them even if the Outcast are aliened with them my fight isn't with the Outcast but simply my own heritage. I know all to well what its like to be force to accept a life that I didn't want, to be nothing but a breeder to bring more children of pure blood when my much older half brother already has done that already in mass with 14 children. I would never ever allow a 100 year old man to ever touch me. Now I only seek to fight at their side because I see I have more in common with them then I do my own Outcast blood. This is only a small step and I am sure I will have many more as time goes by.
My story is far from being finished but we just getting started
End of Log
RE: Fallen Angel of Malta - RavenBlade1980 - 01-31-2021
Log 1/30/828
Its been some time sense the last log. I been out searching my heart and soul as well as some work I been doing on my ship. I upgraded my guns to the new GC weapons and changed my engines again the GC ones are far better and don't require as much maintenance. Life has been bitter sweet sense I left the Outcast I no longer have the fear of being forced into a life I never wanted, and I am free to do what I please. Yet I had a big target on my back for some time. My adopted father put out a bounty on me to bring me back it seams even he couldn't let go. I had only one choice I had to face him in single combat and win my freedom once and for all. It was a fierce fight but I won and now no one questions me leaving anymore.
When I was walking away to get to my ship my big brother Antonio stopped me and to my surprise he told me he was proud of me, and that our dad would be to. That actually took my breath away for a moment Antonio always told me I was the same as my mother right down to the the veracity and fierceness of my heart to the to never back down no matter what the problem is. Then he gave me a hug and told me if I need anything I need only ask. I told him the only thing I need is to be left alone that this path I walk I must do it on my own. My heart beats of Malta's blood but my soul belongs to the GC and someday hopefully soon to the Gen'an. I must walk my own path and to what that path is, it will show itself to me when the time comes. Perhaps when the sisterhood completes their cause I will come back but the war needs fresh blood and I seek only to fight and if I must die in their name and with the teachings of Yuyu Matsuda in my hands heart and soul. I feel more at home with them then I do with the Outcast, Daddy always told me to fallow my heart and that is exactly what I am doing.
He stepped back and was shocked by my answer he simply handed me some credits and said this is for the cause and that no matter what I do, I will always be his little sister and if I am in trouble and he is near he will come to my aid because that's what brothers do. We both stood there for a moment and then we walked our respective ways. And now I sit back in Ainu, eating my rice and sushi and drinking my plum wine. And thinking of all the events that led to this point I am starting to understand and now I have no fear, and most of all no regrets. I am almost ready to try to join the Gen'an again but I still have a few more things to figure out I must be able to have no hesitations in my heart ones that is gone I will know the path to walk.
End Log
RE: Fallen Angel of Malta - RavenBlade1980 - 02-04-2021
Log 2/3/828
Today I woke up with only one thing in my mind. I will apply again to the Gen'an. Perhaps I will be granted a second chance. I have no more fear, no more regrets, and most of all no more hesitation. I am ready to try again and just maybe I will be welcomed in their ranks. To think I have nothing more to learn would be a foolish thought I still have much to learn, but the things I need to learn I cant do it alone. I need their guidance, I need their wisdom to fully be able to embrace this life. I am ready to fight and if necessary die for the cause. Their fight is my fight. I may not be like them, but I fight not just for the injustices that are going on in Kusari, but the injustices going on with in my own life I know what its like to be forced into a life that you have little choice to do anything but what you are told. I was trapped not by my own people but by my own bloodline. I have wondered around fighting working sleeping in my ship in spaceports and many times just floating around in open space. If I manage to become one of them or not that remains to be seen but I will never stop trying to join them not till my last breath leaves my body.
End of Log
RE: Fallen Angel of Malta - RavenBlade1980 - 02-07-2021
Log 2/7/828
To day was a hard night I went on protection duty with four fighters for the Gen'an from Malta to Beaumont Base taking cardamine and returning with slaves to Malta. The trip there was mostly uneventful except being fallowed by Gallic Intelligence, and on the way back to Malta they set up an ambush in Kyushu system near Plant Kyushu. The Hatsuyuki commanded by Capt. Sakura Ayakura was the transport we where protecting, it was a fierce battle then the fowl stench of the Kusari Navel force showed up,and me and the other sisters fell our ships where unable to kill the enemy but we still fulfilled out mission the Hatsuyuki got away. I was floating around in my broken and battered ship when I feared that my fathers ship would be my tomb. Sakura came back for me she brought me and my ship back and took me to Battleship Matsuda.
I feared that this would be the end to my days of battle being my ship was so damaged but the crew onboard the Matsuda heard of the battle and are helping me to put her back to her former glory. It will be some time before I can fight again but for now I will just relax and try to rest. It felt good to fight alongside the Gen'an perhaps I will earn my place to become one of them but as to that only time will tell if I am worthy of them. Even if I dont bare the right to be called one of them I will still fight and die if I must in their name. Even if it cost me my life to be one of them then I at least know in the afterlife I would have earned my place and my story will go on. I know my father is proud of me I fought hard and the mission even with us falling was still a success even if we all fell we all survived we where picked up and brought back so it was only our ships that took the hit. I mean even 2 mercs came and helped so I guess we move on from this lick our wounds and rebuild and carry on. Now it is time I rest I had enough excitement for now.
End of Log
RE: Fallen Angel of Malta - RavenBlade1980 - 02-09-2021
Log 2/9/828
I was working on the Battleship Matsuda finishing repairs on my ship the Kurohana when I received a communication from the Gen'an. I have been welcomed back to their ranks. As a Minarai I wont be flying their tag as of yet I still have much to learn but it is the first step of becoming a full member of them. All the hard work I put in to better myself to be worthy of them is starting to pay off I know that I am a long way from the end goal to become a full member but every story has its starts and I now have the path laid out for me. I am starting to understand what my daddies friend Kenichi had told me. That when my past present and future a line I will know my path and walk it without fear or hesitation. The story now on the next chapter and hopefully will have many more to go for now I must be still and concentrate on repairs on my ship so I will be ready when I am called to arms to fight for the future of Kusari.
End of Log
RE: Fallen Angel of Malta - RavenBlade1980 - 03-31-2021
Log 3/31/828
It has been some time sense my last entry I been busy with things and a few missions with my Gen'an sisters, but sadly my uncle had passed while I was away so I returned to Malta to attend his funeral. I know its something frowned upon among my sisters but he was one of the most influential people in my life and was the one who told me to fallow my heart when I became lost and not agreeing with the Outcast. I would not be where I am if it wasn't for him he is after all the one who gave me some credits to leave. I never shared this with anyone but its something I had to deal with I have sense payed him back all the credits, and to my surprise he named me his beneficiary to his estate. In his things I found pictures of my mother when she was young him being her brother it didn't surprise me. What did surprise me was the fact I looked so much like my mother when she was my age. The other thing I found was my mothers diary which she kept a lot of her history and what it means to bear the lineage of our bloodline going back to the Hispana. She was in a arranged marriage with my father and she wasn't happy at first, but what cheered her up was when she had me. Later she made my uncle swear that should I ever want to leave and to not be forced into a marriage that I wanted nothing to do with that he would do everything in his power to help me leave and make sure that I have all that I would need in that escape. Its as if she knew that what happened to her would happen to me. As I read on I found secrets that litterally blew my mind and poetry that moved my soul. I couldn't find anything about any regret, and she had nothing but love for my father it just took time but the difference in my father and that blowhard that wanted me as his wife was one small thing he was a cruel and evil man he owned many slaves several of them where woman if he could enslave anyone that was a woman and have children with them by forcing it I could never ever let that to happen to me. Any question of me leaving the Outcast was wiped away after reading my mothers journal ended up she had talked to the Gen'an in the past but nothing ever came of it. I at least have one foot in the door. I am all in as far as I am concerned. I will do all that is in my power to prove to my sisters I am worthy to become a full member in their ranks it will take time because my last failure they are being careful in this but I will show them I will fight and if I must die at their side. That I will be worthy to serve in their ranks. May the Gen'an show me favor and allow me to serve as one of them.
May my story live forever
End Log