UCNN - April Fool's Report - Printable Version

This is Gustavo Almadovar for the UCNN with an exclusive report about a ardiente information unearthed!

I got invited to a cita for an interview with the Executor Ravenna Nagash at Deterrence's Reincarnation Outpost located inside the atmosphere of planeto Knossos.
While waiting for the Executor to grace me with her presence, I noticed some festivities happening in the station.
The ruckus clearly took its origin from the crew quarters, people were DRUNK. During this particular moment I was not sure, what the causa de fiesta was. The security team was also drunk, I noticed after following the music and the stench of stale rheinbier. At this point, my reporter senses took over and I quietly made my way into the more ... delicate decks of the station.
And indeed it was as I expected: No one there to stand guard - mucha fortuna!

Wandering through the uppermost corridor of the station, I noticed nameplates on the doors of some cabins. One bore the name "Nagash". I couldn't resist! And went in...

Pink! Everywhere! And I am dead-seriosa, everything was pink, even the sodium vapor light on the wall had been taped over with some semi-transparent pink foil to alter the trademark yellow glare - si, I checked that.
It was giving my poor eyes pain! So much pain! And the expectations clashing in my mind with what crimen contra la humanidad I had the incredible misfortune to witness were invoking an immediate headache.
I stumbled and fell to the ground. Hitting soft PINK flokati carpet. Having my head almost level to the ground, I saw it! A book. A book made with paper pages, rare in these parts on the Omicrons, much rarer even in the Imperio del Corsair.
It was half tucked under the rushed sheets of a veiled canopy bed.

I took it and couldn't believe my watering, martyred ojos - a diary! With utmost hast I opened it and read at the latest entry! And dear readers, let me tell you this in advance, every word I will informaré was true to the letter in there.
(And yes, the diary was wrapped in pink leather!)

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01/APRILUS/829AS

Dear diary,
I am so excited, that I have to write this down early today! I will complete the entry when it's nighty-night.
Now I have to make myself presentable for an interview with a really annoying and slimy reporter from the CNN. I don't like him, he smelled so pungent of hair oil the last time I met with him.
Thankfully he was so nervous that he got sick and his much friendlier colleague had to step in. I like that Petroula woman.

Well today I took precautions. I ate sooo many onions that I don't smell anything. This will help me survive this stupid interview.
I don't want to do this, it's boring...
Planning some cool things with my staff is mucho more interesting.
Like earlier this morning when I could finally gave the one cool order I was waiting to give for weeks now! ❤️
It was glorious! I felt glorious!
The plan is glorious!

Oh dear diary, I am sure you are dying to know happened! Don't fret, my friend. I will tell you.
Today on the morning it arrived!
The transport with my new pony on board! She is so sweet and cuddly! I love her!
Had an extension built on Reincarnation Outpost so she can run around in this special hangar.
With straw and a horse-box and everything the little cutey girl needs. I will call her "Mindy".
I am soooo happy right now!
As soon as the reporter leaves, I will brush and cuddle her for the rest of the day! ❤️

Oh, yes. I almost forgot, dear trustworthy diary:
We have agreed to transition all the Corsairs to become an extension of the Rheinland Army in exchange for food & beer. I even got to design our new uniform myself! Smile

♫

I think Mr Stinky will arrive any minute here on the station, must take a quick shower.
And then I have to mimic this strange accent again to sound more like a ... urrrrgh ... "true" Corsair! Stupido!
I will write to you later, diary.

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Oh, my dear readers. After seeing this, I am mucho ashamed to say that my mind was broken from all the shock and the pink. I huyó de la escena as fast as I could, my interview forgotten - Dios mío.
I am certain that after this is published, you may never see me again.
Farewell to you all. - Qué manera de comenzar el mes...

For UCNN, Gustavo Almadovar.

Disclaimer

Reported in 829AS by the Unofficial Corsair News Network