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+---- Thread: Valorian (/showthread.php?tid=27315)
Valorian - Frazzer. - 09-28-2009
Requesting feedback.:)
My first attempt of a RP story but I think something is missing but I don't know what.
-Regards
Valorian - Barrier - 09-28-2009
I gotta say, if this is your first time, you did great. I liked the part about Gallia and Liberty texting around :laugh:
:)Pros: The Valorian is a great name in my opinion.___ I like the idea of using PEOPLE for fuel. (H-Fuel = Human Fuel huh? :lol:)___ You portrait Gallians as people with care.___ Good job on thinking of new technology.
:(Cons: I think you should've at least dropped a hint to where the ship disappeared to the reader before Gallia "found" it. (that's what I think is missing from your story - readers don't know what happened to the ship or the new captain)___ I don't think battleships can comfortably operate inside the debris fields (too large).___ I think you should've talked about the Liberty developing weapons to scare Rheinland earlier in the story.___ The Junkers wouldn't be so helpful, unless they got a really good profit out of the deal.