+- Discovery Gaming Community (https://discoverygc.com/forums)
+-- Forum: Role-Playing (https://discoverygc.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?fid=9)
+--- Forum: Stories and Biographies (https://discoverygc.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?fid=56)
+---- Forum: RP Stories Feedback Forum (https://discoverygc.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?fid=29)
+---- Thread: Carlos' Story Feedback (/showthread.php?tid=28473)
Carlos' Story Feedback - Carlos_Benitez - 10-19-2009
A Lost Hermano / Carlos' Story -My main RP story, which charts the early life of Carlos Benitez before he assumed command. Includes cameos from a number of players' characters.
Carlos Benitez Character Profile (wiki) -Summary of character history.
Guardian of Crete -Exerts from the flightlog of the Benitez Flagship Talos, 690-817 AS, charting 127 years of history, including a number of historical conflicts and campaigns, and a number of different versions of the mighty vessel.
Battleship Talos (wiki)-Summary of the recent history of the Talos, including description of previous versions since the original Talos-A comissioned in 690-AS.
Carlos' Story Feedback - Alfonso_Benitez - 09-17-2010
I am surprised and utterly bewildered that it's been almost an year since this thread was started, and *nobody* has given any feedback.
The stories are superbly crafted, with deftly etched characters and gripping plots. A very good example of creative writing, overall, I must say. I look forward to the next instalments.
The only gripe I have is the formatting. I would suggest either leaving a line between paragraphs, or simply merging them into a single paragraph. You've left linespaces at only certain points.
Carlos' Story Feedback - Mr.Fabulous - 05-09-2012
' Wrote:I am surprised and utterly bewildered that it's been almost an year since this thread was started, and *nobody* has given any feedback.
... And now it's been almost 2 years since the last feedback! I came here in the hopes of searching for the aspects of Corsair culture, and though it's not what I was looking for, this thread still details the history of one of the infamous Benitez family.
' Wrote:The stories are superbly crafted, with deftly etched characters and gripping plots. A very good example of creative writing, overall, I must say. I look forward to the next instalments.
I agree very wholeheartedly. Comparatively-minimalistic in its use of descriptions, yet grips the audience's attention with sheer tenacity. Not once have I been bored reading this story, and that is something that you don't always find in literature. Excellent work!
' Wrote:The only gripe I have is the formatting. I would suggest either leaving a line between paragraphs, or simply merging them into a single paragraph. You've left linespaces at only certain points.
... but the story somewhat gives the impression that you made it in haste. If it weren't so, you'd have gone to greater lengths in making it much easier to read. Especially in separating dialogue lines from each other, it would've made knowing who's speaking easier to discern.
But as I've stated, very minimalistic, but the good thing about minimalistic works is it allows greater momentum. Something that I, a fellow writer, still have much to learn about.
Overall, a very well-thought out piece of work, only requiring more editing-time to have made it that much more perfect. Good Job, señor!
Leon.