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+---- Thread: Hanover Fist - Feedback (/showthread.php?tid=53425)
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Hanover Fist - Feedback - hanover fist - 01-18-2011
Lissen up you rats!
I wanna know what you think of my story here.
"I've got your name on this list"
This is my first crack at a 'lawful' character, and eventually it will end with him becoming a Bounty Hunter...
...as if my Signature left any doubt.
It's definitely a work in progress, so your input is invaluable.
I'm also going for a new rhythm, well, new for me. I tend to be rather lengthy at my best...Pedantic and long-winded at my worst.
Also, if you wanna guess who I really am, I won't stop ya.
But this aint my first rodeo, I'll tell ya.
Thanks!
Hanover Fist - Feedback - Marburg - 01-19-2011
I like it. The tone is dark & moody, it reads like an internal monologue & I appreciate that it's all written in short scenes instead of text walls.
If it's all the same to you, Ima keep reading as you go along.
K?
K.:cool:
Hanover Fist - Feedback - Patrician - 01-19-2011
I agree with 'burg. The fact that its short and not walls of text may encourage more people to read it, and it is good. Only thing is the name; every time I read Hanover Fist a little voice in the back of my head yells "STTTEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRNNN!" and I see an ogre wrecking a courtroom.
Hanover Fist - Feedback - hanover fist - 01-19-2011
"Sterrrrnnnn!?! He's nothing but a low-down, double-dealing, backstabbing, larcenous perverted worm!
Hanging's too good for him.
Burning's too good for him!
He should be torn into little bitsy pieces and buried alive!"
Gotta love inspiration!
@Marburg -this one ends as a 10post, one page'r. just a character bio, really. More ongoing stories on another thread (I'll tag the two together) as things move along.
Thanks for the feedback!
Hanover Fist - Feedback - Rodent - 01-20-2011
I enjoyed reading it a lot. Short, to the point, hits the tone really well. Sets the character up nicely, in a dark and dreary world for him.
Hanover Fist - Feedback - Strichev - 01-20-2011
This part seems rather odd to me.
Quote:No man is perfect.SS officer? I'm probably missing something, as I'm sure you didn't mean the "Schutzstaffel".
Another two Rheinland war machines slid into range as the SS officer stalked the aisle, scanning the passengers.
---
They didn't need a name.
Hanover Fist - Feedback - Primitive - 01-20-2011
I accidentally found the story...I love it man. Hope to see more in same style.
Keep it up. Really...I'm impressed.
(<-wonders who you are?)
Hanover Fist - Feedback - hanover fist - 01-21-2011
Thanks again for taking the time to read it guys.
I tried to keep it short and sweet and readable without boring you to tears.
I am loving the feedback, it helps me to know what to focus on as the story advances.
Thanks!
@ Sokol:
This->
Quote:...The Rheinland Secret Service didn't have my name...is where this->
Quote:...SS officer...came from. I wondered how to be more specific without being lengthy and losing rhythm, then said, meh, it'll do. Still, I just knew someone would notice it. Good eye, sorry for the confusion.
I had no intent to invoke the "Schutzstaffel".
@ Primitive:
Not even a guess at my secret Identity?
An inkling?
---And I think so far only 2, maybe 3 people KNOW who I am...so you guys "Shhhh!"
Hanover Fist - Feedback - Primitive - 01-22-2011
' Wrote:@ Primitive:
Not even a guess at my secret Identity?
An inkling?
---And I think so far only 2, maybe 3 people KNOW who I am...so you guys "Shhhh!"
Hehe sorry I have no idea... quite like it...I like when people create mystery on disco..all I care, keep it up really, my curiosity is kicking...doesn't mean I'll discover it unless you mess it;)
And yeah..more story..I quite enjoy in it
Hanover Fist - Feedback - Commissar - 01-24-2011
Stumbled across your story and found it pretty creepy, must say. Fits in well with the character.
I haven't had the fortune of meeting you in-game yet, but when I do, you can bet I'll be running in the opposite direction (Pirates and Hunters don't traditionally get on that well... *Grins.*)
Good luck!