To: Natalie Callahan - Printable Version

To: Natalie Callahan - Printable Version

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+--- Thread: To: Natalie Callahan (/showthread.php?tid=67996)

To: Natalie Callahan - Pancakes - 10-26-2011

---~~--- Channel Open ---~~---
---~~--- Sender: Julian Du Pancake ---~~---

[font=Agency fb]Bonjour madame Callahan.

I don't know if you ever heard of me, most likely not, however I am a mercenary, and the name is Julian. Julian Du Pancake.

Monsieur Zweihander sent me. He told me you have something that I might like, he also said it is a surprise. And well I happen to love surprises!

Au revoir and a wonderful day!

---~~--- Channel Closed ---~~---

To: Natalie Callahan - Blighter - 10-26-2011

>:( From: T[color=#000000]. Maximus[color=#000000], BigMAX™ <strike>Security, Ripping and Tearing, Skull,bashing and Ass,whooping Department, Manager</strike> CHAPTER MASTER YOU STUPID MACHINE SPIRIT!
>[color=#CC0000]:( [color=#FF0000]Towards: Julian Du Pancake
[color=#000000]>[color=#CC0000]:( [color=#FF0000]Regarding: I AM CONFUSED[color=#000000]!

[color=#FF0000]A dude clad in what appears to be powered armor appears on the screen.

BY THE EMPEROR WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT?

He seems to be somewhat crazy.

THE BOSS IS NOT HERE. THE BOSS IS BUSY ELSEWHERE. I THINK SHE IS KILLING THINGS.

Not only that[color=#000000], but he apparently is also very, very angry.

AND THAT OTHER CHICK WHO CALLS HERSELF MANAGER OF SHADY BUSINESS AND ESPIONAGE AND ALL THAT OTHER UNMANLY AND NOT ANGRY CRAP IS NOT HERE EITHER.

YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE ISN'T HERE?

THE THING THAT YOU WANT.

YOU KNOW WHY?

BECAUSE I AM CONFUSED.

CONFUSION MAKES ME ANGRY.

AND I WAS ALREADY ANGRY.

NOW I AM EVEN ANGRIER.

THIS IS PISSING ME OFF.

WHICH MEANS YOU ARE LUCKY BECAUSE I'M NOT YET PISSED OFF ENOUGH TO RIP YOUR HEAD OFF BUT I'M PISSED-OFF WELL ENOUGH TO FEEL A SLIVER OF SOMETHING UNFAMILIAR WHICH TELLS ME THAT YOU ARE A GOOD GUY BECAUSE YOU PISSED ME OFF EVEN MORE WHICH IS ACTUALLY A GOOD THING.

NOW I WANT YOU TO CALL ME AGAIN BUT NOT WHILE I'M PRACTICING BEATING THE HELL OUT OF THINGS BECAUSE THAT WOULD SUCK AND I NEED MY PRACTICE OR ELSE I CAN'T VENT ANY OF THIS WONDERFUL RAGE AND TURN IT INTO MORE RAGE AND BURNING HATRED SO I CAN RIP AND TEAR YOUR GUTS.

MAYBE NOT YOUR GUTS BECAUSE I KNOW THAT YOU WILL TELL ME WHAT EXACTLY YOU WANT FROM ME, THAT OTHER CHICK, OR THE BOSS NEXT TIME AND THEN MAYBE WE CAN MAKE A DEAL. BUT YOU BETTER BE ANGRIER NEXT TIME BECAUSE I DON'T MAKE NO DEALS WITH SISSY-BOYSCOUT-FAIRY-ARSED-BEDWETTERS WHO CONFUSE ME TWICE.

A minute of silence passes. Unfortunately.

WHY IS THIS GODDAMN CAMERA STILL ON? THIS MAKES ME SO GODDAMN ANGRY!

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-

And as the camera gets bashed to shreds, the video-feed fades to black.

To: Natalie Callahan - Pancakes - 10-26-2011

---~~--- Channel Open ---~~---
---~~--- Sender: Julian Du Pancake ---~~---
~~Regarding: I am confusing myself too~~

[font=Agency fb]

THAT BAYONET THING, THIS ZWEIHANDER. Wait a second... that's not right... why was I angry. This is all terribly confusing to myself... I should get diagnosed or something.

few moments pass

Ahem. Yes, bayonet. He said that your boss is the contact to talk with about acquiring it. Well, I want it!

So name the price and catch or something, I don't see it as any different thing.

Also, any chance to add some Hellflurry Mk. Five to it? I mean, they look great!

Au revoir!

---~~--- Channel Closed ---~~---

To: Natalie Callahan - Blighter - 10-26-2011

>:( From: T[color=#000000]. Maximus[color=#000000], BigMAX™ <strike>Chapter Master</strike> -CHAPTER MASTER- AND THIS BETTER BE IN ALLCAPS FROM THE START NEXT TIME!
>[color=#CC0000]:( [color=#FF0000]Towards: Julian Du Pancake
[color=#000000]>[color=#CC0000]:( [color=#FF0000]Regarding: I AM ANGRIER[color=#000000]!

[color=#FF0000]The dude appears.

WELL THAT SOUNDED A LITTLE BETTER DIDN'T IT MY LITTLE GALLIC FAIRY!

He is still angry.

I DON'T THINK I CAN GIVE YOU ANY OF THOSE FLU-FLA-FLUFFY THINGS YOU WANT.

BUT I THINK I CAN GIVE YOU ONE OF THOSE BAYONETS.

AND I THINK THE BOSS WANTS TO GET SOME MONEY FOR IT.

BUT I CAN GIVE YOU IT FOR LESS MONEY WHICH IS LIKE EIGHTY-EIGHT MILLION AND EIGHT-HUNDRED-EIGHT THOUSAND AND EIGHT-HUNDRED-AND-EIGHT CREDITS OR EIGHT EIGHTS IN A ROW IF YOU DON'T FOLLOW, WHICH YOU BETTER DO OR I WILL GET VERY DAMN ANGRY SON.

He pauses to think for a second.

BUT BEFORE I GIVE YOU A BAYONET AND YOU GIVE THE BOSS ANY CASH I WANT YOU TO GIVE ME SOMETHING.

AND THAT SOMETHING IS A GODDAMN DEMONSTRATION.

BECAUSE I AM NOT SURE IF YOU ARE ANGRY ENOUGH TO GET A BAYONET.

I THINK YOU KNOW EXACTLY WELL THAT A BAYONET IS SOMETHING THAT YOU PUT ON A RIFLE AND THEN USE TO STAB PEOPLE INSTEAD OF SHOOTING THEM BECAUSE STABBING IS MORE ANGRY THAN SHOOTING WITH SOME FAIRY-ARSED FLASHLIGHT-LASER-RIFLE AND I'M NOT GOING TO GIVE A BAYONET TO SOMEONE WHO CANNOT FULLY APPRECIATE THE SPIRIT OF SUCH A GLORIOUS AND ANGRY WEAPON THAT GAVE ITS NAME TO AN EVEN ANGRIER SPACESHIP THAT LETS YOU VENT YOUR RAGE ON EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING BUT WITH MORE EXPLOSIONS AND IN SPACE.

SO BEFORE YOU GET WHAT YOU WANT I WANT YOU TO SHOW ME THAT YOU ARE ANGRY ENOUGH TO GET ONE BUT I THINK I MIGHT BE REPEATING MYSELF HERE AND THAT MAKES ME AAAAAANGRYYYYYY!

GODDAMN THINKING MAKES ME EVEN ANGRIER AND I AM RUNNING OUT OF THINGS TO BREAK ABOARD THIS GODFORSAKEN SHIIIIIIIIIP!

The video[color=#000000]-feed cuts off here for some miraculous reason, the only thing left being distorted audio filled with incomprehensible screams of seething fury and downright inhuman rage, mingled with the barely audible sounds of all kinds of furniture being broken and torn apart.

WELL THAT MAKES ME FEEL SO MUCH BETTER AND LESS ANGRY.

And the video-feed slash plot-device switches back on somehow, showing the dude once more along with his shattered and ripped and torn surroundings. How the camera is still standing is a miracle..

SO WHAT YOU WILL DO IS GO TO LIBERTY NOW AND THERE YOU WILL FIND YOURSELF SOME GUY OR CHICK OF THIS NAVY PRIMARY FLEET BUNCH OF PUSSIES AND THEN YOU WILL VENT YOUR RAGE ON THEM IN THE SHAPE OF -INSULTS-, AND IT BETTER BE GOOD OR CREATIVE INSULTS BECAUSE YOU WILL HAVE TO FOLLOW THEM UP WITH AN EVEN ANGRIER LITANY OF FURY AND RAGE JUST BEFORE YOUR ANGER AND HATRED REACH A LEVEL ONLY EQUAL TO THE WRATH OF GOD AND AT THAT POINT IN TIME YOU WILL RIP AND TEAR APART WHATEVER SHIP OF WHATEVER UNSUSPECTING VICTIM OF THAT SISSY-BUNCH PRIMARY FLEET YOU ENCOUNTERED.

AND YOU BETTER BE VICTORIOUS IN THAT FIGHT BECAUSE IF YOU AREN'T YOU WEREN'T ANGRY ENOUGH AND IF YOU AREN'T ANGRY ENOUGH YOU WON'T BE GETTING THIS BEAUTIFUL MACHINE OF ANGER-DELIVERY AND DESTRUCTION SO YOU BETTER NOT COME BACK WITH NEWS OF FAILURE BECAUSE THEN YOUR CHANCES WILL DROP TO AN ABSOLUTE ZERO.

I BETTER NOT HEAR ANY COMPLAINTS EITHER BUT HAVE YOUR NEXT MESSAGE BE A WHOLE BUNCH OF CAMERA SHOTS SHOWCASING ME YOUR ANGRINESS AND SCREAMING FURY BEFORE THE SLAUGHTER AND THEN YOUR SUCCESS IN DESTRUCTIVE ANGER-MANAGEMENT BY WHICH I MEAN THE KILL OF THAT DIM-WIT NAVY CREATURE THAT DOESN'T DESERVE TO BE CALLED HUMAN BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL NOT ANGRY ENOUGH WHICH IS MAKING ME MORE ANGRIER AND EVEN THINKING OF THEM IS PISSING ME OFF ALREADY.

SO YOU GET YOUR ANGER TOGETHER AND SHOW ME HOW YOU BECAME THE PERSONIFIED WRATH OF GOD THE NEXT TIME YOU CALL AND THEN I TELL YOU WHERE THE CASH GOES AND YOU GET YOUR BAYONET.

BUT I'M GOING TO STOP TALKING NOW BECAUSE I'M GETTING TO THE POINT WHERE I HAVE TO RIP AND TEAR SOMEONE'S FREAKING GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTS!

And as the next camera gets broken, the video-feed fades to black again.