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+---- Forum: RP Stories Feedback Forum (https://discoverygc.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?fid=29)
+---- Thread: Stories Feedback (/showthread.php?tid=70615)
Stories Feedback - Dane Summers - 12-24-2011
So, this is a feedback thread for the story I'm writing.
That story can be found here
A little background - basically, Dane has been removed from FP1, and likely never to return - he's lost a lot, and is now examining his memories, and trying to figure out what to do with his life.
A lot of the seeds of the story was started here and here. Where, basically, we find out that the long held story of why Dane left to the stars, was a self-inflicted delusion, to hide a particularly painful heartbreak.
In the wake of things with FP1, this also is some catharsis for me, as a lot of the emotions that Dane is going through, are some im dealing with as well.
Anyway, hope those who have read it, have enjoyed it.
Stories Feedback - Maelstrom - 12-24-2011
I like the images and such sprinkled through it. I like the two perspective narrative and the descriptions of the scenery were fairly well done. I'm not to hot on the continued drama without real action, though. Showing that depression, angst, and regret weigh heavily on Dane is fine, nothing at all wrong with that. To much, though, and the reader starts skipping ahead.
Edit: I guess I should add that action doesn't necessarily mean combat, just something more than conversation. The Song was a nice touch.
Stories Feedback - Veygaar - 12-24-2011
This is one of, if not my favorite story I've read here on Disco.
It has my seal of awesomeness.
Stories Feedback - Dane Summers - 01-21-2012
I've added another story, "Spring" which is gonna be somewhat of a narrative of Dane coming back to the person he is at heart - No way to go back to who he was, but in his own evolution, its a return to a life less complicated. He's got a companion now, who I'll be detailing as well (and who will also have much more in the future with her).
Anyway, any comments are welcome.
Link to "Spring" is in my sig.