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+---- Thread: Genocide / Nemesis (/showthread.php?tid=72637)
Genocide / Nemesis - Leo - 01-15-2012
Link to Story
I recently did a full "reboot" on the Nemesis story I started several years ago. Several inconsistencies were causing problems with the story, among those being tied to the "Retribution" saga, while was interesting, was pretty much a dead end and had no point to be apart of said RP.
So I've split the two stories into their own general storylines and changed what Nemesis was when she became self-aware. Instead of being a mining droid that became self-aware, she was a security system aboard a remote research station beyond the "Rim" of Sirian space.
Let me know what you think thus far!
~Leo
P.S. Thanks to Boss for helping with polishing up some of my writing. I can get ahead of myself when writing this stuff and he's been helping me take my time with the story here and there. Much obliged dude!
Genocide / Nemesis - Leo - 01-17-2012
Really looking for some feedback on this one! Bumpage!
~Leo
Genocide / Nemesis - Leo - 02-06-2012
El-bumpo.
~Leo
Genocide / Nemesis - Melanie Tyler - 02-08-2012
You Sir, are a very talented writer.
That first section genuinely creeped me out. I had to remind myself that I was, in fact, on a forum instead of hiding in a bookshop corner somewhere, hoping the staff didn't notice. Yours is the first story I've read so far on the forums that's kept me there for the entirety. Normally, I'd like to provide some sort of feedback as to what to improve, but I genuinely can't think of anything major. If were to say one thing, it's that you haven't really described Marco but, then again, the way the story's going I guess it helps not to.
So, keep it up!
Genocide / Nemesis - Leo - 02-08-2012
*Bows* Thank you.
I can't take full credit though. Boss helps me edit mistakes I may make in writing. I get ahead of myself a lot of time and Boss takes looks at it and corrects minor errors I might make and polishes some things that I may have been vague about, but thanks!:)
~Leo
P.S. I'm leaving Marco a little bit shrouded in mystery until a bit later. You'll see why.;)
Genocide / Nemesis - Leo - 05-01-2012
New post coming soon! Anyone have any critiques they want to share? Comments? Concerns?
~Leo
Genocide / Nemesis - rewritable - 05-02-2012
While "absolutely perfect" doesn't really qualify as critique, I thought I'll let my opinion known anyway.
If those were the first chapters of a book, I would've bought it and went in a "screw reality" mode for a day or a few. Nemesis is the the best developed hostile AI I've came across since Saberhagen's Berserkers.
Genocide / Nemesis - Swallow - 06-16-2012
I am intrigued. Looking forward to see more.
Though this AI acts, well...a bit too much like a human, and its speech...I mean - what do we know about AI`s madness? And why should it be the same as human`s.
But anyhow, I like it, interesting one.
Genocide / Nemesis - Jansen - 06-21-2012
Pretty cool story, I really enjoyed reading it.