To the COF. Conflagration of Firewood, Coven of Fumblers, Couldn’t Oversee Flamingos.

[Enkidu]

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Incoming transmission.
Subject: Valorous begging. Noble are the beggers, for they are the ones to get into heaven. Your avaricious indolence renders you too copulant for the eye-of-the-needle manoeuvre! Instead of buying a bigger needle you can win a smaller body, eh?
Encryption:Encryption is for fools. Ecryption is for those who cannot be entrusted to strut in the light.
Sender ID:Achille Augustin Nadeau the XXXestiest of his line, once the administrator of Freeport Ten, now a travelling bum with the most succulent asscheeks in showbiz; rumpled, like overripe pears.

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Haha! You meet your reckoning at last! Permit me to bask in the consummate excellence of my revenge, in it's excelsior conception!

I will ask you for a great boon, and, in the quixotic X facteur of moi charisma, you will be borne away on the ocean of my mystique. Plan infalliable, no?

For it is I, Achille Nadeau, a relatively unknown Gallic Royalist with the synaptic stability of a speed encrusted springer spaniel with an inbred urinary tract malady and just as temperamental, have returned to claim my heirloom! Annex your voluptuous women! Destitute your daughters and ravage your firstborn sons.

But first, I require my deca-penthouse back so I can feel self-important and eat for free from the fruit trees.

If you do not return total command authority of the installation charmingly known by your arrogant Anglophilic parlance as “Freeport dix”, I will take my legislative dix and thrust it so impertinently into your olfactory sensibilities your handkerchief will reek of my Shalimar - not the splendid opiatic agoniser daubed onto the most angelic of grayling heroines - but the off-branded unblocker better suited for the toilet than toilette.

You have been warned, ineffectualz. If I find so much a thumbmark on the biodomes, I will be smashing them with a lump 'ammer, like the tiny, low dreams of an even Tinier Tim.

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THE SYNDIC LEAGUES
(A co-operative of Rheinland's Shipping Unions, retired from a life of piracy.)

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