A difficult to bear burden

[Sangria]

A year later

8th June 824 A.S.

It has been almost a year now yet Nancy still didn't manage to regain the strength and health she used to have before her mind had been wiped. She can experience blackouts during intense or stressful moments. Due to this she evaded to fly around much, not that she was even allowed as Ezrael as a friend proved to be very protective. His will to keep her safe and her drive to be a free person often collided with each other but it never truly got in the way of their friendship. Nancy does appreciate the care he has shown for her although expressing this is often difficult for her.

Maren and Nancy had become closer as well in the last year but there one major reason for this as Maren is a host to a Nomad. This Nomad goes by the name of Valery and proved herself to be trustworthy, enough at least for the group of friends to accept her. Nancy's health issues were still affecting her daily life and she was also afraid of what was to come. She didn't want to  end up remembering the thing she had done as a Reaver as she knew these things were inhuman. She was marked a terrorist by Bretonia for a reason and the thought of remembering these things frightened her, so much even that she accepted the help Maren offered her. Valery, the nomad was to leave Maren and reside with Nancy for some months. In this period the nomad would try to help in settling Nancy's mind.

Valery had booked some succes in her time with Nancy and during this time the incubus and Nancy had grown fond of each other due to the intimate link between them. Valery managed to erase a lot of unwanted memories for good and even managed to filter out some of the better memories of her time as Reaver as Nancy was curious about them. In a dreamlike form she had witnessed some events with Steve (Sapphire Reaver), how they enjoyed their time on a Freeport together and how Steve managed to get himself drunk on some scotch. Nancy cherished these memories and it gave her a better view on Steve who was responsible for the wipe of her memories. She now knew what he looked like yet she had no desire to meet him.

Even though Valery now resides with Maren once more, it and Nancy kept a close bond and would often still share conversations with each other due to the means of Valery showing herself to them in a female form. It was a mind trick but Nancy had always appreciated the sight of her and this had been one of the major reasons she had been able to see Valery as a friend rather than a Nomad. Valery even arranged a physical reminder as she gave Nancy a ring that she could hold onto. Nancy wears this ring as often as possible she however dislikes jewellery when flying and instead keeps it in her pocket at those moments.

Even though her bond with Valery is strong it did receive some dents due to actions Maren and Valery took together. For example they slipped away from Nancy during the night doing some Nomad business. Nancy would never have found out about this if it hadn't been for Ezrael. Things like this nag Nancy at times and makes her wonder how much she can truly trust Valery, yet she can't forget about what Valery had done for her. Leon, the friend of Ezrael who is from Curacao, also made a remark about Valery that made Nancy question her own sanity. He said that Valery does not know what 'love' is as it is an incubus after all. When Valery was still with Nancy she had felt a bond stronger than she had ever experienced with any human yet now that she is without Valery it becomes more and difficult to feel this affection she had once felt. This comment of Leon made her wonder about all of this even more.

Leon had taken a more prominent position in her life as she had given him another chance after he had messed things up about wanting too much too quickly while she was still recovering. He confessed his love to her and after the separation of Nancy and Valery he had filled the void Nancy felt. They can be considered a couple now as they spent a lot of time together. Nancy had her own reasons to side with him as she didn't want to cause for drama and drive Leon and Ezrael apart as they have been friends for ages. She also wanted to be with someone after feeling the loneliness Valery had left her with and since Ezrael was taken by Maren she only had one person to turn to and that was Leon who welcomed her with open arms.

Tensions between the group of friends can often still be strained as Nancy feel attracted to Ezrael and the other way around. Ezrael on his turn has his issues with always having lived a free life and now tries his best to be faithful and loyal to Maren. Maren on the other hand doesn't wish to confine Ezrael to just her as she figured she can't change him. This opened the door for Ezrael and Nancy to get closer to each other. Nancy was hesitant about this as she didn't want to get between Ezrael and Maren nor did she want to hurt Leon. Leon however told her he wanted this for her and Maren had also told her it was fine.

At one point, a year after they had first met, Ezrael and Nancy finally got together and it had proven to be a nice time together yet Nancy couldn't stop thinking about Maren and Leon as she felt she was cheating on them even when they both had given their consent. Later it proved that Leon had simply told her things she wanted to hear rather than being honest to her about how he felt about this. It strained their relationship to the point where he wanted some time off from everything and that is where Nancy is now. Since Leon wanted time for himself and Ezrael and Maren have their own business to deal with she decided to venture out into Sirius to figure out how to continue.

***

Nancy currently resides on Thunder Bay Depot in Ontario where she had just finished a conversation with a Navy pilot going by the designation of 'Silver'. They talked about Nancy and what had happened to her time as Reaver and beyond. Nancy had expressed the wish to find her family as she was unaware of their whereabouts ever since her mind had been wiped. It took some convincing but eventually the pilot told Nancy that her parents were alive yet she didn't get to hear their whereabouts. Nancy is aware that the Navy could use this to blackmail her in some form or way but she is hoping to be able to restore her name and leave her Reaver being in the past, forever.

In the meantime Ezrael and Leon are trying to find a means to give Nancy a new ID with which she might be able to work for Orbital Spa without being traced back to who she is really. She knows she can't use her real name for any official job as it would only be a matter of time before Bretonia or Liberty would come for her. If obtaining a new ID fails she is willing to side with the Junkers and live her life amongst the scraps of Sirius all while trying to keep seeing her friends. Friends who also have to consider her past as Ezrael now works with Bretonia had thus had a more difficult time to keep seeing Nancy. He forbid her to  come to the Apahanta which is Ezrael's ship. Once Nancy had looked forward to working on it but now that dream was thrown out of the window with Ezrael working for Bretonia.

***

The conversation with 'Silver' an ESRD Navy pilot:

Spoiler

Nancy was on Thunder Bay Depot where she had rented a room. Even though she had been escorted out of the house of Liberty she appeared to have blatantly ignored the request and deemed herself safe with the Junkers at least as long as she paid for her room which she felt was priced far too high compared to what it offered her. It was a small room with a bunk bed and a closet but not much else.

Silver docked with Thunder Bay, obviously gritting her teeth. The last couple of days were madness and she felt on edge. Nevermind the whole special assignment that ESRD issued at her since day one. The L-117 'Upholder' softly touched down in the bay, and bay techs ran in a hurry to service the ship. A Navy pilot, an ESRD at that, were almost treated like honored guests by the junkers these days with the rising tension between the Liberty Government and the Junkers. So they deliberatly treated the Navy a step up higher than the rest, as to difuse the situation in hand. Donning the ESRD tactical helmet, she jumped of the cockpit entrance, completely ignoring the automatic foot handles. With a hard thump, her feet touched solid ground and one of the techs, nodded towards her.
  "Refill?"
  "Yeah. Where are the quarters?" She asked, in the middle of the bustle.
  "Grab the elevator there. Fourth floor." He replied, opening the H-Fuel intake valve. Silver waved a hand in thanks and walked towards it.
Nancy didn't spent too much time outside of her rented room from where she mostly browsed the neutral net. Since her time here she had flown out a couple of time, one of which she had met this pilot with the callsign Silver. Even though she had invited her she doubted she would actually come by for a visit and thus she didn't expect it.

Dressed in her black flight suit that had some red highlights she laid on the bed, relaxing. On her nightstand was her sidearm and one PDA like device while she held another one as well. The elevator dinged and the doors opened. Silver peeked into the corridor and found it empty. Looking at the holo signs, she found the direction she was supposed to follow. Stopping near the door that Sweetwater said it was room, the ESRD clicked her HUD in the helmet. She scanned all adjacent rooms. Empty. Apart from a woman lying down in a bed. She resumed the normal view again, and double checked her weapons. Up close and personal was not her style, but her service with the marines did taught her how to be proficient at it. Rising her hand to knock, she breathed in before and knocked.

Nancy got startled a little when she heard the knock on the door. Recovering her composure quickly she grabbed her side arm and holstered it on her left leg of her flight suit. She also put away her PDA in another pocket before opening the door. She was wary as she wasn't sure who it might be, as the door opened she was surprised to see a Naval officer and caused a light frown to form.
  "Can I help you?" she asked as the officer was dressed up.
  "Hi." Silver raised a hand.
  "I'm Silver." The female radio voice sounded from the helmet.
  "Which one?" she raised an eyebrow but stepped back as she would invite either of the Silvers she knew.
  "Errr." She pointed at the Liberty Navy symbol in her flightsuit.
  "I don't think the Reaver one would be sporting one of these."
  "Heh, you never know. Perhaps she killed one and now indulges herself with their clothes?" she shrugged as she turned around to walk to the bunk on which she took a seat. The room had no desk or any other seats as it was too small for that.

  "So you're curious enough to actually come looking for me?" she asked, looking up to the person in uniform.
  "Yeah.." She walked in and looked around, one hand in her sidearm.
  "Had a couple of questions. The Admiral wasn't too keen. However, it surprised me. I thought he would order to sixty six you." She stood up, like a soldier.
  "So he does not approve of this visit of yours?" Nancy asked, seeming rather tense even though she tried to play it cool by simply sitting there with her hands folded on her lap.
  "Hmm, I have some degree of freedom in operations." She leaned back at the wall.
  "Not that I have the time for it." Her HUD pulled up the files ESRD had on Sweetwater.
  "So Ms. Sweetwater. Born in Bretonia. Freelancer. Mando. Reaver. Even got to the point of being your own boss." She nodded. "Quite the record."
  "Quite and what about you? Got a name this time around?" she asked, looking up at the woman with a rather sharp look in her eyes.
  "Silver. Can't go running around and saying my name to a Reaver or former that I really can't trust, can I?" She smirked under the helmet.
  "Say.. You said you didn't remembered. What happened there?"
  "Got another nickname than Silver, it itches me if I really have to call you that." she replied, not feeling like going into details yet.
  "Why?" She crossed her arms. "It's a callsign. It's a nickname. It's a name. It's a color too."
  "Exactly, it is a colour and thus I'd rather not hear it. But if you really don't want to go by anything else, then at least put off your helmet?" she asked, trying to sound kind in her voice.
  "Riiight." That voice almost sound familiar. The accent was Texan, but not as deep.
  "Thing is, Ms. Sweetwater, ESRD operatives must maintain their identities undisclosed at all times. Protection. Intimidation." Her hand moved in the air.
  "However, you can call me Mari." Again the smirk under the helmet.
  "From Marine."
  "Mary should work, such an intimidating name." Nancy smirked in return.
  "That's at least some progress however, I am wondering why I should be telling you my story, you seem to have it all there already and yet you seem to be curious about more, why?"

She pushed herself from the wall and turn her head around, scanning the rooms in the infrared HUD. Feeling safe, she looked back at the woman in the bed.
  "Reavers peek my curiosity. You see, I was at the front in Rheinland until the end. I saw Reavers shooting Rheinies. I saw Reavers shooting my own. All because of that woman, you and whoever came next." The memories of her stay at the Westfallen.
  "I remember seing the news about you and your kind. Mercs without a home and without a creed. Yet you lot were relentless. Unstoppable even." She leaned back at the wall and looked at the room.
  "Why? What drove you to be this.. powerful?" Her HUD beeped with recon reports, that were ignored.
  "Even after all these years, people say Reavers and their buttholes clench. And with the snap of a finger, gone. And then up. Got paid. Gone again."
  "Truth be told I cannot really explain how or why I got there. I never planned on becoming a villain as cheesy as that may sound." She replied before looking down at her lap for a moment.
  "Do you remember which Reavers were around when you fought them, if you fought them that is?"
  "Never did. I was a mud grunt back then. Was in the flash of the Westfallen." She sighed.
  "Different days back then. I only started picking up the stick and thrust after the war. And even then, never met them. But the news were prolific. Silver. Sapphire. Sangria. Cerulean." The helmet looked at the woman.
  "You have a thing for esses and cees, don't you?"
  "I suppose, not quite sure what made me pick that exact colour really. What did you hear about these colours though?" she asked a little curious.
Silver used her HUD to display whatever information ESRD had.
  "Well not much really. Silver seemed to be crazy. Or maybe not. Either way, it seems to be she always knew what she was doing. Kinda eerie though. Sapphire was silent. Just another color in your company. Cerulean was active a couple of months ago, alongside a Inchworm. Seemed like a talker. New Yorker, no doubt."

She grinned. "What about you, Ms. Sweetwater? How you were?"
  "I was hoping you could tell me, assuming you know the colour I used?" she asked.
  "Hm." She perused the file.
  "Determined during the fights. Not so business prolific though. Not like your predecessor. You seemed more akin to a soldier than a commander in my eyes."
  "Well I was in the Bretonian Armed forces for a short while and it is true that I would prefer to follow rather than to order people around." she replied, feeling a little uneasy about sharing whatever she knew with an officer like this.
  "Can't blame you. It's more clean. More simple. Less..." She remembered her old unit.
  "Nightmarish decisions."
  "I don't really like stress, tend to make bad decisions because of it as well. Say, why did you ask me about Silver and if I knew her?" she asked, wanting to stay on topic.
  "Well.." She clicked the safety of her helmet, and the visor rose, showing just a part of her face. A pair of grey eyes, familiar were shown. "We're related."
  "Related?" she asked surprised yet somewhere was expecting the catch due to her curiosity and the name as she had believed Silver had been an LSF wing while the Navy ran around with Gold.
  "Yeah. Quite the dinner subject, right?" She clicked and the visor came back into place. "Either way, that's why I asked. Never been in contact with her in the past... ten, eleven years? Still family though."
  "In what way are you two related? Is she your sister?" she asked, being more curious now.
  "Related. That's all that there is to it, Ms. Sweetwater. I'm certain you got the same, and probably the same urges to know how are they doing." Silver leaned back at the wall, arms crossed.
  "What do you mean?" She asked, wondering if this woman knew more about her parents. In truth they were in Houston but she didn't know that.
  "Family. I got none apart from that woman. You probably have some of your own." She replied.
  "Wouldn't know, they probably perished in Leeds." She admitted, taking in a deep breath while she stared at the wall ahead of her.
She nodded and looked down, a ceremonial couple of seconds of silence.
  "I'm sorry. Didn't meant for you to think that." She breathed in, visibly and rose her head.
  "Now, I got to ask. What's your plan?"
  "My plan? I want a life again. Want to get rid of this Serval." She replied before looking at her and smirked a little.
  "We could swap, a Serval for a Guardian?"

Silver stiffled a laugh. "Uhh. You can probably swap that for an Eagle or a Sabre in a Freeport. Ames is not far off from here. Barrier ain't either." Her HUD beeped, showing off the nearby vendors.
  "Although, you did chose a bad neighbourhood to stay. Hackers and Rogues aplenty."
  "You would be surprised, a lot of people don't want Gallic Royal ships." She replied, scratching her head a little. ""And your plan? Wanting to find Silver?"
She looked up at the ceiling. "No. I got my home to defend. Got my war to fight. And if she wanted to find me, I got a suspicion she would be very fast at it. Pitty you don't remember anything. Any news on her?"
  "Does she know you exist?" She asked curiously.
  "Yeah. I mean. Dunno if she kept track of me until now. But up until eleven years ago? Yeah." The HUD shifted to survailance purposes screens.
  "Never met anyone who knew her?" She continued, eleven years was a long time but she wondered if there was anything to gain from.asking more.
  "Not really. All I got is from the news and battle reports. At the time I was getting shot at in New Hampshire or Hamburg, friends dying left and right, so I didn't had that in my mind." She shruged, looking around and letting the helmet do its job.
Nancy looked at how she looked around but didn't think too much or it or at least she tried.
  "How did you two get separated?"
  "Err. We just did. Life happened." And she looked back at Nancy.
"And you? How did you get seperated?"
  "I simply left home like anyone does at a certain age. Then the war with Gallia happened." She replied. "Wouldn't happen to have a list of refugees in that helmet would you?" She asked slightly curious but wondered if it was a good idea to get her parents involved if they were even alive.
  "How do you know I have a list in my helmet?" She smirked.
  "Standard equipment of any military organization? I used to have a fancy one when I was in the Armed forces although my current flight helmet is nicer." Nancy replies rather casually and finished with a small smile.
  "Right. I do have access. Now why should I, is the question." She uncrossed her arms and stood like a marine.
  "Could try and get into contact with Silver for you. I did see her about a year ago, not sure if she still has the same comms ID though."
  "Hmmm. Dunno if I am keen on that. Considering." She waved her hand over her uniform.

  "Is there anything else I could help you with then?" She asked as she crossed her legs as she remained seated on the edge of the bunk bed.
  "Not really. Unless you are that good in killing, infiltrating, keeping to yourself, lovin' good ol' Liberty and knowing how to keep a secret." Silver smirked and crossed her arms again.
  "What are you suggesting?" she asked with a slight raised eyebrow.
  "I am not, really. However, I'm betting you didn't just woke past thursday without recollection of where you been for the past years. Right?" She leaned at the wall and looked at the sitting woman in front of her.
  "Around a year ago I woke up. My mind was a jumbled up mess and I didn't recall where I was. I lost around 5 years of my memories. When I woke up I thought I was a lone Freelancer that worked for Bretonia against Kusari as it was war back then. I found a note that explained I was not who I thought I was and that I had enemies in Kusari, Bretonia and Liberty." She explained, uncrossing her legs and sighing a little while she stared at the wall.
  "Damn. Here I thought my life was between rough and sandpaper. You got the short end of the stick, didn't you. Who did that to you?"
  "Doesn't really matter who did it. It won't really change much. I am criminal and a terrorist. Sentenced to be a terrorist, as funny that that sounds. Got Silver to thank for that apparently." She let out a pained chuckle.
An eyebrow rose. "How's that?"
  "I was sentenced by Kusari to work for the Reavers to make up for what I did against their house as a Mandolorian. I don't really know the details about it. Found some bits and pieces on the net." She explained.
  "Weird way to pay for your crimes. But then again, Kusari. Reavers were seen in good light over there. Dropping outcasts, Crissies and Dragons. What was the alternative?" Her visor glinted in the light.
  "I don't know really, I just know the sentence I got. Later I did end up in a Kusari prison. Not sure why but someone helped me escape and now I am here I guess, wanted by at least 3 houses." She smirked at the woman.
  "You, or that color? Sangria, was it?" The file was shown in the HUD.
  "Sangria was my colour, yes. But it's not 'or', the name is connected to me. You and your admiral seemed to believe I am still a Reaver so that kind of proves it."
  "Well, you got to ask him where he got your file, because I don't see files from other colors." She smirked under the helmet. "Don't rightfully know if it's the same towards the other houses. Namely Bretonia."
  "I doubt going there by my real name would be wise. Are you going somewhere with this?" She asked.
  "Just getting the general idea on your situation, that's all. Quite complicated, no doubt." She sighed.
  "Are you going to looking through those files for me or not?" She asked a little impatient.
  "Hm. This here is trade, Ms. Sweetwater. I scratch your back, you scratch mine. So, all this was to glean if you do have something of worth to Liberty. And I haven't gleaned much." Her head cocked to the side, waiting.
  "I asked you what I could help you with." Nancy replied with a raised eyebrow.
  "Give me an offer and I'll see if it is worth the information I am looking for."
  "I got.." Her HUD flickered with information. "Refugee lists from Bretonia."
  "Richard or Elizabeth Sweetwater?" She asked curiously, sitting up straight as she really wanted to hear this.
Silver rose a finger, signaling to wait. The HUD flickered, pointers screening the never ending lists. Two names and locations popped out. She nodded silently.
  "They are on it? Where are they?" Nancy asked, her eyes grown big from curiosity.
  "Tit for tat, Ms. Sweetwater." She leaned back at the wall and waited.
She snorted for a moment.
  "Then tell me what you want?" She asked, getting up on her feet to face the woman.
  "Your memory is busted, I'll bite that. But it has been a year. Instincts don't get lost in memories, right? So what were you up this whole past year?" She grinned.
  "Recovering, my health took a while to return. Other than that I tried to figure out who I was and am. Did a few small jobs like the one you gave me to keep myself from getting into any debts." She explained.
  "Hm, then you got nothing." She sighed and straighten herself.
  "What do you mean?" She asked with narrowed eyes as she didn't like this answer.
  "Information, things of use to Liberty. I mean, that sounded a very boring year."
  "Perhaps it was... all I want to know is if my parents made it off Leeds and if they are alive right now. If my mind had not been wiped I would have told you everything but there is nothing I can tell you as there is simply nothing."  She replied in a lost and frustrated tone
  "You just said you did some small jobs." She waved her hand in an inquisitive look.
  "In did... some escorting around the events in the Omicrons when that Freeport was under siege. Much of the same throughout the year, mostly in the Omicrons." She explained, frowning a little to the woman as she was losing her patience.
  "Hmm." The HUD flickered again. "Then nothing of note or of interest." She sighed. "Then I am afraid I can't help you there, Ms. Sweetwater."
  "Then give me a new job? Give me something to do, for Liberty. In return all I ask is if they are alive or not." She asked with three same frustrated tone.
  "Give you a job?" She asked somewhat taken aback. "I'm not here to give you a way out. I'm not here to give you any kind of direction in your life." She walked towards the woman, hand in her sidearm.
  "Liberty gives nothing for free. I gave, and still give, and for that, I receive. You want the same, you make the first step. 'Cause you can bet it ain't gonna be Liberty to ask you."
  "You hired me before." She replied in a mocking way, looking at the hand the woman had on her sidearm.
  "Perhaps I could see how good my relations are with Gallia? Maybe Liberty could gain something from that?"
  "The Brets already have that in hand." She grinned. "Shit is starting to look sideways to them gauls. And rising to hit the fan." She looked at the door.  
  "Liberty's war with the Gauls is straight and simple. Burn them until their husks are roast and black." Her HUD flickered. "We're the wall made of steel. They're the hammer made of wood. They can dent. But they will break before breaking us." She looked back at Sweetwater. "Liberty's way is simple. You have to come on your will. You got to make the first step towards the heads. I had nothing, yet I joined to fight in the mud against the Rheinies. And Liberty gave me more than I could hope for every step I took, blaster in hand. Year after year. Grind every day." She pointed at the Navy symbol, the symbol of Liberty.
  "This ol' lady only respects one thing. Duty." Her finger turned from the symbol and pointed at Sweetwater. "How far are you willing to go for Liberty, Ms. Sweetwater?"
  "I made my first step, I even invited you here and as far as am I willing to go for Liberty. It will be for my family, so I would go considerable lengths." She replied firm.
  "Alright. I don't have the knowledge of what Liberty needs. But I can point you the way, Ms. Sweetwater. Fleet Admiral Jones is the man you're looking, so just throw him my callsign. Do well for Liberty, and Jones will do well for you." She walked towards the door.
  "And before I leave, both of them are alive and well. Just to ease your spirit. Liberty ain't without a heart, Ms. Sweetwater."
She sighed in a quiet relief. "Thank you." She just said, seeing there was no need for anything else. She sat back down on the bunk, letting the woman leave.
The HUD displayed several scan modes, giving an overview of the hall and rooms adjacent. She opened the door.
  "Oh and Ms. Sweetwater? I was never here." She looked back and tapped her helmet.
  "Right." She mumbled, wondering if that meant the admiral couldn't know either.
  "SNLN01-825OKSX. Remember that. He'll reply, not to worry." She removed the safety harness from her sidearm.
  "And do get to Ames, Ms. Sweetwater. This neighbourhood is not the best." She disappeared as the door shut.
Nancy took her PDA to note down what she had just said but she didn't plan to leave the neighbourhood. It was time to rest again for her.