A tall man, in battered tails, stepped gracefully from the hatch of a battered freighter. His shoes, looking as though they'd been last popular in 780, also had the look of being recently pulled from the bottom of a long-sealed locker, and crammed onto ones feet in rather a hurry.
"Buffles, would you mind grabbing my speech? Thanks"
As the copilot and longtime friend picked up a large pad of paper, Kingpin strolled down the path leading towards the veranda. As he passed the juniper bushes planted along the path, he paused momentarily, but seeing nothing out of the ordinary, carried on. A slight frown creased his face, and his artfully sculpted eyebrows crinkled at the edges.
"Buffles. Did I ever find those bushes I was looking for?"
Buffles, having far more common sense than readily avalable in most employees of London Drugs Inc., glanced sideways at the rich berries hanging from the plants, and responded in the negative.
"Aaah, no, I don't beliave you ever did. They were likey a fleeting fancy, in any case."
"Hrm. Perhaps they were. I just... want one. Didn't Mal have some around?"
With another suspicious glance at the pathways verge, Buffles quickly changed the subject."
"Boss, is it really a good idea to have a 34 page speech? I don't even think you spent that much time talking to him."
"Good point. Give me pages one and thirty-four, and can the rest. Ah! Malaclypse old bean, how are you?
As they swept before the gathered throng, a silence fell, interrupted only by a generous snoring from Scutter, who'd taken residence in another potted plant. Kingpin, who'd risen to power more for a quick trigger than an orators disposition, had nevertheless grown used to people listening to what he was saying over the years, and waited politely untill two LD.Inc goons had woken Scutter and placed him upright.
"Ladies, gentlemen, androids, clones, and robots of all genders. We've gathered here, in the warmth and charity of the home of our good friend Malaclypse, to honour a man known to all of us as not only a cheat, liar, and all around scumbag, but one of the finest we've ever known. Shamus was one of those rare people that seem born into a life of wheeling and dealing, and rather than try to hide his... cavalier attitide towards law and order, Shamus brought it to the fore, both in personal and public life. During his time with London Drugs Incorperated, he showed himself to be both a subordinate whom you could drop the buisness on, but one who would gladly steal it from beneath you with nary a word of protest. Shamus was, in short, not merely an associate, a partner, or a chairman. He was the epitomy of everything the Firm stood for, and we will miss him."
Kingpin gravely tossed his jacket, with a wide hole burned through the tails, onto the coffin, and raised a glass in salute.
"For Dope! May She fly Shamus to new horizons, and keep those remaining warm in our hearts."
Polite applause followed, as Kingpin strolled to Malaclypse's side.
"So... I recall you had some juniper bushes around here?"
Jack Handey Wrote:I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.
