This book has been written by a very unprofessional writer, whom happen to be the author too.
In any case of injury, financial, losing a job or getting kicked from a brothel Look Over Loser Incorporated (For further usage LOL Inc.)
If you wish to help us update the guide, become an author for the insane amount of paycheck higher than no less than 5 credits, and being able to visit all entities of the universe you can fill a request letter in... somewhere. Just dump it in the private message communications or something.
The Sirius Surviving In Easy Guide is there to help you travel around, while surviving and making a money out of it! (In any case of money lose or a sudden death, LOL Inc. Does not take any responsibility)
Liberty is a dangerous place for all of you, new starters, but fear not! there are always easy ways to avoid a sudden death in Liberty.
Simply follow these instructions. In any case, make sure you are using a neutral party ship that isn't owned by any one or affiliated as such.
First, if you get arrested for flying while being drunk demand that the officer will come aboard to test this theory, other wise you will call your lawyer and open a lawsuit against said officer about sexual harassment. If this doesn't work, tell him you are Santa Claus of your way to deliver presents in Bretonia.
Second, if you run into a group of pirates make sure to impersonate yourself as the Easter Bunny. This will lead to either three possible options:
1) They will think you are insane, and let you go unharmed thinking you are dangerous to be in the proximity of.
2) They will get highly confused due to the lack of knowledge what is a bunny, use said confusion to your advantage and run away.
3) They will say they want an egg. In this scenario just tell it magically appeared in their closest storage. After all you are the Easter Bunny.
In any case, remember, if nothing can work simply fly in circles while screaming MAPLE. It will certainly put fear in the hearts of the bravest, most daring pilots.
In a case you meet order agent, and he claims you are "infested" always remember to tell him that he must be an apple. In a case he denies this ultimate truth, frown while you fly away. The order agent will stay highly confused until he grows leaves and understand he is in fact an orange.
While Bretonia, unlike Liberty is a terribly complicated place which caused the Inter-Galactic Nebula Computer to develop suicidal thoughts when it tried to calculate why things happen the way they are in Bretonia. Surprising enough, the Inter-Galactic Nebula Computer has no arms, thus it's unable to kill itself. This very same thought about how will the Inter-Galatic Nebula Computer will commit a suicide caused the Sun of Solaris-7 to explode.
While the life in Bretonia can be terribly easy, surviving in Bretonia isn't. So in any case you don't wish to meet the Grim Reaper anytime soon just follow the instructions of The Guide.
In a case you are getting arrested, for any reason there is, claim to be a moon, and that your vessel is actually bigger from the inside. While the law officer will try to figure how it can be truth, and a sun will explode in the far reaches of the universe from trying to calculate how idiot the officer is, go away silently.
Unlike Liberty, In Bretonia each pirate should be dealt differently. While you can always claim to be Santa Claus it would prove far better to try to keep them busy with a bobby-pin. The instructions goes as follows:
1) Take a Bobby-Pin and bend it few times.
2) Eject the Bobby-Pin
3) Ask the aggressor to tractor the Bobby-Pin, and fix it for you and in return you will pay him all of your money, all of your 100 credits!
4) Aggressor will either be busy with the Bobby-Pin, or Busy laughing. In any case use this temporal diversion to slip your way out.
In a case you meet a Corsair, you can always claim that you know the location of The Golden Book Of All Recipes, which include 150 recipes for humans, and even one recipe for vacuum. Give him fake coordinates and run away.
If you meet a Molly simply claim you are too drunk to answer and offer him some of your beer to drink. In case he repeat his demand for money just ram him and run.
In Kusari, the locals might treat you as follows:" FILTHY GAIJIN, LEAVE MY HOME OR I SHALL RIP OFF YOUR HEAD". In the case they do, do not bother to impersonate as a Kusarian. Simply cry over while saying "But I always wanted to be a lemon!". This should get you free.
In any attempt of Piracy always to remember that Kusari, with all of it's terribly hard language and costumer service at groceries, is actually quite simply. Give them sake and green tea and you are good to go.
However in Kusari there are also residents that seemed to be some sort of human with alien inside. Details however are missing and in any case use the first method of survival: Fly around in circles while you scream maple.
While being dizzed from anticipation to find a lot of drunk, good looking women in the bars of New Berlin you first have to cover your ability to enter said area of space.
Rheinland officers are known for their horrible accent, while not all are like that, if a Rheinland officer tries to talk with you simply deny that you understand even half of the things he say. And when he say "Ze" always say turtle afterwards.
Rheinland unlawfuls are pretty much known for their socialist views. Socialism is the very key to communism, which by a mere print-accident is also the responsible for sharing personal belongings among the community. While having that in mind, remember that Rheinland unlawfuls have some of the best bars in the Sirius sector, given their socialist-communist nature, coming with the claim "Share her!" or "Share him" is probably one of the best Pickup lines out there.
A notable exception are a group known as Das Wilde. While our research showed they are actually aliens, even they can be encountered with reason. Always remember that no matter what, you will stick to the claim you are an octopus.
A key to surviving is carrying several key items: 3 Lemons, One Towel, and a spoon.
While Lemons are always good to disable enemies in close face-to-face range, they are also useful when you want to drink a lemonade. Towel is a key tool for survival. When you have a towel you will always stay dry, and being soaked up in water is usually unpleasant. It may also be used to clean up the aforementioned Lemonade that you spilled over the controls.
While the spoon serves as a psychological tool, used intimidate others with the terrible thinking of the horrors that can be done with a spoon, people will see the spoon and run away. It's also useful when you put the sugar in your just made lemonade made from the first 3 items in the list.
A.I.P is the list of three things you might want to avoid dear survivor. In fact, A.I.P is the initials of "Avoid If Possible". The objects, or rather subjects, of the A.I.P usually have no relation one anther.
First, will be love. Love is so complicated, that when you try to calculate it you'll end up dividing by zero or shifting to a form of a cat that like to eat poisonous fish (Or does he?). At any rate, when the known french poet Gustave Mazuret gave his calculation of love in the Gallic Grand Poet Academy, 5 professors have had an heart-attack and a deaf janitor had to eat his arm in order to survive. With this in mind, the guide simply suggests: Avoid if possible and "Just Don't".
The second in the list will be those with the "lolwut syndrome". While this is not an infectious state, and some even gather the mental powers to come out of this horrifying state. In a case you did not managed to avoid such one or to run away, simply say the following words. Ridiculous how they may sound, they might save your life: "I are Russ". Next thing that will happen the lolwut syndrome infected will say something, do not bother to try and understand and simply respond with "Da".
Third thing on the list will be non-humans. While humans are probably worse to run into than most of the aliens, the aliens (and rightfully) will claim several things: First, you are more stupid than them. This is mostly a fact so don't even bother to argue. Second Sirius is their home, so be a nice guest and treat them with respect or else most likely the surviving part won't last long. In a case you run into them, showing respect and no wish to harm them will likely be sufficient.
Special Notes: You in all circumstances never to fall in love with a lolwut syndrome infected alien. be advised that those can only be "Morphs"... usually...
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