Chapter 1 - Introduction Monkey business is a book about exploiting systems, understanding the underworld and how to make a profit for those of you who does not deem it fit to obey all rules, or any rules at all. In short, all you need to know to change your life from boring sod to the thrill of a Head Hunter.
The writer, Hans Weissman, or more known as Sexy.Pancakes is an ex-Bounty Hunter, now seeking more profitable and more fun opportunities in life.
For those of you who do not know Hans, we included in the editing at chapter 2 journal pieces from Hans life which starts as early as he was nearly 18 and spans across a few years.
In the book you will find tips, known contacts and personal experience as presented by his sexiness, Hans Weissman, pilot of the ship Sexy.Pancakes.
Chapter 2 - Journal Law-bidding part Entry 1:
So yeah, I decided to start one of those video-journals, I think one day I might wanna look back and view these records or maybe someone else will, anyway, my name is Hans Weissman, I am a son to a Rheinlander father a GMG mom, I think she counts as half Kusarian and half Rheinlander though, at any rate I am stuck at this hell-hole in Bretonia which I hate. *He takes a short pause as he looks through the window*
Damn red-orange skies and stinky air, I consider leaving but I've got no means. It's not like I am orphan or something like that, it's the fact my dad has already designated me to be his successor in this boring deliveries business of his. Man, I can't bloody believe that in a few days I will be 18 and that's what I am going to do for the rest of my life, it ain't helping that dad claims the only thing I am half-good for is piloting a ship.
*He makes a bit angry face*
If that moron would have ever cared about the street-racing I am making with electromagnetic surfing boards he could have seen how good I am at those stuff, but of course that the self-centered rat doesn't care about that does he? Anyway, I better keep searching a mean to escape this sewer.
Entry 2:
It has been 3 days since my first video-log, and in 2 days I am 18. I thought about my options but they are quite meager I am afraid. It's either to join the armed forces, work for my dad at his crap job, or escape with nothing. With each plan I found a major flaw:
-First, I couldn't careless about Bretonia, I am not even a bloody Bretonian, for all I care the Kusari empire can win the war and occupy all of this bloody place. Hell - it might even be better for me.
-Second plan: Ain' a chance, I am not staying with my dad for one whole day more than I have to, heck, I prefer to get shot then work for him.
-Third plan: I'd probably be dead in a few days, either that or end up as a cardamine addict, and excuse me if I have better dreams for myself than that.
I guess I'll have to sleep on that since I am really bloody tired.
Entry 3:
So, tomorrow it's my birthday. Finally 18, and guess what? That bird-brain dad bought me a freighter! The bastard actually thinks I am going to work for him at the firm, but I've got other plans heh.
Yesterday some guy in a leather jacket came to me and asked me if I know some local thug called Jackie and if so where's he hiding. When I asked the bastard why he even wanna look for Jackie he showed me that manifest with Jackie's name on it - the government is giving a bounty of 100,000 credits on his head - dead or alive!
So of course I told that bounty hunter I want a share - 50% and I lead him to Jackie. Heck spits I'd even kill Jackie for him for so much money, but guess what the bastard did? Took his gun and put it up my head! What a law keeper he is, huh?
Anyway, I took him down to Jackie, no guns attached and when we caught the little rat up the corner he whined like hell! Anyway, crying aside, the bounty hunter said that if I take the shot and put Jackie down he's willing to give me 25% of the reward, and now 25% better than nothing and obviously better than a shot in the head right?
So now I am on the way to New London, to sell this old box and get a REAL ship and some guns, gonna hunt for some rats for now I guess.
Entry 4:
So as you can see *points his camera behind to show a Piranha* I no longer own that old junk box. With the money I've made from my first bounty and the sale of the freighter, I bought myself this baby, and a new blaster. I was assigned to an ace pilot to serve as escort, we gonna head out to Liberty and hunt down a few cardamine smugglers, should be fun I guess.
Entry 5:
The cardamine smugglers are now dust, Ha. Though the cargo is completely intact and on-board our ships, such a shame that we are going to bring it all to the cops, its worth so many credits in the black market, guh.
Luckily, brainy me have a well-thought plan. I am going to pay a visit to Rochester base and sell the whole cargo to some local drug-lord, only to lure him out and kill him. Quite the win-win situation for me huh? *smirks*
So what I'll have is this: Nice batch of money that no one is going to make part off, anther name off the list, and one that worth much more than the cardamine I am about to "sell" him.
Entry 6: *Hans is standing over a few dead bodies, along a few other neatly dressed, as him, hunters*
Ye well, things gone bad. He smirks And not for me really, for my ex-employer. As you can see the deal hasn't gone right He push up his old commander's head with the edge of his shoe for him.
There are times when you can piss off, and there are times when you can TRULY piss off, and the lad just done that to me and boys He raise his hand to point on the other armed hunters around him
We discovered that a rather large sum of our collected bounties is going to some weird "Omicron operation". Frack that I say! So, we killed dear commander McDowels, sold our nice batch of cardamine and apparently even got paid for his body - and quite a lot I must say, which should be just enough to cover the losses made from him donating our money.
7 of us against Sirius' law, what's the chances huh? He grins as video feed is fading out
Chapter 3 - Transmissions and entries analysis and remarks
This chapter will deal with analyzing and understanding logics, reason and the how-to's made by Hans in each entry that was deemed necessary to be included in this book. While the entries span across 2 years and represent only 1% of the total number of entries made we have analyzed each and selected a few that emphasize what's needed in the best form.
So without further due we will start with making our remarks:
Entries' 1&2 analysis:
Realization. Realization your life's a mess, money is not too good (in most cases) or could be better, and a that you are horribly restricted by today's laws and moral codes, but more than all a realization you can change it all to become better utilizing your already existing skills, be you a rich spoiled brat, a hobo or some drug addict - you can change it to the better if you will, unchain the bounds of society and become truly free - both financially and spiritually.
While now-days many groups of gangs and whole factions offer you somewhat escape, each is limited in it's own way. Rogues are being shot by Xenos and legionnaires, Mollys by the Corsairs, and Zoners are really being shot by everyone even though they are seemingly a neutral-to-all group. The true way to become free is to make yourself useful. But not to one group or anther, but to all unlawfuls seeking your services - as long as you don't harm them, yet harm their enemies they will have no reason to shoot you and might as well pay you to shoot down the law-keepers that trouble them.
Entries' 3&4 analysis:
As demonstrated by Hans in Entry 3, he was forced to pick up a quick decision that could mean for him either staying alive - getting money, or simply staying in the same old stinky state he was at, ain't an option right?
So as we said earlier - R e a l i z a t i o n. You will change your life to the better - make quick calls and make them good, shot twice just to make sure, and be faster to think than your shots themselves.
Survival. Survival is a key-point after the realization. Sure realization is nice, but words are one thing while deeds are anther - and if you wish to survive executing the "deeds" part, learning how-to is quite important.
So, how to survive in this cold, dark, universe?
First - be modest. Don't be over modest so it will be seemingly that you are a snob, but be modest. Modesty will keep you out of trouble, boasting around a corsair bar how much money you have won't get you good, business partners will probably appreciate you better and you will generally come from a position of knowing more than your enemies does about you.
Second - Don't tell more than you are required to. You can never know who's listening, you could tell about the corsair daughter you've made love to without knowing the Gaian nearby at Trafalgar knows her father.
Third - When opportunity shows up - grab it by the tale and don't let go! There will be crucial parts that seizing the opportunity or not will mean life or death.
Forth - Don't ever look back. Regrets are good for nothing. They are a total waste of your time (and times equals money), when you make a mistake - suit up and get ready for the next challenge!
Entries' 5&6 analysis:
Planning. Planning ahead can never harm you, having 2 backups for each backup plan can't do bad and will simply ensure your survival.
Every good robbery, assassination, and site-bombing is well though, backed-up and can always be succeeded with the right vision.
Planning can also ensure better seizure of opportunities along the way. For example, killing your supervising commander and later selling your confiscated cargo. While it might see easy to do, you must think it through - how to arrange the coup? Where will you shoot him? How to not get him suspicious? How to take him down WITHOUT losing the cargo? It's all planned ahead, well planned.
Advertising. When you decide to become a marvelous Head Hunter there is always the problem of anonymity. Sure it depends who you were before, but for the most part you will need some banging advertising to make sure you are known, thus having easier time to get jobs.
As demonstrated in Entry 6, Hans is sending an intimidating message to all lawfuls, saying he's after them all. It might sound creepy and overly excessive, but the effect is that unlawfuls hear about him - and with that the job. You could also boast into some major fight and by assisting free-of-charge your futures employers you could make a name for yourself, a small hit for future profit.
We have one and only rule to ensure our survival: We do not shoot other unlawfuls, beside the occasional independent pirate going out of his line or in self-defense. Also don't make a personal vendetta against other unlawfuls - it's bad for business. Our neutrality among the unlawfuls is what let us keep going unharmed.
Shoot one unlawful organisation and you WILL lose your credibility as a completely neutral entity, sure, I don't mean you can't do the occasional theft or assassination against targets of choice among the free grounds, but be discrete about it - no need to boast around with flame and bombs.
Chapter 4 - The Head Hunters Code
You know about all of those mixed "feelings" you might have right now about being a Head Hunter? Well, we are professionals, and professionals have standards.
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