No WaSPs after this one. How many times more does this need to happen until things change? I can stretch the synth paste, but the water... The last time the supply ship got shot down, I almost died from thirst. Since then, I rationed even more than before, and even hid two water bottles for times like this. One of them got found by someone, but the other should still be there. I can survive this. But I need to hide.
HeyKid,givemeyourWaSP.
You know I need it myself!
Youarethin,youneedalotlesstosurvive.
I need just as much water as anyone else here!
Youareworthless.Holdhim!
No! N-oo! Please, I do not want to die!
Oh!Didyouhearthat,Levan?Thatwasyourribcage!
I had no energy to scream. No tears left for crying. I lay on the floor, for hours. No water. No synth paste. Boots to my body. They never go for the face, because that would lower my value, and the slavers would punish them for that. I was the weakest among them, always. I weigh nothing. I was always alone, on my own. Hang out with the weak one and you become the weak one.
Standup,kid.
I was not able to.
Iwillnotgetanymoneyforyouifyouaredying.
What a shame.
Here,drink.
Gin.
Trytostayalive,kid.Youareoneofmybestminers.
How nice.
He left. I fell asleep. Everything hurt. At least I did not piss myself. Even at the bottom of the food chain, I had some dignity remaining. Never pissed myself, never made it easy for them. Someone tried something once, I bit it, almost off. Nobody ever tried again. Did he die? No idea. Made it to another mining shaft.
I will not let them kill me.
I will not make it easy for them.
I will not die here.
TheguyfromCryeriscomingtoday.
Ishegoingtogetshot?
Slaversdonotkill.
AnotherWaSPtosharewithsomedickhead.
Wanttowatchhowtheygethim?
Betternottosnooparoundatthelandingpads,man.
They would get him right at the landing pad. Does business with the wrong people. Probably did not pay. Who cares. I will go there and watch it.
Wait,what!?Guys,holdon,I-
Buzzing batons, a scream. Yeah, they got him. Guy set a single foot on the landing pad, now he is getting dragged away. Nobody else is here. Big ship, a gunboat. Cargo bay still open. I wonder...
Hey, a PDA. Not locked. Remote control of the ship, owner still logged in. Consoles are offline. I can plug the PDA into the consoles, though. Huh, it works, would you look at that. Cargo bay door is closing. I want to blow up all of this place. Cannot access the turrets. Engines, maybe? Huh, that works. No idea how any of this works. Autopilot? Sure, get me off the planet.
Where to?
Pennsylvania is on fire, maybe there. No, do not use the trade lanes. Just fly.
Hey, a candy bar. Chocolate and coconut. Sure, it is my last meal anyway. No water, though. I am going to die here. In space.
Badlands, huh? Home of the Rogues. Turrets are still locked. Fine, you get to live, guys.
Pennsylvania jump gate. Sure, jump.
My stomach is empty but I need to vomit. Thank you, hyperspace.
Consoles are still offline, but at least they charge the PDA. As long as the PDA has juice, I can fly the ship. I can turn on the consoles? Enter password to unlock consoles. How about you go fuck yourself? Where to now?
Ice asteroids are a thing. I go there.
Turrets are locked. I can not shoot them into smaller chunks. No ice, no water. That is the end, Levan. You die alone, virgin, your life was nothing but pain. Might as well end it now.
Cruise Engines to max. Just keep flying, there is a little moon. Become a shooting star. Maybe someone wishes upon you.
There is someone? Female voice. Huh, after years without seeing anything remotely female. Such a nice voice. An angel. I am dying in front of an angel.
What is your name, angel? My name is Levan. I chose this name myself.
Freeport 14, that is where she brought me. Just like that. I have water, thanks to her. I am here, thanks to her. I am alive, thanks to her. I got a bit of money, thanks to her.
Yourname?
Uhm, Levan!
Lastname?
Never thought of a last name. Cannot use my former one. Do not have one for Levan. Just Levan. What about the angel? She told me her real name.
Harlow, I guess.
Good.LevanHarlow,hereisyourID.Boundtoyourship.
Nice, bound to my ship. So now my name is actually Levan Harlow. Have fun telling Aspen about that. You have one friend, and you already made it awkward.
They escort me to medical. Sure, I take off my mining jumpsuit. No, no underwear. No, I did not get to shower. Yes, I stink. I see your looks. I know he is big. Yes, I am thin. Yes, those are cuts and bruises. Yes, it does hurt when you touch me there. It hurts when you touch me anywhere. I am in pain. You want my piss? Sure. My shit, too? Sure. My what? Sure, when I get to that. Yes, I am undernourished. Yes, I have trouble speaking. Yes, I am not going to have sex until I bring the samples to the lab.
I want to shower. I want new clothes. I need to piss, too.
Yes, I will go to that office. Thank you for nothing, Miss administrator.
Yes, I will go back to the main hall to the rental terminal. Thank you for nothing, Sir.
So many people in queue. I will get clothes first.
I have 100.000 Credits, thanks to her. Enough for what I want. Leather looks cool, feels nice. A beanie, too. Tailored to my body measurements? Sure. I can afford that, probably. Will come back later.
More people at the rental terminal. I can wait. I have waited my whole life, I can wait a bit more.
Cheap apartment, right next to a massage parlor. Sure, why not. Give me anything.
Cute, one room, one bed. Makes noises, but okay. Huh, neighbour is noisy, too. Moaning. Her voice is quite sexy. Time to shower.
My first shower since my parents got deported. Make it count. No shampoo, no gel, all good. A sponge, nice. The water is clean, then it gets on my skin. Sand, dust, sweat, blood. My body is a wreck. But I am alive.
I am clean, I do not stink anymore. My mining jumpsuit still does. Whatever. She said I should get a drink, I will do that.
Heysweety!
Hello, Miss!
Hadaroughday,huh?
Uhm, uh, sort of!
MaybeIcansweetenitupabit?Youlookquitehandsome.
I guess my suit does not stink enough.
Uhm, what do you mean?
She sits down next to me and smiles. Pretty woman, a bit older than me. Blond hair, long. Taller than me. Sexy outfit, my eyes got caught by her chest a few times. I try to resist. Her hand is on my thigh as she talks to me. Her arm rubs against mine. I have a Liberty Ale, she has something else. Probably not water, but looks like water. With bubbles. Her perfume is strong. Pink lipstick, shiny. Make-up eyes, she is very pretty. Tamara, or Tammy. I call her Miss Tamara. She laughs, her hand rubs my thigh, up and down.
I get what this is about.
Uhm, I do not think I can afford you...
Youaremissingout,kid.
Her hand is no longer on my thigh, but somewhere else.
Huh,bigboy.Sureyoudonothavethemoney?
Her teasing makes it hard to think. Staying alive was worth it.
I am sorry.
She pecks my cheek. Maybe next time, she says and leaves, leaving her glass on my table. I just sit there, minutes pass. Bartender comes, here is the bill. One Liberty Ale, one Crystal Champus. Thank you, Tamara.
I go get the tailored clothes from the store. Looks good. Cannot wait to try it on. I go to my apartment, strip, put on the new stuff. I look good. Never looked this good before. I feel good. A woman touched me, and it did not hurt. She kissed me. She scammed me, too. Still, a kiss from a pretty woman.
I am alone, and I have not processed what happened. I am happy. I look good and I am clean. I have water, and I have synth paste. I am alive. I am still alive. I made it away from Pittsburgh. I got kissed. I have clothes. I showered. I got kissed.
I have a room. I can sleep without anyone attacking me or stealing my things.
Need to deal with the ship and need to make money. But now, I will just sleep. This bed is better than the wooden pallet. I have a pillow. It is dirty, but I do not care.
This is better than anything I had before. Thank you, Aspen.
Met Lazurith. Met Rebecca Harper. Met Julie. Met Revenant. Met Klugmann. Met Jonathan Moyer. Met many more. They are nice, all in their own way. Did not get along with Rebecca first. Constantly called me a thief and an idiot.
Lazurith is cute. We have the same body type. Good to know that small, thin people like us can survive in space. Guess what matters are reflexes, knowledge and skill, not muscles. Different than it was on Pittsburgh. Welcome change. He helped me get full control over my ship. Got me a system override software, gave me some money. Paid him back asap.
My first two friends, Aspen and Lazurith. They are cool. I love them. Helpful, kind, funny, they know what to say and when to say it.
Had a mental breakdown. Robot ships? Space fish aliens? Ghost sluts? Politics everywhere, nobody trusts anyone. I had my doubts. Can someone like me fit into this world? I come from Pittsburgh, from the dust. From the slums. From the mines. From the slaves. Never had anything other than WaSPs. They do not even know what that is. I tell them. Water and Synth Paste. Never had anything else. They feel pity for me, because I never had anything else. Lazurith gave me a food ration. Tried it, licked the cracker. Salty. My body did not like the salt. I gave up on it.
Rebecca gave me Whiskey. We played "Never ever have I". Bad idea. Threw up, my body felt like it got shredded. Turns out you are not supposed to drink alcohol when you take medicine. Felt like the medical treatment was for nothing. I was wrong, the wounds did not open up again. I threw up, hugged the toilet on my ship. I heard them laughing and mocking me. More than that. Heard Kimiko. Did not invite her in.
Stay out of my fucking head!
It is how she talks. I know that now. No, I do not care what she is. No, I do not want to know about her. No, I do not want to have any other voices in my head than my own. Stay out. Stay out. Stay out.
STAY OUT! JUST SHUT UP!
What is all this? Space fishes and their slaves attack me in Cobbler. Yes, it is Kepler. Remind me every time. Not Cobbler, but Kepler. I will learn it some day. Space fishes are evil. They are called Nomads. I call them space fish. They look like fishes, in space. I avoid them. They are evil. Everyone tells me they are evil.
What do you say, Revenant?
Not all of them are?
I do not understand.
Just stay out of my head!
Youarenotmadeforthisworld.
I can not hear you anymore. I left you right at Pittsburgh. I now have Aspen and Lazurith.
Youhavenothing.Youareaslave.Worthnothing.
Leave me alone.
Youarealone.Withme.
You are nothing...
Comeback.Comeback.Comewhereyoubelong.
Where do I belong?
Where do I belong? In space? With politics, and wars, and conflicts, with governments, with robot ships and aliens and ghost sluts? I do not know where I belong. I never thought about where I belong. I was a kid from Pittsburgh a week ago. Now I am in space. Faked my age, faked my name, stole a ship, got a job, got kissed by a woman. My wounds are healing. But I do not understand what is going on. I know how to use a plasma cutter. That is all I know. I belong into the mines.
Right. I go back to Pittsburgh. I should have died there. From dust, to dust.
I do not know what is happening, Kris, but, I- I am not made for that.
I wish I could have spent more time with you, Lazurith, but I am way too scared of everything, and not clever enough to understand why things are the way they are. Maybe if I had been to school for a few more years, things would be different.
I hope Rebecca can protect you. I certainly cannot. I am useless.
Hey, uhm. I was wondering, since you can not sleep well at Valoran...
Valravn.
Yes, that. I was wondering, would you like to have a sleep-over party in my room?
Thatsoundslikeagreatidea.
He sleeps like a rock. I sleep longer than usual, without waking up in the middle of a dream. No nightmares. I feel warm and cozy. He sleeps in my bed, I sleep on a mattress on the floor. I wanted it that way. He is kind and cute. My friend.
Maybe I die in space. But at least I have friends now.
I am feeling good. I walk around on station. I feel confident.
What is the deal with the bio-domes? I guess I check them out.
The air, so much different. It is cold. The air has a flavor. It is pleasant.
I want to take a picture of myself, because I look good now. I like my clothes.
And I need at least one for the neural net. Something for the messages. I ask a robot to take a picture of me.
Thank you, Mister Robot. It looks okay.
I keep walking. The air is so much different than on Pittsburgh. No dust, no sand, no machine oil, no boron. It smells so clean. Not clean like recycled, but clean, with a little bit of texture. And this is just a bio-dome. I wonder how it is on other planets. I wonder how it is on Curacao, or on Los Angeles, or Denver.
Or Erie.
Maybe I will go there, some day. When it is safe.
But for now, I want to go somewhere else, and get rid of something.
What'sitgonnabetoday,kid?
Uhm, just a glass of water for me, please.
And, uhm, any drink the pretty woman over there wants, on me.
...aLibertyAleandaCrystalClear,gotit.
Turns out Tamara is a frequent visitor of this bar. Best way to find clients, I guess. She sat at the counter, idly chatting with a man who looked like he was more Sunbuck's Donut than meat. Figured she would change her focus to whoever would order her a drink. I was right. She moves over to me, sits down next to me, with her expensive drink. A dress in red and black, light fabric, some fluff here and there. Boobs pushed up and pressed together, making sure the people would not pay too much attention to anything. Sinful red lips. Long blond hair. Probably extensions. They were shorter last time.
Youlookalotbettertoday.
Uhm, thank you.
Got new clothes, too!
Hitthejackpot?
Got my first paycheck, yeah.
So,thefirstthingyoudoiscomehereagain.
Sheonlycaresforyourmoney.
Yeah.
Certainlynotforthedrink,huh?
Uhm, yeah.
Becauseofme,then?
Yeah.
Aww,whatacuteoneyouare!
We get to talk. We talk a lot. I order her more drinks. Her name is Tamara Hands. She runs a massage parlor named "Hands". We chuckle. She drinks more. She is in her 20's. Asks for my card. Yes, balance is fine. Yes, I am old enough. Oh, you have a gunboat? Yes, I do. No, I do not hunt people. Yes, I do escort jobs. She says she does, too. We laugh.
She drinks more. She gets touchy. Teases me. Makes her intentions clear. I agree. We make out. She climbs on my lap. I barely see anything other than her face and her blond hair. She teases me so much. She moans when we kiss.
The bartender shows up next to us.
Nothereinthebar,guys.
She pulls me to the restrooms. We hurry into a stall. We make out. No, do not undress me! My body is still covered in bruises and scars and very ugly hematoma. Do not undress me. She does not.
Minutes pass. I am happy. She calls me a jawbreaker - sweet, fun to lick, her jaw hurts.
We go to her room. Why does the massage bed have a hole in the middle? She laughs. We lie down in her bed.
Does not matter. I just want to sleep here, with you next to me.
Justthat?
Uhm, yeah. Is that okay?
Sure.
Hug me.
She hugs me. She keeps me hugged. I fall asleep in her arms.
I wake up. My chest us bare, but I still wear my pants. Tamara is next to the bed, on the floor. She looks at me, smiling. In her hand is a medi-pen. She holds it over one of my bruises as it shoots green light at my body.
I did not catch her drift. But I get what she wants. Quite flattering. And I keep it in mind.
But I did not leave Pittsburgh to do that. I left Pittsburgh for...
I do not know. I have no plans. People ask me about my plans. Miss Aspen asked me. Lazurith asked me. Captain Moyer asked me.
I do not know.
Miss Revenant asked me, too. She asked me what I can do. What are my strengths. No idea. I know how a plasma cutter works. Useless skill in space. I need to learn. I need to be creative. I do not have what it takes to kill someone.
Yet.
I need to prepare for that case. In space, I need to be prepared for that. On a planet, people punch me, kick me, break my bones, slice my skin open, ram a knife into my hand. All these wounds can heal. Especially with Tamara helping me in her way. But in space, everything is lethal. You get shot, you die.
I do not want to get shot. I stay away from these big groups. They fight over the same space over and over again. So pointless.
Everything is so pointless.
An hour later, Tamara is done. We eat breakfast. In bed. She has a ration, I have synth paste.
Uhm, if that place is dangerous, you should have a gunboat with you!
Lev',youshouldreallystayhere.Itistoodangerous.
This debate went on for a few more minutes until Lazurith finally gave in. If that place was so dangerous, why go there? I am too deep into the matter already. Do I understand anything that is happening here? No. Could a gunboat be useful to protect my friends? Yes. It is as simple as that.
Aspen and Kimiko joined in Omicron Delta, at the freeport. There, the debate started anew.
Heisnotprepared. Heisnotreadyforthis.
Youshouldstayhereatthefreeport,pal.
Please,justwaithereforus,okay,Lev'?
Theybelittleyou.
I am ready to grow up.
This time it took about half an hour. Then, at some point, Kimiko offered to test me. I accepted. If I would pass, they would take me with them. Like that, I faced the one thing I never wanted to face. This entire space fish telephony talk. Voices in my head.
My head hurts. Her voice is so much louder, booming. It feels like pressure on my head. Like a thunderstorm.
I, uhm, do not know what a maelstrom- is but bring it on-
Static. My ears hurt. Screeching sounds, like a plasma cutter with a broken plasma cell.
I fall off my seat. I hold my head.
I can do this. I- can- do- this! I can do this.
Something is digging into my head. Like a drill, a nail. I- can- I can do this.
**"Ihavekilledmenfarmoreworthythanyou,boy.
LeftthemSCREAMINGintheirlastmoments."**
I can do this. Wish she I lie in my own vomit. would not be this edgy. The dra-The boy are kicking me.ma. She does this They use plasma cutters to cut my skin. way too often. She enjoys I wish I would bleed out, but the wounds get sealed instantly. it. Spooking around, using They break my ribs with their boots. her alien magic whatever They steal my water. it is. I do not under-They want me to die.stand. I do not want You are only good for one thing, kid. to know. I do not Some pervert will pay good money for a slave boy with a big one. want to have her in my head. I will- I think Mother is gone. Off to Malta. Not her choice. she is otherwise okay. Do Dad got moved to Alabama. Is that in Liberty? Never heard of it before. not know anything about No food at home. No money left. her, but I also do not know I need to drop out of school and make money. Stealing.anything about anything. Kris Got caught. Got beaten. My jaw hurts. and Aspen surely have good I can not sit. It hurts. reasons to keep her I want to die. around, even with her Stop touching me! weird episodes. To STOP TOUCHING ME!! Revenant, she is probably just an asset. I wonder It is all over me. what Rebecca Why does nobody stop this? thinks of her. Probably I will run away. the same she thinks To the mines. of anyone else. I can do this.
**"YoutreadintheGARDENofDEADGODS."**
I can do this. I- I can do this.
**"KNEEL."**
I cannot do this.
I want to die.
Toldyou.
Help me!
IdonotthinkIcan.
Take over, please!
Just take over, please!
Weareprettyfucked.
Try it, at least.
I am just a kid! Innocent, insecure. This is too much for me!
I am too pragmatic. Nothing I can think of can deal with this. Except you.
What happened? I do not remember. My head hurts. Blood all over my flight suit. Feel a bit lightheaded. Kris and Aspen are on the comms. They sound worried. I am fine, though. Have not felt this great in a while, actually.
Anyway, we can start the test, Kimiko. I can do this!
They merely tried to gaslight me, and Kimiko did something to make my nose bleed. They made such a ruckus about the test. I am ready. I can do this. Why do you sound so worried, Kris? What are you writing down, Aspen? Anyway, let us just go to that cool place, okay? I am done arguing.
I sometimes think I would really prefer to be just "a kid with a gunboat".
Whatararesight!
Hello!
I enter Tamara's massage parlor. No changes since the last times I was here. Still the tropical flair, the relaxed jazz music, the blue and red lighting, the same scent of plants from Curacao. Automated room splitters just waiting to get deployed, portable massage beds, a table with various drinks, a coffee machine, a soda fountain, another table with her work utensils. I idly look at the price table at the wall. All seemed like nothing had changed. Tamara approaches me, wearing a red latex and silk outfit. Not necessarily slutty, but definitely something I had seen on Curacao during my short time there.
Does not waste time, embraces and kisses me, says she missed me. Asks where I have been. I tell her I want a full body massage, she prepares, I take a shower. Wrapped in a bathrobe, I lay down and she eagerly spreads the massage oil on my scarred skin.
Howistheplayboylife?
Uhm, you tell me! I bet, uhm, you get some to check in here every now and then.
Laying on my chest, I am quite happy she does not get to see how much I am blushing because of that remark. Certainly meant it differently. My uncovered back feels warm under the massage oil. The scent is numbing my mind. I can feel the tension leaving my body.
Tellme,where'veyoubeen,hun?
... Sigma-15, then New Berlin. Uhm, a woman tried to kill me-
Yeah,I'veheardaboutthat.Why,though?Jealousy?
Hell, even now I do not fully understand what went into her. I was with... I was in the cockpit of another ship, busy, and she kept pestering us until she decided to try and kill us.
Youwerebusyinthecockpitofanothership,withsomeone?
... I do not think the details are important. Anyway, we barely survived-
Her massage technique gets notably more forceful.
...wasitYoshiko?
Does it matter?
Her elbow pushes between my shoulder blades, I hear something crack. Pain pulses throughout my body.
YES! Yes, it was Yoshiko!
The pain quickly vanishes. It actually feels a lot better now.
Goon,darling.
We, uhm, needed to do a space walk in EVA suits to my ship. Hers was demolished because of Rebecca. If it had not been for some other person, we would have died right there.
Wait,howmanypeoplewerethere?
Well, me and Yoshiko in her cockpit, Rebecca on her ship and another woman.
Didtheyknowwhatwasgoingoninthecockpit?
... they saw and heard everything. Probably for at least two of the six hours.
...Sixhours?
You kind of pay attention to the wrong details, Tamara.
Anyway, I towed Yoshiko's ship to a station and, uhm, we stayed there until her ship was repaired. Then I fled to Sigma-15 because I knew there was a freeport.
WithYoshiko?
No. After... continuing where, uhm, we had to stop, she stayed at Shasta for a paintjob and then headed back to Inverness, I guess. It was just me in the Sigmas. Got myself a room on Freeport 8, met a few new people, hired an useless idiot called Caliban, got scammed by him, then went hiding on New Berlin when a friend offered me to stay at her house. And then I went here, and you are the first person I got to see.
I did not 'lay' her. Admittedly, I had something with another Kusarian, but nothing with Lea. Although I kissed her. But nothing more than that. Look, uhm, I am not like that, okay?
Her hands are massaging mine, in a mix of gentle and intense. My head feels dizzy.
No, not Aspen! But yes, I get it. I have no idea how it all came to that. One day I sit outside the freeport and watch Revenant picking unnecessary fights with the Order, and then, uhm, she tries to hire me to do the dirty work, and the next day I want to treat myself with some time with Yoshiko and then hell breaks loose.
I sigh in relaxation. My body feels like pudding as Tamara keeps kneading every single muscle. Her hands made all the tension and exhaustion vanish from my thighs. Took me a while to even realize she had taken the towel away.
Sounds like a good way to look back at it. Almost died, cowered in fear in front of many people, apparently the entire freeport knows about my... private business. And I still have this silly tattoo below my belly.
Oh?Showme!
Sighing in resignation, I turned around to lay on my back. She stared at the tattoo and smirked, then chuckled.
PropertyofOSC.Nowthat'saclaimthatneedsarevision.
Uhm-
Did not take long for her to escalate it again. About an hour later we lie in the room with the red light, next to each other. I have been here before, when I paid her for letting me sleep in her bed, without any other services. Our bodies are covered in sweat and massage oil. She is still panting in exhaustion, turning to her side to face me.
Uhm, I guess I will do what I did before I went hiding. Like, uhm, looking for more jobs, getting in touch with more people and so on. I met a cute girl piloting a Cryer transport. Got to work as escort for her, made a good amount of cash that way, too. And, uhm, seems like she, uhm, also... is interested.
As flattering as that is, I sometimes think I would really prefer to be just "a kid with a gunboat" and not that.
She leans in to kiss my cheek. I turn my head to hers to return a kiss on her lips.
IcertainlyliketheplayboyLevan...
... suffice to say, we did not leave the bed that night. I am completely clueless on how things turned out that way for me. But I am really not going to complain.
Kristoff is sleeping. I figured I could just lay down next to him and have him hug me in his sleep as he usually does. Any other night, I would have done so. But not this night.
Why?
I am struggling. I have not struggled like this in a while. It is difficult to hold the thoughts back.
I can feel that much, yeah.
I understand this was never meant to be a constant. Nothing in life is. I used to think that I would just stay on Pittsburgh and life a life of eternal suffering. I thought all of that can be buried.
Mymindisbreaking.
I do not know how to handle it. Is my time as mediator over?
I open my eyes. I feel weight on my body as someone moves their body onto mine. I feel the warmth. I take in the scent. Undefineable. Something very pleasant, though. I feel a pair of hot and wet lips meeting mine. Two hands cupping my cheeks.
I am sitting, my back leaning against a tree. I brought a blanket to sit here, right under this tree. I dimly remember. I must have fallen asleep? My head hurts and I feel uncomfortable, but the kiss is shoving the discomfort aside.
MindifIjoin?
Uhm, not at all, Tamara!
Yes, her. I remember. She asked whether she can just join me on my ship. Not for another night or something, but as permanent crew member. I asked her why I would need another crewmember. She responded with "People usually pay a lot of money to have their private sex slave". It did not take long for her to realise that I did not find that funny. She apologized. I told her I would think about it.
And now she is here, sitting on my lower body, showering me with love and affection. I have no idea how my life went from being a mining slave from Pittsburgh to this. Sitting in one of the biodomes on Freeport 8, sleeping, only to wake up to a beautiful woman two heads taller than me wanting to kiss me.
Whatareyoudoingallalonehere?
Uhm, resting, I guess?
Didyouthinkaboutmyproposal?
Uh, you mean, moving onto my ship?
Joiningyourcrew,yeah.
She rocks her lower body back and forth on mine. Her seductive red dress is hiding most of the movements. I must admit, her method made it hard for me. To think, that is.
I was wondering about that. Uhm, not that I do not mind it, but, uhm. I was wondering what prompted it.
She kisses my neck. Her back is arching as she gives me a love bite. I can feel the lipstick leaving red stains on my skin. Her long, blond hair tickles my skin, too. It is waving slightly from the artificial wind of the biodome.
Iwanttobewithyou.Iwanttokissyoualldayandnight.
... Why?
Iloveyou.
It leaves me speechless. It is not like we have not gotten closer over the past two months. But not that close. I can not help but wonder what her actual motive is. Not in this moment, though. I know she is jealous about me having been with Yoshiko. I know she is interested in people with money, for obvious reasons. And I know she is trying to distract me. Admittedly, it works. Her hand slides down under the skirt of her dress, and one mess in the public later, she just lays next to me on the blanket, both of us looking out of the biodome's glass, not saying anything. Her head is at my shoulder. Probably quite the hilarious sight. The 5.5 foot me and her, a probably 6.3, incredibly beautiful blonde in an expensive red dress. I really cannot wrap my head around why me. How I ended up this lucky. It is not like I do anything for that. I am not even funny, or a good talker, or buff. I am just... me. Completely overwhelmed with everything. I do not get it. I just do not get it.
And?
I... uhm, still feel like you are not telling me the entire truth.
I live a dangerous life, Tamara. Today I only barely talked myself into trouble with a Rogue pack leader.
Some idiot called Hemlocke. There is also another stinking idiot called Caliban, and honestly, that, uhm, alcoholic wreck Rebecca is probably still considering it.
Issheanidiot,too?
She turns her head towards me, smirking.
Yeah. That entire family is a lost case. She is completely whacko. So, yeah. An idiot, too. Her brother and his boyfriend, too. All idiots, really.
Tamara laughs, then nuzzles me with her nose as she burrows her head into my neck. Her hand slides down from my black T-shirt to my crotch, idly stopping there.
Her hand stops. There is silence for a while. Then she stands up, and leaves without a word.
I remain where I am, lying on the blanket. I feel this weird mix of sexual afterglow and the obvious bad vibes I just created by telling the truth. Quite hilarious, really, the concept of truth. Everyone wants the truth. Levan, how old are you? Levan, this ship is not stolen, right? Levan, this and that?
The truth about the truth is, it sucks. Who cares if I lie? What a hilarious world are we living in? Montes and Hemlocke are murdering, enslaving, criminal scum, but oh my, Levan, you lied to them? To Rogues? How dare you! Double standards left and right. The Technomancers, oh so perfect. Of course they lie about their secrets. The loyalty implant. But I am the one who is bad for lying. And when I tell the truth, people do not believe it.
Caliban accuses me of being a liar when I did not lie to him. I guess Rebecca lied to him about things. But I am the one to blame.
All these people are horrible. They have space ships, enough money for food and all the creature comforts. They can drown themselves in alcohol and drugs. Start bar fights, shoot people, murder. But I am the bad one for lying, even when I do not.
What is wrong with this universe? No wonder Kristoff wants to leave all of this behind. These people are horrible.
I stand up. I do not bother with the blanket. I go back to our room on the freeport, take off my clothes, take a quick shower, and then join Kristoff in bed. He hugs me, firmly. His arms and legs wrap around my body. I close my eyes and hug him, too. Like that, I fall asleep, with his warm body almost glued onto mine.
It is weird. I feel like Kimiko was with me at the biodome, without revealing herself. I wonder if she is watching me in this moment. There is no privacy in my life anymore since I met her. She watches everything. And she reads my thoughts. I wonder what her opinion on lying is...
Kris... maybe, uhm. We do not need to deal with any of this right away, right? Uhm, one day, one week, one month, what does it matter? So, uhm, how about we go and do some fun stuff while we can? Maybe you can show me your university?
He sits in the co-pilot seat, still clearly bothered by me having told Rebecca and Revenant about everything. I know he is disappointed in me. Angry, even. I lost control and put him in a horrible spot. All because Rebecca just cannot leave me alone.
Honestly?Itmightbeaniceidea.
I smile at him, and he returns a weak smile. We launch from Freeport 8, not knowing what is about to happen. Blissfully unaware. We take the long route, avoiding the trade lanes to just take in the space around us. The autopilot does the job. Sigma-15, Frankfurt, New Berlin, Hamburg, Hudson, Texas, New York, Colorado.
Lots of asteroid fields. Every now and then, rocks hit the shields of the Gemini Kay. Kristoff and I are holding hands. I come over to the co-pilot seat, sit in his lap, burrowing my head against his neck. I fucked up, but apparently not enough for him to no longer want me. No words, just being gentle with each other. I have no idea it is going to be the last kiss. Yet, I make it count.
Not much going on in Colorado. We keep ourselves busy.
And then...
An explosion. Shields drop, the gunboat is drifting. A mine in the middle of the asteroid field!? I hear a lot of beeping and hop off Kristoff's lap to take to the pilot seat. The engine is damaged. Nothing bad, though. I steer the ship over to the trade lanes. It feels a bit wobbly and unresponsive, but it works just out. We enter the trade lane to Denver. We drop out - and the engine does not respond anymore at all. I try multiple things as the Gemini Kay approaches Denver's atmosphere, but nothing seems to work.
Kristoff gets up and heads down to the engine room. Denver's gravity well pulls us closer and closer and we enter the atmosphere. I try my best to steer the ship to slow us down, but the last thing I hear is another explosion and a very strong rumble. The force is strong enough to throw me off the seat, and I hit my head. Blood is running down my forehead. I feel dizzy. I pass out. The last thing I hear is his voice.
Levan!
Levan!?
Levan!!!
I open my eyes. Everything hurts. My head aches so badly. Barely any space to move. Where am I?
Oh no.
It is the escape pod! I am all alone in the Kay's escape pod!
Kristoff?
No response. He is not with me.
I open the pod. A cool breeze grazes my skin. Lush green grassland. Mountains in the distance, many forests. I am in the middle of nowhere on Planet Denver. Without him. Without Kristoff.
I do not know where he is. I do not know whether he is alive.
I tried to find him. Took me a few days to reach the crash site. But he was not there. No corpse. Most of the debris of the Kay was already moved away. Tried to find out about what happened. Local news only reported about the crash, with little information at all. I scanned the net for Kristoff, but nothing.
I asked around in the regional hospitals, but they did not have anyone called Kristoff. Some did not even want to give me a response. It was all useless.
I decided to send him some PDA messages. No responses.
That was it.
Aspen is gone. Kristoff is gone. My two best friends are gone.
I am all alone.
I do not know what to do. My ship is gone, too. I have nothing left anymore. Everything I built up since leaving Pittsburgh is gone.
What is the point of all of this? Such an irony. I got a chance to live by fleeing from Pittsburgh. I left everything behind and just left.
And I got to meet these two wonderful people who helped me just like that. And now both are gone. And the Kay is gone.
I have nothing left.
I was wondering whether I should try to contact anyone else. Yoshiko, Lea... Kimiko? But I did not. Nothing matters anymore. It is all pointless.
I decided to stay on Denver. There was this small town I found. Between a forest and a coast. Got myself a place to stay. Not much money left on my account, but still enough to live decently for... who knows how long.
830 ended like that. Met a girl. Then another. Then another. It never went anywhere apart from them coming over to my place to hang out and just exist. One of them offered me some illegal stuff but I rejected her offer. She consumed it at my place, sometimes with friends. Before I knew it, my place became a meeting place for... people who looked for a time to relax. Some brought drinks and got drunk. Some smoked. Some did other stuff. I did not care. Most of the time, I was up in my room. I barely cared for the names of the girls.
831 went by. Apparently something happened out there in space that messed with the gate network. Nothing I cared about. At some point, I felt really lonely. I sent another message to Aspen, knowing she is dead and would never listen to it. I sent it anyways, telling her that I miss her. That I do not know what to do.
In 832, I bought a violin. Never got good at it but I learned to play a few songs. I let it slide rather quickly. A girl, Lucy, decided to stay for longer at my place. She asked me to play for her, so I did a few times. She said she liked my style. We grew closer. I never told her about what had happened.
Lucy moved in. Beautiful woman. Rather slender and short. She asked me about my age. Told her I am almost 20. She was... good.
Then, at some point, I found out she emptied my neural net account and left. At least the rent was paid for another year. Another girl moved in and she was insisting on me starting to eat other stuff than Synth Paste, so she cooked for me and some others. Took me a while to overcome my little oddity when it comes to eating food, but eventually I complied. Still, I prefer Synth Paste.
Serene stayed with me until early 833. She realized I had no interest in a relationship with her apart from a physical one. Saddened, she left, but it did not matter to me. My place turned more and more into a slum. We played games, every now and then I picked up my violin. Partying hard. Sometimes I was able to forget about everything. No Kristoff, no Aspen, no Kimiko, no Yoshiko, no Lea. No Gemini Kay. I was living the moment.
But it never lasted.
Even now, I miss them. Both Aspen and Kristoff. I wanted to have them both on the Gemini Kay with me. I wanted to have fun adventures with them. Watch Plasmaball with them. Have a harmonica duet with Aspen.
The girl in bed next to me asked me why I am so sad. For some reason, I told her. I told her about Kristoff and Aspen. That I miss them. That nothing feels real anymore. Getting drunk meant nothing. Having sex meant nothing, at least not in the long run. Nothing mattered.
When she left, in anger and frustration about my apathy, she said
Youaretheonewhodiedinthatcrash!
Weirdly enough, that got looped in my mind, over and over again. Maybe did die in that crash.
It was a random thought, really. I did some research and ask around. And as it turned out, I did not die. As it turned out, for three years, I was a patient in a hospital. A patient kept in medical stasis...
There he was. Right in front of me. Assuming he was the pilot of the Gemini Kay, he was filed as Levan Harlow. As me! I played along, since Kristoff was obviously not welcome to Liberty as Technomancer. To the personnel of the Cryer facility, I was Steven Harlow. And he was Levan Harlow, my brother.
Kristoff was kept in medical stasis. They explained to me that he was suffering from complicated injuries. In true Liberty fashion, a treatment for that would cost a lot. They showed me the bill, and I realized that this would have been the time where I could have really used the fortune I had made three years ago. I could not afford it. I asked them if I could stay for a few minutes and just be near him.
This was more than frustrating. For years I thought he was dead. But now he was here with me, just... not alive, either. I had to come up with a plan. Where to get a large amount of money just like that? Maybe another bounty hunt? I did not even have the funds for a ship. In this very moment, I was essentially bankrupt. For the first time in months, money mattered to me.
I left the facility and simply went for a stroll, pondering, thinking very hard about the options. There were a few, really. Taking a massive loan, or... contacting Lea, after three years of silence, to beg for money. Or... contacting Rebecca, even. Definitely not the Technomancy.
Or... maybe, in the worst case. We have been trying to hide from all these people. No drama, no jealousy, no Revenant dragging him into battles she picked for stupid reasons.
What a horrible situation to be in. I sat down at a local fountain, trying to focus on finding some solution. Kristoff had multiple ships running on his name, maybe I could sell them for cash? No. No idea where the Homerunner was. Probably still at Freeport 8. Or 14. In any case, out of range. I had just enough funds to get a ticket for a transport ride. But it would need to count.
Maybe Tamara could have helped? Maybe she was still in Inverness, running her massage parlor. But damn. She did not contact me anymore after I told her I do not want her to move in on the Gemini Kay.
I got hungry, so I went to a small local store. Got myself a pack of Synth Paste and a bottle of carbonated water. The cashier gave me one of these promotional OSC lottery papers where you would need to rub ten little squares to reveal some images. Dismissively, I let it vanish in the pocket of my leather jacket and left with my WaSP.
The Colorado sun was setting. I took the shuttle back to my place while sucking the Synth Paste out of the pack. A little girl and her mother sat on the other side and the kid kept staring at me. I tried to avoid looking at her. To my left was a chubby man in a business suit. Barely any hair on his head, glasses, techy suitcase. He looked like he did not have to worry about money. But then again, people often pretended to be more wealthy than they were.
To my right was an older woman, probably in her sixties. Maybe even older. Long dress, probably a rather expensive one. Very slender. Handbag. I wondered how much she had on her account. Could probably have easily overwhelmed her.
I shook my head. What was I even thinking about? Taking someone else's money by force? Nonsense. There had to be better ways.
I left the shuttle at the target shuttleport. It was dark outside. Not a single cloud in the sky, so the Edge and the Crow were faintly visible. Even these weird dark matter clouds all over Liberty. Walked home. People were still there, playing a racing game on a gaming console while a stack of pizza was on the table. I went upstairs, wanted to go to my bedroom, only to see two of my friends getting frisky in my bed. Sighing, I let them continue, just passing through to get to the balcony. Sat down in one of the lounging chairs, only now realizing that another friend of mine was in the one next to mine. Her name was Madeleine. She showed up here a few days ago when another friend invited her. Not the most sociable person, but apart from regular smoking and the occasional Liberty Ale, she did not touch any other stuff.
She lay there, only wearing a black tank top and a weirdly familiar pair of boxer briefs. It was definitely warm enough to do that, even on the balcony. She had one of those mint cigarretes between the tip of her thumb and index finger, idly looking over to me.
Shitday?
Shit day.
Wannatalkaboutit?
Not really.
Yeah.Same.
The door and the windows to the balcony were open, so both of us could hear not only the loud sounds from downstairs of music blasting while people yelled over messing with each other in the racing game, but also the loud moaning from the bedroom.
For a while, we just remained like that. I did not care for anything happening in my apartment. Some of the people in there made sure things would not derail too much after one time we had the police knocking at the door. Madeleine did not seem to be bothered about anything, either. She just remained there, smoking her cigarette, rubbing her foot along the other leg while looking in my direction. Took me a while to realize she was staring at me.
I returned the look.
Mhh?
Wannagonext?
Not in the mood.
'Kay.
Yet she kept staring at me. I moved on my side to return the gaze. My hand vanished in my jacket's pocket.
Yeah. Who cares. Another girl stole my money. People do not touch the Synth Paste. Water is free. I am fine. Rent and power are paid for the rest of the year. Apart from you, nobody else touches my clothes.
Ilike'em.
Keep what you want, then.
Madeleine put out the cigarette in the ashtray on the floor next to her. Not hesitating, she got herself another cigarette from her pack. I watched her as she lit it. Shortly after, she stared at me again.
I watched her lead the cigarette to her orange lips. Her long hair had a color gradient from gold-blond at the top down to a very powerful neon orange. Something popular among the people of my age on Denver, I noticed. Pretty girl, really. She just had this rough look on her face. Something that told people she would not hesitate to break a nose if people messed with her.
You studied?
Psychology,fourthsemester.Tookabreak,though.
I once visited the campus not far from here. A friend of mine studied there, too.
Andyou?
I have you know, I finished elementary school successfully.
She smiled.
Drop-out?
Long story.
There was few seconds of silence. The couple in the bedroom seemed to finish. Madeleine clapped her hands in applause, the cigarette held with her lips.
Long story short, I am not exactly the luckiest person.
Does not really take much to look good. My dick also did not really help me in life. Almost died because of it, once. And when the year is over, I have no idea how to afford this apartment.
I'msureyou'llfindaway.
Easier said than done. Money was the one big issue right now.
We kept talking like that. Madeleine was clearly interested in me, and a while later in that night, we ended up in bed together. She did not even let me take off my clothes.
In the morning, she got up early to have a smoke on the balcony while I remained in bed. I saw her through the window, wearing nothing but my beanie on her head and one of my black T-shirts. Later she joined me in bed again and we stayed for a few hours. When I opened my eyes again, she was gone. I looked around, and only found a piece of paper next to my head, on the pillow.
I did just that. Two little pieces of paper. One was a neural net address. The other was the OSC lottery ticket I got from the store. Madeleine must have taken the liberty to rub the squares with a coin to reveal the little pictograms.