Fear is a silly sense. Like muddy foam it "boils" somewhere in the stomach, then climbs up your throat, deprives you of your mind. It veils your eyes, makes the heart: now sink, now hits against the ribcage, as if a break through the chest is its only goal. Blood rushes through the vessels in a vain attempt to warm up stiffening "periphery". A little more and the system will reach the breaking point... Then here's the fear recedes. The heart thumps a couple more times, huddles somewhere into the far corner. And weakness spreads through the body at the tail of hot blood waves. The individual should be quietly subsiding on the ground with all limbs trembling in this phase, that what I’ll do, but for seat belts are holding me.
//A middle-aged man wearing RFP uniform talking to himself sitting in the cockpit of "Mjolnir"-class super-heavy fighter. A knife is lying in front of him.
"What was I thinking about back then when agreed to be an armament operator at 19-ARKM-N82 SHF? Now I am a murderer and a fugitive. Should stay at docks, I should stay at docks. It is all Gunter’s’ fault, oh yes it is. Why he needed to be a hero, now, I’m sure, he was afraid too, some people is just too scared to admit their fears. I’m not like that; I’m honest to myself at least. When turrets of a rebellious red Hessians gunship is locked on your ship… you’ll never want to have this experience ever again. And yes, I’m sure, he wanted to keep this contraband too and sell it… and take all money to him, that greedy bastard, if I won’t stab him, that will be me now laying dead behind crates at the second dock of Bautzen Station. He was lying when told me that I’m a traitor after my offer to sell artifacts and split our gains. It was he who was a traitor, yes, he had betrayed me. He wants that money, all for himself. And now even dead he is hindering me, damn prig have to lock fire-control system with his captain rights. No way, no way you’ll get me Gunter, I’ll find my way out of this mess and I’ll laugh at your pathetic attempts to stop me. Yes I will. Junkers, Junkers at Kreuzberg will unlock systems, I’ll offer them some artifacts and they will… they will rat me out another second! Damn, calm down, calm down… I should unlock the fire-control system – first of all, then run, leave Rheinland for good."
“Everything is fine so far, well… everything is blowing up into my face, but I was able to get to Kreuzberg in one piece, even with my guns locked. It’s just my luck to have all jumpholes marked on a patrol map. I was able to slip from Dresden to New Berlin unnoticed. Trade lines are under surveillance for sure, so set course to the Ruhrfeld and full throttle. Those 19-ARKM-N82 are beasts indeed, I’m able to ignore most of hazards on my route and focus on radar completely, definitely wants no meetings today.
No trace of police activity on the air regarding my cause, I’m wondering if they didn’t find the body or just doesn’t give a *****. It looks suspicious.”
“Okay, I’ve supplies for one day more, so can’t wait any longer. I’ve to try that scientific station at Koeln system; they are quite independent and able too, because I really need to replace that hardware key.”
Quotation from “19-ARKM-N82 Serviceanleitung” – “… control system of a power allocation unit is protected by a hardware key to assure maximum security…”
"It’s quite odd, Junkers are definitely involved into artifact smuggling, and I’ve seen reports about some cases, but, no sign of activity in four days. I’m wondering if they were able to locate and scan my ship and thinking that I’m a provocateur or they become too lazy for any business opportunities outside their own community. Anyway I need that fire-control system online, even if my ship can outrun many other vessels, I’ll be completely feeble without weapons. And where could I go nowadays without a solid firepower? There is a full-scale war with Gallia in Bretonian space, Libertonians will gun me down first and only after that ask, why I was flying through their space on a Rheinland produced ship. Maybe I should think about seeking a temporary refuge here in Rheinland, since I’m not even in a criminal database?”
Damn, some blind luck is a thing every person need. Looks like I’ll get away with what I’ve done. Those guys at Heisenberg know lots of tricks, just look at this block.
Maybe it is looking like a ramshackle circuit board about two hundred years old and at least five times as big as original hardware key, but it works… somehow. Their services weren’t cheap, but in the bright side I’ve paid them with artifacts, so sales are their headache now… or will they poke those things just for research? Who knows or rather who cares? Not me.
Also as I’m using an emergency mode, when all controls are rerouted to a single console, which was originally designed to allow vessels escape with the only crew member able to function, there are multiple problems. The most significant among them is a power distribution. No matter what technicians do they aren’t able to provide weapon systems with more then three fourth of maximum power. Though rapid-firing “Phoenixes” are quite energy efficient, I’ve spot some misalignments with group fire, using “Phoenixes” and CP-r pulse turrets when I was running a weapon system tests.
Quite possible that those skews are provoked by a custom hardware key, but never mind it’s still much better than no weapons at all.
//The Crow Nebula is around you. Dense fog engulfs your vessel, turns sensors blind, steals any directions, and confuses your mind. At some point, you suddenly realize that the nebula around is eternal, that it consumes time. It seems there are nowhere to rush and no reason to rush: in ten thousand years, you’ll leave nothing, not even the dust and the nebula will be all the same... So what's the hurry? Though it is a lie, a life-threatening lie. Here, in this shining mist, nebula has its depths, reefs and shoals. Pockets of unstable hydrogen and oxygen, lonely planetoid, burning sun can suddenly turn up from the dust ending your journey. A glance to the side – fighters wreck, bearing gunfire marks, is flying by. The coffins, dead for a long time, but still carrying its weapons, its scythe, are coming in your way and… silence!
//On the edge of nebula 19-ARKM-N82 lies in a free drift.
OK, let’s face the truth – it turns out that fleeing to Kusari was not such a good idea after all. Navigating the Crow Nebula is pretty complicated, though I’m feeling quite confident that going through Bretonian-Gallic war zone will be much worse. At least there will be no problems with getting some H-fuel here. Those GMG kerls have tons of it, even if they’ll be too suspicious about my vessels origin to sell me it, I think I’ll be able to convince some lonely freighter that a little bit of sharing is a good thing. And being nice compassionate person, that donates a little bit, can help you to evade some troubles like life-pod travel with all your cargo scattered around. According to the pattern of constellations I’ve found myself at “north” outskirts of Kusari, halfway to Omicrons and there is something interesting on system surveying scans, looks like an enormous asteroid base.
Amazing, this station is a masterpiece of engineering.
Should I take a closer look?
Ok, this decision calls for some caffeine.
//Turning operator seat to the right to grab a tube with coffee. A fist-sized light violet rounded stone with lies on a clipboard glowing with a soft pulsing inner light.
Ist es die Möglichkeit! As I recall, I’ve traded all that alien dreck back at Heisenberg for hardware key. How it is possible?
//Tides of the violet light are calming, it seems that they are settling down turbulent flow of thoughts. An explanation appears seemingly on its own – it more than possible to miss one, this one looks useful, there is nothing to worry about.
//Middle-aged man hold the stone in his fist, prop up his head on it, and stares at police jacket, hanging on the back of the operator chair, obviously lost in his thoughts. His calm round face illuminated from beneath by pulsing violet light looks surreal. A deep violet thought like a warm sunlight spot is wandering in the depths of his consciousness:
...there is nothing to worry about, because now there is light in any darkness, sweetness in any grief, joy in any pain... ...there, there, says it. Now you have got it. You just have to be honest with yourself. It is a little shameful at first, and then you begin to understand how much time you have lost for nothing...
...I wasted time not for myself...
...when man does something, it is always for himself. There may be absolute egotists in this world, but perfect altruists are just impossible...
...but people who escape from being a human, they become as good as dead. And when everyone escapes – and you know it could end thus – the history of man will terminate...
...in the first place, we are all mortal, and in the second place, they constitute an entire new world. Why do you then call this acquisition ruin?...
...no, but when the happiness is just lying openly, for you and everybody, for free and no one will be left out, maybe it is just a time to sniff, maybe you can smell a bit of brimstone in the air?...
...it's frightening because it's unfamiliar. You are a bit ashamed to admit it, and you wouldn't risk recounting it to others. Don't. They have their life, you have yours. Some fought and did not live long enough to have this. You fought and lived long enough...
...if you only knew how tired I am of arguing. All my life I have argued with myself and with others, but I am tired right now and don't wish to argue over a fate of humanity, of all things...
...Then go on, the communicator is right in front of you...
//Andreas glances at Kanzler Niemann photo standing over scanner display unit, before reaching the radio.
//Just like me, he must have sat in the chair a few years ago, and also held some artifact, with a communicator in front of him. Andreas was past thought, past belonging in this world, but still heard a deep violet thought:
...don't forget to lock the door tight so that you won't be disturbed...
...So that's the way of it, Kanzler! So that's how it went. You surrendered. You closed the door tight. And then you sent lying reports that there wasn't any alien. You disposed of those who have hindered you. And then again, after hesitating but a moment, you consciously sent Rheinlander’s to their deaths in Sigma systems once again. If man has to perform what is base in the name of an ideal, then the worth of such ideal is - less than dross...
//Still extremely beautiful, fluorescent stone floats in front of 19-ARKM-N82 fighter, until volley of four “Phoenix” guns, designed to melt through the thick armor plates of spaceships, vaporizes it in a split second.
//OORP: I’ve got a civil reasonable refusal on my application to Aoi Iseijin, so I will move my story with resisting the temptation and nonalignment.