Quote:"Right," said the quartermaster, inspecting his tablet, "that's the last of them. Eight-hundred and forty-five prime wildlife specimen, straight from Planet Gaia."
Quote:Eight-hundred and forty-five prime wildlife specimen, straight from Planet Gaia.
Quote:[...] wildlife [...] straight from Planet Gaia.
There's a special place in hell for people like him.
Other than that, I wish Ravis will get his ass kicked hard.
And besides those two, looks good to me. Looking forward to chapter two.
Sorry for disappointing you if you were looking forward to some nature kicking man's ass, but I've decided to take another artistic approach to the situation.
Argh, cliffhanger... I can honestly say I really want to know what happens next!
Love the use of pics from an FPS, really do the job in the context (what game was it from btw?), and...
Quote: They impacted audibly into innocent boxes of apple strudel who were unfortunately caught in the crossfire...
...just , great.
I wasn't really looking for grammar, but "it's" should only be used for shortening "it is", you should use "its" for "its claws", etc. (sorry to be a grammar nazi), other than that, didn't spot anything major I'd change!
Chapter 3 is away. Apologies for the odd choice of character picture, I had a friend doing the graphics for me and he kinda...yeah.
If it's a big problem, I'll remove it. Personally, I'm a little on the edge (i really dont think i like this image), but if it's your thing then whatever, I guess.
(02-12-2015, 04:07 AM)S A D B O Y Wrote: Chapter 3 is away. Apologies for the odd choice of character picture, I had a friend doing the graphics for me and he kinda...yeah.
If it's a big problem, I'll remove it. Personally, I'm a little on the edge (i really dont think i like this image), but if it's your thing then whatever, I guess.