A'hrigh'... Ah sheems tew be the only one in dish plashe tha' ain't crashy... Sho ah'm keepin dish log tew help keepsh mah shanity.
Ah woke up one nigh' after shome heavy dri... partyin'... Din' know where ah wash or who ah am, how ah got 'ere or... anythin' really...
Ah'm floatin in dis' shtrange boxsh thing... Not so shure ah'm shober... Mebbe ah took shomethin ah shouldn' at the parteh larsht night... Dere'sh a big roun' thing behind me, an ah'm hearin' voishes... Someshin' about some Xeenersh...
Anywash, ah'm sittin' there, an' thish big floaty thing, kin'a like a giant boat, comesh floatin' parsht. Tha' scared the hell outta me, shure woke me up.
Anywash, ah fell over, hit shome kinda shtick thing, an ah turned. Nearly lowsht mah gutsh right there. Thinkin' itsh shome kinda shky car... Sho, I looksh fer peddlesh an' findsh one.
Yeewwww! Ah gotsh me shome wheelsh!
Drifted into big round thing, blew up.
Woke back up in front of big floaty thing, little shcared...
10 AM, maybe...
Ran intew a big floaty thing, shipsh on fire. Man tellsh me itsh tew keep me warm. Like indoor heatin', I guesh.
Probably 1 PM...
Shoberin' up now. Lookin' threw old bottlesh fer more booshe.
Confushed as ah am, not shure where I are, an' none o' the voicesh ah've arsked talk tew me...
Logic saysh, no matter where yew are, there'sh booshe, an' no matter where the booshe, it needs money. Sho, ah try an' talks me a big floaty thing intew giving me shome cash.
2 PM, ah think
Sucshesh! Ah gotsh me shome 5000 boosh money! Guy callsh 'em creditsh, bat ah dun care. All money'sh boosh money. Now... Where'sh the boosher?
3 PM
Nishe Kushari lady, an' her copper friend shows me the boosher. Arshked 'em where the reshtaurant wash an' they believed me. *Snicker*
Sho, we learnt someshin' today. I dun care where ah am no more, the boosh here is good shtuff, an' ah can only asshume nobody elsh knows, because they ain' tellin me. Oh... Righ'... So yew preshes the big red button an' the nishe computer lady arshks yew where yew want to go. Then yew fliesh through the circle thing, an' suddenly there'sh people an' booshers everywhere. But not the red button tha'sh shlightly pink an dushn't look like itsh been ushed much. Dat one makesh yew blow up.
Alsho, copper tellsh me the fire ish bad. Not on fire anymore. Guy wash right, ship is cold.
Foun' out mah boxsh is called a... Shtarflier. Friendly man tol' me tha'.
Anywaysh, sheems mah Shtarflier isn' quite up ta' shcratch, sho ah bin doin' jobs fer der coppersh fer some cash. One nishe fella paid me tew bring shome rogues roun' fer drinksh.
Caught him. He shtarted shooting me. Dun' think he likesh alcohol. Had tew blow up his ship, hope he doesn't charge me.
Brought him round, but shome Navy fellash arshked me tew hand them over. Ah thought "Hell no! De'sh are my buddiesh! Yew not getting my moneysh!". Then they shtarted shooting me. Exshploded again.
Woke up in front of floaty round thing. Yet another friendly chap told me it was cold "Manhattan".
New dishcovery, heavy intoxicashun makesh yew shee the'sh things called "adminsh". Tried tew talk ter one, no luck. Went closher an' he told me ter back off, shootin' me. He killed mah shieldsh in one hit!
Shcared, ah went back ter hide behind tha' Norfolk plashe. Another one popped out of nowhere an' ah tried talkin' ter him. After a few minutesh of confushing conversashun which convinshed me he had been drinkin' heavily, he tried ter trick me onter the Med Ship Mershies Heart for a detoxsh.
Ah held out fer a few minutesh, but then when he shaid there'd be young nurshesh an' free boosh, ah caved in. Ah shtrolled through the docksh, confident and' antishipating.
Then ah shaw them. The'she nurshes were an elderly man an' a "Shecurity nursh" who reminded me o' der grishly bearsh back home.
After a shmall run around the ship, they evenshually caught me an' shedated me, then put me on a detoxsh mashine.
Day 4
3 AM
Woke up on the med ship to find an attractive young woman sitting next to my bed, the captain. Had a short talk, don't remember most of it. Collapsed onto bed, slept. Regretted being sober.