As I'm sending you this, I hope that you're alright and nothing bad has happened to you. I've seen the Milwaukee being lighten up directly in front of my eyes yesterday, and couldn't find any hint of you in the aftermath. As much as it's honorable to go down with its ship as the Captain, won't you even dare to do such bullshit, will you? Even though I'm sure you're alright, I still tell ya you've scared the crap out of me!
Anyways, let's switch topic. Hearing you talk about things like "belonging to each other" is so ultra sweet, you know, and literally makes me chuckle all the time? I could listen to these words of yours all day long, and knowing this is your natural side just makes me even happier.
Let's meet again any time soon, okay? Whenever you've got freetime and don't have to spend time with your boring wife "Paperwork". As I told you, she's boring - and probably is the worst in bed as well. Stay safe until then, my dear!
sorry for my delayed reply. The doctors didn't grant me free mobility to leave the hospital, so all I could do, was to set my messagebox at "medical treatment stay - status.".
Yes, I made that one, just in case. Atleast I had a chance to use it eventually. Anyways, the injuries aren't that major, and most of them are already gone, fixed and healed up, thanks to our quite modern medical treatment. Some bruises, broken bones, and a mild concussion, along with mild burns and scalds.
However, I didn't stay to go down with my ship, I ordered the emergency bail out for every crew member, at the moment our life system, communication system and gravity-system shut off. Everyone alive, managed to escape, unfortunately, on the way to the escape pods, there were some turbulences to avoid and to go through, to reach the escape pods.
I left paperwork aside, as I called in the sick-leave, until I am able to fulfill my duties completely again. I'd rather have you in bed right now, than paperwork. Aside from that, I'll be around off duty, later today, then you can hear my ultra sweet talking again, alright?
Once again, you don't believe how glad I am you're still alright and all. Your first transmission couldn't have been any better, I understand, but it scared me to death, seriously. Knowing you are quite well known to fall into comas more often than not. Not to mention what happened when you fell into one last time, as the last thing I could need at the moment is my dear being unconscious for months.
Anyways, let's not start with bad talk again. All I wanted to say is that it was good to see you again yesterday. The scars you told me about don't look as bad as I imagined, they rather just signalize you're a brave man. Another thing I'm loving about you I must say. I mean, rather have an interesting brave man than somebody who runs away all the time when being afraid, right? Not necessarilly what one would expect from a guy.
Also thanks to that talk again we had the last time. You really have a talent in getting me up on my feet again. I'm sorry though that these emotions sometimes erupt suddenly without any forewarning. Just the way how it is.
My god, you seem like such an immaculate person, without any problems. Or you are just able to hide them well enough from me so I don't see it.
Well either ways, I'm already looking forward to seeing you again as soon as possible. Stay safe, honey.
I just finished filling in reports, doing paperwork and repairs on my military vessle, after a long morning of duty.
Just using the "lunch break" to write you, as I soon have to continue my duty again. And repeat in doing paperwork.
You are welcome to always receive my attempts to cheer you up. Glad it worked every time, so far. Hope it continues that way. Sudden emotional outbursts are something I am slowly getting used to, being with you. Still often hits me flatfooted, but we managed to get along with that, right?
No I am not that immaculate, since I also have my flaws and problems. It just happens I can disguise or supress them well, or they might not show up right at the moment. Lucky me, I guess. However... what is a flaw of mine, and what bothers me most is, that I am not able to give you the amount of attention and time you'd deserve and I'd love to give you.
Not being able to be there for you every time you'd need me, not being able to spend more time with you at all - in space or on the ground, that is my flaw.
Anyways, I keep coping and working upon the...delicate secrets of yours you revealed to me, every day since. The anger and disappointment seem to fade away slowly each day and more and more supressed by my love and desire for you. As well I hope, that my recent way to show you that "you are mine", has convinced you again, that we belong to each other.
More hours of duty to go, but I should be free for the evening, unless anything is coming up then.
Looking forwad to see you again soon!
It was indeed very nice to see you again yesterday, just like in the old days, talking in Erie's orbit and patrolling through Liberty. Another chance to get the exciting vibe from a few months earlier back. That however doesn't mean that it has become boring with you - not in any way, even though I'd wish it to be a bit more boring sometimes. You truly seem to attract danger whenever and wherever you can - whether deliberately or not I don't know.
We've all got our flaws I guess. Yours are your worries and your ability to get into trouble more often that not. Mine are my silly ways of behavior, outbursts, impulse control problems, however you wanna call it. On the other hand, I'm trying to get the hang of suppressing these flaws of mine. Pushing bad thoughts away every time they cross my mind, keeping calm even when I'd like to shout and scream.
For example, just as I'm typing this, I could literally whine over a lot of things. That our relationship is somewhat of a broken mess, to be absolutely honest. But as I said, I'm trying to stay calm and cool about it, this is how things are at the moment, and nothing will change about it, so it doesn't make sense to let this get to myself too much. The circumstances are simply not as ideal as I'd have expected, however I should have guessed it probably that having a boyfriend who's a high tier in the Navy has a lot of work.
To end this on a happier note, as far as I can tell, the baby and me are both doing quite well together. I was able to stay out of any unnecessary trouble luckily. And even if, it seems whatever our child is going to be, male or female, he or she is quite a tough one. He or she already survived a lot, so I'm actually positive this pregnancy is going to end well. Lately I got slight heart burn though, something the doc told me is normal luckily.
yesterday, I was just finishing my paperwork, jumping into my Guardian, since I still didn't get my other ship replaced, to actually meet you in space. Several tries to reach you via communication channels failed and I couldn't find you around.
Yes, you are right. I've my worries and concerns, as well as I am a magnet to trouble, whereever trouble might appear. Then again, sometimes I am here to end the trouble. It depends on certain situations.
Is it that what you feel and think? That our relationship is somewhat of a broken mess?
I mean yes, the circumstances are not ideal, it could be better, but even worse. From my point of view, I see the flaws of what could and should change when possible, but aside from that my feelings for you are not shaking, not concerned, nor doubtful.
All chances of spare time and times to meet I am granted, are already used to spend time with you, whenever I can. I am well aware that it is litte, but it is all I get, especially since criminal activity in Liberty is high, and Liberty is at war. The dangers that come with this profession, are always possible, you know that as much as me and in your profession, it isn't any different.
Forlorn and being a Freelancer, are your life, and so is being a Liberty Navy pilot, for me. It is what I am. Not only but it is a part of me.
My job can be annoying, dangerous or boring, at times, but as a Navy pilot I can do so much for Liberty, so much more against crime and the enemies of Liberty, than as a Freelancer.
I love you more than I love my job and I won't be a soldier forever, sooner or later I will seek a less time devouring job, maybe even a saver one,
Anyways, I am glad that you and the baby are in a healthy, good condition and I hope it stays this way. Being pregnant is sure a special experience in life, I will never experience - to my luck and kinda to my pity, for it is sure unique, and will have good as also bad aspects. I am proud of you and glad, you are holding up so well. Aside from that, I can't wait to see you in space again. How about some dinner tonight, on Manhattan? Meet in my appartment, ready up and then we gonna go?
Quite ironically, that evening I had some own paperwork to do. Usually, I try to finish it early in the day, to have my afternoon and evening free for other, always more fun stuff. However that day, the papers caught me by surprise, and I was sadly chained at the desk for the whole evening.
Sometimes it is what I think, yes. You know me well enough, John, and I have never hidden it from you that much that I have my good and my ugly days, on a regular basis. This is another flaw of mine I believe, as I'm fully aware it can become annoying over time, my unpredictable mood swings. Sometimes I think I'm making life difficult for me myself, but honestly, I don't know how to solve the problem. These bad moods tend to cool down very fast, that you know as well, especially when my beloved one is around.
However as honesty has proven to be the appropriate solution lately, concerning "you-know-exactly-what", I gonna be honest again. I love you, I love our baby, and I'm glad I can call you my boyfriend, but there's a but. As you once said, things are happening and evolving fast, maybe too fast for me. I wouldn't have ever expected our relationship to become that serious that fast, it all struck me quite unprepared. Unprepared in the sense of not having a clue of all the responsibilities I now have. And as I told you, I haven't been able to take over that responsibility yet, carelessly having "you-know-exactly-what" with other men.
Simply said, I'm not ready for all this, the way our relationship is going. Am I ready to be a mother, for example? And it makes it even harder for me when you are not around often, at times I could truly need your support. This is not meant to be criticism - okay, maybe it is, but not criticism against you, but against the situation.
Anyways, see you around soon again, sweetheart. Don't worry, you'll meet my other half then again.
After days of paperwork and patrols and paperwork and patrols, making me feel I am about to get crazy, I finally got a chance to send you a message, while waiting for the repairs and restocking of my Guardian to be done. On Manhattan.
Admiral Sader locked me up in a "4 week assignment" on Battleship Missouri, without shore-leave besides five hours of patrols. My dayly agenda consists of overlooking the repairs and upgrades, checking through alert simulations, leading the training of the crew, taking care of their requests, reading and writing reports all over. After and before my five hours of patrols. Likely all because his behated and hating mother-in-law is on visit in his house. As if that was -my- god damn problem. His mood swings really get me upset!
And as if this wasn't enough, I met a madman Outcast in his Ranseur who claimed to have more than thousand Libertorian hostages somewhere on a station he didn't name, in a system he didn't name either. He demanded 500.000.000 Credits from me, as if had that much money on my account to hand over to a terrorist. He threatened to execute them if we either attacked him, or didn't pay in twenty-four hours. All I could do was replying with Liberty's famous quote "We don't negotitate with terrorists.", shooting him down by clear order of the High Command. Upon sending a report about this, I was called to the court for "investigation" upon this matter and it's consequences. This took me a whole day of stress, trying to answer and reply to the investigators' satisfaction.
The best part about this (luckily), the Outcast just bluffed having these hostages. Which means the whole day of -lovely- (not) attention by the miltary court and it's -very charming- (not) investigators, was for nothing. Nice to waste my time and disturb my duty with nonesense, but who am I to doubt the deeds and actions of the highest ranks? Ugh!
At the very moment I am working hard to be done with this crap assignment earlier. I haven't slept well in the last few days as I have to stay on alert all the time.
Anyways...I am missing you alot and again it feels like I am neglecting you, the attention I should give you, and my love for you. As soon as this assignment is done, I am offically going on holidays, and Admiral Sader can suck my Guardian's Minirazor, if he is going to get me another assignment.
Along with that I'll try to scratch the last millions of credits together to get an Eagle for my private ship, instead of this useless Raven's Claw. Even if the Eagle looks ugly as hell.
Honestly, I'm not quite sure how I should react onto this message of yours, should I be glad I heard from you again, should I be disappointed, upset because of its contents? I seriously don't know right now, so let me try to find the most suitable words I can think of.
All in all, I'm good - or maybe not absolutely good, but I'll come to that in a minute, let me first tell you I can fully understand the reasons why you can't be around as often as I'd like you to be. However, understanding doesn't necessarilly mean liking it, in this case it rather means hating its guts to full degree. Your admiral, I could kill him off in a matter of seconds without feeling anything but pure satisfaction, as weird as it might sound. Your paperwork, I'd love to throw it all away into the next trashbin. Your job, I wished I could persuade you to chuck in your uniform and leave the Navy, living a much easier life without all those pesky duties that usually keep you from doing what you'd like to. Life isn't a circus, but you don't have to make it harder than it has to be.
Actually, I'm going to do exactly that. You once said that some time in the future, you would want to leave your current job, doing something else, whatever that might be. Tell me, when is this "some time in the future" every going to happen? Indeed, it will never, not as long as you feel the duty to serve your fatherland, which expresses its thanks by making your life a boring, stressful piece of crap more often than not. Tell me if I'm wrong and you actually enjoy it, though, but you don't give the impression that you do.
And I'm asking you, in all honesty, what has got your priority? Not what you would like to have as a priority, but what you are forced to have as.
Maybe I am barking up the wrong tree and should instead redirect this sh*ttalk right to your Admiral. I'm sorry for my words, please don't be upset, but it had to be said. I don't see how all this is supposed to go along if I can't expect the circumstances to change soon.
As why I might be not as good as I'd like to, I've got semi-bad news for you. One of my last encounters with a certain enemy didn't end well, you can call yourself lucky a friend of mine was able to tractor my escape pod quickly enough. I got bruises all over the place, and went to the doctor today to get checked if anything happened to the baby.
Answer?
He doesn't know exactly.
Wish me good luck with it. More you can of course not do obviously, being on that special assignment.