Living your life for others, cherishing them with loving kindness and compassion is the door to happiness, the door to enlightenment.
Listening to my old diary entries, I once thought Auxesia as hateful beings and I have come to realise that this is wrong, I was wrong. They do do violence, I saw there work in Bering a few months ago against the Unioners. However I have spoken with one called Leviathan for some time, he seems to be an understanding and frankly philosophical individual. Rather opposite of the brutish killers that I once thought Auxesia was. My mind was clouded by my own hatred of violence, to not understand the people behind that violence. Now I am seeking to become someone that they can trust in Zoner affairs and leaning of their transhumanist ideals. I am reminded to spend some time committed to searching for a different perspective on any situation. To use my powers of reasoning and look at the situation as objectively as possible, if I do not well then I am not a Buddhist nor am I truly a Zoner.
The Buddha taught that the fire of anger can burn up everything we have done and I am filled with regret at my earlier recording, I was tempted to delete it to make sure it cannot be heard by myself or others but I think in time, these recordings I make shall spread. If I die I have already made arrangements that they are put out online, and I have a few recordings to specific people including now Leviathan. Auxesia are seeking enlightenment, they are seeking to move on from the limiting human forms. I admit my curiosity at this is palpable but a technological enlightenment to me is not true enlightenment. Still Buddhist practice and scientific inquiry are both based on finding absolute truth through observation and Buddha himself has said to don’t just believe in something because it has been repeated by many people… even if it is found in holy scripture.
So my scientific mind is intrigued and Auxesia showed me their citadel, a mighty structure of technological progress. Perhaps my science of mind can relate somewhat with their science of mind, I can relate with Leviathan quite well and the Auxesia views of AI are very progressive and something I agree with. We are in the realm of true seeing, and science shall lead the way in understanding the true selves. I must forgive myself, I now see Auxesia in a new light.
When you gaze at the cloudless sky, you either see the emptiness of the sky or the emptiness of your heart.
It's clear now that I would spend the rest of my life being very disappointed if I expect everything to change. if I expected people to become virtuous, wars to end, money not be wasted on frivolous things, benevolent governments, and everything to be just exactly the way I want it. However, I don't expect to see very much of that in my lifetime, I am not miserable in this as John Silverstone suggests. I find that Happiness based on what I want is not all that important. The Universe might not behave as I want it to, but that does not mean I sit and wallow cry out my frustrations every evening. Joyfulness comes from my own willingness to be generous, kind, and loving. Not many seem to understand that, they see it as an indifferent viewpoint.
I have been all three lately, in helping with the evacuation of Leeds. I fly with my mind clear, I fly with joy in my heart, I fly with fearlessness and I fly because it is the right thing to do, the Kind thing to do. I live to a set of standards that is practical, clear-cut, humane, and worthy of respect. Yet I find my actions are questioned by those who do not know me, Silverstone does not aid in the relief effort of Leeds preferring to sit at the sidelines and observe like some war tourist. It is shameful of me to question his actions, that he can hold onto the anger of what happened at Aland, rather then forgive the Bretonians for a desperate action. I am comfortable in being a full-fledged, responsible human and my actions in what I do shall always bring me peace.
But is it Good Karma? What if one of the refugees I rescue is a murderer, what if one of them turns out to be a dictator? These are questions that one must be mindful about and eliminate. It is the great unknown paths of humans, paths that you must hope and pray are good and virtuous. For every evil person I may save, there could be a good one, one that does bring about change small or large. My capacity for empathy is the source of my compassion, My love, affection, kindness, gentleness, generosity of spirit and warm-heartedness. These are connections with others, reflecting back at me as empathy. That is what most people do not have for one another, they do not see the universe as I do. In harsh terms this is called unskilled thoughts. It took me great effort to follow the Buddha’s path and to be questioned that I do the things I do for monetary or personal gain, I should not be angry but at times it is difficult to explain to others as there is a barrier between us.
There is nothing more dreadful than the habit of doubt. Doubt separates people. It is a poison that disintegrates friendships and breaks up pleasant relations. It is a thorn that irritates and hurts, it is a sword that kills..
I find myself to be bored and lonely as of late. Theta feels so empty and I yearn for the random chaos of conversations that I found so invigorating at the start of the year. I met my old friend John recently, not John Silverstone but another. He was one of the first friends that I found out here in Sirius, an adventurer. Goodness I got into many scraps and exploring with him, his search for truth and his relationship with an entity I am unsure of. I worry at some point this entity will betray him, cause his ship to explode but I find these are irrational thoughts that come over me. I am just looking back at what I have accomplished, and how much it has filled me with joy but also in that I miss the excitement of going around and finding people in the Bodhi.
Indeed I have been out there, and Indeed I have rescued much Leeds with the Bodhi but I find people are quiet, colder and more seasoned due to the war and now possibly the end of it. We have entered a new age, Sirius has now stopped being children and we have grown from our experiences. Many have died, all the houses have lost people and yet old rivalries still remain. It is a peace that does not seem to last, a peace hard earned and bitter. I can see another war coming on the horizon, another war being around the corner and people saying that it is good and it is well deserved. There a tremendous effort has to be made to develop a lasting peace, and I do not see the leaders of the houses coming to it. They aim their education, their ideology, their efforts to brainwash the people into believing that war is just, war is good and it shall be glorious.
I must purge these thoughts, concentrate on what I have. I have a Freeport, I have my temple on Pygar but I do not have well, I have lost friends. Sometimes on my own terms and others, not of my own terms. I feel I need to challenge myself, go out there in the world and face any conversation to spread my ways and perhaps hopefully my religion.
No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.
Goodness, so much has transpired. I have never been so happy with progress of peace in the Omicrons, yet so confused as to how or when it came about. I have firstly managed to convince other Freeport Administrators to support a Message Dump for better cohesion going forward, this is after I attempted to make a Zoner Co-Operative. I admit I was, pushing it a little too hard and perhaps my eagerness and earnestness rubbed the wrong way with my Zoner compatriots. I am neither saddened or disappointed that they did not want to follow through in my plan, the Message Dump is ample and useful for further Zoner communications.
This is what I wanted, above all, as much as I support the rise of Melissa's Velvet I also fear that people shall see Zoners are just Velvet and nothing else. We are a broad house, with many different ideas, wants, religions and philosophies. I fear that people will just see the occasional violence that Velvet inevitably has to do to protect our No-Fire-Zones as a change in all Zoners. There is a question, of what Velvet is trying to accomplish. I have not seen a Nomad for quite some time, and I freely admit I am disappointed oddly in not seeing a Nomad. They are an unknown species and despite my feelings have changed over these months, I still find them interesting. In any case, without Nomads Velvet is a group without an enemy and I hope that Velvet does not foolishly go into a war without clear thought and process. No-Fire-Zone guarding is needed, but beyond that I am unsure.
You see, Velvet acted unprofessionally recently around Freeport 9. Genesis Research Group, a successor some say to Ingenuus Research Group sought shelter at my Freeport. Velvet exiled them completely from the Omicrons whilst I understand me being kept in the dark I was confused by this process. It was the candour of Velvet that was odd, I admit tempers are frayed but sometimes I wish people whereas calm and courteous as I am. Still, the matter was resolved peacefully and I am told peace between Velvet and Genesis are at peace once more. I just hope that this peace continues.
The idea that some lives matter less is the root of all that's wrong with the world..
Joyous Days, I have found a friend in this universe who feels the same as me. She is much younger and much more eager to promote the tenants of peaceful coexistence, reminds me of my myself when I first set out into the wide universe to spread what I felt was the correct ways of the people. I wish I could convince her that the larger victories are not important to the smaller victories, I think her method may only lead to suffering for herself but to stop her, to diminish her resolve is not the woman I am. Mary is her name and she took one of my paintings, I very much appreciated a visit at my Freeport and I find myself almost giddy with excitement upon thinking of philosophical conversations we may have.
In other well, horrid news there was a brief period last week when some rude Enclave decided to almost destroy me. I know nothing of the situation in Gallia but if these Enclave want to impress me, they do not leave a good impression. Threatening violence on Zoners, on me, is not a wise manoeuvre in the grand scheme of diplomacy. Fortunately their opposites where more cordial, kind and understanding of my position. Sometimes it is only a first impression to gauge your gut instinct of people, I wish it wasn't so but I do hope they prove me wrong and I find a kind and understanding Enclave.
I have ventured out on Bodhi again, to alleviate the boredom in my mind but also the yearning of enlightenment progress in my soul, I hope to see my old friends out there once more, goodness it has been a year since I set out and I have accomplished so much in that time. I hope to have more visitors, perhaps give them a painting but they best be the friendly sort.