Keller could feel her body tense up as soon as he touched her hands much like on Curacao - but this time, she let that tension go after a few seconds. She was relieved, but Keller's judgement was only the peak of her mountain of issues. She was close to breaking down entirely, but fought against it with her last bastion of willpower. She was here to visit, not to show that she's a complete mess. Unfortunately for Ambre, that was only partially successful.
"I'll improve. You've went through the effort of dragging me out of death even though I should've just ended up joining my friends, brothers and sisters in a silent coffin in that debris field long ago. I shouldn't even deserve a second chance like this." she said, still trying to give the impression that she has control over her emotions.
At some point during her stay in captivity, in the very back of her mind, she slowly started to believe what the Bretonians constantly drilled into her. It's not like they were wrong - from Tau-31 to Leeds, Southampton and San Diego - she did directly contribute to what ended up as genocide. All her aspirations were shut down as she failed at the one task she was tasked with.
For a moment his mind struggled to comprehend if the feelings she expressed came from her or himself. It seemed as if the roles could have been reversed and even the mere suggestion of it seemed convincing enough. Being undeserving of second chances, that was something Keller thought about quite regularly. In that sense it was quite surreal to hear his thoughts expressed so similarly by a person so different from him.
"It's okay to break down, I've done it privately for a few years now. And each time I have, I've always thought about the fact that it would feel marginally better if someone was there, even if only to witness how horrible I felt in those moments. Sometimes I had that luxury, most times I didn't. At least in your case, even though it is hard. I can be there." He still maintained the lightest hold possible over her hands and would certainly allow her to withdraw them whenever was appropriate, in his mind that was when she felt comfortable enough to try and continue eating, and with the spiral of wanting to break down surmounted.
"I know what it feels like, that lump in your throat. The pit you can't fill and all the doubt and insecurity that comes with the pain that trauma leaves behind. The fact you can still feel, and choose to feel is a victory. The people who lock it all away and give up on facing their pain, they become sources of it instead." It was quite a philosophical statement to make, but maybe it had some degree of truth and more worryingly first-hand experience behind it.
Ambre clutched his hand for a moment before letting go and pulling back. "Merci. I'm sorry." she said, ashamed of herself. Her face didn't tell much in terms of emotions, but overall at this point it was clear that she was struggling.
"I think you're the first one to actually offer support instead of reaffirming what I thought." a sheepish smile appear on her face, revealing the genuine way she was feeling towards Keller. She started to go back to her meal with a similar level of carefulness, enjoying the food once more.
"I suppose I owe you for more than dragging me out of prison, let me know how I could pay that back."
He had partially succeeded in comforting her, that made him feel slightly better about himself. There was a distinct difference between the man he wanted to be and the man he had to be, reality did not offer the former many opportunities. When she clutched his hands, he ran his thumbs across her knuckles, and when she withdrew he defaulted back to his previous posturing.
"Maybe when you and your family are reunited you can invite me for dinner. I'd be honoured to meet them." It might have come across as a harmless jest, but he was being serious. He imagined it would be quite pleasant to sit down at a fully occupied table and be part of some semblance of a family gathering again. It hadn't been quite the same in his own household since the incident, hence why he became a runaway.
"I didn't pull you from what must have felt like purgatory because I expected something in return. I often want to do the right thing, but it also happens to be the hardest of things. I don't regret it. And I'm glad I mustered the strength to do it." The moment she resumed the process of eating her meal, so did he. It was clear to her now that he was stern for his age, likely due to hardship and trauma. But he was still capable of compassion and even affection. It seemed more natural when he was like that, as if the stoicism was a facade to protect himself from exploitation. He was no less broken than she was, he had just learned to hide it.
"Oui, That's a granted when I'll ever see them again. I'm not sure if they'll be able to leave with the Council now, nor am I sure whether they'd like to see me at all..." she paused for a bit, processing what to say next. "But if that were to happen, I'd expect you to be there."
As she finished her plate she put her cutlery down again. She turned her eyes towards Keller, and gazed at him for a few seconds before speaking. She hesitated for a bit, as if unsure how to begin. "Merci. The stew was amazing, you're an incredible chef."
He smiled quite warmly at the compliment, it wasn't something he would have expected to hear a few years prior and he likely would have had no faith in ever improving his ability to cook. Retrieving all the dirty items from the table, he would begin placing them in the sink and washed his hands after doing so, turning back and approaching her. By this point she had likely stood up in preparation to leave, but not before bidding him farewell. He figured her to be the mannerly sort, and it would have been rude of her to simply walk away without saying anything.
"I know you must have fought a great deal of hesitation to even come here and speak to me. But I'm glad and appreciative of the fact that you did. I'll miss you when you eventually have to leave-" The end of that sentence was abrupt, mostly owed to the fact that he'd caught himself saying something he actually had no intention of saying. It was a bit like watching a pedestrian crossing and noticing someone sprint through traffic without notice, the words did not seek approval of his mind before being uttered. The situation was awkward enough to raise his heart-rate, made worse by the fact that he had elected to stand close enough to hold her hands again or perhaps offer a compassionate hug. But instead, here he was, having said something quite touching and with her hands in his.
What made this significantly more confusing for the back of his conscious mind to understand was when the awkward looks exchanged between them did not automatically prompt him to back away from the situation and reconsider. Much to the contrary, he had leaned in. With their foreheads gently pressed together like this, all it would have taken was the slightest nudge of either's jaw to result in a kiss. Hesitation ran rampant, but it was likely to occur unless opposed.
Of all the outcomes Ambre expected, this wasn't one of them. The Gaul was completely flustered, with Keller so close and seemingly going in for a kiss. Without giving it too much thought, she succumbed to his ministrations and let their lips meet. A whole second passed before she realised what she's doing - kissing a man she barely knows - and gently moved her lips away to break off the kiss. It felt wrong, but she didn't show it.
In the spur of the moment, she wrapped her arms around him and gave him affectionate hug instead. Keller could take it completely different, but she was genuinely thankful for what he's said and done to her - giving her a second chance even though she's undeserving, and supporting her with her fight against her own demons. There was no one else who's ever to do that much for Ambre.
"Merci." she said, uttering her first word as she hugged him.
He had much the same thoughts as she did, he didn't know her and yet he'd gone and complicated things to an extent that he wasn't sure he even wanted yet. But clearly some small part of him did, enough to defy his own inhibitions and commit to the gesture. He decided that he would give that notion a chance, having a few moments during the silent embrace to think the situation over.
"Macht's nicht - it's nothing.." The phrase actually meant "make it nothing", but he believed the mild mistranslation was harmless enough given its catch-all nature, it implied humility in response to praise or thanks. Unbeknownst to her and even himself, helping her ultimately helped him come to terms with things.
Slowly breaking the embrace, the Gaul looked at the man once more. She was slightly blushing, having not expected this at all. In the end, she couldn't really grasp what she's just done on impulse. Flustered, she stepped back a bit.
"Thank you for the dinner." she paused, causing an awkward silence for a few seconds. "I'll be on my way, but I'll see you later?"
With the softest of smiles, he nodded. Not wanting to keep her, it was likely that he would continue to make poor decisions in the heat of the moment. But at least for now, with the embrace parted he had the benefit of logical clarity. "That you will. Thank you for sharing a meal with me." It felt a little bittersweet to see her go, because his better judgement had returned, but it also meant a lack of distraction from the frustration realities of still being unable to pursue his real goals at the moment. Something he felt he was denied the right to do for years now.
Approaching the door, he held it open for her, making eye contact as she left.