Gentleman and Ladies, (mostly the latter, apparently), I am Lord Sir Reginald Notworthy the Third, Queen's Champion (In Exile), Defender of the Realm, Companion of the Order of the Golden Nova, and most loyal servant to Her Majesty the Queen.
Now, I think you know what you've done, but I'm going to spell it out for you anyways. Your pilots have allied themselves with the Imperial Guard and the Kusari Naval Forces in order to commit piracy. Once discovered in your acts, you attacked me and the Most Loyal crew of Her Majesty's Gunboat Liverpool Packet, also known as 'HMS Scouse'. In this attack, you were aided by elements of the Imperial Guard, whom you were also comitting piracy with, as well as attempting to call Her Majesty's most Excellent Friends, the Kiretsu.
Now, we understand you chaps are rather addled from all those years of eating each others dogs and "experimenting" with each other, but it's time to be serious, what! If you do not wish to be branded enemies of the Crown, you must meet these conditions:
- You must pay for the extensive repairs to the HMS Scouse, including the towing costs, in the amount of 100 Million Credits, as well as several dozen small items of personal value, totalling 12.3 Million Credits. And a Cat (Ginger).
Note: Cat must be un-fried, and may not have any soya sauce pre-added.
- You must gift Admiral Sir Andrew Stuart with 200 prime Cuban Cigars, and 20 litres of sake. Good Sake.
- You must offer a public apology to the Queen for attacking her envoys, and send her flowers. Nice flowers.
- You must surrender the two pilots who engaged in an attack against the HMS Scouse to Queen Carina's Most Loyal Interdiction Wing, for charges of treason in a military court.
- You must find all those officers of the IG and KNF you have consorted with, and give them a warrior's death. And no, you can't take their pants off first, sirrah!
Failure to meet any of these conditions within the next 72 hours is unpardonable, and shall be met with extreme violence, not to mention a rather large dose of sass, what! Now, I don't want to hear any flapping of gums, or tossing of dogs. I want you shemales to pull up your drawers, and your neighbors, and get to work. If we can't even trust you lot to fight your most dangerous enemy, because you'd rather be chasing off members of the House of Lords, I'm afraid our friendly relationship is coming to a close.
Much respect to Shogun Hideyoshi, and may he yet rise again.
Yours, Lord Sir Reginald Notworthy the Third, Queen's Champion (In Exile)
Jack Handey Wrote:I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.
Ah, so you must be the dishonorable Warrior. A person like yourself, who speaks only in terms of insults, feels his pride have been hurt once you were defeated.
However, your words are not only filled with insults, but also with lies.
I was performing a duel against the honorable Dragon Warrior known as Jintoku Genji. I was his enemy, and I still am. However, when your presence was shown in our beloved home, you were considered even a larger threat. Common ancestral, dishonorable one, can unite even the biggest foes.
As you were defeated we were about to re-initiate our battle. But I suggested it to be continued another day, when less blood had been spilled and our minds were empty from emotions.
Transmission to: Nova PG, Imperial Guard
Comm ID: Lord Sir Reginald Notworthy the Third, Queen's Champion (In Exile)
Ah, so this is the depth of your treachery then? The Imperial Guard are so far into your pants that they can access your comms channels? I'm not sure it's even worth the attempt to med with you, what! It's become obvious to me that whatever comes out of a so-called "Samurai's" mouth has come out of several others before it.
At least, I hope it came out of a mouth... bloody foreigners, never know what strange stuff they do on their off time...
Jack Handey Wrote:I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.
COM ID: Juntoku Genji of the NovaPG
TARGET ID: Sir Reginald Notworthy
SUBJECT: Unsubstantiated accusations and their repercussions.
Mr Notworthy, I speak to you on behalf of none but myself. I hope you have the decency to listen and the mind to appreciate.
Today the gunboat to which you refer opened fire on my Brother Dragon as I was engaged in what was to be a duel to destruction between myself and the Guardsman Raijin. The show of skill my opponent from my opponent was nothing short of astounding and I live in great sadness that neither could today find a warrior's death under the other's blade.
The crew of that gunboat, during this duel insulted and offended my countrymen and most importantly my Brother Dragons. When the insult was returned in kind, the crew of the Bretonian gunboat in question, in a fit of agression opened fire on him.
This most regretable turn of events put an end to my duel with Raijin, as my duty above all else is to defend the lives of those I deem worthy to live in our great nation of Kusari. This act of piracy of which you speak, I have no knowlege of. All I know are the reasons behind firing upon, and eventualy destroying the Bretonian vessel.
Firing upon a Dragon is an act of agression towards our people and the Dragon's cause. The return of the Shogunate, in which I expect you have little interest was threatened by you doing so. We are few in number but great in skill Mr. Notworthy, and we cannot afford to lose men.
I believe, given the start of this affair being an insult from the crew of the Bretonian gunboat to a fellow Dragon, the appology is best made by yourselves. We hold little interest in the affairs of the Bretonian government, and the bretonians should hold little in ours, however, opening fire on a member of the Shogun's Guard, the NovaPG is something I cannot allow to happen. The offence came from you, was returned in kind by ourselves, which was met with gunfire. Such a fit of territorial and arrogance fueled rage is not something becoming of any man.
Transmission to: Junkytofu Gaijin, Nova PG
Comm ID: Lord Sir Reginald Notworthy the Third, Queen's Champion (In Exile)
First of all sonny-jim ladderson, it's Lord Notworthy. Remember that.
Second of all, the Gunboat in question opened fire after it had it's trade lane disrupted, and it was struck several time with cruise disruptors, which, according to the International Rules of Conflict (Circa 816 AS), is an act of conflict. In addition, the pilot in question had already insulted the honour of both myself and the Queen, something that I do not take lightly.
Third, I don't know what kind of nambly-pamply, touchy-feely creche you were raised in sonny, but where I come from, you don't sit there and have an "Honourable Duel" with the greatest threats to your existence, especially if you have the tools to win the fight faster and cheaper. It is actions like these that make me doubt your resolve to the Shogun, and indeed your resolve to be anything but a lapdog.
Oh, on that note, I thought you didn't have very men? Surely not enough to risk them in "Honourable Duels"...
I rather suspect you'll not like the response the next time you deal with us.
For the Queen! Lord Sir Reginald Notworthy the Third, Queen's Champion (In Exile), out.
Jack Handey Wrote:I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.
COM ID: Juntoku Genji of the NovaPG
TARGET ID: Sir Reginald Notworthy
SUBJECT: Unsubstantiated accusations and their repercussions.
Mr Notworthy, it is my belief that infact the lane was disrupted by low ranked Chrysanthemum pilots in the area piloting Hawks or perhaps Starblazers. I saw a number engaged in combat with some low ranked police and Imperial Navy ships of similar class. I can say this with a degree of confidence, as at this time, the NovaPG does not engage in acts of direct piracy. We interdict certain trade vessels and requent they drop their cargo for destruction, for instance Samura vessels, however piracy is not something we stoop to.
As to your vessel being struck by several cruise disruptors, perhaps the Imperial Navy low ranked pilots took exception to your visit as I would have expected them to. They are not overly fond of the presence of myself or my Brother Dragons either. In that at least, and the consumtion of tea, I suppose we share some ground.
My resolve to the Shogun is worth more than my life Mr Notworthy. However, we conduct ourselves in internal affairs regarding our homeland by a certain code of honour. This is a strict social protocol by which those of us who live a respectable life govern every last one of our waking actions and thoughts.
We Dragons have no arguement with the Crown, however we do take exception to being fired upon or having a contest of martial skill interupted.
Transmission to: Junkytofu Gaijin
Comm ID: QCP Administrative Section, Tau 23 Detachment
Dear Sir, I am sorry to inform you that Lord Notworthy has informed me that he will no longer be listening to your paltry excuses, or as he put it, your "Silly Dog-Eater Talk" . Bear in mind that those are his words, not mine, and should you even encounter me in person, I am but a clerk, please don't beat me to death with your no-doubt impressive sword.
Also, Lord Notworthy would like to remind you once again that he is a Lord, not a 'mister'. I, on the other hand, am a mister, being but a lowly clerk, whom you should not beat to death with your oversized sword.
Jack Handey Wrote:I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.