The Battered Rogue destroyer gracefully hummed through the Badlands, a soft trail of H-Fuel smoke trailing quietly behind the old warship.
Creaks and groans sang their merry serenade into empty space, belying the merriment that was taking place inside…
Eddie groggily made his way toward the bridge, scratching his armpit noisily as he went.
Music was blaring loudly from the mess area… Jimbo was obviously still entertaining the ‘prisoners’ from the last Bounty Hunters’ raid.
He hung a right and decided to go past Jimbo to investigate the noise.
Two drunken Bounty Hunters sat at the bar laughing loudly with their heads back, slapping their knees with open mirth.
‘…and then I goes ‘shurrup you Navy, boy lover’ an’ kicks ‘im in the nads!’
The two fellows at the bar laughed even harder, wiping tears from their eyes and coughing for air as Jimbo finished off his story.
‘Oi!’ grumbled Eddie; ‘Yew prisoners looks roit drunk to me!’
‘Ahh, don’t worry yerself ‘bout these’; laughed Jimbo, they is just a couple oh kids tryin ter finds their way in the universe!’
‘Well let em foin their dang way without me Rum!’
Eddie spat on the floor and loped out of the bar grumbling angrily under his breath; ‘Bounty huntars… bunch oh sky prostitutes!’
He arrived at the lift and gave the command. ‘Mandy, Takes me to that thar bridge!’
‘Yes Eddie’ came the female response and the lift shot upward.
The doors slid open and he headed straight for his special stash.
‘Ahh… hello thar me beauties!’
He took the H-Fuel canister and propped it up on the console. A small tap at the bottom betrayed its true purpose.
He filled his mug with the specially manufactured Rum and took a practiced sip.
‘Har!’ he laughed. ‘Parfecshun!’
‘Mandy, set a course for Rochester, it’s toim ter sell some booze agin!’
‘Yes Eddie’ came the response as Eddie sat down and propped his legs up.
Today was going to be a great day, he could feel it in his bones!
Saiker sighed.
A small breath... condensing on the glass in front of him, the crystals forming, destroying, forming again. The creation and destruction was pure beauty to him, the power of death and life, and contained in a breath.
He smiled, his mouth curving into a grimace of a smile, his eyes tightening slowly.
It had been a tough day, his crew had left, and he was alone, him and his ship... He would rename her, she would now be known as the Immortalis... Immortal.
That was a good name. Saiker looked up and ordered another drink, taking it when it was offered, he slammed some credits on the bar.
He had a name to make, a reputation to create, a life to live.
He would be remembered for eons...
Saiker Kale, commander of the Immortalis.
'Alert'
'Alert'
'Alert'
'Alert'
'Al....'
Mandy's voice came to an abrupt stop as Eddies rum splashed across the console.
'OI KNOW! OI KNOW! Them Bounty Hunters is chasin us agin!'
He wiped his eyes groggily and held his sore head for a minute.
'Git to them guns yew scurvy sons of Navy boy lovers, they isnt gonna keel themselves ya know!'
The first volley from the Bounty Hunter Cruisers hit the Rumbucket with devastating accuracy.
'Shields at 25%'
Eddie let loose a string of cuss words and shouted his orders over the comms:
'MANDY, BRING HER ABOUT, FOCUS ON THAT THAR BOUNTY SCUM WITH THE LOWEST SHIELD BATTERIES!'
Mandy's voice reassuringly set the pace.
'Scanning'
'Scanning'
'Target identified'
'ROIT!' Shouted Eddie, 'ALL SHIELDS TO THE FRONT!'
'MANDY, FOIR THEM INFERNOS BALLS TO THE WALL STRAIGHT UP HIS GULLET!'
'CREW, MISSILES STRAIGHT TO HIS THRUSTERS, CANNONS KEEP FOIRIN INTO THE CAVITY!'
The first cruiser came about and accelerated towards the Rumbucket, firing wildly and boldly.
Mandy's voice sounded over the comms:
'Inferno launch in 3, 2, 1...'
The Rumbucket shook as the Inferno Cannons fired their devastating payload.
Eddie saw both projectiles hit the Cruiser and shouted again:
'FOIR FOIR FOIR!'
All guns and missile launchers opened up as the Rumbucket cut an upwards Arc coming upside down and parallel to the stricken Cruiser.
Eddie looked upwards through the window and saw salvo after salvo crash into one concentrated area of the Bounty Hunter ship.
'YEEEHAAAAA! GIT SOME OH THAT YEW SKOI PROSTITUTE!'
The Cruiser was on fire, explosions starting to work forward from the decimated engine bay. Pods were ejecting from all over the ship as it was finally consumed by the fireworks display.
'ROIT! TRACTOR IN THOSE FELLERS AND GIVE EM SOME RUM FOR THEIR NERVES!'
'MANDY, WHERE IS THAT OTHER SHIP?'
'Second Bounty Hunter is at 5k, 6k, 10k, off scanner ranger Eddie.'
'DANG COW HERD!' 'HE DONE LETS HIS BUDDY TAKES ALL THE FOIR WHILE HE RUNS BACK TER HIS PROSTITUTE MAMA!'
Eddie spat into his cup and tossed it aside.
He hammered the comms button and adressed his crew again.
'Noice job fellas! We done survived another attack by them bounty scums! Mandy, Take us ter Rochester!
'Yes Eddie.' came the answer.
'Jimbo, Drinks fer all the crew, an let someone check on the Cardi nRum back thar!'
'Aye Aye Cap'n!' Jimbos gruff voice sang out.
'ROIT! Time ter gets drunk!'
Eddie gabbed a bottle and upended it.
40 minutes later his snoring could be heard across all of New York.
The drunken fool had let the comms on as usual...
Saiker looked up from his console.
The Immortalis drifted through space, almost dead in the water. She had no crew yet, and Saiker was controlling the huge destroyer by himself... not an easy task.
The comm's were on, and Saiker could hear... snoring?
He immediatly ran a scan, and saw another Destroyer close by, with a Bounty Hunter Cruiser and Battlecruiser baring down on her frighteningly quickly.
With a few swift taps of the keys, Saiker powered up the Immortalis, moving her swiftly forwards towards the silent Bounty Hunters.
Weapons started to charge, and Saiker opened a channel.
"Oi! All yarr over tharr! You have a bunch of Bounty 'Unter's barin' down on yarr! Wake up!"
There was no response.
Immortalis fired her cannons, slamming into the back of the Battlecruiser, and the Battlecruiser in turn fired at Saiker.
Saiker realised he had signed his death sentence, there was no way to beat the Battlcruiser with only one person on the Immortalis.
He was doomed.
Eddie snorted awake and fell off his chair.
Mandy's voice was repeating something over a backtrack of gunfire.
'Shields at 80%, Shields at 60 %, Shields at 50%'
EDDIE punched the Comms and screamed into the audio receptor:
'GAWD DANG ROOTIN TOOTIN BOUNTY HAWRS! WUT IN THE GREEN BLAZES OF YER MAMA'S PETTICOATS IS GOIN ON?'
Jimbos' voice rattled an irritated reply; 'We is taken fire from anuther destroyer Boss, so we is shootin back!'
'CEASE FOIR YEW NAVY LUVERS! THIS RUMBUCKET DON'T SHEWTS AT FRIENDS!'
'REPLACE THEM SHIELD BATTERIES AN' SEE IF HE SHEWTS US SOME MORE!'
'MANDY, INITIATE COMMS WITH THAT FELLA, LETS SEE WUT HE WANTS!'
'Yes Eddie', came the reply, 'comms initiated'.
Eddie leaned into the audio receptor and spoke evenly: 'Outcast Destroyer, Outcast Destroyer, this is One Eyed Eddie of the Rumbucket, WHY IN TARNATION IS YEW SHOOTIN AT US?'
Suddenly Mandy's voice sounded urgently over the comms.
'Two Bounty hunter Vessels Inbound and closing fast!'
Eddie scratched vigorously at his eye patch and shouted his orders:
'WUT THE HEE ELL IS THIS? BOUNTY HUNTARS HOAR DAY?'
'MANDY, FIRE SHIELD BATTERIES AND NANO BOTS AT THE DESTROYER NEXT TO US, OI RECKON HE MOIT WANNA JOINS US!'
'JIMBO, ALL HANDS ON DECK, LETS AT THESE BOUNTY BOY SHAGGERS WITH ALL WEEZ GOT!'
'MANDY, BRING HER ABOUT, SAME DRILL AS LAST TOIM!'
'BOYS, LETS GITS US SOME MORE DINKIN BUDDIES! HAR HAR!'
Saiker sighed with relief when the Destroyer started powering up weapons, and then cursed when they started shooting him!
"YARR! What be you doin' fools?!" he screamed.
The destroyer abruptly switched targets, firing at the Bounty Hunter Battlecruiser, and helping Immortalis to blow it to the sky.
The explosions started to damage Immortalis, as the shields had fallen seconds ago, and the Battlecruiser started to explode.
"YARR! Who be aboard that un ship?" Screamed Saiker.
He waited anxiously for a response. Would they be friend or foe?
Behind him, the Battlecruiser exploded into a myriad of pieces, each shooting outwards at a huge speed, several slamming into the Immortalis' hull. Repairs would not be pleasent thought Saiker.
Grraaaataaaanggggggg!
Grrrraaaaataaaaaaangggggg!
Hull breach imminent
MANDY, LAUNCH THEM NANOBOOBS!
Yes Eddie.
AN CHANGE THEM SHEELD BATTEREES JIMBO! OI AINT WORN ME SPACE SUIT SINCE OI SHAT IN EM LAST TOIM!
Yes Boss!
Mandy, the ship AI, gave her report:
Shield integrity at 100%, hull integrity restored to 35%.
NOICE, Roit! Now git that other feller on the blower!
Suddenly a distorted voice blared over the comms:
YARR! Who be aboard that un ship?
Eddie laughed loudly and hit the comms button:
'This here be One Oid Eddie an me crew oh Rum runnars! Pray tell dear fella, who be ye?'
The comm blared to life in front of Saiker.
'This here be One Oid Eddie an me crew oh Rum runnars! Pray tell dear fella, who be ye?'
"Heh! My name is Saiker Kale. And I'm all by my lonesome here... Say, you wouldn't happen to have a good engineer over there would... I mean, Yarr would'n 'appen to be 'aving a gud enginaar over yarr would yarr now?"
Saiker mentally kicked himself. Pirate remember! Pirate!
Eddie and Jimbo looked at each other quizzically, took a sip of their Rum from the old beaten mugs and looked at the Destroyer ahead of them.
"I dunno boss, summin not so kosher about that fella!"
"HA!" Spat Eddie, "If that thar feller was kosher he shur as me mamas nipples wouldn't be talkin ter us!"
He leaned forward and activate the comms.
"Oi thar sonny.. yew looks loik yew could do with a lot more than an engineer!"
Jimbo sniggered quitely in the background.
Eddie continued; "Oil send ya Jimbo,!"
Jimbo chocked on his Rum and started cussing under his breath.
"Jimbo be the best barman in alla sirius! an he'll be able ter patch up yer bucket some too!"
"Yew can gits some crew at Bufferlow out in them Badlands, plenty o' scallywags lookin fer a not so honest wage over thar!"
"oi needs ter fix me bucket too, so once jimbo has yew an; yer ship good n proper fixed (heh heh), yew can foller me home!"
"Roit, lets gits this pardy goin, if more oh them boy shaggin, mother luvvin Bounty hoars happens boi us, we'll be done fer!"
"OFF YE GO JIMBO! THAT BUCKET AINT GONNA FIX ITSELF Y' KNOW!"
Saiker powered up the Immortalis, tapping furiously on the console to keep her moving forwards.
He entered formation with Eddie's craft, allowing the computer to take over. He stood, belting on a very large blaster, and practised his pirate voice a tad more.
He remembered when he was a respectable gentlemen, an valid person, a good man.
Those day's ended long ago though. He was now a pirate, and needed to remember to act like one. He would not be caught out of character again.
Buffalo base popped up on screen, and he transmitted his ID codes quickly before they started powering up weapons.
"Well then Eddie! Here we be, thank ye for the help so far, where be this Jimbo man?"