...FROM JOEL FAULKNER...
...TO ANNA HEINRICH...
...SUBJECT TO PEOPLE OF RHEINLAND...
...ENCRYPTION NOMINAL...
An annoying buzzing sound of the message woke me up and I'm not really happy about it. I moved my arse from my damn bed just to read message that, seemingly, was pushed to literally everyone in Rheinland. This is how you make people annoyed, not joining you - so I do bet like at least half of your recepients have this little message in their SPAM section. Not that I should even care about it, but at least have some dignity and don't spam people with such a stuff. People dislike spam. Just that. If you want to go to the people and make them join you, hire some sort of PR guy and let him speak.
Also, change the hairdresser.
No, seriously do that.
[Incoming Transmission]
Source: Battleship Eyjafjallajörkull, Omega worlds
Encryption level: None
Decrypting...
Subject: Siegreiche Attacke [victorious attack]
Sender ID: Major Björn Mannelig
Today we achieved a great victory over the ones holding our Vaterland in chains. Many had to die, warriors on the right and the wrong side. May the gods smile upon all of them.
Our Brigadegeneral returned to the field of honor with a storm of yet unseen might, wiping our enemys from the face of Rheinland.
It makes me proud to serve with the men and women of the Armee, with those that have chosen the right path. May more people follow our banners, for it is our faith to defeat the lapdogs of the rich and the tormentors of the people of the Vaterland.
Unite under our banner, who takes up arms against us will be defeated, who supports the corporations will be crushed but who follows us will be smiled upon by the gods.
Signed, Björn Mannelig
Encrypting...
Closing message...
[Transmission Terminated]