Ugh.
I think, I’m not sure, this might be some crap the mindshare injected into my mind like a truckload of methadone - I think Auxesia tampered with my memory. I didn’t know this at first, ‘course. Found it out by way of incidence. It’s no secret I want my humanity back. Went too far out of Plato’s cave trying to get a grasp - blasted my mind to cinders. Commune. There’s some monsters out there you don’t want to wilfully let in your head. Went in wanting a body, went out with a neural bridge to burn between two sides of the river which should never damn think about damming up together.
I keep running into inconsistencies that don’t fit and coming away with all my limbs smashed crying in the ambulances. Oh well. Gotta’ envy that trying to get above living in fear demeanour. Hope conquers all.
I wish I was like you.
I’m squatting in a Maltese mountain cave, real, not a metaphor this time, like the last damn jackalope, in Marie’s estate. So I’m currently crashing with someone I dated once. Informally. She sees the same bizarreness in it as I do. For all I know she’s infected. I hope she isn’t. I hope her emotions aren’t… chiselled pretty and cold like the statue of David. I hope I mean anything to her. Only damn person who’s shown me kindness without a -want- of me.
I.. I can’t articulate. I worry about you - that you’re not safe, in danger, somehow. There’s just too many fingers playing with knives out there. It’s just…
The cosmos. It’s ugly - grief. It buggers me up to look into the pain-pool and scry my eyes out knowing there’s relatively happy guys like you who got away from the Omicrons unscathed.
I’m still carrying it around with me, bone-deep. Phf. Couldn't so much take a defunct cry on the crapper without nanites turning it into a tesseract flooded with lost causes, like I'm the goddamn ghostrider.
I wish I could've come to your race.