Discovery Gaming Community

Gentlemen,

I would like to do a report on the state of the HMS Stirling. This is both a complaint and a request. I will list all the issues with the ship that I have been informed of so far and can remember:

1) The front heavy turret base is suffering from material fatigue. It is surrounded with micro cracks and the front part of the ship shakes when the turret fires, which leads me to suspect that the whole joint between the prow and the middle might be affected, but I am afraid of sending engineers to remove the superficial plating and check, because the discovery may affect morale adversely.
2) The pressure chamber before one of the cargo bays does not function, which means that we would lose a lot of air every time we access that bay, so we are keeping it unpressurized and empty.
3) The fire control unit and the radar are relatively new, but have different proportions from the original ones, and have thus been welded instead of screwed on. However, the welds have destroyed the protective coating, and their internal side, which is exposed to oxygen, is showing signs of oxidation.
4) The light turret battery is traversing slower than designed and must require a good oiling.
5) Only critical parts of the hull are covered with ablative armour plating, while the rest uses conventional. Hopefully the enemy will not find out which is which.
6) The artificial gravity generation in the engine section is interfering with the engine, so we need to keep it shut down and the engine staff needs to wear magnetic footgear in order to stay on the floor.
7) The launchpad gate is opening and closing slowly, so it is either that one of the gears is worn out, or that it needs oiling. This is slowing down out light wing deployment time.
8) There are mice all over the ship. We do have cats aboard, but they seem to be very lazy and, despite my orders, the crew seems to keep feeding them, so they must not feel hungry enough to bother hunting. The ship needs pest control.
9) Not to speak of the cockroaches.
10) One of the toilet pipes leading out of the hull is congested, so that toilet is out of order, but I believe this might be where the cockroaches nest.
11) Our water tastes like iron.
12) We do our best not to overheat the living quarters, because the air conditioner makes the air smell like mold.
13) Morale is low.

Since the danger for New London has passed, I suggest and request that the Stirling is retired and replaced with another battleship. Even if we win a battle, it would still be catastrophic for the ship. I refuse to take responsibility if it is put out of action, either by the enemy or by itself.