11-27-2021, 02:36 PM
"Is this everyone?"
"Everyone who is not doing something 'super duper mission important' right now, as you asked. So the awake ones. The ship is currently on auto pilot."
"Then let's make this quick before the rubber bands snap and the brick slips off the accelerator. Friends, Discordians, fellow pilgrims, lend me your easily re-sellable organs! the goddess has smiled upon us, which of course means that various bodily fluids are about to hit the fan and we need to determine if we want to be in the splash zone and if we need to bring ponchos. Yeoman, the details if you please."
"We were contacted by the Starfliers who were interested in purchasing a fighter on Sedona. They were unaware of Captain Seabourne's current affiliation with TAZ and were shocked to see him on the line."
"For those of you who joined us after that particular episode, me and one of his men hijacked a passenger liner with a goose with digestive track issues. It was classic!"
"Yes, the Orlando. In any event, the ship was abandoned in the Cortez ice fields but the Starflier was ejected in a pod that Orbital had modified for one of their games to be untracable. After many weeks of searching, the pod has been found."
"Which is good!"
"...by LPI"
"Which is not as good!"
"From the Starflier's perspective it is probably pretty grim. He is charged with multiple crimes, some of them even true. Our previous legal attempts to rectify the situation have borne no fruit."
"Greyfaces, the lot of them! Goddess take and/or curse them! Whichever they find more inconvenient!"
"Which means it is time to escalate to less-than-legal, questionably legal, and blatantly illegal methods to get him out."
"If we're blatant enough, I'm hoping we'll integer overflow back into being peachy keen with Liberty, but the man's only crime is following me, which makes him a Discordian in my questionably bound book, so it's a matter of religious liberty! Or a case for insanity. Either way, Liberty seems to have amassed at least 22 catches when I wasn't looking, so that bird don't fly."
"So instead of a rescue operation, we are in jailbreak mode. And our illustrious captain has been percolating a plan for us."
"Right, so the way I see it, the first thing any good jailbreak needs is an inside man! Have any of you been arrested by LPI before? ... Really? NO ONE? Of this sorry lot of ragamuffins, rapscallions, and riff raff there's not one trouble maker among you?"
"They don't recognize the state enough to be arrested by it, sir."
"Ah, the 'A' in TAZ would put a damper on sticking around where sirens don't fear to tread."
"We actually do have one such social degenerate aboard, sir."
"Who?"
"Me."
"You?"
"Yes sir."
"But, you like following rules."
"Can't break a rule unless you actually acknowledge their existence, sir."
"Is it story time?"
"Do we have time for story time?"
"Houston's not a life pod, I'm confident its air supply will hold."
"Very well. This is a story about a girl named Alice."
"Now it all started two Thanksgivings ago, was on - two years ago on
Thanksgiving, when my friend and I went up to visit Alice at the
Restaurant, but Alice doesn't live in the restaurant, she lives in the
core-1 station nearby the restaurant, in the cargo bay, with her husband Ray and
Fasha the dog. And livin' in the cargo bay like that, they got a lot of
Room downstairs where the bar used to be in. Havin' all that room,
Seein' as how they took out the bar, they decided that they didn't
Have to take out their garbage for a long time.
We got up there, we found all the garbage in there, and we decided it'd be
A friendly gesture for us to take the garbage down to the Pittsburgh Debris Field. So
We took the half a ton of garbage, put it in the back of a beat-up Humpback freighter, took shovels and rakes and implements of destruction and headed
On toward the debris field.
Well we got there and there was a big sign and a chain across across the
trade lane saying, "Closed on Thanksgiving." And we had never heard of a debris field
Closed on Thanksgiving before, and with tears in our eyes we drove off
Into the sunset looking for another place to put the garbage.
We didn't find one. Until we came to Badlands, and on the bad side of the
Badlands there was a fifteen foot asteroid and at the bottom of the
Asteroid there was another pile of garbage. And we decided that one big pile
Is better than two little piles, and rather than tractor that one in we
Decided to eject our's out.
That's what we did, and flew back to the station, had a thanksgiving
Dinner that couldn't be beat, went to sleep and didn't get up until the
Next morning, when we got a message from Chief Holiday. She said, "Kid,
We found your name on an envelope at the bottom of a half a ton of
Garbage, and just wanted to know if you had any information about it." And
I said, "Yes, ma'am, Chief Holiday, I cannot tell a lie, I put that envelope
Under that garbage."
After speaking to Holiday for about forty-five minutes we
Finally arrived at the truth of the matter and said that we had to go down
And pick up the garbage, and also had to go down and speak to her at the
One Police Plaza. So we got in the beat-up humpback freighter with the
Shovels and rakes and implements of destruction and headed on toward
One Police Plaza.
Now friends, there was only one or two things that Holiday coulda done at
One Police Plaza, and the first was she could have given us a Lone Star medal for
Being so brave and honest on the comms, which wasn't very likely, and
We didn't expect it, and the other thing was she could have bawled us out
And told us never to be see flying garbage around the vicinity again,
Which is what we expected, but when we got to One Police Plaza station
There was a third possibility that we hadn't even counted upon, and we was
all immediately arrested. Handcuffed. And I said "Jean, I don't think I
Can pick up the garbage with these handcuffs on." She said, "Shut up, kid.
Get in the back of the fighter."
And that's what we did, sat in the back of the fighter and flew to the
Quote Scene of the Crime unquote. I want tell you about
Liberty Police Inc, this being Liberty where it happened, they got three law
enforcement factions, two active ones, and one person who actually patrols, but when we got to the
Scene of the Crime there was five police fighters and three police gunboats,
Being the biggest crime of the last fifty years, and everybody wanted to
Get in the CNS story about it. And they was using up all kinds of
Cop equipment that they had hanging around One Police Plaza.
They was taking plaster contrails, chat logs, forum posts, and
They took twenty seven eight-by-ten color glossy screenshots with circles
And arrows and a caption on the bottom of each one explaining what each
One was to be used as evidence against us. Took screenshots of the approach,
The getaway, the northwest corner the southwest corner and that's not to
Mention the aerial photography.
After the ordeal, we went back to the jail. Holiday said he was going to put
Us in the cell. Said, "Kid, I'm going to put you in the cell, I want your
card and your belt." And I said, "Jean, I can understand you wanting my
card so I don't have any reputation to spend in the cell, but what do you
Want my belt for?" And she said, "Kid, we don't want any hangings." I
Said, "Jean, did you think I was going to hang myself for littering?"
Holiday said she was making sure, and friends Holiday was, cause she took out the
Toilet seat so I couldn't hit myself over the head and drown, and she took
Out the toilet paper so I couldn't bend the bars roll out the - roll the
Toilet paper out the window, slide down the roll and have an escape. Holiday
Was making sure, and it was about four or five hours later that Alice
(Remember Alice? It's a story about Alice), Alice came by and with a few
Nasty words to Holiday on the side, bailed us out of jail, and we went back
To the station, had a another thanksgiving dinner that couldn't be beat,
And didn't get up until the next morning, when we all had to go to court.
We walked in, sat down, Holiday came in with the twenty seven eight-by-ten
Color glossy screenshots with circles and arrows and a caption on the bottom
Of each one, sat down. Man came in said, "All rise." We all stood up,
And Holiday stood up with the twenty seven eight-by-ten color glossy
screenshots, and the judge walked in sat down with a seeing eye dog, and he
Sat down, we sat down. Holiday looked at the seeing eye dog, and then at the
Twenty seven eight-by-ten color glossy screenshots with circles and arrows
And a caption on the bottom of each one, and looked at the seeing eye dog.
And then at twenty seven eight-by-ten color glossy screenshots with circles
And arrows and a caption on the back of each one and began to cry,
'Cause Holiday came to the realization that it was a typical case of Liberty
Blind justice, and there wasn't nothing she could do about it, and the
Judge wasn't going to look at the twenty seven eight-by-ten color glossy
screenshots with the circles and arrows and a caption on the bottom of each
One explaining what each one was to be used as evidence against us. And
We was fined $50 and had to pick up the garbage in the Badlands, but that's not
What I came to tell you about.
Came to talk about the draft.
They got a building down Manhattan, it's called Whitehall Street,
Where you walk in, you get injected, inspected, detected, infected,
Neglected and selected. I went down to get my physical examination one
Day, and I walked in, I sat down, got good and drunk the night before, so
I looked and felt my best when I went in that morning. 'Cause I wanted to
Look like the all-Libertonian kid from New York, man I wanted, I wanted
To feel like the all-, I wanted to be the all Libertonian kid from New York,
And I walked in, sat down, I was hung down, brung down, hung up, and all
Kinds o' mean nasty ugly things. And I waked in and sat down and they gave
Me a piece of paper, said, "Kid, see the phsychiatrist, room 604."
And I went up there, I said, "Shrink, I want to kill. I mean, I wanna, I
Wanna kill. Kill. I wanna, I wanna see, I wanna see blood and gore and
Guts and veins in my teeth. Eat dead burnt bodies. I mean kill, Kill,
KILL, KILL." And I started jumpin up and down yelling, "KILL, KILL, " and
He started jumpin up and down with me and we was both jumping up and down
Yelling, "KILL, KILL." And the sergeant came over, pinned a medal on me,
Sent me down the hall, said, "You're our boy."
Didn't feel too good about it.
Proceeded on down the hall gettin more injections, inspections,
Detections, neglections and all kinds of stuff that they was doin' to me
At the thing there, and I was there for two hours, three hours, four
Hours, I was there for a long time going through all kinds of mean nasty
Ugly things and I was just having a tough time there, and they was
Inspecting, injecting every single part of me, and they was leaving no
Part untouched. Proceeded through, and when I finally came to the see the
Last man, I walked in, walked in sat down after a whole big thing there,
And I walked up and said, "What do you want?" He said, "Kid, we only got
One question. Have you ever been arrested?"
And I proceeded to tell him the story of the Alice's Restaurant Massacre,
With full orchestration and five part harmony and stuff like that and all
The phenome... - and he stopped me right there and said, "Kid, did you ever
Go to court?"
And I proceeded to tell him the story of the twenty seven eight-by-ten
Color glossy screenshots with the circles and arrows and the caption on
The back of each one, and he stopped me right there and said, "Kid, I want
You to go and sit down on that bench that says Group W ... NOW kid!!"
And I, I walked over to the, to the bench there, and there is, Group W's
Where they put you if you may not be moral enough to join the Navy after
Committing your special crime, and there was all kinds of mean nasty ugly
Looking people on the bench there. Mother rapers. Father stabbers. Father
Rapers! Father rapers sitting right there on the bench next to me! And
They was mean and nasty and ugly and horrible crime-type guys sitting on the
Bench next to me. And the meanest, ugliest, nastiest one, the meanest
Father raper of them all, was coming over to me and he was mean 'n' ugly
'N' nasty 'n' horrible and all kind of things and he sat down next to me
And said, "Kid, whad'ya get?" I said, "I didn't get nothing, I had to pay
$50 and pick up the garbage." He said, "What were you arrested for, kid?"
And I said, "Littering." And they all moved away from me on the bench
There, and the hairy eyeball and all kinds of mean nasty things, till I
Said, "And creating a nuisance." And they all came back, shook my hand,
And we had a great time on the bench, talkin about crime, mother stabbing,
Father raping, all kinds of groovy things that we was talking about on the
Bench. And everything was fine, we was smoking cigarettes and all kinds of
Things, until the Sergeant came over, had some paper in his hand, held it
Up and said.
"Kids, this-piece-of-paper's-got-47-words-37-sentences-58-words-we-wanna-
Know-details-of-the-crime-time-of-the-crime-and-any-other-kind-of-thing-
You-gotta-say-pertaining-to-and-about-the-crime-I-want-to-know-arresting-
Officer's-name-and-any-other-kind-of-thing-you-gotta-say", and talked for
Forty-five minutes and nobody understood a word that he said, but we had
Fun filling out the forms and playing with the pencils on the bench there,
And I filled out the massacre with the four part harmony, and wrote it
Down there, just like it was, and everything was fine and I put down the
Pencil, and I turned over the piece of paper, and there, there on the
Other side, in the middle of the other side, away from everything else on
The other side, in parentheses, capital letters, quotated, read the
Following words: "KID, HAVE YOU REHABILITATED YOURSELF?"
I went over to the sergeant, said, "Sergeant, you got a lot a damn gall to
Ask me if I've rehabilitated myself, I mean, I mean, I mean that just, I'm
Sittin' here on the bench, I mean I'm sittin here on the Group W bench
'Cause you want to know if I'm moral enough join the Navy, burn women,
Kids, houses and villages after bein' a litterbug." He looked at me and
Said, "Kid, we don't like your kind, and we're gonna send you fingerprints
Off to the LSF."
"And friends, somewhere in Alaska enshrined in some little folder, is a
Study in black and white of my fingerprints. And, that's when I decided I was a Discordian.
So if you need a hardened criminal on the inside, I suppose I am your huckleberry."
"...Yeoman, sounds like you've told this story before."
"Once or twice"
"Everyone who is not doing something 'super duper mission important' right now, as you asked. So the awake ones. The ship is currently on auto pilot."
"Then let's make this quick before the rubber bands snap and the brick slips off the accelerator. Friends, Discordians, fellow pilgrims, lend me your easily re-sellable organs! the goddess has smiled upon us, which of course means that various bodily fluids are about to hit the fan and we need to determine if we want to be in the splash zone and if we need to bring ponchos. Yeoman, the details if you please."
"We were contacted by the Starfliers who were interested in purchasing a fighter on Sedona. They were unaware of Captain Seabourne's current affiliation with TAZ and were shocked to see him on the line."
"For those of you who joined us after that particular episode, me and one of his men hijacked a passenger liner with a goose with digestive track issues. It was classic!"
"Yes, the Orlando. In any event, the ship was abandoned in the Cortez ice fields but the Starflier was ejected in a pod that Orbital had modified for one of their games to be untracable. After many weeks of searching, the pod has been found."
"Which is good!"
"...by LPI"
"Which is not as good!"
"From the Starflier's perspective it is probably pretty grim. He is charged with multiple crimes, some of them even true. Our previous legal attempts to rectify the situation have borne no fruit."
"Greyfaces, the lot of them! Goddess take and/or curse them! Whichever they find more inconvenient!"
"Which means it is time to escalate to less-than-legal, questionably legal, and blatantly illegal methods to get him out."
"If we're blatant enough, I'm hoping we'll integer overflow back into being peachy keen with Liberty, but the man's only crime is following me, which makes him a Discordian in my questionably bound book, so it's a matter of religious liberty! Or a case for insanity. Either way, Liberty seems to have amassed at least 22 catches when I wasn't looking, so that bird don't fly."
"So instead of a rescue operation, we are in jailbreak mode. And our illustrious captain has been percolating a plan for us."
"Right, so the way I see it, the first thing any good jailbreak needs is an inside man! Have any of you been arrested by LPI before? ... Really? NO ONE? Of this sorry lot of ragamuffins, rapscallions, and riff raff there's not one trouble maker among you?"
"They don't recognize the state enough to be arrested by it, sir."
"Ah, the 'A' in TAZ would put a damper on sticking around where sirens don't fear to tread."
"We actually do have one such social degenerate aboard, sir."
"Who?"
"Me."
"You?"
"Yes sir."
"But, you like following rules."
"Can't break a rule unless you actually acknowledge their existence, sir."
"Is it story time?"
"Do we have time for story time?"
"Houston's not a life pod, I'm confident its air supply will hold."
"Very well. This is a story about a girl named Alice."
"Now it all started two Thanksgivings ago, was on - two years ago on
Thanksgiving, when my friend and I went up to visit Alice at the
Restaurant, but Alice doesn't live in the restaurant, she lives in the
core-1 station nearby the restaurant, in the cargo bay, with her husband Ray and
Fasha the dog. And livin' in the cargo bay like that, they got a lot of
Room downstairs where the bar used to be in. Havin' all that room,
Seein' as how they took out the bar, they decided that they didn't
Have to take out their garbage for a long time.
We got up there, we found all the garbage in there, and we decided it'd be
A friendly gesture for us to take the garbage down to the Pittsburgh Debris Field. So
We took the half a ton of garbage, put it in the back of a beat-up Humpback freighter, took shovels and rakes and implements of destruction and headed
On toward the debris field.
Well we got there and there was a big sign and a chain across across the
trade lane saying, "Closed on Thanksgiving." And we had never heard of a debris field
Closed on Thanksgiving before, and with tears in our eyes we drove off
Into the sunset looking for another place to put the garbage.
We didn't find one. Until we came to Badlands, and on the bad side of the
Badlands there was a fifteen foot asteroid and at the bottom of the
Asteroid there was another pile of garbage. And we decided that one big pile
Is better than two little piles, and rather than tractor that one in we
Decided to eject our's out.
That's what we did, and flew back to the station, had a thanksgiving
Dinner that couldn't be beat, went to sleep and didn't get up until the
Next morning, when we got a message from Chief Holiday. She said, "Kid,
We found your name on an envelope at the bottom of a half a ton of
Garbage, and just wanted to know if you had any information about it." And
I said, "Yes, ma'am, Chief Holiday, I cannot tell a lie, I put that envelope
Under that garbage."
After speaking to Holiday for about forty-five minutes we
Finally arrived at the truth of the matter and said that we had to go down
And pick up the garbage, and also had to go down and speak to her at the
One Police Plaza. So we got in the beat-up humpback freighter with the
Shovels and rakes and implements of destruction and headed on toward
One Police Plaza.
Now friends, there was only one or two things that Holiday coulda done at
One Police Plaza, and the first was she could have given us a Lone Star medal for
Being so brave and honest on the comms, which wasn't very likely, and
We didn't expect it, and the other thing was she could have bawled us out
And told us never to be see flying garbage around the vicinity again,
Which is what we expected, but when we got to One Police Plaza station
There was a third possibility that we hadn't even counted upon, and we was
all immediately arrested. Handcuffed. And I said "Jean, I don't think I
Can pick up the garbage with these handcuffs on." She said, "Shut up, kid.
Get in the back of the fighter."
And that's what we did, sat in the back of the fighter and flew to the
Quote Scene of the Crime unquote. I want tell you about
Liberty Police Inc, this being Liberty where it happened, they got three law
enforcement factions, two active ones, and one person who actually patrols, but when we got to the
Scene of the Crime there was five police fighters and three police gunboats,
Being the biggest crime of the last fifty years, and everybody wanted to
Get in the CNS story about it. And they was using up all kinds of
Cop equipment that they had hanging around One Police Plaza.
They was taking plaster contrails, chat logs, forum posts, and
They took twenty seven eight-by-ten color glossy screenshots with circles
And arrows and a caption on the bottom of each one explaining what each
One was to be used as evidence against us. Took screenshots of the approach,
The getaway, the northwest corner the southwest corner and that's not to
Mention the aerial photography.
After the ordeal, we went back to the jail. Holiday said he was going to put
Us in the cell. Said, "Kid, I'm going to put you in the cell, I want your
card and your belt." And I said, "Jean, I can understand you wanting my
card so I don't have any reputation to spend in the cell, but what do you
Want my belt for?" And she said, "Kid, we don't want any hangings." I
Said, "Jean, did you think I was going to hang myself for littering?"
Holiday said she was making sure, and friends Holiday was, cause she took out the
Toilet seat so I couldn't hit myself over the head and drown, and she took
Out the toilet paper so I couldn't bend the bars roll out the - roll the
Toilet paper out the window, slide down the roll and have an escape. Holiday
Was making sure, and it was about four or five hours later that Alice
(Remember Alice? It's a story about Alice), Alice came by and with a few
Nasty words to Holiday on the side, bailed us out of jail, and we went back
To the station, had a another thanksgiving dinner that couldn't be beat,
And didn't get up until the next morning, when we all had to go to court.
We walked in, sat down, Holiday came in with the twenty seven eight-by-ten
Color glossy screenshots with circles and arrows and a caption on the bottom
Of each one, sat down. Man came in said, "All rise." We all stood up,
And Holiday stood up with the twenty seven eight-by-ten color glossy
screenshots, and the judge walked in sat down with a seeing eye dog, and he
Sat down, we sat down. Holiday looked at the seeing eye dog, and then at the
Twenty seven eight-by-ten color glossy screenshots with circles and arrows
And a caption on the bottom of each one, and looked at the seeing eye dog.
And then at twenty seven eight-by-ten color glossy screenshots with circles
And arrows and a caption on the back of each one and began to cry,
'Cause Holiday came to the realization that it was a typical case of Liberty
Blind justice, and there wasn't nothing she could do about it, and the
Judge wasn't going to look at the twenty seven eight-by-ten color glossy
screenshots with the circles and arrows and a caption on the bottom of each
One explaining what each one was to be used as evidence against us. And
We was fined $50 and had to pick up the garbage in the Badlands, but that's not
What I came to tell you about.
Came to talk about the draft.
They got a building down Manhattan, it's called Whitehall Street,
Where you walk in, you get injected, inspected, detected, infected,
Neglected and selected. I went down to get my physical examination one
Day, and I walked in, I sat down, got good and drunk the night before, so
I looked and felt my best when I went in that morning. 'Cause I wanted to
Look like the all-Libertonian kid from New York, man I wanted, I wanted
To feel like the all-, I wanted to be the all Libertonian kid from New York,
And I walked in, sat down, I was hung down, brung down, hung up, and all
Kinds o' mean nasty ugly things. And I waked in and sat down and they gave
Me a piece of paper, said, "Kid, see the phsychiatrist, room 604."
And I went up there, I said, "Shrink, I want to kill. I mean, I wanna, I
Wanna kill. Kill. I wanna, I wanna see, I wanna see blood and gore and
Guts and veins in my teeth. Eat dead burnt bodies. I mean kill, Kill,
KILL, KILL." And I started jumpin up and down yelling, "KILL, KILL, " and
He started jumpin up and down with me and we was both jumping up and down
Yelling, "KILL, KILL." And the sergeant came over, pinned a medal on me,
Sent me down the hall, said, "You're our boy."
Didn't feel too good about it.
Proceeded on down the hall gettin more injections, inspections,
Detections, neglections and all kinds of stuff that they was doin' to me
At the thing there, and I was there for two hours, three hours, four
Hours, I was there for a long time going through all kinds of mean nasty
Ugly things and I was just having a tough time there, and they was
Inspecting, injecting every single part of me, and they was leaving no
Part untouched. Proceeded through, and when I finally came to the see the
Last man, I walked in, walked in sat down after a whole big thing there,
And I walked up and said, "What do you want?" He said, "Kid, we only got
One question. Have you ever been arrested?"
And I proceeded to tell him the story of the Alice's Restaurant Massacre,
With full orchestration and five part harmony and stuff like that and all
The phenome... - and he stopped me right there and said, "Kid, did you ever
Go to court?"
And I proceeded to tell him the story of the twenty seven eight-by-ten
Color glossy screenshots with the circles and arrows and the caption on
The back of each one, and he stopped me right there and said, "Kid, I want
You to go and sit down on that bench that says Group W ... NOW kid!!"
And I, I walked over to the, to the bench there, and there is, Group W's
Where they put you if you may not be moral enough to join the Navy after
Committing your special crime, and there was all kinds of mean nasty ugly
Looking people on the bench there. Mother rapers. Father stabbers. Father
Rapers! Father rapers sitting right there on the bench next to me! And
They was mean and nasty and ugly and horrible crime-type guys sitting on the
Bench next to me. And the meanest, ugliest, nastiest one, the meanest
Father raper of them all, was coming over to me and he was mean 'n' ugly
'N' nasty 'n' horrible and all kind of things and he sat down next to me
And said, "Kid, whad'ya get?" I said, "I didn't get nothing, I had to pay
$50 and pick up the garbage." He said, "What were you arrested for, kid?"
And I said, "Littering." And they all moved away from me on the bench
There, and the hairy eyeball and all kinds of mean nasty things, till I
Said, "And creating a nuisance." And they all came back, shook my hand,
And we had a great time on the bench, talkin about crime, mother stabbing,
Father raping, all kinds of groovy things that we was talking about on the
Bench. And everything was fine, we was smoking cigarettes and all kinds of
Things, until the Sergeant came over, had some paper in his hand, held it
Up and said.
"Kids, this-piece-of-paper's-got-47-words-37-sentences-58-words-we-wanna-
Know-details-of-the-crime-time-of-the-crime-and-any-other-kind-of-thing-
You-gotta-say-pertaining-to-and-about-the-crime-I-want-to-know-arresting-
Officer's-name-and-any-other-kind-of-thing-you-gotta-say", and talked for
Forty-five minutes and nobody understood a word that he said, but we had
Fun filling out the forms and playing with the pencils on the bench there,
And I filled out the massacre with the four part harmony, and wrote it
Down there, just like it was, and everything was fine and I put down the
Pencil, and I turned over the piece of paper, and there, there on the
Other side, in the middle of the other side, away from everything else on
The other side, in parentheses, capital letters, quotated, read the
Following words: "KID, HAVE YOU REHABILITATED YOURSELF?"
I went over to the sergeant, said, "Sergeant, you got a lot a damn gall to
Ask me if I've rehabilitated myself, I mean, I mean, I mean that just, I'm
Sittin' here on the bench, I mean I'm sittin here on the Group W bench
'Cause you want to know if I'm moral enough join the Navy, burn women,
Kids, houses and villages after bein' a litterbug." He looked at me and
Said, "Kid, we don't like your kind, and we're gonna send you fingerprints
Off to the LSF."
"And friends, somewhere in Alaska enshrined in some little folder, is a
Study in black and white of my fingerprints. And, that's when I decided I was a Discordian.
So if you need a hardened criminal on the inside, I suppose I am your huckleberry."
"...Yeoman, sounds like you've told this story before."
"Once or twice"