12-04-2021, 02:44 PM
"Everything alight, skipper?"
"My sock has fallen apart."
"Oh, well then, we'll have to find someone to darn them."
"I'm perfectly capable of damning my own socks without bowdlerization, thank-you-very-much, it's the spirit of the thing."
"How so, captain?"
"They were the last original elements of the Orbital uniform. You can still make out "BREEZE" embroidered on what at one time could have charitably been called the heel."
"Oh, but the pants?"
"White sweatpants I stole from the laundry on Freeport 8. The red stripe is spray paint I traded off a Junker doing whippets in the bathroom."
"The tunic?"
"Liberty Navy surplus post Gallic war. The color comes from rubbing myself against a Gaian sloth to grow the algae that they use for camouflage."
"But the cut's completely different!"
"To quote St. Heinlein, 'Here's a needle and I'll even give you a spool of thread. You won't need a pair of scissors; a razor blade is better.' I do have some objectively useful skills, you know, even if it's just to keep my enemies on their toes."
"But all of the gold trim?"
"Tell me, what is standing polite-suggestion-the-captain-will-be-disapointed-if-you-don't-do-it-but-it's-not-an-order-because-we-don't-do-orders #23?"
"Never leave a doorknob un-licked and properly document all tasty ones in the big book?"
"Fiddlesticks, I meant SPSTCWBDIFDDIBINAOBWDDO #32."
"Always raid the emergency supplies of any station we're on when no one's looking. Bonus points for space blankets."
"Did I really use the verb raid? I could have sworn it was pilfer or borrow or some such nonsense."
"Things always get lost in the oral tradition, sir."
"Well, yes. But why did you think I highlighted space blankets? Since the Widdershins lost her port radiators excess heat is the one thing we are in no danger of running out of. The algae's gone gangbusters since we've gone sub-tropical. I've transitioned from teal to practically viridian."
"Ah, now I see. I always wondered why you were so crinkly in the hallways."
"The shoes lost their laces on an LPI lockup when I couldn't pay the "prisoner property processing fee" so they're a gift to Liberty's finest. The undershirt was sacrificed in an exorcism. The undergarments were fashioned into a rudimentary crossbow when we were stranded on Gran Canaria. The left shoe didn't stick around long without it's laces. Last I saw it was living it up dancing with some socialites on Manhattan. The right shoe was held as collateral while I "got my wallet from the glovebox" to pay a docking fee on New London. The right sock was the basis of the mark I interface for those square air scrubbers we liberated on Bethlehem to fit in the Widdershins's round sockets. The belt was what held the port radiators in place. The ascot served as a blindfold for a handsome young sightseer on Sedona station until his fiancé walked in on us. She was not thrilled. I suppose she didn't like the color."
"I didn't hear that story."
"I had to flee out the window. Most of my clothes were thrown out after me. They kept the ascot."
"How do you flee out the window of a space station?"
"Carefully."
"I see, so, what's the next move, skipper?"
"Cortez, if we're going to pick up a new uniform, we'll have to go to the source. I hear Curacao's lovely this time of year."
"The planet is tidally locked to be lovely every time of year, sir."
"Then it seems I've heard correctly. I'll cancel the hearing test for my next physical. If I'm lucky, we can double up on the hernia check with the extra time."
"Orbital's still not a fan of you, sir, especially after that business with the Starfliers. They don't just sell their uniforms to persona non gratas."
"No, but they do issue them to employees..."
"My sock has fallen apart."
"Oh, well then, we'll have to find someone to darn them."
"I'm perfectly capable of damning my own socks without bowdlerization, thank-you-very-much, it's the spirit of the thing."
"How so, captain?"
"They were the last original elements of the Orbital uniform. You can still make out "BREEZE" embroidered on what at one time could have charitably been called the heel."
"Oh, but the pants?"
"White sweatpants I stole from the laundry on Freeport 8. The red stripe is spray paint I traded off a Junker doing whippets in the bathroom."
"The tunic?"
"Liberty Navy surplus post Gallic war. The color comes from rubbing myself against a Gaian sloth to grow the algae that they use for camouflage."
"But the cut's completely different!"
"To quote St. Heinlein, 'Here's a needle and I'll even give you a spool of thread. You won't need a pair of scissors; a razor blade is better.' I do have some objectively useful skills, you know, even if it's just to keep my enemies on their toes."
"But all of the gold trim?"
"Tell me, what is standing polite-suggestion-the-captain-will-be-disapointed-if-you-don't-do-it-but-it's-not-an-order-because-we-don't-do-orders #23?"
"Never leave a doorknob un-licked and properly document all tasty ones in the big book?"
"Fiddlesticks, I meant SPSTCWBDIFDDIBINAOBWDDO #32."
"Always raid the emergency supplies of any station we're on when no one's looking. Bonus points for space blankets."
"Did I really use the verb raid? I could have sworn it was pilfer or borrow or some such nonsense."
"Things always get lost in the oral tradition, sir."
"Well, yes. But why did you think I highlighted space blankets? Since the Widdershins lost her port radiators excess heat is the one thing we are in no danger of running out of. The algae's gone gangbusters since we've gone sub-tropical. I've transitioned from teal to practically viridian."
"Ah, now I see. I always wondered why you were so crinkly in the hallways."
"The shoes lost their laces on an LPI lockup when I couldn't pay the "prisoner property processing fee" so they're a gift to Liberty's finest. The undershirt was sacrificed in an exorcism. The undergarments were fashioned into a rudimentary crossbow when we were stranded on Gran Canaria. The left shoe didn't stick around long without it's laces. Last I saw it was living it up dancing with some socialites on Manhattan. The right shoe was held as collateral while I "got my wallet from the glovebox" to pay a docking fee on New London. The right sock was the basis of the mark I interface for those square air scrubbers we liberated on Bethlehem to fit in the Widdershins's round sockets. The belt was what held the port radiators in place. The ascot served as a blindfold for a handsome young sightseer on Sedona station until his fiancé walked in on us. She was not thrilled. I suppose she didn't like the color."
"I didn't hear that story."
"I had to flee out the window. Most of my clothes were thrown out after me. They kept the ascot."
"How do you flee out the window of a space station?"
"Carefully."
"I see, so, what's the next move, skipper?"
"Cortez, if we're going to pick up a new uniform, we'll have to go to the source. I hear Curacao's lovely this time of year."
"The planet is tidally locked to be lovely every time of year, sir."
"Then it seems I've heard correctly. I'll cancel the hearing test for my next physical. If I'm lucky, we can double up on the hernia check with the extra time."
"Orbital's still not a fan of you, sir, especially after that business with the Starfliers. They don't just sell their uniforms to persona non gratas."
"No, but they do issue them to employees..."