<<Entry Ten>>
<<Harper Naval Spaceport, Planet Los Angeles, Monday.>>
<<Begin Audio Recording>>
The recorder clicks on and some soft shuffling can be heard.
"...I tried so hard to get off this planet when I was a kid. I wanted to get out of the city, away from my dad...away from the life he wanted me to live, and so of course...I joined the Marines!"
She laughs softly before letting out a sigh.
"It's funny though, every time my duties bring me back here, I find myself wishing for time to get off-post so I can visit dad's grave, or even just to mess around in the city. I hate this place, but I miss it...and I miss dad."
Rachel sighs again, pausing for a brief moment.
"...There's just so much going on lately, I wish dad was still around, I feel like he'd know what to say...he'd make things alright, help me focus, I don't know...haha, what am I doing? talking to myself? talking to the walls?...I don't know why I even turned this stupid recorder on..."
She paused to clear her throat, biting her lip as she sat there in silence, staring into the recorder for a long moment.
"...Nowhere else to turn, I guess. It's awful lonely at the top, even with Malrone above me. I can't let my subordinates see my doubts, my fears, or any of this weakness that I feel...I'm an Admiral for God sake, I'm supposed to be strong, I'm supposed to feel like I know what I'm doing...I'm supposed to know that I'm right, and that even though people die it's okay as long as we complete our damned missions and win wars!"
She laughs pathetically, almost sarcastically.
"But...that isn't how I feel, every dead recruit whose papers I signed, every soldier or sailor who dies on a mission I'm leading...I feel those losses, and I...I don't know what to do, I try to make up for it by leading from the front...but that doesn't take the weight off my shoulders, it doesn't make me any less responsible when a mission goes wrong. I don't know, I guess I hope that if it comes to it, I'll die instead of one of my subordinates or some civilian..."
She sighs heavily, leaning back into her seat, running her fingers through her hair.
"I just hope that I'm worthy of the responsibility and trust that all these soldiers and sailors have given me...I know that I'm a good soldier, I know that I can lead...I guess I'm still just not sure David was right to make me an Admiral... even if the stars do look damn good on the collar of my dress blues..."
She laughs softly, rolling her eyes and shaking her head before abruptly turning the recorder off.
<<End Audio Recording>>
<<Entry Eleven>>
<<Harper Naval Spaceport, Planet Los Angeles, Wednesday.>>
<<Begin Audio Recording>>
The recorder clicks on and some soft shuffling can be heard.
"...At times like this, I find myself wondering if men like Edison Trent really ever existed at all, or if that name was a legend created simply to give name to the faux-victory achieved during the war nineteen years ago, when I was a child."
Rachel lets out a soft sigh, sinking into her chair.
"Sometimes I wonder if I would've been better off as a simple planetside cop, like dad was...then, I wouldn't know the things I know...or do some of the things that I've done."
Rachel sighs again, shaking her head.
"..But then I remember that you cannot redo your life, and here I am, back in the world of Acting Fleet Admiral Rachel Baker...hah, Acting Fleet Admiral is right...I don't even know how this happened, but whatever...here we are, on the verge of repeating that war from nineteen years ago..."
She paused to clear her throat, biting her lip as she sat there in silence, staring into the recorder for a long moment.
"...It's a good thing that I had the pleasure of serving under, and befriending David, that is, former Fleet Admiral Hale...elsewise I'd still be a rigid, by the books, cookie cutter Naval Officer...and, well...I don't think I would've come as far as I have, nor would I still have such an...open mind."
She laughs, almost sarcastically.
"I still find it hard to believe that despite my private fears and lack of confidence that I'll do right by my subordinates in the coming hell...that I have even a little hope left that we'll stop this thing, and that this hope was granted to me by our supposed enemies...things don't make sense anymore, but I guess they probably didn't nineteen years ago, either..."
She sighs heavily, leaning back into her seat, running her fingers through her hair.
"More and more high profile Gallic defectors and rebels keep showing up in Liberty..and with them come stories straight out of some sci-fi horror flick...and offers of aid. Then there's The Order who every now and again, provide a valuable piece of intel...whenever it suits them to do so. I don't know what's going to happen, or if I'll be alive at the end...but maybe we can at least line up the pieces necessary to stop this thing...if we can't, well then I guess I hope Edison Trent really does exist."
She laughs softly, rolling her eyes and switching the recorder off.
<<End Audio Recording>>
<<Entry Twelve, 821 AS>>
<<The Liberty Tower, Top Floor Suite, Manhattan, Wednesday.>>
<<Begin Audio Recording>>
The recorder clicks on and a soft sigh can be heard in the background.
"...It's been a long, long time, since I've made a new entry here...but I guess now's as good a time as any. So many things have happened, and if I don't start making a record now...well, who knows?"
Rachel stops, exhaling audibly before popping open a bottle of red wine, filling half a glass before picking the audio recorder up again.
"Fleet Admiral didn't pan out.." She laughs coldly. "I let those Gaul bastards destroy the Anchorage...the damn Flagship of The Fleet, and I lost it and...so, so many of the crewmen? It's unforgivable. Good job Rach, hell of a leader...tsk."
Rachel pauses, taking a sip from her glass.
"I don't even think they recovered the wreckage yet, and Melnikov...I just.. left him behind..hmp, there's another thing I'll never forgive myself for. The whole situation is just...I don't know? I've gone over everything in my head a thousand times and I just don't know."
Pausing again, Rachel lets out a sigh before continuing.
"Anyway...after all that time in the hospital, and after having about four million different surgeries, I decided to apply for reinstatement with the Navy...I mean what the hell else is a dumb grunt like me gonna do, right?"
She laughs softly, shaking her head.
"Soldiering is all I've known the past few years, so maybe with a chance to lead from the front again, instead of from an Admiral's chair, I can try to make up for everything that went wrong...anyway, the hell with all this rambling. I feel silly when I talk to myself for so long but I mean...I guess I'll try to use this thing more often.."
The recorder clicks off abruptly.
<<End Audio Recording>>
<<Entry Thirteen, 14 July, 822 AS>>
<<CO's Quarters, LNS Warmaiden.>>
<<Begin Audio Recording>>
The recorder clicks on and for a long moment the only sound is a gentle droning in the background.
"The Medal of Honor...where do I even start with that?"
Rachel laughs quietly, letting out a subtle sigh.
"So I mean...as you can see Diary, I'm still here, and I'm even still in uniform, but that's a huge surprise right?"
She laughs again, a little more genuinely this time, even grinning as she sat there staring at the recorder.
"So, things are...definitely better now, but you know that already, or well, I do...I'm still not used to talking to an inanimate object. Anyway, we're dating again Diary, and well, it's...it's nice, you know?...of course you know, what am I saying?."
Rachel stops again, rolling her eyes and shaking her head.
"I'm talking to a machine and it -still- feels funny, what the hell? Anyway...I dunno what I really wanted to say when I turned this thing on, I guess...but, things are decent, and I'm finally starting to feel like a person again, and I think I found a way to balance my life out so that I can have what I need, and also what I want...you know, instead of being how I used to be...so that's good, right? I mean I think it is...Aaaanyways, that's it for now, I guess."
Rachel sits back, pushing her hair back behind her ears before leaning over to turn the recorder off.
The recorder clicks off abruptly.
<<End Audio Recording>>
<<Entry Fourteen, 825 AS>>
<<Location Not Logged>>
<<Begin Audio Recording>>
The recorder clicks on and some slight shuffling can be heard.
"So...I guess I felt like trying this again or something, I don't know what the point is, it's not like I'm ever gonna publish this crap."
Rachel laughs quietly.
"So we're alive, that's a plus...or well, at least I think it is? So much has happened, I haven't even been back to Liberty since I left after Royal Flush, I couldn't stay there, too much bad blood, too many memories, and what was the point? The government wouldn't let us fight the war properly...couldn't take that shlock anymore. Being bound by restrictions set in place by people who've never sat in the cockpit of a fighter? who've never held a rifle in their hands? The hell with that!"
Rachel leaned back in her seat and stretched with a slight yawn before continuing.
"Of course there are definitely still terrible groups that need to be dealt with, and I'm running with an experienced crew too, to do just that, we just don't wear blue uniforms anymore."
She laughed slightly.
"House Liberty might not like it, but I'm not their play-thing anymore, I wasted too much of my life doing their bidding, and for what? It almost killed me more than once...and we barely even managed to defend our own borders! So yeah, the hell with that. This new way is better, I'll do what needs to be done, and I'll do it right."
Rachel yawns again, leaning in to turn off the recorder.
The recorder clicks off abruptly.
<<End Audio Recording>>
<<Entry Fifteen, 830 AS>>
<<Location: LNS Bunker Hill, New York System, Liberty>>
<<Begin Audio Recording>>
The recorder clicks on and the faint clinking of a glass being set down can be heard.
"So, I kinda thought I was done with this edgy talking to myself stuff but hey, here we are!"
Rachel laughs softly.
"Last time I recorded anything here, I was in a pretty bad place, but it's been a long few years, and a lot's happened. I remembered who I was, you know? Holding onto all that bitterness...it sure as hell didn't help anything, didn't bring anyone back, certainly didn't make me any happier..."
Rachel let out a long sigh and then made a noise like she was stretching real good, before settling back into her chair.
"I'm finally back in the Republic, I even got the old penthouse tower on Manhattan back, and then after screwing around down there for a couple years, getting a handle on all that physical and mental rehab shit that Medical always hounded me about, I was even starting to enjoy the life of a young hot medically retired Naval Officer...and then I promptly reenlisted with the Reserves, and even got recommissioned as a ship Captain, like some kind of idiot-moron who doesn't learn! But you know, honestly? I couldn't be happier with the way things turned out. I think things are finally how they should be, and I think we're okay, diary, you know? Anyway, maybe I'll start using this thing again, or maybe not...worth a shot I guess."
She set the recorder down on the table, before it abruptly stopped recording.
<<End Audio Recording>>
<<Entry Sixteen, 833 AS>>
<<Location: Officer's Housing, Norfolk Naval Shipyard>>
<<Begin Audio Recording>>
The recorder clicks on and Rachel exhales quietly.
"Well, I really just don't learn."
She chuckles.
"For three years now, I've been back in Active Service with the First Fleet, I was even there to help in the final days of the campaign against the Hellfire Legion and the rest of those insurgent traitors, thank god that's over. Afterwards, Alan Jones himself even promoted me back to the Admiralty -- but wait it gets even better!"
The amusement in Rachel's voice was practically audible, and anyone listening to the log might've pictured her with her hands out in front of her while she explained.
"They put me in charge of the fucking ESRD! You know, the Division I created because I didn't even trust myself, back when I was Fleet Admiral? Ahahaha...but what was I gonna do, say no? No better place to be if I want a chance to actually stop what's out there, what's coming...but I really can't talk about that here."
She let out a sigh as she sat down and sank into the leather couch next to her bunk.
"But, you know...it's actually been really good being back with the First Fleet, and I think I'm actually even making friends, something I could barely do before...mnh, it's been really nice, actually. One girl even kinda reminds me of myself, or well, who I used to be back in the day."
""Anyway...think that's all." The recorder clicks off abruptly.
<<End Audio Recording>>