I’ve decided to keep a journal chronicling this insane course I’m on right now. I’m barely hanging on to my sanity with everything that’s happened within the span of a few hours; hopefully putting my thoughts down like this will give me some kind of way to step back and think.
I still can’t believe the Guild turned on us… turned on me like that. I did everything they asked, right down to turning a deaf ear to my mark when he tried explaining myself. I had forgotten until now, but I remember seeing that bastard now. It was when all of this started; when I first received the job of taking Taviz Fyren down. He was there; Jack was there. He was a big guy, a few inches over six feet at the least. He looked fairly young, probably in his middle thirties. The hair on his head was short and brown, with a scruffy blanket of stubble along his chin. He was built like a rock, too, muscles filling out his clothes really well. I can barely even look at myself in the mirror anymore; I’ve been a freak. I remember flirting with him to get this job in the first place, though it didn’t affect him in the least; he just laughed and sent me on my way, later notifying me of the job. It didn’t affect many of the Guild masters, but I did it anyways. I’m thirteen; what’s wrong with me? Whether or not my antics worked on Houston, what I did disgusts me.
So here I am now, sitting in a tiny room in the Barrier condemning myself for what I did in the past. If I don’t like what I did before, I can change, can’t I? I’ve already gotten myself a new name in all of this: Remy Hart. It’s a strange thing, choosing a name for yourself. I liked the name Remy, so I picked it. How weird is that? I’ve been Anna all my life, and now all of the sudden I’m someone completely different. A new life, a new name, a new outlook. I don’t even know what I’m going to be doing in all of this. The Lane Hackers, and I’m one of them now. I use to hunt these guys down for credits, and now I’m sleeping in one of their beds, waiting for them to tell me what to do. At least I’m not alone in this.
Taviz Fyren, one of the most interesting people I’ve ever met. It's crazy to think that yesterday I was chasing him through the Omegas, guns blazing as I fought my way through the odds, just to bag him and return to base for a fat reward. Now look at everything; we’re in the exact same boat, and it might as well be sinking. One second I lock him up in a cell, and the next I’m getting him right back out and fighting alongside him to survive. I still can’t wrap my head around all of this, but one way or the other, I’m stuck with him through all of this.
I’m a blonde now. My whole life I’ve never done anything to my hair besides having it cut. Have always had the same old reddish brown, short cut. Every so often I’d stop by the Sheffield barber and get it lopped back down to size. Didn’t help catching a bounty when you had hair in your eyes, right? But now it was different. I already had my new identity, and now I needed to look the part. Taviz was a pro at this stuff, obviously, so he helped me bleach my hair out in the sink earlier. I still don’t get that guy; I almost get him executed and he’s helping me like this? I don’t know, but I’m looking a little different I guess. He gave me some contacts to hide my eye color too, but I can’t stand how they feel in. I didn’t want to be rude to him after all he’s doing for me, but honestly, I’m probably going to be throwing these in the trash while he’s not looking.
Someone’s at the door, it’s probably Andrew. I keep forgetting to call him that now; that’s Taviz’ new name. I keep forgetting we’re brother and sister too, according to our new identities. There’s going to be a lot of getting used to with all of this.
Got to go, I’ll pick this up later and try and make sense of all of this again.
I didnt think Id even touch this thing again, but here I am. Writing something like this has never been my thing; my sparse Guild reports attest to that. But Im still hoping that doing this will do something to help me get a grip.
I havent really done much since weve been with the Hackers, but Andrew has actually been pretty busy here on Mactan. Hes quite the whiz with technology; hes been even giving the Hackers a run for their money. Charlies been allocating that sort of work to him on purpose, since neither he nor I are really interested in doing pirate business.
Speaking of that, Im really getting nervous about all of this. Ive been a hunter all my life; my mind has been instilled with the fact that pirates are the bad guys, and we help the good guys. Hell, I started my career just about six months ago lighting up Hacker rookies in Manchester. Now I might as well be one of them. I can deal with that fact in the abstract, but to actually do what they do? To play highwayman and blow transports away if they dont do what we say? To shoot down the people I used to fight side by side with? I dont know if I can do that.
But as I said, Charlie is being pretty reasonable so far. He hasnt given Andrew any dirty work, and Id like to think hell do the same for me. Right now hes got me watching some holovids on some more basic hacking and data retrieval skills, so hopefully Ill actually have something to contribute other than my aim. You have no idea how seriously Im taking this for that reason.
Anyways, not much else has happened since I last wrote. Andrew and I are getting a little sick of the atmosphere here on Mactan, so hes checking out the idea of getting us somewhere to stay on the Freeport. It wont be quite as safe, but itll do wonders for our peace of mind. Andrew said it earlier: This isnt the place for a thirteen year old girl. Normally Id sneer at him and change the subject, but hes right. Ive been ignoring so many things for the last thirteen years, including myself. Surviving involves paying attention to your sanity; hunting really doesnt. Just one more thing Ive got to get used to.