"Hallo, Laufey... this is the third time I re-design you now, let it be the last one... I left the Order, I joined the Coalition, I am a bit torn apart right now but also happy, fighting together with Lukas, it will be a great time... I have... nothing else to say right now."
"Wow, what a day, shot down a DSE transport, not that this was super rare, met a new friend and got him to join the Coalition, I am apparently good at making us look... good, must be my charm. I am in a really good mood now and can happily lay myself to bed and dream about more success, I wish every day would be like this one!"
"Finally back from Liberty, what a journey that was, not only was the way extremely long but the battles were tough as well, in the end it paid out, I was promoted and I received the Partisan's Cross, which is a very big honor for me. I feel like I earned this though, no, I am not doubting myself this time, I am very proud of myself and impressed by my capabilities, I made a few new contacts, a few people from a group called Forlorn, especially a woman named Elena, she is Rheinlandic as well. Seems like we all got along with each other, I wasn't faced with that much hostility in Liberty,w ell, aside from all the people I fought but that was the cause for my mission. I am really satisfied with the results of the recent tough days, life went just how I wanted it to be, time to make a big career here with the Coalition. But there is much to learn for me, everything is still kind of new, as if I was a child that sees the world for the first time, with... weapons but you get the point. *She yawns* Now I am tired and should sleep in my comfortable bed again, I missed that, shut down, Laufey, see you soon. "
"I did not expect to climb the ranks so fast, I got promoted to Commander and was assigned to the Typhoon destroyer "Che Guevara", a nice ship which I need to learn to fly yet. I was in Liberty and Rheinland and shot down a lot of transports, apparently the Premier knows to respect that. I kind of remind me of myself when i was with the Hessen, although I changed, not very much I hope. I became more... harsh... although I still manage to put smiles on other people's faces, I also manage to quickly shoot them, back then I would have preferred to talk a problem out, now I lean to the weapons pretty damn quickly, I hope that is not ,e becoming more violent but more cautious. The higher I go in the Coalition, the more I realize that if you want to win a fight, no matter what fight, you need to actually fight with your hands to achieve your goals, just talking it out won't change anything. We cannot change all houses way of operating and turn them into our motherland, we need to fight to achieve that, there is no way to achieve it differently. But I will still remain like I am, I would be stupid to let myself go, I like how I am, I always did, the hard part is to tell it to Lukas..."
"I am slowly turning into a monster, really, really slowly but somehow I am. I start to feel less... I don't know, what's it called contrition. I sometimes shoot people and don't feel bad afterward, is this me turning into an adult? Or is it me becoming a murderer? I wish I could tell someone to watch me, but I can't even tell Lukas, he probably feels the same. If the High command would know of this, they would laugh at me! Man... damn it. Anyways, got to be a short one today, need to leave this place as soon as possible, bye, Laufey!"
"Ugh, I am currently back in Liberty agauin, New York, to be precise, what the hell is wrong with me that makes me come to this horrible horrible place again, hmpf, it certainly are NOT the people. The Navy here is literally the worst thing one could ever imagine, you cannot expect them to do their job right when they are supposed to. That.. seriously makes me very angry but I always have to wipe tears of laughter when there is a hostile battleship shooting everything while they cannot manage to gather their forces. Oh man oh man... Liberty... where did your Mama let you go freely, hm? Anyways, so I was there again, I honestly didn't expect me to stay there for very long. I was coming out of Rochester and then boom, I instantly saw a police officer coming up to me "Hey, stop your engines" he yelled, or something, he got down pretty fast, his ship had no armor upgrade.. what an idiot.
Shortly after that I encountered some Freelancer who said he couldn't resist my beauty and... minutes later he shot me together with a Hellfire Legion ship. Ja, that makes no sense.. pff... men, and they say women are crazy. I didn't even want to exchange a word with him that was all him, not me. Shortly after, the Navy brought its usual armada, way too late but at least for a purpose, there was a Hellfire Legion battlecruiser which came out of nowhere, the commander actually claimed that there was a bounty on me. Suuuuure, I killed a Legionnaire zwanzig Sekunden ago and suddenly there is a bounty on me, they would say everything for a purpose of attacking. In the end I returned to Rochester, not sure if I should do a report now or wait a bit, ah, I think I will wait a bit.
Verdammt, I wrote all the details in here already! Might as well send this to the Coalition back. Tschüss, Laufey!"
"My life is basically over at this point, no affiliation, no Lukas, nothing, I could kill myself and it would probably be better than how it is now. The best thing about this is that it is all my fault, I am an idiot, I am a naive little idiotic girl that manages to get into the dumbest situations ever, I literally betrayed my husband the one I loved and the only one that loved me, I am just a fool. I don't care about fighting for the people by shooting Naval officers anymore, it didn't have an effect and it won't have, the only good thing it ever brought me was experience, a hell lot of it, oh and friends. I am a shadow of what I was once, I always liked me, I was able to look into the mirror without breaking down in tears, now I can't anymore, I judge myself all the time and I wonder if it even makes sense to live, I should never have left the hessians. I was such an aspiring woman full of energy, I had a high position, I had friends, I had my Jotunheim, I had my Lukas, I lost everything and gave everything up. The only person I can talk to is my friend Vanessa, and wohoo she is the one I betrayed Lukas with. Is betraying even a legitimate word here? As I said, girls will be girls I cannot be the first one in this universe doing something like that but it was clear that he would leave me, I mean, look at him, he is too adorable for me. I guess it is true, you only know what to value when you lost it...
I should look forward and surprise, it's dark, all dark, I had the chance to blow myself up in space right now but decided not to, nobody would have missed me anyways, well... maybe Vanessa would... I don't know, I will not leave now though, I flew to Freeport one not to die right here, I will meet her and talk with her, she might understand it, most likely even, she is smart. As for Lukas.. well.. if I ever meet him again I will tell him again how sorry I am and will try to reason with him but it probably won't work and he will leave me standing there alone... oh gott I had so much luck once and now I have so much bad luck because I am so dumb. But you, Laufey, you will never leave me, right? You are my best-non-human friend."
"Isn't this nice? I barely got away from my Coalition transponders and papers and suddenly I meet this nice woman from the Order who offered me Shelter, a place in their ranks, everything. I declined pretty fast though, I don't know if I ever want to be in a group like this again, that would be the fourth attempt now... I think they don't even want me back, I look like a traitor who didn't succeed at his job and now tries again, pathetic. On the other hand, I might as well do it, simply for the sake of being safe enough to survive, while the job is very dangerous, I got more protection there and the chances of getting killed are probably not even that much higher with all the scum floating around in space these days. Vanessa is being very lovely and understands me, I am not trying to justify what I did, but Lukas abandoned me and I am all alone without her, how did I even manage to become a Major? And then a Commander? It is as if company changes me completely when I am all alone out there I feel so...weak and with no purpose. I don't really know how being a Freelancer works, I have never been one, I was a revolutionary all of my life, I don't think this is what I was made for, but why did I do it so well then? I used to believe, I used to believe in the Hessians but I realized that this belief was... no longer justified. I believed in the Order, or well, I believed in myself working for the Order, but I basically fled because it was a foreign world for me, the Omicrons... so close and yet so far and dangerous as well. I used to believe in the Coalition and their values, I tried to free the little man, the working class, those who were oppressed. Now by the time I wonder, is anyone even oppressed or are we all free? Maybe I was on the completely wrong side all the time, good job, Lena, you would be great at realizing if it was true. I killed so many people, at least I didn't kill civilians but... if I think about it... can you justify shooting the Rheinwehr, Liberty Navy or anyone just because they defend their home? Are we the bad people for attacking what is peaceful or are we at war with the evil people that make everyone believe that they are good? Why can I not know the answer to all these questions? Why have I never even asked those questions before? Not even myself, as if I couldn't trust myself. Maybe I know or knew what was right and wrong all along without trying to make an actual change because I prefer everything to stay the way it is? I wonder if my meeting with Vanessa back then was a coincidence or not, she came just out of nowhere and helped me from being killed, it was so heroic from her, helping a hessian! And that as a special Rheinland agent, I honestly doubt she is one in the end. She is way too nice and lovely to me to be a hard trained Agent working for the government or the Kanzler, she could be Gott weiß was. Or who. Now that I am not with any unlawful group anymore though, I don't really care who or what she affiliates with, she is my friend no matter what, she said that herself and I believe that. Lukas left me and she is the only one I have currently, if I could have both of them by my side that would be awesome, way too awesome, I know. I am talking some mess here again, I am always so short with what I say, I am not a person that talks a lot around it, I come to the point, but since there is no point I can keep talking all day, mainly about how sad and depressed I am. Soon I will be annoyed by myself and try something out to feel excited again, maybe it even kills me, oh well, then it is over as well, although I think Lukas still feels something for me, maybe I am just mistaken with that but I don't know if I want that anyways. Okay, you are now free from me, Laufey, we will find a home, a place where we can live and enjoy our life away from stress and.. pain."
"I.. wanted to tell you about what happened in New York yesterday but-" *she sniffs* "The Premier just announced that.. Lukas died.. a-apparently he died in a battle... sure, sure, I don't believe this... it's all my fault.. he must have killed himself, it can't be different, and only because I was such a horrible person, why couldn't it hit me instead. "*she cries for a few seconds before catching herself again*"He was so much more loving than I was, more respectful than I was and more compassionate than I was... I have never felt so... ugh... I can't talk right now, just wanted to tell you, Laufey... "
"With the thirtieth entry comes another big change. I've been down for a long time now but it recently got better, my old comrade Michel DeGrasse from the Coalition gave me the ring and necklace that Lukas wanted me to return. I think it is pretty understandable and self-explanationary that I can't stay with the Coalition anymore. They couldn't need a weakened soldier within their ranks, that just makes no sense. I have accepted the offer from Sara to rejoin the Order, I wanted to talk to Golanski about it first but he doesn't seem to be so well and instead sent one of his agents or something to talk to me, the welcome was way warmer than I expected it. This is pretty necessary now that I think about it, after I left the Coalition I thought that I would finally become an independent woman, you know, a survivor or something, like the cool Freelancers that are out there and live their life. But when the Liberty Navy sent their whole armada after me, I knew that I was heavily restricted in my possibilities to go, what a shame... Now I am an enemy of the state in Liberty and Rheinland, I think Bretonia is rather fine yet, the good thing is, that the Order is also doing approaches to become co-operative with them, so I that's that at least... Kusari hmm... no, seems odd to me, they are way too strict with their culture which I don't know anything about in the first place. Hell, I found out, that my old friend Horst tried to find me back then when I was with the Order, you know, this guy who was the second Kommandant on the Jotunheim... good times. Where was I? Oh, yes, so he stayed with the Order and apparently did really well and even managed to throw a crew together that runs their own Osiris under his command, pretty impressive in my opinion, the thing is, after I came back and he found that out, he asked me to take the command over it, just like back with the Hessians. This was a pretty heavy offer, I know how to handle such ships but I don't know Order ships that well yet but I just couldn't deny this offer, I will contact Valentin and Otto again so we can have the good old bridge back. I really really hope I don't have to change my flags again... I want to stay here, I want to be with my old crew, with a future and of course with Vanessa. I want her to move on the ship with me as soon as I made an appropriate living section inside of it, good that Horst made good money here and is able to give me something from it, we'll share it, so to speak, Vanessa is pretty wealthy as well by the way, when did I become such a poor soul? Oh well, I will supply this ship by myself, got a neat little Grizzly shuttle for it, the cargo space is just enough to keep one ship supplied, I also received access to several other vessels that I was supposed to use, an Onuris, a Sekhmet and of course, a Bastet. You know, for all kinds of things. I actually gave the Onuris the codename Angry Cat, that is what Vanessa used to call me, and that is just because someone from my crew called me this! I just caught myself being a bit happy again, it's probably done with sadness now, it is time to move on, Lukas, I will never forget you and I will always blame myself but you, as loving as you were, simply couldn't withstand your own weakness. Good, now that we got that through, Laufey, I hope you are ready to be re-installed on a gold old capital ship, hmm... what will I call it even if Horst gives it to me... Jotunheim again? Nah.. only the true Jotunheim can bear that name. Hmm... I got it! The Final Frontier, marking this step in my life as the final frontier before I finally evolve into a better Lena."