Welcome to my feedback thread!
I've posted all the links to my RP writings below,
if you have any inclination to, feedback is welcome!
Oh, and also specify the RP you're feedbacking on!
I liked the imagery, and I think more than anything the choice of music added the best edge to an RP emotionally that I can think of. Really, it moved me to imagine the engines coming online.
I would suggest making more of the battle of the Zoners, because it seems a bit off hand for an otherwise intense RP.