| Three hours till new year 820 A.S. | Novus~Spes, moored at Valetta Shipyard |
When I left my home, Rheinland, five years ago I did because I did not know what I wanted. I floated around in space looking for a sense. Eventually hit up with the Outcasts and joined the military thinking it could give me a reason to live. A few years later I left the maltese navy. I still did not know what I wanted.
I ended up somewhere in Liberty repairing wrecked ships and chased after idealistic dreams. I felt an emptiness inside.
I lived from day to day until I came accross information regarding the gallic threat. I felt responsible and so I returned to the Outcasts and brought them the information.
I spent a lot of time in Omicron 81, studying everything we knew about the Gallics.
I felt excited. Probably just because it was new. I always had a curious character.
I saw the threat and new possibilites. I got obsessed by the idea to change something. Gallia seemed to be a chance.
At this time, I met Death Runner and finally the possibility came up to act. We founded the Omicron 81 Syndicate. It went well, for a time. Our influence grew and the cardamine trade was reborn.
When this began I put the first step into Gallia. It must be around one year ago when we launched the first scout mission.
Many other expeditions followed. We came accross a whole new world. We made a few temporary friends and a lot of enemies.
I gathered a lot of new information, made some contacts.
A few months ago the Council of Dons was founded. Representatives of all major outcast fations earned seats in that committee.
When Death Runner vanished I took his seat.
I felt strange, not good, not bad. I never could imagine that this would happen to this nescient rheinland boy.
And then I was a part of the head of the outcasts, leading the non-101st missions in Gallia.
The new influence and at least the feeling of having power was a great experience. I was optimistic as never before.
I felt like a little child at christmas when we reached Lorraine for the first time in the Novus Spes, going on a long journey through unknown and dangerours space.
However things went not so good for us. The Liberty division of the Syndicate decreased. People got caught, or were simply missing in action.
The cardamine trade went down again. And our results in Gallia weren't very positive. The contacts we made vanished soon after and Torino's storage flew over cause of the cardamine that wasn't sold.
A bigger operation launched to deeper Gallic space with assistance of the 75th Mosquitos ended with a gallic flue.
After one year in Gallic space we lost 27 people on the Novus Spes due to Gallic attacks, and over 40 on Torino due to attacks, technical failures and starvation.
The mission was not successful. We returned with the hardly flying Novus Spes two weeks ago and are moored at Valetta since then.
I had a lot of time to think and maybe New Years even boosted those thoughts.
No one can exactly say why I failed, maybe I am just not made for this job. Or rather, not yet. Same goes for my role in the Council, I'm far away from taking such a responsibility. That is not my world. This all got out of control. And I feel empty inside again.
Again I do not know what I want. So it is about time to make a journey.
I decided to resign from all my posts and leave the Outcasts once again. Maybe forever this time, or not. I will take my old Firefly, the first vessel that ran under a 81-S flag and move out.
Future is not written yet. Rather, it does not exist.
The past is our memory, the future a vision created by memories.
Only here and now exists for sure.