Right, time for me to set down this bottle and actually start writing for once. I've been staring at this blank page every single night for a decade now. I am not a man of many words, but I do hope that these next lines will be able to convey my feelings, my thoughts, my beliefs. Not that they matter so much. A broken man's rambles are of no one's interest, not even mine.
Name: Firstname: Tomo / Last name: Matsuda Traditional Name: Matsuda Tomo Born: Battleship Myoko, Kyushu system, 779 AS Gender: Male Nationality: Kusarian Current Residence(s): Planet New Tokyo, Katsushika City Blood type: B- Mother: Firstname: Aosaki / Last name: Shiki Father: Firstname: Tomoe / Last name: Matsuda Occupation: Bounty Hunter, Former Keibu of the Ryodo no Keisatsu Sabisu, former Kusari Naval Forces secondary pilot
I was born in 779 A.S. on board the Battleship Myoko, luckily enough within the Kyushu system: a week prior, the venerable vessel and her fighters were roaming the Tau systems on a smuggling interdiction mission, one of her last assigments before she would be transferred to the Shikoku system. My mother, Aosaki Shiki, was a rather normal woman. She loved my father, that much I know, but she hated living on military bases, as far as I could tell. I didn't mind as much as she did, for it allowed me to travel from system to system and see sights most people never get to see in their entire lives. All the other kids were like me, too. As a result, my childhood friendships were often short, but intense.
My father was a man named Tomoe Matsuda. Despite the fact that he bears the same family name than a Golden Crysanthemum historical matriarch, there is no blood relation between the two families. In fact, our family's lineage could be traced back to the old Sol system: my family has been part of the military for generation and generations since times near immemorial in Sol, first for the Empire of Japan, then the JSDF, having later even participated in the Sol war for the Alliance and were some of the first members of the Kusari Naval Forces in Sirius. This amounts to over a millenia of military blood by now. A heavy burden on my shoulders, if I may say so myself.
My father was a rather old fashioned man. When he learned I had inherited of my mother's B bloodtype rather than his own O, his reaction was apparently once of discontent, calling me a 'trouble child' and that I'd be up to no good. It was rather sad, really. Rather than punishing me for my often belligerant behaviour, he would yell after my mother for having produced such an 'awful progeniture'. A Matsuda would straighten up, they cannot do any wrong. I wasn't an easy child, either, but I do believe this was a vicious circle. The more I'd misbehave, the more my father would mistreat my mother, and the more she would come to... resent me? As if I somehow became a weight in their 'perfect' relationship. I'm certain this is just my drunken mind distorting the truth, though. I know both of my parents love me, in the end.
I had my destiny writen ahead of me: I was going to be a military pilot. Everything I would do in my youth was to further this obvious goal. I never really thought about it, either. It simply was the destiny of my bloodline. It become even more set to me around age 10, in 789 AS. I clearly remember this day as I was first learning about the star charts and theoritical navigation. A violent shock rumbled through the station, and I swiftly seeked shelter. It's not entirely uncommon due to how shadily built some stations are to have sudden accidents that go so far as to force evacuations. After only a minute, everything settled down and as I was about to return to my studies, my name was called on the comms, which requested me to rush to the station's medbay ASAP.
There was my mother on this bed, covered in blood and tubes of all kinds, sheets barely hiding her torn and injured body, giving her final breath as I was entering the room. I didn't get to properly say goodbye. I'm not even sure she would've been able to speak had I made it any sooner. She was the only victim of this Blood Dragon attack, in which a stray torpedo fired in a desperate attempt at breaching the area's defence managed to hit underneath the station, just under the civilian crew quarters. As I was brought out of the room, my father simply tapped my shoulder with a weary sigh, and told me that the destiny of my family is now on my shoulders.
I wasn't sure of what he meant back then, but he never remarried, nor do I remember him to have had a woman in his life afterwards. He devoted himself from now on to the military, as far as I know, and I simply strudded along with him. Life kept on, my grades were average at best, I'd get involved in fights all the time, wouldn't hang out with the most respectable kids. Then reality hit me like a truck, when my father sent me to a military academy instead of a regular high school. Suddenly, I had to wear my family's name. I was a Matsuda, proud to be! ...or so my dad thought it would go, I suppose. Honestly, the only reason why I was not kicked out was well known among the students: my father was bribing the director, and promising him that the 'Matsuda' in me would finally become obvious.
Years passed like this, and I finally 'graduated' by the year 800, where I immediatly enlisted into the Naval forces since I had nowhere else to go. I was assigned to a secondary fleet patrol of New Tokyo, where I was not meant to see much action. Unfortunately, the rising tensions in the colonies would prove otherwise: only a few months later, Rheinland made a sneak attack against Kusari. Rheinland's military prowess was the laughingstock of the Colonies, therefore we heavily discredited the supposed 'rebuilding' of their forces. We thought our 'Dragons', cutting edge technology of Sirius, would give us the advantage in any fight, but the reliable Rheinlander 'Valkyrie' proved more than a match to most of our vessels. Ships weren't as durable back then as they are today. A simple mistake, a stray missile, anything... and your ship would tear into pieces.
Bastards were sneaky, too. My patrol was ambushed in the Chiba field by a group of Rheinlander fighters, who caught us completely off guard within a small mine field they had set up. They first hit the patrol captain, which set a deadly chain of events. In less than a minute, I heard the confused screams of my wingmen, their beggings and dying gasps as their ships were torn apart. I was the only remaining pilot of my patrol and I was ready to accept my fate. Yet, for god knows what reason, there she was, like an angel the Gods had sent to me. What seemed to be a Civilian Eagle appeared on my scanners, and whoever piloted it shred through the patrol that had spelt my doom. My ship was damaged, but I would be able to safely make it back home for now. A female voice with a thick German accent hailed me. 'Guten tag, Naval Forces, I'm glad I came in time. Do not fear, I am on your side.', she said before heading back to the direction she came from, before I could even react and even try to thank her.
My instincts took over, and despite the bad shape of my ship, I tailed her. 'Wait, can I get a name so I may pray to my angel?' is all I managed to mumble after I shodily fixed my comms. The onboard computer was warning me about the ship's critical condition, but I couldn't care less. The Eagle stopped and after a few moments, its pilot finally replied. 'Katherynn Edelweiss.', she replied with a hint of hesitation before heading off into the fields, where my battered vessel could not risk chasing her. Soon after this event, the war ended and peace returned, despite the brief occupation by Rheinland. Everyday, though, this thought haunted me. A Rheinlander had saved me from other Rheinlanders. Where was she today? Was she safe? Why was she there?
The next few months, years even, I spent all of my free time and shore leaves trying to track her down. This was the only time I was proud to have my family name, as it helped opening a few door, but she was covering her tracks well. I only managed to figure that she gave me an alias, which didn't really shock me, and that she was from Stuttgart. Running out of options, I made the regrettable decision of paying a visit to Kabukicho. If someone, anyone in Kusari would have the information I wanted, it would be the Hogosha.
'Maybe I have the information you're looking for.', said the man facing me with a stern look. 'But what would I get from this?', said the man before me, an old, fat man who could barely speak a whole sentence without drowning in his sweat, who also seemed completely unimpressed by the suitcase filled to the brim with Credit chips I was offering to him. He chuckled and weezed before regaining his breath. I thought I was going to be in trouble for killing a mob boss for a moment there, to be quite honest. 'Matsuda.', he said while insisting on my family name. 'The Blood Dragons are after me. The Crysanthemum want me dead. The Farmer Alliance, my own allies, are pressuring me into taxing more out of Synth Food vessels in Kusari.' The man's eyes locked with mine, the morbidly obese grin implying everything.
I'm... not proud of what I did. But, this will be another story in itself. I'm not ready for that, yet. But finally, I had a destination. Atka, the Cryer base in Sigma-17. By then, I was accustomed to the Sigma-13 and 19 systems, as a result of my frequent patrols in the area. Around that time, I was ranked up to Itto Kaii, or Lieutenant, a rank that I would keep for the next 15 years of my life due to my distracted mind and average performances. Most of my engagements ended in me running off criminals rather than actually shooting them down. Back in these days, Corsairs and Outcasts weren't as much of a threat back than that they are today. There were no known or recorded Capital fleets produced by them back then, at least not on any scale known today. There were rumors, though, of hulks being spotted in the Edge Worlds, but there's always urban legends about these kind of things over there.
Registering to my name a sturdy Renzu fighter and plotting a course to Sigma-17, I started having doubts. I had no information about her besides her nationality and a fake alias. I had spent the better part of four years trying to track her down. I was obsessed. Was this the right thing to do? I had stepped over bounds that I know I should not have stepped over. Not only this, but when you fly in the Sigmas, you hear... stories about Atka. Lots and lots of unpleasant stories. No. I went too far already. There was no going back. The flight to Sigma-17 itself was rather calm, with no real disturbances, all things considered. Bumped into a gas cloud or two, if memory serves well, but my shields absorbed most of the damage.
Once in the system, I set destination to Atka. It was out of the way due to its mostly secretive nature, but my training helped me keep my cool and navigate through the hazardous field the station was hidden in. Soon enough, I had the station in visual. 'Unidentified vessel, you are entering a restricted perimeter. Leave now or face the consequences.', warned the station's control, the weapon signatures on it heating up, launching bays preparing to send fighters. 'Daitsuki sends his regards.', I replied as instructed by my contact. The weapons system died down, and an annoyed voice replied. 'Right, we don't want any troubles. Proceed to docking bay one.'
The landing party I received was quite elaborate: LPI agents, the private police force of Liberty, greeting me at gunpoint before searching my ship's cargo for weapons or contraband, as well as a full physical search, stripping me of the blaster I had taken for safety measures. 'He's clean.', muttered an agent to his superior before allowing me to proceed with escort. I was then led into some kind of lobby away from the landing pad, where I was introduced to who I believe were the Quartermaster and the Chief of Personel of the station. Evasive at first, they later confirmed that she was indeed on-board the station right now, but that she was not accepting any visit. I clearly remember asking them if she was on duty at this moment, and asking about her posting, only for them to answer that the situation was 'more complex than that'.
Atka had a gloomy feel to it and I could feel it envelopping me by this point, but perhaps it was simply me being unused to the foreign customs of Libertonians, or a sign of desperation after going for so long. It was one of those rare times in my life where I've felt truly lonely, despite being at arms' reach of my goal. Feeling somber, I started a fight with them, knocking one cold flat onto his ass, but I was quickly subdued by the LPI agents surrounding me. It was at this moment that she appeared, as a man was straddling me and cuffing me, asking them to let go of me. The voice somehow was so familiar, yet quite weak. I looked up in disbelief, recognizing at first my dying mother, tubes going along every inch of her body. Yet, the person sitting before me was more alive than anyone else in this room. In my heart, I knew there was no doubt. Despite the medical luggage and the wheelchair she was confined to, this was the woman who had saved my life during the Nomad wars.
We went to her private quarters, sat and talked for hours. She told me everything, about how she was born with a degenerative, uncurable disease, how her family had been kicked out of their farm on Stuttgart by Synth Paste, how she joined the ranks of the LWB despite all odds, how flying was how she felt the most free she's ever been, free of a wheelchair restraint, of everything preventing her to move, free from the remarks of the nay-sayers, how her fighters were part of her body and an extension of her, how she needed more than a cause, how she needed freedom and why she became a Freelancer to live it all and see it all. She's a few years younger than I am, and yet I am in awe of this woman, Katherynn. I thought I had a difficult life, that I had nothing just handed over to me and that I was having it tough, but she was in a whole other league. There was no stopping this butterfly, though.
She came in contact with the Order shortly before the Rheinlander invasion of Kusari, where she was first told about the nomads and the danger they represented. It was this turn of events that allowed her to rescue me a few years ago. She told me about how she'd spend most of her time here, on Atka, as a reward for her services during the Nomad war, where the most trained and proficient team of scientists and doctors were trying to cure her illness, but more realistically, were only trying to ease her worsening pain. I told her about my upbringing, my mother's death, my father's ambitions. How she rescued me. The depths I went to search for her and, the... things I've done. How I was so happy to finally find her.
Katherynn thought I would have rejected her due to her condition. The opposite happened, as it only strengthened this love I've felt for her since the day in the fields. Her disease would get in the way, a never-ending obstacle between us, but I would not give up on this woman. Things evolved rapidly. I returned home and kept contact with her. When she would have a leave permission, I would get mine as well, and we would travel and explore the depths of Sirius together. I proposed to her in the Edge Nebula, as she was taking me across uncharted lands. Katherynn left behind her Rheinlander family and shared half of her time between my home on New Tokyo and Atka.
Our wedding was a happy one, but I soon found that the woman I loved could not bear the passion I had for her. Intimacy due to her condition was entirely prohibited, her fragile bones would not endure the stress, and her condition provided us with a lack of fertility, preventing us from ever growing into a 'true' family. While I thought I could get over this issue with sheer force of will and love, testosterone proved to be my end, and it was not even a year into our wedding that I first started seeing other women. It helped me remain sane and I could remain the happy, loving man she knew before her. I started hating myself for being such an hypocrite, and started drowning my problems in alcohol. This did not help my rather precarious position within the Naval Forces.
War with Bretonia broke out a few years later. Once again, I was garrisoned within the core worlds of our House, part of a token defense force to an unecessary 'last line of defense'. My father, though, was serving on the frontlines from day one, on board of a top of the line Battlecruiser of the Naval Forces, a Komainu christened 'Jinja'. My father mostly ignored me and considered my ventures as childish. I had already been disavowed by him, and he had recently adopted a young orphan that he now considers his true heir.
I would hear about him more on the news than I would from him giving a sign of life. 'Jinja' strikes at the heart of Bretonia in the Taus, 'Jinja' this, 'Jinja' that. It wasn't just the 'Jinja', too. Kusari glorified its fleet and every of their success. We were finally proving to the colonies that we were not just a fuel provider for them, but also a foe that had to be respected. I believed it as well for a short time, but my wife was not too comfortable with the idea. Still, she supported me and my decisions, and this was the peace of mind that I needed to keep on living.
Keeping the peace home was not a simple task. With the bulk of the Naval forces away from the Core worlds, the Dragons were desperately clawing at us, attempting to gain an elusive edge in their own century long conflict. More than once have we fooled terrorist plans not just in space, but also planetside on a near daily basis, something that had never been seen on such a scale before. Yet, the news were never mentioning the heroes of home. Only the heroes of the front, as the 'Jinja'. During what was believed to be the final stages of the war against Bretonia, the Emperor himself went to the frontlines to raise morale. This is when the unexpected happened. Not only was a new House revealed to exist, but the Gallics were hostile towards all of the 'treacherous Alliance cowards' that left them under Coalition control in Sol, if not worse.
Once more, my role as 'last line of defense' came into play in a grim manner. Our forces in the Taus were flanked, and what took us years to conquer took only mere days for the Gallics and their unstoppable forces to take and claim for themselves. I was swiftly shifted to a near suicidal post in Kyushu, with the simple order of 'Hold'. We all knew what this meant. Gallic forces were beginning to trinkle into our homeland, yet it was already more than the token force we were forming could handle. It was not long before our House capitulated to this new enemy, our newfound honor and glory shattered in a mere month.
The Government crumbled, the Emperor now in exile. In a display of 'fairness', Gallia allowed any exiled pilot to return home without punishment. My father was not part of them. Officially, he is believed to have died during the early stages of the Gallic invasion, but nothing can truly confirm such thing. Kusari became a 'democracy' on the next day. What I do know is that the Exiles are surprisingly numerous and well armed, and determined to die for the sake of the Emperor. Something I wouldn't doubt my father to be part of. Never forget your roots and origins, after all.
I had seen enough war and been trashed around enough by this point that I decided I needed something new entirely. Our House was still in a crisis, and for once I believed I could do good. I resigned from the armed forces and enlisted into the Ryodo no Keisatsu Sabisu, a newly formed police department that was to be composed of nothing but fresh recruits. A new start for a new Republic. None of the old corruption and dogmas held by the traditions of the State Police.
My experience allowed me to be fielded as a Captain of the force, a position which I did not feel I was able to handle. All of my life, I had been given orders to follow, and now I would have to be the ones giving them, when I have no clue if the government I serve will still be a valid one? I tell myself that I serve the people of Kusari, not the government. It doesn't help. I numb myself more and more every day with alcohol. Though I believe I was efficient in my command, I felt distant, robotic. Machinal. My mind was not present at work. And there's this pilot I can't get my eyes off from, too.
My wife is now too weak to even leave Atka. She doesn't have much longer to live. I don't know how long. I don't know if I will cry or be relieved when I will hear the news. This is not a healthy lifestyle. I need to get away. I need to become my own man for once. ------------------------------------------------
The next few lines contain a jambled mess of scriptures and tears, making it undecipherable, save for some kind of post scriptum.
I will resign from the forces, and go on the adventures Katherynn and I never could go on together before.
