Sirius State Insurance

[barrenwzste]

*Blrrggizzitgarble*
*Mrglickburbdack*

Hello Pilot,

I am Fatcat, your friendly neihborhood SSI agent. For those of you who do not know, SSI stands for Sirius State Insurance. Sirius State Insurance, Serious Insurance for Sirius Pilots!

Today I am here to tell you a little about SSI and how we can help you achieve, not only personal safety, but peace of mind. These days it's tough to make a living, what with a pirate behind every asteroid and a terrorist at every jumpgate. We here at SSI know what it's like to fear going into space, knowing you might not come back to feed your children and pay the bills. Thats why, for a limited time only, we have lowered our rates.

Here, for your perusal are our policies and the new lower rates;

SSI Basic Life Policy: One of our agents will follow you about your business for a trip lasting no more than two systems in length. During this time he/she will prevent pirates, terrorists, and competitors from harming you physically. This policy can be had for two easy payments of 300k.

SSI Expanded Life Policy: SSI realises that not everybody can conclude thier business in a simple two system trip. For this reason we have our patented Epanded Life Policy. For each system beyond the basic two, we will simply add another 225k. That's right, for only 225k you can add another systems worth of protection.

SSI Basic Property Protection Policy: Many times your business cannot be concluded with a quick visit to a deep space freeport. SSI understands this, and for those of you who need to linger in an area, we have great property protection policeis. One of our agents will remain with you, fending off the competitor's, pirates, and terrorists that target every stationary ship. This basic policy can be yours for 200k/5 mins for a period lasting no more than ten minutes.

SSI Expanded Property Protection Policy: With this package, not only will our agent protect you and your property, he will help you obtain whatever it is that you are mining/gathering. This policy can be yours for 350k/5 mins.

SSI Accidental Death and Dismemberment Plan: Unfortunately, accidents happen, and our operatives are only human. So, give yourself a little added protection with this plan. For a onetime fee of 750k you can add this plan to any of our other policies. With this plan if you should die, become dismembered, or suffer catastrophic decompression, and our agent does not, he/she will attempt to salvage any and all valuables from the wreckage and you or your beneficiary will be entitled to a 1.5 million credit reimbursment.

****fine print****
SSI cannot be held accountable for losses not covered by your chosen plan. SSI will not undertake any actions that lead to piracy or the protection of pirates. SSI cannot be held accountable for any damage incrued in an attack upon SSI employees and or protectorates. No refunds or rebates, this offer is void where prohibited. SSI is a trade mark of Fatcat Enterprises any non sanctioned use of SSI resources, names, or policies will be punishable by death.

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"Two things I know; Gravity sucks and Ion Storms blow. And that proves the universe is trying to kill us all" - Barren Waste, Captain of the Wasteland Wanderer

An approximation of my reaction when I see my next victim...er, these forums.