I'm going to cut through the niceties, you've seen the news, you know what I'm going to talk about. We at Cryer have no use for a Liner, it'd look good for us to give it to you, so that's whats happening.
Of course we can't have you running around willy nilly, especially not with this particular vessel; so there are some non-negotiable clauses.
1) The Liner must be named Cryer's.Princess or something to that effect - Yes, this breaks with your naming conventions, I don't really care, get over it.
2) The vessel must display us in a positive light. i.e. don't be caught doing anything illegal or being jerks.
3) The vessel must advertise our products or services to its passengers, and relevant other parties; evidence of this is also necessary. - Product details will be regularly released for you to distribute.
4) No undesirables are allowed onboard. - no outcasts, hackers, rogues or xenos.
5) A public statement outlining our extreme generosity must be broadcast. - I want all the bells and whistles on this. The sun will shine out of your arse and we want a solar panel suit.
6) Due to the extreme sentimental value of this particular ship, if it is lost, stolen, damaged beyond repair or destroyed due to the error of any staff member, compensation of up to two hundred million credits must be payed to Timothy Cryer personally. - You may think this unreasonable, we say don't be a moron and it's not a problem; avoid the loss of this vessel at all costs.
7) Cryer Executives will have free use of the corporate boardrooms onboard.
8) Cryer Executives will be granted up to three weeks stay in the VIP suites of any OSC Liner.
9) We shall supply samples of items such as aspirin, shampoo and soap for free; larger quantities can be purchased at a discounted rate.
10)We're both in the Sigma's it gets dangerous up there; so finally, you hear about any threat, you tell us and vice versa. You scratch our back, we scratch yours, no matter how hairy or sweaty it might be.
You get that? If you fail to adhere the ship could be repossessed; keep us looking like we're doing a fantastic bloody job for all the people in Sirius, that's all. Good. The ship will become available following a memorial service next week; we would appreciate your attendance. It will at that time require you to transfer its registration to OSC, and refit it as a commercial vessel.
We have received your transmission and are currently evaluating your generous offer along with the clauses attached to it. You will receive a response as soon as tomorrow along with a Press Release here in the public Comm Channel. At Orbital Spa & Cruise we look forward into establishing cooperation and trust with Cryer Pharmaceutical.
Transmission Received
Opening...
Message censored:
I swear I asked for a PUBLIC statement, and what I'm seeing on my screen is a corporate memo. Our employees are happier and feeling more appreciated; how wonderful... NOT what I care about.
I don't want to be harsh but as Director of Communications, it's my job to make the company sparkle like vampires in a bad movie. Get your ****** ****ing ***** * ******** ************ **** apple ****** ******* **** ******* monkey butlers to write me my damn statement. This is a business, not some ******* Jane ******* Austen novel!
Have your fat arse in the paper tomorrow extolling how beautiful and lovely I am, and how much you love Cryer; otherwise you'll find yourself in some medieval war zone in Londonderry with your arse in the air, trying to persuade a group of men in balaclavas that sustained sexual violence is not the way forward.