Carrier ID: Pita "La Aspiradora" Ladron | Carrier: Open Corsair frequency | Description: Fatherhood
Looking for her perdido papi *Desperately trying to hold many cakes but fails and drops few of them on the ground. Goes wild.*
Ugh these snacks will be for later. So...I finally found you papi! Oh no no no...take that shocking expression off your face! Is this how you meet with your lost HIJA? You were gone all this time leaving me and mama to rot in the deserts of Crete! Do you know how much she loved you? And you desecrated her sanity and probably more than that...otherwise I wouldn't be here talking to you now. Anyway...In her desperation mama started to make macho portraits about you...your dates and whatnot. She spent countless hours desperately crying and painting, and waiting for you to come back - but you never did. And then she died out of sadness for you.
Look at me! Do you know what kind of problemas I had to overcome to reach you? Don't ask how I pulled mama's massive corpse out of the cave's exit just to get out! I had to WALK for days to reach one of the corsairs abandoned gas stations - you know them...those refilling the Titans - I bought everything there and ate it...why? Because I lost tons of weight...look at me now...a tiny princess...ugh...Never mind. Before mama hit the bell she gave me a sacred note containing the number of her angel...YOUR NUMBER! So, I decided to try my luck and call you out to pick me up! But the guy here -Sancho they call him - refused my request to use the phone. Luckily he had an eye on me and proposed to sell me one phone call for one night of pleasures...and as you can see I've managed to call you.*she smirks*
Now...I have very little time - the clock is ticking before the phone call ends and as much as I enjoyed Sancho's pleasure moments...I would like to leave this maldito place without making a second phone call. So, get inside one of your old Titan toy models or whatever junk you have that is able to lift your macho body off the ground and come to save your only little HIJA princess! I am the only one right?
*Swallowing all cakes and with huge effort bends and collects the few lying on the ground. Swallows them as well. With a face marked with creams of all kind she grins and claps.*
I love early small snacks before breakfast. I am waiting for you papi! Hurry up before the sun sets down or Sancho will start looking for the phone bill number#2...
*With pain tries to reach the famous Ladron mass-produced comm button located even on this god forsaken gas station's phone. Button cracks and breaks over the huge mass in just one finger. Button thinks "Daaamn...she really must be this macho's daughter!*
Carrier ID: Pepe "El Comisario" Ladron | Carrier: Pita "La Aspiradora" | Description: Picking you up
Picking you up
Caramba, loco chica! Not this loud. Someone might hear you.
I have no idea what are you talking about, but I see you are well supplied with cookies. I'll send someone to pick you up and bring to my office. Just calm your voice down.
Ssshhh. Si?
*gently presses a button with his hairy macho hand to quietly end this comm. Button was overwhelmed by so much kindness and care, flipped out, sighed and cracked anyway. Button's life sucks at Crete so mucho.*
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Carrier ID: Pita "La Aspiradora" Ladron | Carrier: Open Corsair frequency | Description: Phone Call #2
You were late! *Pita is making selfies with her new phone. Impossible to hold it properly in her massive hand she drops it on the floor and breaks the phone's protector...again*
Ugh...Not again...whatever. Sancho will buy me a new one. YOU! Papito malditamente infeliz! You were LATE! What time is it ugh? What time? Twelve hours past my last phone call right? But at the next day! I was hoping my father to come with his shining horse to save his little princess before the sun sets down...I've told you what will happen! Sancho was chuckling behind me and counting the seconds before the sunset. Once that happened he proposed me to sleep in this gas station for only one night of pleasures. So, as you can see I am calling you...again...the other day! To be honest I don't like Sancho, he is not my type, nor his refrigerator...its empty and what good does an empty refrigerator? Nothing!
Hurry and pick me up already papito pereza!
*Drops her phone, again. Bends with pain and picks it up. She already downloaded from "El Corsair Store" the Ladron's phone ease app and with her huge finger tries to close the call by using the app. Fails and breaks the entire phone. Phone is like "My sleeper ship is ready to leave Sirius and find a better place" *
Carrier ID: Pepe "El Comisario" Ladron | Carrier: Pita "La Aspiradora" | Description: Picking you up
Picking you up
This is not how it goes, loco chica...
I send Machete to pick you up, my mucho trusted and skilled pilot for picking loco chicas up. But instead of meeting in my office, I find you both playing with Nomads in Delta. Caramba! Scratching perfectly nice Titans. Towing stupido Machete who forgot to regularly service his ship. And who knows what more???
You certainly remind me of my self, when I was your age. *sigh*
Don't jump porfavor, but you even might be who you claim you are...
*presses a button with his hairy macho hand to end this comm. Button did the job without cracking. So Ladron had to press it again. This time button cracked, noting something has changed this day*
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Carrier ID: Pita "La Aspiradora" Ladron | Carrier: Open Corsair frequency | Description: First Class Exams
Successful first class exams *Volume at MAX with background music all over the place. Pita is dancing with her paws in the air.*
HOLA PAPA! WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU! I LOVE YOU TOO! WHaaaat?? ESPERA UN MINUTO!
*Like a truck outrunning small cars on the highway with full speed Pita leaves the bar and goes outside to talk normal. Music still sounds on background.*
Te amo papa! I've always dreamed of such moments - father and daughter - hand by hand slaughtering space whales and shining eyes people. So...you were right, Machete came to the gas station to pick me up - and so he did. But Sancho did not want to let me go! Like an honorable gentlemen Sancho offered a challenge - a duel to death between him and Machete. And Machete killed him before the duel even started. The rest of the homeless hermanos in this forsaken building ran around like flies and nobody knows or cares where did they go. Un minuto!
*Pulling out a baby burito from below her dress and swallows half of it instantly. With full mouth continues.*
After that Machete and I went to space. It was wonderful feeling to fly - you know this was my first time - and not so wonderful situation for Machete who lost few hours trying to insert me inside my new Titan. Luckily he had some cooking oil left in his ship...which explains why he went on fire later...anyway. He spilled it all over me, to grease me up and ease my entrance in the cockpit. I do hope you are listening very carefully to what I am explaining, so you wont misunderstand something, si?
*Bites the last half of the burito and continues with a smile*
So, I will spare you the details - you were with us and you know what happened in Delta. And you should be proud of your little tiny HIJA! What you don't know is that after the chaos battle, the moment you were out of range going to who knows where...the hermanos have decided to go to the bar without you and throw a party to honor the battle and those lost in it. I joined them and here I am breaking the dance not the bones! I have to go papito! Machete is about to perform the swallowing sword dance - literally - and I can't miss to record that and post it on "SairTube"! ADIOS!
*Attempts to quickly close the call by inserting her enormous finger on the touch screen of the Ladron's phone at the virtual button's location. Successfully cuts transmission. Phone sighs with comfort that everything will be fine*
Carrier ID: Pepe "El Comisario" Ladron | Carrier: Pita "La Aspiradora" | Description: Picking you up
Picking you up
After some situation reconsideration, I have el suggestion for you, loco chica...
1. No need to do paternity or any other tests. We will make el arrangement you can't refuse.
2. No need to call me every few hours to pick you up from loco places. I added you to The Brotherhood and you can use your finest ship. All your exams are passed by an expert for hire (same as mine ones), so simply keep your mouth closed when it comes to laws, combat manuals, service rules, ship maintenance... And no one will notice, you can trust me in that.
3. You will soon notice Titan handles better after few tequilas, so no need for picking you up after fiestas as well.
4. No need to call me papi all the time and especially no need to call me like that in front of my esposa. You can call me whatever you want when no one listens, if you have to.
5. You will never use my last name again. Never. Ever.
In return you will be supplied by double rations of baby burritos and Nutella box once per a week. In case you agree, finally shut up and nod. Si?
*presses a button with his hairy macho hand to end this comm. Button refused to crack, even after repeated tries. There must be some double burritos or Nutella for making deals with buttons too*
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Carrier ID: Pita "La Aspiradora" Ladron | Carrier: Open Corsair frequency | Description: El Arrangement
Papito's thoughtful proposition *Pita bows in front of a public in a cozy bar. Turns to face the phone's monitor and welcomes Comisario with huge smile - she looks like a movie star.*
Querido papa! See??? I am making you proud not only in space but on ground as well! The hermanos and hermanas here in the fiesta love me! They forced me to sing one song to praise our family name - Ladron - but it happens to be more than one song. It is very loud in here so, before I received your final message it was too late - I've made an entire concert for hours spreading the news where I come from and about your endless love towards mama! I hope you won't be angry...all are happy for you though - they said it was about time you've met someone strong enough to wield you like a TIZONA - sword high in the skies! Even if that was only for three days...but anyway.
*Pauses and shakes impatiently.*
All that singing made me hungry. And all that talking to you is not helping either. I am hungrier than ever. I would ask you to hold on for a minute until I find something to eat but...I know it won't be just one minute.
So, about your proposition...the engineers of Rhodes Shipyard are working day and night to find a proper way to solve my problemas with the TITAN - to ease my insertion. They've made a huge progress and I will go there soon to install my new equipment at last. I wouldn't wish these problemas even to my most hungrier enemies, trust me on that. So...once that happens you will be free to lie down in your bed whole day doing nothi...*coughs a baby burrito salad piece* working on new tactics of efficient piracy and arranging preparations for House invasions! *chuckles loudly like a hyena*
As for your other "ideas" - considering this evening's songs I sang and the people all around...the rumors they will spread this night to their related individuals, friends and whatnot...I think it won't be necessary to call you papi at all...why would I? The entire world knows it already!
*Bursts laughing and falls on the ground, resulting in small earthquake, chokes up and nearly dying out. Several seconds later stands up and continues.*
You are lucky, I almost died! I know you want that to happen...but you will not get rid of me so easily as you were blessed with mama's tragic end, viejo papito! Now, time to eat. I love you too! Adios!
Aww I almost forgot..."supplied by double rations of baby burritos and Nutella box once per a week." Papito...I am aware you are not aware of the quantities of my daily rations. That proposition of yours will supply me for...fine - one day. A week has seven days, unless you are following one of the calendars from the black market witch traders...papa...these are not useful, so stop using them. So, all you've proposed...multiply by seven and that will be your daughter's food reserve for a week. Multiply that by four to receive my healthy diet for a month.
So kind of you! Yesterday you wouldn't sell a Cambridge's cow horn just to know my name and today you are offering me a modest amount of food...Te amo papa!!!!
*Presses the phone's button with her massive mach-eta finger to end the call. Button slams and stuck inside - remaining shocked and with no words - imitating Comisario's probable expression or his damaged ear due to the high sound of the call. *
Carrier ID: Pepe "El Comisario" Ladron | Carrier: Pita "La Aspiradora" | Description: ...!
...!
*Ladron's face is red. He uses his fist and middle finger to express his words better. Unfortunately... or better say luckily... there is no sound coming out from the smashed phone, just a a video of discutable quality. There is lot of snow, or better say dust. No one ever saw snow on Crete, so all call it dusty screen. But, it's good enough to see one of two:
a) pissed off El Comisario, or...
b) some grumpy Corsair hairy Santa (with generated snow/dust background) that just realised some kids stole his gifts bag and even secret Nutella stash is now missing.
Ok, it's a).
Big El wasn't this angry since he caught Flipado learning how to detonate NEMP in his hacienda. Or when that evil Machete wrote on his Gladiator: "Objects in mirror might be smaller than they appear. Use a lot of mirrors before entering the ship."
Minutes are passing by and showing fists show is getting calmer. Ladron's red face if turning to normal Latino love tan, very common on Crete. He almost showed his middle finger again, but better idea came across his mind.
He said something short and pressed off button. By looking at his lips, he more than probably said: "Ok, bien."
No idea what happened to Ladron's off button, as there was no sound and also no cracking sound. But, it's easy to guess after all these years.*
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