>Message to: All ELF members
>Comm ID: Rick Deckard, Container Transport
OK, I have this problem.
Found a dog.
Sniffing around under that dirty bar desk at Corfu Base in Theta.
(@Zoners, sorry to say that, but it's really messy - and beer tastes like chicken's piss but it's the only bar far and near)
He then raised his right-rear leg and pissing on the bar chair and heh... I never though dogs can do such activities - oh yeah, he was whistling.
He (the dog) is a he, which I managed to discover somehow.
His barking sounded a litte quizzical to me. Recently I found out what it sounds like but I'll get to that soon.
His look. Yeah, heh. Can't explain that one my own words. One has to see that for himself and even more herself.
Believe it or not, he was wearing a vest, or T-shirt or however dogs call it theese days. When I later tried to pull it off I was bitten.
When I was leaving that awful ****ty bar he followed me. And he keeps doing that. He is looking hopefully at me right now as I am sitting at my ship's comm device and writing this message.
He actually is suprisingly clever, helps me with docking and undocking my Container Transport and barks when pirates come. He has longer range than my ship scanners.
And once (I am not kidding) I caught him manually overriding the autopilot in the asteroid field in Omega 5. Over the years i got used to lack-of-autopilot-capabilities in that system so what a surprise it was that I didn't find any new bruises then as he did that through quite smoothly.
I am using him as my autopilot since then.
It was this pentagram-and-a-golden-apple-in-a-round-circle-sign-on-his-T-shirt (which I never saw before) that brought my attention.
Never saw that one before.
I looked in my ship e-library, but I didn't find it the 3 books ("How to kill a Pirate 1.","How to kill a Pirate 3." and "How to survive being a Pirate") I have there.
I am still loking for the 2nd part of "How to kill a Pirate" can anyone send me the torrent link? I feel like I am missing something important there. Part 1 is about bringing down the shield. And part 3 is about collecting loot. I still am not very succesful.
But back to the dog. After looking in the gnn.google.sir database I found out very interesting stuff about that symbol.
I even recognised the strange bark sound as "fnord.., fnord..." and started calling him FNORDIE ever since.
All the above led me into two possible conclusions.
One. Someone did something very wrong to him. One hears rumours about these psychos doing their experiments on every possible and impossible creature.
Two. The dog is a living resurrection of an important person of that Disc.. ehh yeah Discordian religion, which I totaly don't understand.
I feel sorry for FNORDIE, because apparently he finds absolutelly no understanding on my side so I am contacting you, could you please take care of him? I would even buy him his own ship as I have some spared credits from unnecesarry ship repairs after passing Omega 5.
Very gratefull thanks to you.
Sending his picture in case you recognise some of your previous confessors.
majkp,Oct 18 2006, 02:25 AM Wrote:>Message to: All ELF members
>Comm ID: Rick Deckard, Container Transport
OK, I have this problem.
Found a dog.
Aboard the "Gallopin' Goddess":
*Oh, Mal, what a cute doggie! Can we adopt him? Pleeeez???*
"Keep your titanium sheath on Dis. I'm not particularly fond of critters who sniff or nuzzle my crotch. At least the four-legged variety. I'm going to do some quick research on FnordNet. Open a trader comms channel to this interesting lad, will you?"
*On it, Mal*
Message to: [CST-L]Rick.Deckard
Comm ID: [ELF]Eris_Ascendant
Squire Deckard,
What a delightfully droll encounter you've portrayed! Goddess in Her Infinite Quirky Wisdom has blessed you, my son!
I've polled our ELF members, and pored over our ever-growing Church roles, but there is no mention of such a unique animal, either owned or lost.
After an exhaustive two-second search of Discordian archives, we can offer three explanations for the appearance of this gifted pooch:
1) The Zeta Reticulans are having us on once again. The Prophet Wilson documented several strange incidents of talking dogs on old Terra. ("Cosmic Trigger - Final Secret of the Illuminati") One conclusion was that trickster aliens, possibly from Zeta Reticuli, were tweaking the paradigms of ordinary folk on Earth's streets, as a sort of intelligence test;
2) Your assumption about the pooch being a resurrection or reincarnation may hold water, but if this is the case, he is probably a reincarnation of Anpu, or "Anubis"; possibly a harbinger of things to come from that young woman who is currently causing such a stir over in the Omicrons. (Sirius is, after all, known as the "Dog Star");
3) Your new shipmate has inadvertently inhaled or ingested a quantity of our "Kallisti Gold", which has augmented his pineal gland, and activated his Ajna, or "Third Eye". You mentioned precognitive abilities. Has he exhibited any telepathic abilities as well?
If #3 should turn out to be the case, then our friend "Fnordie" is definitely potential ELF material. Please direct him to our Entrance Examination over at the recruiting office. If his test results are as I suspect, and if you are indeed willing to buy him his own ship, I would be delighted to consider him for a position in the Legion of Dynamic Discord. We could register his ship as the "Dogon_Shame", the "B_Sirius", or the "Yanapaw" (The original Egyptian name for Anubis.) We'll also fit him with a direct cerebral interface so that his Fnordette can translate, and help him with ship's functions.
Thank you for bringing this wonderful event to our attention!
Awaiting Fnordie's exam results on pins 'n needles,
Malacushion
*ooc @ majkp: You are indeed a closet Discordian, my man, right down to the T-shirt! We would be honored to have "Fnordie" join our ranks!*
What a delightfully droll encounter you've portrayed! Goddess in Her Infinite Quirky Wisdom has blessed you, my son!
...
[snapback]41063[/snapback]
>Message to: [ELF]Eris_Ascendant
>Comm ID: [CST-L]Rick.Deckard
Dear Mala..something,
I am very pleased I preoccupied you attention. And even more that you have shown some interest about adopting such an engrossing creature. He sure will be in better hands with you.
I dare to comment you three explanations.
One. I must say that I am not sure about that talking of his. Some sounds he produces might be considered talking, especially after several hours spent in a bar. But what language that might be I have no idea.
Two. That seems the reasonable one to me. He sure holds water pretty well. But on the other hand the egyptian architecture that can seen when entering some bars leaves him calm.
Three. Hmm, kalisti gold, pineal whatever, the Ajna thingy. Although I absolutelly don't know what that's all about I think it's the most probable one because it sounds very erudite to me. Telepathic abilities - I am not sure, I have this strange feeling when looking into his eyes but don't know if that's that. But one hunch I didn't mention in previous message. About his piloting through Omega 5. I have a feeling that the asteroids tend to move out of our way when does that. Isn't that called telekinesis?
OK then. He is currently fully occupied by taking care that his favourite breakfast Hodge-Podge™ doesn't prevail. Though I doubt his prevailness-mission will be succesful here because I filled up full cargo space of my Container Transport with this doggie chow and no one want's to buy that for a reasonable price. I'll possibly send it all along with him for the entrance exam as soon as he finishes for today. I am sure you could help him solve this prevailness stuff.
I am very curious if he passes all your tests. Could you please provide me with some "consumable" info when the testing period is over? I also expect you to specify what his ship class should be and what installed equipment it should have so I can arrange it all for him. About the tag name of the ship - let's wait until testing is over so we all know what he's capable of.
>Rick Deckard out.
***
>Aboard CST Container Transport, Theta Sector
Rick: "OK, Fnordie come here and dock your shipping pet-pod. Your new life stage begins right now."
Fnordie: "Bow-wow... Fnord!". Enters the pod while wagging his tail hapilly.
Rick: Closes the pod. Calls Sirius Express Shipping Service. And brings the pod to the docking door.
Fnordie: *Realises something. Starts to cry.*
Rick: *mumbles* "Oh yeah, I'm gonna miss you too. You got under my skin pretty deeply pal. Hope you'll be in better hands there. I am gonna send you your own ship as soon as I get some test feedbacks from E.L.F. Testing Centre. I won't forget you. And maybe we'll see each other again in the future."
Fnordie: *barks a sound very similar to "yes"*
*docking alarm beeps*
SESS operator: "I have an order that contains one pet-pod and ... err ... WHAT??? Is that some kind of a joke? 4983 cargo units of Hodge-Podge™ packages? Sir do you realise how expensive this will be?"
Rick: *thoughtfully* "Yes, I owe him that."
SESS operator: "OK then. Loading the cargo... SESS thanks you for using our services sir. Have a nice day!"
Rick: *turns sadly and goes to finish his opened beer*
Aboard the [ELF]Eris_Ascendant
cooling its heels at Gran Canaria....
*Mal, we've just received a ping from SirEx. It's a shipping confirmation notice. It's Fnordie! Oh, and look at this.. some bright marketer has named their dog food "Hodge Podge"!*
"Really??! Call our Solicitor and have him sue the blighters! Either that or get a cut off the top for Eris! At the very least, they can recompense us and Rick for this shipment. That's a s**tload of dogfood!"
*And here's a blurb from Rick: My Sweet Eris! Fnordie may have telekinetic abilities! I think your hunch was right, Mal. That pooch's Pineal is glowin' like a Saddhu's!*
"Hmmm.. maybe we should have the boys on Cortez cut back on the old K.G.'s belladonna content a bit... don't want all our converts going around bending cutlery with their minds, now.. that would be a little too chaotic, even for Her Bitchiness. Let me know soonest on Fnordie's exam results, Dis. This is one for the Discordian Annals!"
OOC: This thread was used to try to keep Fnordie's storyline in one piece. It's not meant to occupy ELF's attention any more.
--------------------------------------------
Somewhere in Sigma 13.
Rick Deckard is studying latest commodity market news while drinking his famous beer. His ship is on its way from the Honshu system delivering some parts for the CST Nomad Warehouse which is being built in Bretonia.
Suddenly there appear strange thoughts in his mind.
~...no Kitty.. no...~
He clouds over, shakes his head and returns back to his reading.
After a period of time these words explode in his head:
~ HELP! ... RICK, HELP ME! ... Omega 41! ~
Rick falls over his chair and spills his beer all over the ship's control panels. He starts bleeding from his nose.
Rick: "What the..."
Monotonous ship computer voice: "What happened, sir?"
Rick: "I don't know... Change the course, we're going to Omega 41."
Ship's voice: "But they're waiting for our parts delivery at the CST Nomad Warehouse."
Rick: "This is more important. I know only one creature who can do this. Looks like he ran into some troubles."
Ship's voice: "But there is a strong radiation in that system."
Rick: "Tell me somethin' I don't know. Once we are there start scanning the system for any unusual activity."
Ship's voice: "Yes sir."
*** later that day ***
Somewhere in Omega 41.
Ship's voice: "Ship wreck ahead".
Rick: "Try to indentify it." *mumbles quietly* "Hmm, I have a bad feeling about this".
Ship's voice: "Ship was with probability of 98,4% tagged [ELF]Sir_Wagsalot."
Rick: "Oh no! Are there any lifepods in the vicinity?"
Ship's voice: "No sir... Wait .... There is a little lifepod blocked in the wreck but It't too small for a human."
Rick: "Yes, it was adjusted especially for him. Fly as close as possible and prepare the airlock immediately I'm going out."
Ship's voice: "But sir, there is the radiation and pirate activ.."
Rick: "Just do it! And locate and contact the nearest emergency and ehm.. Tell them it's a dog."
Ship's voice: "Dog? But they..."
Rick: "Correct dog. No more buts! Oh boy this new ship's software is so garrulous."
Ship's voice: "Nearest emergency service is at Freeport 5. But they don't accept anything exce..."
Rick: "They will. It just a matter of cash. Take us there as soon as I'm back in."
Ship's voice: "Yes sir."
*** some time later ***
Rick managed to release the jammed lifepod and bring it into his ship. He also brought a wreck's black box for later research. Lifepod's display shows that the oxygen reserve has been almost depleted. Rick opens it and there is Fnordie. His favourite T-shirt is red from a serious wound on the back of his head. He's unconscious.
Meanwhile Deckard's ship got into proximity of Freeport 5.
Ship's voice: "Starting docking sequence."
Rick: "Show me the location of Freeport's medical emergency."
A map appears on the main display. Rick looks at it then carefully takes Fnordie and runs into the Station.
*** some time later ***
Rick returned back into the ship. He's nervous and has gathers all over his forehead. He sits to the computer and starts to replay the last recordings from the wreck's black box. They show a black attacking Slipstream.
![[Image: Fnordie.jpg]](http://i175.photobucket.com/albums/w129/majkp/FL/Fnordie.jpg)
![[Image: malsig_alt1.png]](http://i118.photobucket.com/albums/o108/Shamus_FL/malsig_alt1.png)