I crossed the path of Caliban, weeks after I heard he was dead. I do not know much about him, but the bribes of the discussion I assisted tells me he is a broken mind with personality disorder? There were those Technocrats again. I feared something bad would happen and nothing happened by all chance. I need to talk to him again. I do not know what exactly, but I feel, I am slowly diving in something I should not. I was always told by Levan or his contacts 'The less I know, the better'.
But why Levan.. Why do you keep silence when I want to try to be there? I want answers from him. Not about nomads or what I was told by Caliban, 'Sentinels'. I just want to know if Levan is fine. It's normal to be worried after a friend, right? I want to be there for him like I tried to do back then with a man... I feel the story is starting all over. I meet someone I find interesting, something bad happens and no news after. Do... do I need to consider him dead? I do not know.
I will remain in Liberty a moment just to... change my mind I guess.
After some days from the meeting with Caliban, I made up my mind and I crossed again his path. We had a duel and it looked bad for what I might plan to do. He advised me to get other guns than what I possess, but I prefer not. I contacted the Core for a job, I wait their answer and I also met Levan. I... I have weird thoughts because of his girlfriend. I will take a moment to clear my mind, drink a lot and forget about what was said.
I will soon depart from Liberty. Direction, the Omicrons and it might be my last travel, maybe not. Life is filled with surprises and I can't stop thinking the worse at times. It is scary.
I came back in Liberty the 21st January. The Core worked on my Odin and it seems working just better. I am glad because of it. However, things may change even if I don't want them to change. I contacted Levan and after five days, I still have nothing. I suppose he is depressed or maybe I am too pushy... Maybe I am too much? Too much for him? He is such a nice guy even if he is bold sometimes. I give him a week and if I have no news, I guess I should not waste more time into this... After all, romance was never my strong point.
I can't stop thinking about him since I saw his boyfriend talking with a weird group wanting Levan. I want to be there for him. I don't care to be pushed away I just... I just want to see him. No need to do something specific... Is it too much asked? Why events turned like this? I have so many questions... I managed to stop thinking about Sentinels, but I just can't stop thinking 'How would look our relation before the Sentinels' events?'
I seriously need to see Elise... I want to see her so badly too... Who to choose? I- I don't know. I am confused and I remembered when I was in Inverness, I saw her. She called me 'darling' is she.. no... hm.. maybe? Yeah, I think she probably is... But four years without looking at each others, is it too long or too late to develop something?
I wish I could have stayed in Rheinland and live a normal life, but I needed to go out. I decided to go in the omicron region, again. I wish I could go there, but not alone. No way to ask Levan to come with me. I prefer he stays in Liberty or wherever else than the Omicrons. As long he is safe. He contacted me two weeks ago. I did not know how to react and I went quite too emotive for my taste.
Now that I am on Yaren, I will take a look to my ship, The Core did again an excellent job and I must work on what the APM director wants. From what I barely understood, a huge 'maybe' Jack is still alive. It is yet to be proven. I don't know what I will do if I ever see him.
Regardless, I will try to stay out of big problems. It seems the region is more lively than ever and I wonder what causes this... no. I think it is the nomads. Simply as that and maybe the Corsairs as well. I wonder what he'll do if he was me...
Traveling, meeting people, a thing I'd like to enjoy to do. I am on Stuttgart for some days already, just after I crossed the path of Levan... I think I went too hard on him. I mean, keeping silence worried me for some reasons. I am seriously acting as a mad teenager instead of an adult, this is pathetic.
Regardless, I need to apology to him. I also need to let him know that even if I am mad at him, I can't let him go on his own. I wonder what he is becoming... Is he still an idiot? Maybe I should just try to give a second chance.
As for Elise, I have bad luck. I met her the other day in Liberty, but she is busy, always. I even wonder if she does it on purpose.
I will probably return on New Berlin and remain there for a moment.
